Faster Than A Speeding Bullet

I was going to apologize for this being a drive-by post*, but then I said to myself, "Kyle**, why should I spend more time writing a blog post than the writers spend crafting entire plots?"

In a spectacular example of why you should be careful what you wish for, The Young and the Restless seems to have responded to complaints about the long-ago era where it took a full decade for stories to play out from start to finish by giving viewers stories that move at warp speed. Sharon and Adam? Ridiculous. Jack and Emily? LAUGHABLY BAD. Do you know what it says about a story when I, of the confirmed over-the-top...well, I like to think of it as "appreciation for", but others refer to it as "stalkerish love of" Peter Bergman can't even sit through Jack and Emily scenes? It says a lot, and none of it good. 

Why are these things happening so quickly?! There is honestly more character development and plot build-up in the average music video.

I do have other quibbles.

The first, to no one's surprise, is Sharon's hair, which distracted me to no end during the otherwise great scene where she confronted Jack.

Sharon: You know, that is exactly what I said. I just wish that you had sat down and talked to me about this, Jack, before you did something so impulsive.

Jack: (Sighs)

Chloe: Okay, powder room break?

Emily: Oh, actually, I'd like to hear what Sharon has to say.

Sharon: Well, then you should have been in my living room last night when Jack was attacking my marriage, pretending to be my friend.

Jack: I am your friend.

Sharon: Oh, really? Well, then I hope that you will enjoy this bottle of bubbly, because you're gonna need it to wash down all those words you're about to eat.

Jack: This is not the time.

Sharon: Yes, now is exactly the time. You come to my door and you condemn me for eloping with Adam, claiming that I'm unstable?

Jack: I never said that.

Sharon: What? Yes, you did. You must have a selective memory, Jack, which is probably why you neglected to tell me you're engaged to a woman who you've known for, what, ten minutes?

Compelling stuff, right?! So why was the only thing running through my mind, "...how does that even HAPPEN?"

She needs an intervention.

The second quibble is Malcolm.

Maybe I shouldn't call it a quibble. Maybe I should call it something I am having a REALLY hard time with. Because I'm trying so hard not to pre-judge, which is unlike me, but you know, new year, new you, etc. I actually originally typed "Malcolm" and I deleted the sarcastic airquotes, because that's not fair to Darius McCrary. THAT's progress, right? Because it's not his fault that I am used to Shemar Moore, no doubt due to watching Criminal Minds near obsessively and seeing him daily (I actually just stopped referring to HIM as Malcolm in, like, October). And it's also not his fault that I was a big fan of TGIF on ABC as a child and will therefore always think of him first and foremost as Eddie Winslow (if it makes him feel any better, I think of nearly all TGIF alums as their character. Just ask William Russ!).  

BUT. In the LOVE column: Jo Jo.

I think I may be obsessed with her, if by "obsessed" you mean "fascinated enough by her to consider watching a Jo Jo spinoff and DVRing every minute of said spinoff. Or writing said spinoff if no one else recognizes the entertainment world's need for it".

*I actually do apologize for that, and for the lateness with which I will bringing you the Young and the Restless year-in-review and more posts. I am the worst!

**I still have a couple more weeks for random Boy Meets World references and I plan to use them, even if Tucker has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

Comments

[Nikki]

Yes... Eddie Winslow is all I can see when I look at him...and then it makes him seem too young to be playing Malcolm (that could just be me) not to mention that the fact that he and Cane look the same age just makes it weird!... Hopefully I'll get used to him

[RebeccaJ]

While I used to long for Shemar Moore to take off his shirt for no apparent reason, I keep hoping NuMalcolm keeps his on. Sigh. Where has all the man candy gone?

[Dawn]

When I first heard they were bringing back the character of Malcolm and he was going to be played Darius McCrary my response was OH HELL TO THE NAW! Nothing against Darius. I like him in just about everything I have seen him in (yes he has done other things besides Family Matters) but him as Malcolm does not work for me AT ALL. And it's not even that I want Shemar Moore back. He has been gone long enough that I no longer miss him, BUT I just can't see anyone else in that role. I also don't see the reason they felt the need to bring the character back. The biggest storyline they had that involved Malcolm, they did WITHOUT HIM (you know the "Neil finds out Malcolm is Lily's father" reveal). If they did that without the character, why bring him back now. What is the point???

[julie]

I LOVE Criminal Minds obsessively too...watching it now on A&E even! Not only are you brilliant in your daytime blogging, you have excellent taste in your primetime fare as well!

[Sue]

Watching Jack suck face with anyone makes me heave!! I really do catch myself wincing during such scenes. It's like watching Victor kiss someone!
I actually thought Sharon's hair looked a bit better than usual since it seemed to have a bit of curl to it, rather than the badly-chopped-off mullet she usually sports!! So pretty; too pretty to have such bad hair!
Funny thing about the Jones I feel for Shemar Moore....I never thought he was a very good actor!

[Jessica]

I am so glad to hear others out there are still referring to Shemar Moore as Malcolm even though his name is Morgan on Criminal Minds. When I saw that they brought back Malcolm's character with the sub-par Eddie Winslow I was sickened. Bring me back my man candy! I am so glad you finally mentioned your disappointment in the new Malcolm.

BTW, when are we recasting Mac. I have loved the Billy/Mac love story since Senior Prom but often find myself ffwd'ing through most of her scenes - because she is dull and her face doesn't move. CBS plz recast asap!

[Bridget]

I just had to comment on the awesomeness of your BMW "Kyle" reference! I'm hoping for a "Plays with Squirrels" one before William Russ leaves the building :)

[Other Heather]

(Not sure why I was not allowed to post earlier...)

I am really not understanding the Darius hate. Some message board have been just downright racist in spewing their dislike for the actor (and these are the same folks who constantly bitch about Lily being "too white").