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« Let Me Hear Your Body Talk (Your body ta-alk...) | Main | Two Kinds of Awesome »

January 07, 2010

Hysterical Blindness

I watched All My Children today (in about eight minutes, total, since my thumb has a tendency to get a bit liberal with the fast-forward button, but that's neither here nor there) and I can honestly say that I (not to mention people within earshot) will never be the same again (due to clawing my own eyes out and going deaf from hearing my anguished screams, respectively).

My evening has thus been spent going through the stages of grief, mourning the way that I used to be.

DENIAL "That didn't just happen! I must have...eaten a scone laced with an especially dangerous strain of a hallucinogenic that made me imagine that."

ANGER "How could you do that to me, eyes? Why did you let me see that?"

BARGAINING "I will kill a hobo if it would let me un-see that."

DEPRESSION "Sorry, I couldn't hear what you were saying over the sound of my huge, wrenching sobs. Come again?"

There is no way to write about what happened with The Thing, both because I've run out of clever ways to say "Why, for the love of God, why?" and because in order to write about it, I'd have to remember what happened, and I can't subject myself to that. So instead, I am going to close my eyes and copy and paste the relevant portion of the Soap Opera Digest recap:

Ryan was back at home and couldn't get his mind off of Erica. He flashed back to the moments they shared that sparked their romantic feelings for each other. Erica, meanwhile, did the same as she put on her DVD and ordered room service for one. Later, Erica was surprised when Ryan entered with her room service. He admitted that he couldn't stop thinking about her at home and it led him back to her place; she confessed the same. They couldn't wait any longer and started to undress...meanwhile, back in PV, Ryan and Erica did some serious post-coital cuddling.

BRB, sticking my head in a microwave!


I can't even get into AMC in the past few days. I'll pretend it doesn't exist until the new headwriter shows up.

I hope you guys blog about GH today because Drew Garrett and Laura Wright were awesome.

So my decision to not watch AMC today was a good decision? Because this sounds truly horrifying. I'd rather watch Paranormal Activity alone, at night, in a crickity old house once inhabited by sadists. The image alone has killed a part of my soul.

I wish I could unread that. You poor thing, having to watch!

*anguished sobbing*

Oh God.....the description alone is causing dry heaves......no...please god no..I'll stop making fun of Jason forever..I'll quit calling Pratt the second coming of Satan.....


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