The Mathematics of GH

I don't know if it's from a lack of sleep or the gradual death of my brain cells caused in no small part by prolonged exposure to the (non-OLTL) ABC soaps, but I have been completely oblivious to the world at large the past couple of weeks. We're talking "Walking into a wall...okay, fine, walls, and having long conversations only to realize after a few minutes that you have no idea what you've been talking about" oblivion. And I spent the better part of last Tuesday CONVINCED that it was Friday, and I wept bitter tears when I realized how wrong I was.

No matter what my mental state, I do, at least, know what month it is, because I've survived enough GH sweeps "events" to know that

(Hostage Taking + "You lying whore" + Police Ineptitude + Carly in peril) x 847 =

GH November Sweeps

Sigh.

I knew that Sonny's puzzled reaction to the truth about Claudia's involvement in Michael's shooting wouldn't last and that we'd be in for a spittle-filled diatribe at full volume filled with awkward pauses and/or an amazing, emotional performance, depending on what you thought about Friday's episode.

We live in an era of uncertainty, where it's always nice to have something reliable in the world that we can always count on. In Port Charles, we can always count on a stammer-filled tantrum complete with "bitch" "tramp" and "whore".

Sonny: Shut up! Thank God... For that car accident. Thank God that--that poor baby was never born to live in our lives. You got pregnant to cover your ass as an insurance plan [Thank you for FINALLY catching up with the rest of the world--Ed.]. Thank God you'll never bear my child.

Claudia: Our baby's death was a blessing? You sick, self-righteous son of a bitch. Go ahead, say whatever you want about me, whatever your little robot hitman tells you [Okay, fine, I begrudgingly give Claudia a few points for that one--Ed.]. Everybody in this room knows you let your kids run wild, you let your kids get shot at, and it's your damn fault that your son was in that warehouse in the first place!

Sonny: Shut up, you lying-- shut up, you lying whore! Don't you even mention my son after what you did to him! You psychotic piece of trash! Take her.

Why is the phrase "lying whore" a favorite of the writers? That's what Lucky called Liz after Jake's paternity secret was finally revealed and while this situation fits the phrase better than the Lucky/Liz one (if we're defining whore as someone who provides sex in exchange for a monetary payment or some other service---or candy!--I guess we can argue that Claudia provided sex in exchange for, um...genetic material with which to create a child to save her own life. And she DOES lie), I can't help but think of the endless possibilities for phrases that are more apt, and also more fun! Like "Deceitful, over-muscled crone". Or "Satan's shrieking mistress". Sonny always takes the easy way out, doesn't he?
 

The easy AND the douchey way out, to be precise.

Alexis: Your daughter, by the way, thinks she is completely responsible for what happened tonight, because she thinks that if Claudia didn't lose the baby, she wouldn't be all whacko.

Sonny: How do you think Kristina's going to feel if carly dies and jax's baby dies? Huh? A lot people need you to step up. Your good friend Jax, and our daughter. And I know that I haven't been a great example to Kristina, but you need to show that compassion wins over. And most of the time, deep down inside, people are decent. So I'm begging you, please, get Carly and the baby out of this alive.

I love when people use their children to manipulate--or "mannipleate", in this case--others.

I am beyond ready for Carly's (high-risk) pregnancy to be over and for her daughter (who is also Jax's daughter. Jax's daughter with Carly, whose pregnancy is high-risk) to be born. Yes, it will mean another few days of "Carly in (high-risk) labor in a freaking cabin because god forbid this woman give birth in a traditional way" scenes, and scenes with people taking about Carly('s high-risk) labor, but I just need it to be over. I love Laura Wright. She had the best reaction to the truth about Claudia in all of Friday's episode. I think she and her shiny hair are amazing.

But damn, do I need a vacation from Carly. Because the problem with Carly being in danger isn't just that we are treated to hilarious rip-offs of horror movies that make us literally LOL at the end of episodes

but that we are also given ENDLESS scenes of EVERYBODY talking about Carly. Why does this have to happen during every sweeps story? Carly, due in no small part to the ruination of most of the other women on this show, has become probably my favorite character, but oh em gee, I do not need to hear her name repeated three thousand times over the course of an episode, seriously.

I accidentally muted part of Jason and Lucky's scenes during an incident involving a dropped cell phone and a dangerously high pile of books, and, without dialogue, it seemed like they were having the greatest conversation of all time.

"Say what? Do you know who I am? I'm Jesus Jason. How are you even a cop? You're, like, ten years old"

 "Sorry, that was uncool"

Their actual conversation was far less awesome (why did Lucky have to seriously contemplate leavig the key for Jason? And why did Jason even put the idea of Cam or Jake being hospitalized into the universe? DAMN IT, MORGAN! You just gave Guza an idea for February sweeps!) and filled with scary foreshadowing

Lucky: You sure?

Jason: You're not--you're not a killer, Lucky.

Lucky: [Sighs] i don't think it works like that, Jason. Everyone's got a breaking point. You get scared enough or angry enough... If i was allowed on the search, I'd do my duty. But I understand why Mac's being cautious. Carly's family. People do crazy things in the name of family.

Uh, Lucky's totally going to kill someone, isn't he? Great. When this show manages to get a good thing going, it inexplicably lights it on fire, and then even more inexplicably wins an Emmy for it.

Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason!

Comments

[Beth R.]

Of course Lucky's going to kill someone Mallory...since he's now played by Jonathan and therfore is going to be a "hero"...in Guza land that totally means kill someone.

however i will say if said person is Nikolas, Rebecca or Ethan I am NOT going to complain one teeny weeny bit. Nope. Hypocritical? Yes. but I am admitting it.

And way to go Guza...make half the town witness to Sonny basically ordering a hit on Claudia...and we all know nothing's going to happen to him.

[Beth R.]

Oh and forgot to add...I've been predicting the sick Cam/Jake plot as Guza's shorthand way to have Lucky and Liz interact after he inevitably finds out about the Nik/Liz ickiness since about two seconds in to this story. I'm positive that's on the table for February.

[L.]

Your "Mystery Science Theater 3000" dialogue is priceless--I'd totally watch that show.

[Sarah]

Nobody on this show ever follows the law anymore, it's really sick. I LOATHED Patrick and Robin helping Jason. Someday after sweeps I'm sure Carly will blame Robin for all of this and the whole town including Patrick will agree and call her out for telling a secret or not telling a secret that was or was not hers to tell. VOMIT!

Sonny was SO full of shit w/ that rant to Alexis. And that she bought it? Alexis is almost dead to me now too. What a waste. Doesn't Sonny have enough Moll's, can't Alexis break free from the insanity at all? Uchh.

JJ today made me ill. A cop knowing a murder is going to take place and helping the murderer break out of prison? He's definitely Luke's "cowboy" now. All corrupt and stupid just like Luke. And I am sorry JJ fans, the man looks 16 even in his "cop" mode. I didn't buy any of that BS in the interrogation room. Jason praised Lucky for trying to break him out? WTF? Why does everyone need this mass murderers approval?

If one more woman gives these evil selfish pathetic mobsters another kid I am going to lose it. And that includes Carly, she's a mobster too IMO. She gave Jason and Sonny (and almost Lorenzo) kids, even if they were not the biodad. She is just as guilty as Jason and Sonny for all of this shit. I am so sick of her being the victim, when she is the criminal here. WORST MOM EVER.

Sorry for the rant, but I just watched today's epi and it disgusted me. I like Dominante, I like him so much I hope he runs right out of town never knowing he is related to Sonny. Sonny is never gonna be brought down, so waste Dominante on him? JMO.

[tricia]

--or "mannipleate", in this case--

Oh, man, I have the overwhelming desire to make you a batch of cookies. Or a pie, if you are Team Pie.

[tana]

see i told everyone JJ comes back and now lucky is sucking it up to the mob...1 week from now he will sonny's 3itch. jason best watch out.

ugh...hate this show!

[Dee]

Good grief.

I don't know how those scenes could be described as sucking up. Lucky made it clear that he did not agree or condone Jason's intentions, but that he did sympathize with the situation Jason was in. It was a layered, nuanced reaction that made the scene much more interesting. It wasn't like Lucky was pimping Jason as the greatest mobster to ever mob. Instead, I saw a guy struggling between doing his job and going with his gut.

That scene with Lucky and Jason didn't go down as Sason/Jasus pimping at all. Jason was the one who lost his cool. Jason was the one begging and Lucky was the one who was calm and reasonable, while still being compassionate. Whoa, whoa, do you mean to tell me that JJ played that scene as if he were the son of Luke and Laura, displaying qualities from BOTH his parents? Say it ain't so.

It was clear that Lucky was contemplating freeing Jason on the basis of his HELPING CARLY and NOT killing Claudia, which he reiterated again and again and, oh yeah, AGAIN.

People really hear what they want to hear, don't they?

And quite frankly, I've had about all I can take of the self-righteous version of Lucky anyway, especially when it pertains to the law. The fact that the man actually displayed some conflict over being a cop and going with his Spencer instincts was a breath of fresh air for me.

I may be in the minority, but I liked today's scenes very much.

[Dee]

Sometimes I wonder if people's hatred of the mob/Jason/Sonny colors the way they see this show.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a big fan either, but the idea that the Jason/Lucky scenes today were meant to prop Jason is absurd. First of all, there was no sucking up.

Lucky made it clear, again and again and again, that he did not agree with Jason's plan to execute Claudia. His reason for being swayed towards freeing Jason had to do with Jason's desire to "save Carly and her baby." THAT was his motivation and it was pretty clear too.

Secondly, I think JJ played those scenes in a very nuanced manner. He obviously disagreed with Jason's determination to kill Claudia and was disgusted by it, but as the same time he was sympathetic towards Jason's desire/need to save Carly, especially when he tried to put himself into Jason's shoes. Freeing Jason wasn't about setting him free to kill Claudia, but setting him free to find Carly, as Lucky knew Jason would likely find her before the PCPD did.

I actually liked the scenes with Jason because Lucky displayed some actual conflict over being a cop, a profession that NEVER suited him in the first place. It was a breath of fresh air. Not to mention the fact that JJ played that internal conflict in Lucky, the constant pull and push between the side of him that is Laura and the side of him that is Luke, very well. I thought the Jason/Lucky scenes were intense and they held my interest. I also liked that the scene ended with a grudging respect between the two MEN, which was much better than what usually happened with GV, who was left looking like a petulant child instead.

Overall, I was happy with the end result. I guess I'm in the minority there.

[Val]

Here's my issue with this show that I TOTALLY DON'T WATCH ANYMORE, cough cough - wasn't it literally like, maybe two months ago that Carly and Claudia both crashed their cars and were in danger and Claudia lost her baby and Carly almost lost hers (again)...

And... yet again they're off the road and holed up in a cabin and Carly is probably almost going to lose her baby and/or die and Claudia - well hey, the previews are already telling us "Claudia's dead!" which we knew anyway, but I mean, really, way to spoil the 5% of people who don't look up spoilers, Soaps In Depth.

[Tabby]

Is there any possible way we can have Jason accidentally shoot Sonny in the head when he aims for Claudia, putting Sonny into a year long coma. Then when he wakes up, he completely forgets who he is, and goes to work at ELQ.

This whole SL is nothing new really. I am half expecting Carly to give birth with another bullet in her head.

Jason is the "hero" to the rescue.

Nothing original.... just the same # different year.

And after all of Alexis' bitching about Sonny and the mob, she goes and helps him? lol okay.

[Emmy]

Tabby, brilliant plot suggestion! Can you please go write for GH. Please? I'd watch the show again, even. IF they have to recycle storylines, this would be much preferrable.

[Mike]

So Sam is out searching, Jason is out searching, Spinelli is tracking cars, Lulu and Johnny and Dante are out there looking - where are the police?

[Beth R.]

Now Mike...you know the police are useless when confronted with an actual crisis...and that they only exist to work out petty jealousies over why they can't be as awesome as Jason and Sonny.

The day the police get to be the heros is the day I'll buy all this talk by people about GH turning a corner for the better.

[Shelli]

Two things... Dee - I agree. I loved the scene between Jason and Lucky because they have a bond between them that goes beyond the cop/criminal dynamic... hello? Jason is allowing Lucky to raise Jake as his own and he was pleading for the chance to save a woman and child they both care about, just like they both care about Liz and Jake...

As for Alexis getting Jason out. Did everyone else hear something I didn't? When she first denied Sonny's plea to help I actaully said outloud "You self righteous b*tch." SURE NOW she's all scared for what Jason the big scary mob enforcer might do, but when he was in Mexico getting shot by Jerry (her ex-lover) while searching for her dear precious Kristina, then he was okay? What if Alexis knew that Claudia sent Jerry after her daughter? Or left her in the wreckage of the carnival to die? Would Sonny have needed to manipulat her then? Probably not, she'd already be unlocking Jason's cuffs herself.

Final thought... how was Sonny's manipulating Alexis (for the ultimate goal to find Carly)any different than Jax ranting about the FAA not having the authority to ground his helicopter (for that same ultimate goal)?

[Anita]

I have to agree with Dee that I liked the Jason/Lucky scenes in this episode. I hate to break it to the GV fans out there, but there is no way he could have played the scenes with the nuance and conflict that JJ did. And i'm saying this as someone who was very much a GV Lucky fan. But he never played Lucky as a guy with the history that we know Lucky has. That's not just writing, that's acting. That's a smirk, a glint in your eye, a knowing sigh. GV looked good and earnest, but never played Lucky with any personality.

I noticed that they made two mentions this episode (one from Lulu and one from Lucky) that Carly was their cousin. In my opinion, they just don't stress that as much as they should. Carly is a Spencer, she's Luke's niece. Her son is a Quartermaine, her other son is a Corinthos, her newest child (hopefully) will be a Jacks. I can't wait for her to become a matriarch like Tracey meddling in the love-lives of her incredibly well-to-do children. She, more than Sonny, is the center of this show but at least her character has the roots to justify it.

I also liked Kristina turning on Sonny. I hope she'll influence her brother Michael to do so as well. Hopefully that will be the beginning of Michael returning to the Quartermaine fold. I love the actors playing the kids/teens, but i'm also looking forward to SORASing them (several years from now) into adults and hopefully having a great Michael/Morgan Quartermaine vs. Corinthos feud down the road.

[Dawn]

Most of us GV fans are not mad at JJ or comparing the 2 actors and their abilities (at least I'm not) what we are pissed at is HOW things went down with Greg. I don't know how many times I can say that. Whatever. It is a losing battle as people continue to justify the BLATANTLY wrong way ABC handled the whole thing by saying "JJ is a better actor" or "GV would not have pulled that off". I guess that makes it okay for the way they did Greg who showed NOTHING but loyalty and professionalism when it came to this show. Guess what people Jill Farren Phelps is such a a soul sucking leech that she will do this again (fire someone and then lie about it) to another fan favorite and think nothing of it. THAT is what needs to stop.

[Beth R.]

What Dawn said...Greg fans have learned to turn all of that out since quite frankly we've heard it every single day of his run..and every day during Jacob's run. To each their own...I mean come on folks...SOME people were impressed by Mo's acting these past few days...and allegedly not all of them were paid off by Guza!

And while I won't say that scene wasn't completely about sucking up...I mean after all Jason was in it and it was about how HE was the only one who could find Carly and take care of this and how Mac was just wrong wrong wrong to arrest Jason. (And for the record...Lucky being a cop makes more sense than the WTF of him being a photographer. THAT made no sense) I will say that I suspect a reason for these scenes and speeches and history drops is more to catch Jon up on what has been going on with Lucky for the past decade....specifically the last four years since clearly they are going to be referrenced repeatedly during the Nik/Liz stuff.

[Louise]

I didn't mind the Lucky/Jason scenes too much, they were just silly filler. The fact of the matter is that Jason was asking Lucky to let him go so he could kill Claudia, not save Carly. Sonny was asking Alexis to get Jason released so Jason could kill Claudia, not save Carly. Jason was given an easy out by Johnny to save Carly without killing Claudia, and he wouldn't take it because he cares more about killing Claudia than saving Carly and her kid's lives. Jason made his priority perfectly clear in that moment.

But somehow Sonny thought Alexis getting Jason out of lockup so he could go murder someone would allow Alexis to show Kristina that "compassion wins over," when Sonny knows that no such thing is the case.

And Jason has a lot of nerve bringing up Jake. Lucky is Jake's father because Jason didn't love the boy enough to stop killing people.

All that said, I thought the last couple of episodes were fairly good. The morality and blame is all still completely, outrageously misplaced, but at least it's not boring!

[Sarah]

Thanks Louise for making me feel less nutso over the reaction to this show. The whole notion mentioned in an earlier post that Jason "allows" Lucky to raise Jake as his own is a sick twisted Guzafied lie. Jake isn't an extra puppy from a litter here people, he is a child whose real father gave him away because he is a stubborn selfish criminal who would rather be Sonny and Carly's hero/hitman BFF than a father. Which is fine, but don't whitewash it! He has the means and ability to totally change his life and be a real father to Jake. He just doesn't want to, and he should admit that.

If Jason loves kids so much, and is the Pied Piper of PC's wayward teens, and he wants to be a Daddy with all his tortured "box of pain" soul, he should QUIT killing people for the mob and leave town to be a real man and raise his own child. But he loves Sonny and Carly and MURDER & STEALING too much be a Dad. Then he praises Lucky for trying to break him out of jail? And we all think that is great.... not me.

Lucky wasn't contemplating giving Jason the key, he was doing it! Mac called him out of the room and ruined his chance to set St. Jasus free.

And from my memory, the Spencer clan tolerated Carly over time. Only Bobbie ever really loved her, and even that took a long time considering how vile and destructive and cruel she was/is. Even Nu Sorased Lulu was apalled by her in the beginning. Only when Carly's great advice to manipulate and lie to sleep w/ a happily married man was given (that ended in an abortion) did Lulu start to admire and love her cousin. WTF? But that is how it went down. Carly's family is the mob, and that is how she wants it. Bringing up her blood connections at sweeps doesn't a family make. I mean we already saw Bobbie for two epis this year, she isn't gonna be around to help w/ her new grandchild.

Now I'm depressed. Back to work where I get paid to be frustrated :-)

[Beth]

"Guess what people Jill Farren Phelps is such a a soul sucking leech that she will do this again (fire someone and then lie about it) to another fan favorite and think nothing of it. THAT is what needs to stop."

Dawn, she just did. I realize Rebecca wasn't a fan favorite, but Natalia was, and she came back to these idiots who basically used her as a placeholder to give Nikolas something to do until they decided that him fecking his fickle bimbo ex sister-in-law was good material. AND they had the nerve to make a statement that she "left to pursue other opportunities" when it's pretty damned obvious she was fired.

I loved and still love JJ as Lucky, but GV got screwed by this show, as did Natalia. And what's worse, they got screwed for a short-term plot point that Guza will get bored with in about a month.

[Beth R.]

Thank you Sarah...that has always bugged me about the constant concern this show has had Lucky and Lulu show Carly...mainly that while Carly is Bobbie's daughter...she has NEVER considered herself a Spencer. Ever. She's never ever used that name. She, Jason and Sonny used to practically do a musical review about how family is who you choose and not who you are related to every three seconds. I have never ever understood Lucky's concern for Carly since her defacto treatment of him has just about always hovered around "poo on shoe".

And yes....saying Jason "let" Lucky raise Jake is like the constant talk of him "claiming" Jake...makes the kid sound like luggage. Jason had MULTIPLE opportunities to be a father...hell Lucky even offered to step back and not be Jake's father IF THAT WAS WHAT LIZ AND JASON DECIDED but he was willing to continue to protect that child...and guess what? They decided it would be for the best. Trotting out Jason's alleged great sacrifice is going to become like Deke locked Sonny in a closet.....and Luke was raised in a whorehouse. Jason didn't give his permission for Lucky to raise Jake...more like he took every opportunity to further enmesh himself in the mob (including becoming the mob boss) and doing everything so Michael could wake up because that was and I quote here...was what he wanted "more than anything in life."

[Janaynay]

I must say, I was pleased to hear Lucky at least acknowledge that he is related to Carly.

And despite the overall ham-fest that is a GH sweeps "event," I think Sarah Brown is knocking it out of the park.

Didn't know Natalia Livingston was leaving...and I don't care.

[horselover]

I agree with the others. The writing is on the wall: Lucky will kill someone. This makes me so sad.

On another note, I read that MB's scenes were really good so I finally watched it on youtube. Just as Sonny yelled "whore", I turned it off. I see this show hasn't changed. No thanks. I'm sure there are many places in the world a woman can be called a "whore" but I don't need to see it on my TV screen daily.

When are TIIC going to get that WOMEN (not 12 year old boys) are their primary audience? Never. Sad.

[izzi]

"I love Laura Wright. She had the best reaction to the truth about Claudia in all of Friday's episode. I think she and her shiny hair are amazing."

---> word. I flove your comments.

[Rain SR]

Someone told me to watch the Jason and Lucky scene so I YT-ed it...nothing really changes in PC so it was easy to catch up....
Suffice to say that while I enjoyed JJ's portrayal of Lucky, the only real douche-bags in all of this seem to be Jason (for being more about exacting vengeance than anything else, "hello, robo-woman you're sleeping with someone who's done the same thing!"), Nikolas (for sexing up his brother's fiancee), and Sonny (for existing)....

Why the FRAK we as an audience are supposed to care about these anchors (Greek Geek!) sinking this boat even farther down, is clearly beyond my diminishing mental capacity to judge....

[V]

Thank you Louise and Sarah for speaking the truth about history. Yes, yes, yes, you are so right. Mallory and Becca, I am still reading and loving your blog, despite not watching this show.

I stopped watching two years ago and just recently starting watching (last week) to see JJ's return and SB's departure.

I was so excited that finally people would see Sonny for who he is - but no. What was I thinking? Nothing has changed. Sonny sat through a few lectures of how horrible he is, but then the praises were instantly sent in by his women folk (I use that derogatory term in lieu of the misogyny that plagues this show).

Anyway, looks like I'll be off this show once again after catching a glimpse of today's show. Nothing changes. Thank goodness I can still read your blog.

I'm looking forward to Louise's post on OLTL, btw. That'll be fun.

[kitkat]

"if said person [Lucky kills] is Nikolas, Rebecca or Ethan I am NOT going to complain one teeny weeny bit."

I'd like to add Liz to that list. Her character is totally ruined, and Jake and Cam would be better off if they were raised by wolves.

[tish]

thank you for a wonderful blog so much more enjoyable than the show. I really did stop watching then heard noise about Claudia leaving so I decided to watch--- what a disappointment. I can't bear it anymore. It is truly the same storyline over and over. If Carly delivers this baby while shot in the head I swear the studios of GH might hear my scream. I don't read spoilers but let me guess how this plays out Sam and Jason find Carly but wait no baby. Jason finds Claudia and baby kills her. Jason is arrested at the hospital saving baby girl Jax by Mac. Mac is reamed out by Carly, Sonny, Alexis and Sam for arresting Jason (even after Sonny ordered the hit in front of half the town) because it was self defense and he saved the baby! Jax will be the bad guy (not sure really why since he did not shot anyone but just did not say what he knew). Sonny and Carly will get back together for marriage 5. and then a new mob family moves into town- and repeat... how did I do?

Oh -- predications about Lucky-- since JJ is back-- Jake will get sick Feb sweeps. Turns out Jake is Lucky's child --(what a blood test at GH can't be wrong)-- Since NL is leaving guessing Lucky will shot Rebecca (why can't anyone just leave PC-must it be done in a body bag)....

Thanks again for the blog -- it really does make GH more enjoyable....

[Mali]

Carly is not a Spencer unless it is a blue moon and she needs to use that familial connection to get something or manipulate someone or the like. She never used the name, but let's be real, since landing in Port Chuck to ruin the show with her irresistable hooha & evil plans for revenge she has never used her own name from birth, Caroline Benson.

Sonny praising Carly as his greatest love and world's most amazing woman only cemented my feelings that they both suck toxic balls.

[Rene]

I can't believe people are shrieking over the fact that GH didn't ADMIT that they fired GV? How backstabbing and tacky would THAT have been? If you were fired from your job, would you want them telling every future employer that you sucked so bad at it that they had to fire you?? Why not be dignified about it and say he was leaving to "pursue other opportunities" and leave it to GV whether HE wanted to admit what really went down. Gimme a break, people!

Also, don't even kid yourself that GV, and every other GH actor, doesn't know that this is a possibility when they join the show! It's in their contract that being fired is a possibility. If they feel that's an unacceptable way to be treated, you DON'T sign the contract!

Actors understand that things go on that aren't always ethical in every day life, but it's reality in Hollywood. If you want to play in the game, you have to learn to take the hits. That's why it's not the business for everyone.