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« Pratt, Prat, Prattle: Are We Sensing A Theme Here? | Main | The Day's Dumbest Dialogue (aka My Dog Is Smarter Than This Show) »

October 23, 2009

It IS A Mad World, In So Many Senses of the Word

If General Hospital continues to play "Mad World" at the end of every episode, I will be forced to update my list of Things General Hospital Ruins Without Even Trying and add Tears For Fears, Donnie Darko and Adam Lambert to a list that already includes cake, babies, Facebook, smackdowns of Jason Morgan and, of course, brain cells. Curse you, GH!

The song is, of course, being played in teaser scenes for an upcoming story that I believe may be the one involving James Franco, but I don't now for sure. Actually, all I now for sure is that a character is obsessed with Jason


(this is not at all surprising. After all, why should the new character be the only one on the show not obsessed with Jason?)

And that character also has very nice handwriting.


Six seconds of neat printing is the only thing I found to compliment this show on. I smell a repeat Emmy win next year!


The big story of the day was, of course, Jason finally uncovering what he long suspected and what he was on a lifelong mission to prove: Claudia "First I was thrown under the bus, and then they reversed the bus when I re-signed my contract, but now that I'm leaving, here comes the bus again" Zacchara was behind the botched hit on Sonny that put Michael into a coma.

If Monday's episode includes Jason telling all of the naysayers (namely Spinelli, who once again took up for Claudia on the grounds that she's been nice to him) to never doubt his godly instinct again and following that up with a Grace Adler "Told You So!" dance, my day--if not my life--will be made.

All throughout the episode, Jason was a tightly wound ball of aggression who was visibly irritated at his difficulty in getting the truth. I half expected him to take his gun out and fire a shot into the ceiling, just to relieve his frustration, but it's admirable that it never came to that. Luckily, when he and Sam went to GH to ask Patric and Robin for their help, contrivance (in the form of Epiphany) came in to mention something about belongings in the lost and found, and the foursome booked it down there where they were greeted with a skanky t-shirt of Patrick's (see below for more on that) and...a dufflebag of Ian Devlin's, both of which managed to survive the fire that destroyed the hospital. Imagine that!

And in Devlin's bag were CDs, which shocked and horrified Jason

"Devlin was the person who bought Heidi Montag's album! I knew he was a sick bastard!"

especially since the CDs contained recordings of Claudia ordering the hit on Sonny thereby sending this story into what I can only hope is the home stretch, because I can't take much more of this.

This was juxtaposed with Michael remembering Jerry telling him that Claudia was responsible for the whole thing


while Claudia, in Puerto Rico (where she pulled a gun on a rival mobster


and had Sonny translate angry threats for here in a scene so wonderfully ridiculous that I missed entire chunks of dialogue from my giggles) , was completely oblivious and thrilled beyond belief about the happy life she and Sonny were set to have.


Isn't it intriguing and dramatic to have her all happy while her world comes crashing down around her and a heavily armed man wants her dead? Yeah, "intriguing" is the word. It's extra hilarious that all she wants in life (besides mob power and her father's love and Sonny's baby and mob power and Sonny's love) is a birthday party, and even hilarious...er that she most likely going to get a bodybag for her birthday (I am not spoiled, I am just guessing. Because GH almost always interprets "off the show" as "off the mortal coil").


 Also in Port Charles...

  • Robin expressed insecurity over Patrick's former life as a manwhore, and mentioned that she'd like to rip out the eyes of Patrick's ex-girlfriends, which seemed to be a convenient setup for the upcoming story where Patrick's ex-girlfriend, played by Julie Mond, makes her way to Port Charles. How exciting and not at all derivative of other stories this couple has had does this sound?! It's so good to know that there are just no stories out there for a young, good-looking, medical professional couple out there and we have to repeatedly go to the "insecure wife/reformed manwhore/ooh, here comes a third party!" well.
  • Kristina and Dante had a conversation about the tendency of some guys to use lines to get a girl into bed and then ditching her--also known as the tendency to "hit it and quit it"--which was exactly as awkward and uncomfortable as it sounds.
  • Epiphany is alive!

    Who would have thought two years ago that I would be thrilled to see Epiphany, but here we are! Pip, Pip, hooray!
  • Kate and Olivia had a conversation that I didn't follow the whole way through, but went something like this:

Kate: Hello, cousin, I am here to lecture you in an icy, condescending manner.
Olivia: Yeah, well, I'm not going to listen.

Kate: I am bitchy, and imperious, and I rocked bangs both before you and better than you, and for whatever reason, the show decided to reward my awesomeness with a drop to recurring status and random appearances to play second fiddle to your lame story, but whatever, I'm just going to say my lines and let the show eat its heart out. You, Olivia, are a liar.
Olivia: Yeah? I am going to respond to your logical argument with OVER-THE-TOP SHOUTS and exaggerated facial expressions.
 Kate: Suck it, Hammy McGee. You only care about protecting your own reputation with Sonny and Dante and know that they'd look at you differently if they knew about the lies and the lying and the liar that you are. Ya burnt.
: I just got schooled.

  • Kate and Coleman were hilarious.


I am usually more skeeved than entertained by Coleman, but he and Kate are incredibly funny together, and I loved the fact that he responded with her suggestion to give him a makeover with "This isthe makeover". Hee!

Next week: the show will continue to be terrible, and Jonathan Jackson is back. Lord, beer me strength. Beer us all strength!

Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason!


Not entertained by Coleman? How can you not love Coleman! He has this totally droll sense of humor and...the absolutely BEST hair on the show!!!

I'm sort of hoping that James Franco will play a resurrected A.J. Quartermaine, but given his short tenure it would just mean that A.J. would only get killed off yet again.

I tuned in today for one reason - Megan Ward. When she was dropped to recurring status, I too dropped my viewership tendencies to "recurring" strictly dependent on her inclusion in the show.

You nailed "The Wannabe" perfectly with the over-the-top shouts and expressions. Funny how she is visibly annoyed to make time to visit with her cousin in Port Chuck. Geez, again, why exactly did she not return to her precious Bensonhurst? Hmm, as I recall she only came to town to attend her overly ambitious cousin's wedding to her own baby's daddy. Kate pointing out to Olivia that she has her "head stuck in the sand" was a little off point - we all know where her head is stuck.

Claudia is such a skank and the exclusion of KATE in the Michael shooting reveal is even moronic for Luza and the gang. WTH is Sam doing in the middle of this storyline??

LOVE Kate and Coleman. First and foremost because I get Kate just being Kate. And, not having to see her being verbally abused in an effort to prop up some other storyline is so refreshing. It's all good and in the strangest of ways has sooo much potential.

I love this..."I am bitchy, and imperious, and I rocked bangs both before you and better than you, and for whatever reason, the show decided to reward my awesomeness with a drop to recurring status and random appearances to play second fiddle to your lame story, but whatever, I'm just going to say my lines and let the show eat its heart out. You, Olivia, are a liar."

Especially the thing about the bangs and being a way better actress. bawhahahaha

I really want the Sonny and Dante reveal to take place once and for all. I'm getting sick of Olivia's not so subtle reactions to anything Dante-Sonny (Danny? Sante?). Any person in the real world would have picked up on the wide-open eyes, stuttering and gaping mouths any day of the week

When I saw the "Jason Morgan" chalkboard during the 17th Mad World montage, all I could think was that Bart Simpson is coming for Jason. I think I'd want to watch that.

LOVED everything you said about Kate Howard (and the Hammy McGee cousin). Agree with your assessments. Enjoying Kate and Coleman so much - such an odd couple - but they work. Hope we see more. Whenever Kate's presence is on GH, this viewer is present in front of the TV. Hope GH will wise-up and give us more of Kate !!

The list is back, and getting longer with every new episode. Please consider adding trees (the Keebler Elf moment for Emma), casinos (Haunted Star staleness & the scenes in PR), birthday parties (Evil Claudia gtes one but Emma doesn't), barware (every time I see a man holding a scotch I wonder when he is gonna chuck it accross the room) , common sense, duffel bags (that are fireproof and toxic ball proof), dvd's, grafitti.....

I am worried for James Franco!! I don't want him on the list. Three days of shooting, how much damage could that do? Bit nails here ;-(

I am in LOVE with Coleman! Have been for years, though I try to pretend I don't because big-collared polyester shirts and gold chains should be reserved for pimps and 70's parties, not the future father of my children. But I am totally hot for him anyway.

I also adore Kate's hair again. Simply gorgeous.

Finally, I wonder who is the genius who decided the sweeps ratings would go up if they brought in some new skank to break up the most popular couple on the show? Bravo, dumbass, bravo.

Unrelated to this post but I just read that EB resigned w/ Y&R.

EB is a bitchy whiny pampered pussy and I am pissed VN isn't being killed off the show. Eric was so resolute in interviews whining about disrespect and being low balled. In this economy does he really think viewers want to hear him throw a bitch fit over his six figure salary?!?!?!

Sorry to be crude, but this kind of attention seeking by celebs is pathetic and manipulative and I am so over his shit.

Utterly hilarious. How I love this blog! The Kate oliviia part had me crying because it's so damn true. How amazing did Megan Ward look today?! I miss Kate so much! Frickin pricesless blog!!

FLOVED your Olivia/Kate recap. And you are SO right ... Kate & Coleman are super funny together!

Thanks for another great column + awesome screencapping.

EB should count himself lucky he doesn't work for GH.

JJ's return is not exciting me that much. I like him, but what they have done to GV has left a sour taste in my mouth.

I really was happy to see Kate today. I miss her alot. I don't understand why she was dropped to reoccuring. I think I missed that story.

Tired of Sonny. I wish he'd take a long break like TG does.

I FF'ed through almost all of Sonny & Claudia's scenes but I caught Claudia refer to Puerto Rico as a CITY. The cluelessness of the writers continues to amaze me.

Does Olivia have any facial expressions beyond her mouth gaping open? It's open in every screencap. I can't believe they dropped an interesting character like Kate for this hypocritical cliche.

I just love your blogs! You always say exactly what I am thinking (just with a little more creative flair of course).

In an industry full of massive pay cuts, Maurice Benard must have been given some sort of pay raise to entice him to put up with this ludicrous storyline where Sonny has to be the man b*tch to the very woman who put his son in a coma. I can’t even watch him anymore with a straight face. My only hope is that when Claudia FINALLY bites the dust that he grows back both his brains and his ..., two things that have been sorely missed for the past year.

Loved the commentary on the wonderful Kate scenes yesterday, Megan Ward never disappoints. The only story on the canvas that I am perhaps more excited about then end of the Claudia debacle, is the end of this ‘I’ll let my son die rather than ruin my perfect image’ story. What kind of mother would risk her son’s life over own stupid pride?? Kate was dead on today when she called Olivia selfish. Someone had to say it and it sure isn’t going to be Mr. Jax.

Kate and Coleman were priceless once again today. It was so naturally funny without trying too hard (which is typically the way GH does comedy). Of course this was cut too short by Dante walking into the bar. What is up with his animosity towards his long lost cousin? Doesn’t make sense to me, especially when he is so charming with pretty much everyone else he comes in contact with. I really hope he warms up with her because I really want to see these two bond over time.

All in all though, it was a great Kate day, but then again, it is a great Kate day every time she graces our screens. If only those days weren’t so few and far between!

I just love the Dante character and am grateful that he appears to be on every day. His scenes are the only ones I don't FF through and that is very sad for someone who has loved Scrubs from day one. But two things keep me from watching the Patrick and Robin scenes these days--the awful haircuts Jason Thompson keeps getting (will be actually shave his head next time?) and the stupid plots they are in. Nothing they do has any deep emotional content, which they do so well. What a horrible waste.

The whole Robin/Patrick/Sam/Jason scenes were just dumb. They are really just rolling through this story so Sarah can move on over to her new show. Sam was just there today to look a Jason.

I can already tell that the writers are going to make the upcoming angst Robin's fault AGAIN. You would think these Emmy Award winning writers would stick that award in the middle of the conference room table and it would inspire them to write something that hasn't been done already 5000 times.

I like Patrick but I'm going to be pissed if she is sacrificed at the alter for him again.

I love your recap of Kate and Olivia's conversation! Hilarious and oh so true! I <3 Megan Ward!

I like Megan Ward. I wish that she would get more screen time! Totally cant stand her dumb ass cousin! I wish she would just go away!The sooner the better for me.Please just go away!

What, no comment on the Klassy ABC Promo Department of Klass and Shit's Jonathan Jackson promos that make you think that Lucky was, I don't know, wandering in the woods for ten years instead of being played by two other actors, one of whom was just unceremoniously dumped about an hour ago after years of yeoman's work with absolute shit? Not quite "The Real Greenlee," but not that far off.

OMG that was funny-I mean seriously who cares that Claudia started all this after Sonny started all this. I say shoot them both, run over them, hack'em up in pieces I don't care. Oh shoot Jason in the head and maybe he will wake up as Jason Q and act like a real person for a change.

Olivia Kate is right. This woman is not as good an actress or as good looking (not that it should be a criteria) as Megan Ward and she is a liar. I hope Dante dumps her ass and spits on Sonny.

Yeah that amazing flame retardant duffle bag and t-shirt how totally inept is that for writing-my guess they forgot the hospital burned down in Feb. Patrick & and Robin with Jaskeevy yeah that works especially since Elizabeth was the one who helped those two fools when Robin was acting all stupid back in whenever-way to be a friend you both deserve this new chick to come in and kick your butts.

Kate & Coleman can't go wrong there-they are a match made in heaven-LOL like Jason & Sam are a match made in hell.

So Jason was born in 1969? Jason is 40! They showed his birthday in that scene with his mug shot. I know they have to SORAS'ed the adults when they do the kids but that's crazy. So if Jason is 40, Sonny is 70.

I too love Kate and Megan Ward, but Olivia did have a point that she's oversimplifying the whole thing. And Kate is sorely mistaken that Sonny "deserves" to know about his son, whatever that means. But her scene with Coleman was awesome, I'm glad they actually did some follow-through on that.

Also, what was up with Jason pulling a GIANT wad of cash and a bunch of CDs out of Devlin's duffel bag and Patrick saying, "Sorry you didn't find what you were looking for." Was that supposed to be Patrick deliberately playing dumb? Anyway, way to be accessories to murder, Patrick and Robin!

Love that Claudia birthday screencap. She is five.

I can't believe the show has had the exact same ending three times in the past week. Okay, I can believe it, but it still pisses me off.

thank you for you brilliant blog! I enjoy it so much more than the show! I have given up GH -- totally. I like JJ as Lucky but GV was a great Lucky and the TPTB at ABC made those promos like Lucky has been gone for 10 years! Please the best the writers can come up with for Patrick and Robin is another woman- excuse me didn't we go through this 2 years ago- Leyla was her name. Rewriting history once again-- Guza did me in-for months Patrick would not commit to Robin because -here it is--- he had never been in a relationship before now all of sudden we have an ex-girlfriend coming to town. UGH. Liz and Nik --Double UGH-- don't like on any level... UGH... Enough of Claudia--enough of Sonny--don't care who ordered what hit but can we please get rid of the mob now...

one day I hope to watch again-but for now I need a break-- from the stupidiness of GH

They are obviously trying to make Robin seem even more insecure than usually and it doesn't take a genius to figure out why.

When Robin thinks of the women in Patrick's past she wants to gouge their eyes out! That just sounded way too fatal attraction to me and Robin has NEVER been that way.

And one question for the masses, why does this particular t-shirt represents Patrick's playboy past and if Robin "freaks" over this random t-shirt than wouldn't anything from Patrick past life whether it be a pair of pants, a train set or whatever have the same effect on our "oh so insecure" Robin?

Seriously, the s/l has barely started and it's already infuriating.

The best part of the episode was getting to see Kate speak the truth. It had been a while.

I know that Maurice used to be a good actor. I've seen video of him around the death of Stone and he was very affecting. But boy is he terrible now. Those scenes with Claudia were painful to watch, even in fast-forwarding. He's joining the Tony Geary set-chewing club. And he is totally one note, except for when he was at the carnival and maybe was being more like Maurice than Sonny. I don't know. How I wish this soap would find a character that you could root for at the center of stories. It's getting to the point where I am morally embarrassed to watch.

That version of Mad World is totally one of my favorites...but I had to take it out of the playlist becuase well it's now assoiciated with Jason Morgan and CAN NOT HAPPEN! Ugh!

Oh James Franco..just tell me you lost a bet.

and they totally forgot the hospital burnt down in February....or that I don't know...someone OTHER than Jason/Sam would have thought to check his damn stuff before over a year after the shooting.

I loved your version of the Kate/Olivia conversation. It was dead on. I enjoyed Kate's scenes with Coleman also. They are funny together. I don't want them to become romantic but I would love for them to have an off-beat friendship.

Great blog Mallory! I liked the Kate scenes, few & far between as they have been, and appreciate you mentioning them. Your funny takes on the show is more entertaining than GH most of the time, so please keep it up! Thanks for always writing with such humor, wit, & dedication!

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