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« "Edward Puts Many Lives In Jeopardy" | Main | Soap Blog Coalition »

September 09, 2009

This Could Be the End of a Beautiful Friendship

Mallory and I have had a good run with our little co-blogging mutual admiration society.  But soon, I fear, it will all end.  What have I done to bring about this potentially tragic break-up?  Well, I returned from vacation over the long weekend and had to watch three weeks' worth of my shows (I propose it as an alternative to minimum security federal prison, as I'm certain the soaps-related sanction is more of a deterrent), and while going through the General Hospital episodes have been peppering Mal with emails along the lines of "Jason is so hot!"  "I am totally crushing on Steve Burton right now!"  "Jason and Sam are fab together!" 

Mallory has been relatively patient -- she did, after all, post on Friday that Sonny was nearing "adorable" (and she's right, but that is a confession for a different day), so she HAD to cut me a little slack -- but I know her patience is wearing thin.  I fully expect to attempt to sign on to blog tomorrow and find that she has changed the passwords and posted an update informing you of my institutionalization.  Which might actually happen and not just be a bitchy diversion!  Jason-love sends people over the edge.  I know, because I've deleted the expletive-filled nonsensical comments of those who have ventured into that territory.

Finding Steve Burton appealing in and of itself is not an actionable offense.  He is handsome, and if you are around my age, you could easily have fallen for him as Evie's surfer boyfriend on Out of This World, and later swooned when he was the adorable med student Jason Quartermaine, on GH back when watching it was a reward for getting through a day of college classes as opposed to a punishment for...I don't know, still watching soaps?  But that was back when Antonio Sabato Jr. wasn't a skeevy dating reality show contestant -- they were truly better, innocent times. (Speaking of which, purely as an excuse to use these links, both Antonio and Steve posed in Calvin Klein briefs!) (Side note:  Google image searching for those also produced this.  Never before has the phrase "LOL forever" escaped my fingertips, but come on, it is appropriate here.)

Now many years later, of course, Jason is a Morgan and a hitman.  He kills people for money.  Offs mofos for cash.  Terminates dudes for dollars.  I will stop now.  But you get the point:  Jason Morgan is gross.  He has moments of decency, like when he's talking to certain Quartermaines or making fun of Spinelli, but in general it's hard to root for a hero-slash-hitman.  Especially when he's single.  When Jason doesn't have a girlfriend/fiancee/fake wife, we're just left with his horrible job, and it's easy to forget why you care whether he lives or dies.  And for the last year or so, Jason has been woman-less.  How you still claim to be running a damned soap opera when your leading man doesn't get any for many months on end is beyond me, but then I am confused by many soap-related things (see also Emmys, The Daytime).

But here's the thing:  Steve Burton makes me buy every single relationship Jason is in.  (Okay, I never liked him with Courtney, but nobody -- absent perhaps shut-ins and others with severe emotional problems -- liked anything associated with Courtney.  That dog she saved from the Port Charles Hotel fire was cute, but that is as far as I go.  That wench was odious and I hatehatehated her.  Bless you, monkey virus!)  ANYWAY.  Seriously, I have enjoyed, at least much of the time, every romantic relationship Jason has been in:  Robin, Sam, Elisabeth...even Carly.  CARLY, for god's sake!  Jason should always be in a relationship, because when he is, he's sexy.  Yeah, I SAID IT.  Jason is sexy.  Jason the unrepentant hitman is sexy. 

Before you ask, YES, I hate that I ever like Jason.  It's totally giving in to this stupid show and its warped morals and playing into the hands of a twisted writing team that has taken a once-great soap and turned it into televisual torture that I watch only because I have to.  They write Jason -- the hired killer -- as a practically infallible romantic lead, to the point where sometimes it would not surprise me if an animated halo appeared above his head.  So obviously, I do not want to like Jason.  But sometimes, Steve Burton selfishly forces me to!   Truth be told, especially lately some of those times aren't even related to Jason having a girlfriend. His terror and relief/regret today when Jake was in danger and then rescued, with Jason forced to keep his distance, was genuinely moving.  I have moved beyond my somewhat-acceptable-if-you-are-not-especially-judgmental position of thinking Jason is kind of hot when he is in a relationship to, GULP, honestly thinking that I might want to see Jason as a parent!  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

There are things I do to talk myself down from these moments of affection.  There is, of course, the hair.  Remember 2007?  Those were scary times indeed.


I was capable of saying "I have no idea why any woman finds Jason appealing" and meaning it!  But then Steve Burton cut his hair and gave me not one but three reasons to find him endearing, plus then on Night Shift Jason was tolerable, and I don't know what's happened since then, but I have rarely if ever been able to muster a truly heartfelt anti-Jason rant.  It's aggravating!  And it's terribly unfair to Mallory, who must soldier on as the sole bearer of Jason Hate on this blog.  Fortunately, she is excellent at it, but just because you're good at something doesn't mean that you should be the only one around you doing it.  Just ask Awesome Writer.

Steve Burton was also indirectly responsible for the most horrifying Google search result in Serial Drama history:  "jason morgan/spinelli slash."  Sure, you have to define "indirectly" really, really broadly to make that person's sad and sick search remotely the fault of Mr. Burton, and if I blame him for that then I have to thank him for the laughs brought about by these:

  • where did steve burton's neck go
  • gh steve burton did he double in size?
  • is jason morgan really a murderer

...but sometimes I'm willing to stretch to find reasons to talk myself out of being a fangirl!

Another excellent counterpoint to my moments of liking Jason is when weeks on end will go by without Steve Burton seeming to put even one iota of effort into his performance.  Look, if I were on this show, I'm sure my morale would equalize with the quality level of the writing (below sea level), but "soap actor" is one of the better jobs around and he could at least pretend to care about earning his paycheck.  He does it when he's in scenes with people like Kimberly McCullough, so he's totally capable of it.  That's why the laziness of his frequent mediocrity is extra-annoying.  Lately, though, Burton has consistently seemed engaged, in character, and even like he's having fun.  It's incredibly confusing!

So none of these things are working now.  Many weeks have gone by without me hating or even disliking Jason.  Yesterday, I even laughed when he pulled his gun out to shoot at that bullseye at a children's carnival!  This is getting serious, particularly when it is combined with Sonny also not being a complete asshole.  I have to direct my rage at the horrible stories on this show somewhere, and Steve Burton and Maurice Benard are depriving me of my two favorite targets.  How DARE they?

Oh, and as long as I'm putting all this out there, you might as well add this to the reasons you will from now on out question my judgment:  I also love Michael.  This new snotty version is a horrible teenager, but I dig that about him.  I, in fact, adore him.  Truly!  He is one of my favorite characters on the show. He is also essentially a younger version of Jason Morgan.  Coincidence?  I think not.

In conclusion, I did sustain a minor head trauma on vacation (low-hanging birdhouse), but I'm pretty sure that is totally unrelated to this rambling, moderately insane, possibly co-blogger-relationship-ending post.


I am sick of General Hospital. Please comment on something else!

O...kay. You could scroll down the page for AMC and Y&R posts.

Mallory...my friend I will solider on with you in Jason hate. while Becca I can appreciate you being moved by said scene...all I kept goign was "wait...doens't his random hanging around a kid that supposedly no one but the nine million people he's told is his alert the bad people responsible for danger taht hey there is something going on there?" I was so over Jason is a parent in secret pain about the second time they tried such a scene. He had his chance and he knew what to do to be a parent....he chose not to. oh well so sad moving on.

then again i am a viewer who has never EVER liked Steve Burton or EVER found him hot. Even when I watched Out of this World religiously. Not once.Not as Jason Q either.

Plus i am a hater and I hold grudges. You all dont' even want to know how long I have hated Nikolas Cassadine. (No surprisingly it did not start with his current storyline...) Glamour magazine just helpfully told me I have a hater crush....so I wear the badge proudly.

I've actually been liking Jason a lot recently too! He's just so much nicer to watch with Sam because he actually comes pretty close to SMILING. But I thought this episode was way better than GH normally is, and I loved the scenes with Dominic and Morgan!

If it comes to the point where I will need to end our friendship, I will at least feel badly about it! So when I sever all ties, I will do so sadly.

gh steve burton did he double in size? will forever be one of the greatest gifts the internet has ever given me.

Mallory isn't alone. I hate Jason as much as I hate She Who Shall Not Be Named and Carly combined. I hate him as much as I hated LuLu during the Carly-clone screeching "JOHNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!" phase. I hate Jason as much as I hate the words "essential person" and "connection". I hate Jason more than I hate Sonny and almost as much as I hate Bob Guza. I'm dead serious about my hatred of Jason, y'all.

I too have been experiencing the Jason love! (Even though I try not too hard to think about how much prettier he was back in the day ... hey, happens to the best of us!) But I am kind of drawn in by this whole storyline, so I am obvs a lost cause.

tootlegub- I hate Jason as much as I hate the word "challenging to the viewers" and "change GH forever"!

Dude, what did happen to his neck? Where the hell is it?

Part of the appeal of soaps is the cheesecake factor, but I get skeeved when Jason takes his shirt off. Lately he looks like a walking cocktail of human growth hormone and steriods.

Ewwww. I'm not sure which makes me feel dirtier: this blog entry or the idea of Spinelli/Jason slash fiction. Okay, I know which one makes me feel dirtier, but this blog still makes me very, very sad.

How long will it be before we read, "Carly Corinthos is a delightful and rational heroine who should never be held accountable for any of her past misdeeds."

Oh the shame. Becca drank the kool-aid.

Forget Mallory, I am dumping you as one of my favorite bloggers. I hate Jason. He isn't sexy, he is repellent. He can't act worth a damn. To give Steve Burton credit for selling his romances is quite frankly insulting to the talented leading ladies who sold his relationships for years. Kimberly McCullough, Sarah Brown, and Rebecca Herbst carried his lazy steroid filled ass for years. Even Kelly Monaco who isn't the strongest actress as been doing most of the work. The man is a blank wall. Damn, I'm disappointed. Mallory has got my Jason hate. I will never let it go.

Sorry, all the others but I love Jason and I love Steve Burton. Yeah, I said it. :-)

I've been trying to get the Jason love or on the JaSam train. I can look at SBu and see that he's an attractive guy. And I can look at Jason giving "the look" to Sam and I want to like them together. But I can't. And I think it might be at least related to me laughing through the "walk of pain" today. I thought SBu's acting was about as horrible as that extra who couldn't decide what injury she had or the guy that got electrocuted.

He said 14 words today. 14! When Spin told the 911 operator he would stay on the line (then promptly didn't), Spinelli used 12 words. A typical sentence from Spin would be twice SBu part of any script on a normal day. And SBu, after 14 years (or whatever it's been) still can't get me to feel anything when Jason sad faces.

It's okay, Becca. I'm on your side on this though not quite as strongly. I've been finding Jason enjoyable in his renewed romance with Sam (though I wish they kept her with Lucky for a while; they were seriously too beautiful to be real in scenes together). Steve Burton has actually been acting interested in being in those scenes.

I also think Steve Burton has a knack for reacting well in comedic situations, which is why he always works well against Laura Wright, Bradford, and Kristen Storms. I won't go so far as to advocate for more air time for him but I don't find Jason (or even Carly) completely loathsome anymore.

My Sonny hate remains.

Also - while I don't love Michael, I adore Drew Garett. The casting director on this show is amazing, especially in casting children (for the most part). The kid who plays Morgan is great as well.

Becca, this long vacation of yours.... was it enjoyed perhaps in Jamaica or Amsterdam? Both lovely relaxing mind altering pleasure heavy locations ;-)

Because when Jason grabbed Sam's arm today at GH to keep her by his side for "support" or nookie while yet another child related to him suffers from a serious head trauma, I was personally hoping he'd stick to his word just like he does for Carly.

You remember what he promised, to kill the woman who helped his Son be kidnapped etc... So unless on tomorrow's show he changes that gentle grab of love to ripping Sam's arm off and beats her to death with it, I just don't care much for his secret pain or his sudden big love for Sam again.

Spinelli can take some digital photos of Jake being loved and raised by Lucky and then Stone Cold can add them to his black box of secret pain back at his pool hall/juvenile detention center/penthouse condo home. Then Guza can get on with the 9,436th mob war.

PS For many years it has annoyed me that Jason's place and Sonny's old place across the hall are/were always called "Penthouse". Never their apartment, or home or my place etc... The whole town always calls those residences "the Penthouse"!!! WTF? The only Tool I have ever heard call thier top floor condo a penthouse at every possible opportunity is Donald Trump. GROSS!!!!!!!

Oh Becca. My heart is sad. So very, very sad. If not for the obviously more sane Mallory, this could have been the end of a beautiful blogship. :P

Becca, I feel your pain on the "why must I heart Jason" bandwagon. I think he is particular awesome with Sam, and the "hey, why don't we go to the carnival" scenes have been particularly cute - a word I don't normally associate with Jason!

I also thought his gun-pulling at the shooting game was awesome. Heh!

I also LOL'd for a couple of minutes when Johnny came up to Lulu and said, "nice beaver." Great line but also a great homage to Naked Gun - if that move doesn't date me.

I haven't watched today's episode, but Steve Burton definitely improves when in a relationship, and I am a JaSam shipper for sure. Elizabeth is too goody-two-shoes to be in a relationship with Jason. He and Sam bounce well off each other.

So I, for one, will be on your team, Becca. :) With all the people to love and hate on soaps these days, I can't imagine Mallory being so shallow as to fault you for a little Jason love - even if he CAN be robotic and slightly steroidal.

I like Brandon Barash, ALOT. He is way more interesting on the show than Jason. More emotional and fun to watch especially paired with Olivia. I hope they do not kill him off. :(

I've also been feeling strange and usual and long-forgotten things while watching GH over the past few days - deep like for certain characters, amusement, even excitement. I don't know if it's the carnival atmosphere that has me going, or the story is actually decent, or I'm watching it while still on my WTF high from watching One Life to Live, but I have been enjoying this show. I agree with you about Michael - I like both character and actor - and see real potential with where he's going.

The thing that worries me about all these good feelings is that I'm quite certain they won't last. I feel like as soon as this story line moves back into the hospital (today), it will find it's usual tired rhythm. Like, it could only work so well because it was somewhere unusual for a few days and, for that time, needed special writing and care and love from all involved.

Although, the fortune teller's grotto was so much higher budget than the rest of the carnival. Perhaps they built the carnival place around her permanent and freakish hidey hole, and she was all, "Well, my pretties, I guess I'll just mess with you all, make a buck, and quote Shakespeare, mwah ha ha..."

Sam has definately given Jason a little spunk, but episodes like yesterday still shows that he suck up too much airtime. That walk through the carnival aftermath was just way to long.

My dislike for Jason is that he and Noah Drake were pretty much written the same storyline, but Jason's abandonment of Jake is suppose to be for "noble" reasons. The fact is, he got a nurse pregnant, paid her off to raise his child, and sent her on her merry way. It's time for the writters to stop with the endangerment excuse and long stares trying to get us to have pity on this deadbeat father.

It still ticks me off that Monica is clueless that she has a grandson.

I am solidly in both camps. Firstly, I've always found Jason FAR more sympathetic than Sonny because (a) he *is* a Quartermaine, no matter what we're supposed to think, (b) he has repeatedly said that because of his choices he doesn't "get to have a good life," (c) gave up his son because he rightly knows his job makes the kid a target, and (d) does treat women a whole lot better than his boss does.

However. He kills people for a living. He is not willing to give *up* killing people for a living to save his loved ones because he just plain likes doing it. He also kills people for a living. Plus, he's paid to kill people. Also? He's a mob assassin. That's his job. He likes it. He is very good at it. Killing people for a living, that is.

I admit I laughed when he pulled out his gun at the carnival, but then was incredibly irritated by it. It was dark comedy, Dexter-esque, and this is not a dark comedy -- it's just not the paradigm we're working in. So ultimately, this noble hero pulled out a weapon in front of hundreds of children because he was grumpy about a carnival game. Ha ha! Great dad, great man!

On the flip side, I was reluctantly moved by the Walk of Pain, because I chose to take it as more than a reaction to the Jake situation, but a taking-in of all the tragedy around him in a place that had been full of families and children celebrating. I like Steve Burton when he commits (and totally thought he was dreamy on Out of this World).

As for Sam, well, the writers have a lot of explaining to do before I'm on board with that.

I am horrified, (& slightly fascinated) by the idea that Jason/Spinelli slash fiction exists. Never in a million years would such a thing have occurred to me. Wouldn't it be 90% blinking/babbling? I enjoyed the carnival despite myself (and the hammy "dying" by various electrocuted & squished extras.) But I'm sure it's right back to status quo now.

Re: "LOL Forever"

My god I forget how pretty he was 8-P. Anyway, did anyone else notice the headline--"Steve Burton on Virginity: I hope I lose it this year..." I'm guessing he was referring to Jason's cherry, but it was still hilarious!

Can I be completely non-internet-speak savvy and ask what "slash fiction" is?

OMG! I totally blocked out his long walk of pain, was that two segments or three? I assumed he just got bored and felt trigger happy so he was walking over to the new Pine Valley set to shoot a few holes in it before it goes into production.

And jennyp is onto something w/ that Jason/Spinelli fiction. Between the "babbling and the blinking" it is kind of like two people communication through seizures.

Being of unpopular opines myself (I'll just say it. I like Spinelli re: Bradford Anderson and I do not like Elizabeth re: ALWAYS snarky and snide, even when interacting with friends! much prefer bad girl Liz of yore), I would like to note that I still heart you, Becca, even if you want to have a pants party with Steviekins.

So glad someone brought up ridiculous Walk of Pain. Also glad Louise asked about slash fiction, I'm lost too.

Some time can we talk about Maxie's modified mullet? Is not carnival related but a pressing matter for those of us who normally covet her hair.

Count me in the group that despises Jason Morgan without ceasing (and I don't find Steve Burton attractive). There is nothing positive in the character at all. Please, Mallory, carry the Jason Hate banner proudly and proclaim it loudly until Becca regains her senses.

What saddens me the most Becca is that you have given in to the show, to Bob Guza. To tolerate, much less like, Jason or Sonny gives Bob Guza more power and I know that you know what a bad idea that is. This is one of the reasons we will never be rid of this type of character on GH. Sigh.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Although Jason doesn't do anything for me, I love watching old clips to see how his body has gone from soap-actor size to Lou Ferrigno size. Maybe Jason wouldn't seem so dumb if his face weren't so pumped up. Seriously--expressing the same amount of emotion on a smaller surface area might make those emotions more visible.

I do think that when you look at an actor and all you can say is "he obviously hates this job," there is something seriously wrong.

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