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« Our Latest Soap Opera Digest Column | Main | From Clink-Boom to Drip-Bang: Imitation Is the Laziest Form of Self-Flattery »

January 28, 2010

Spoiler Alert!

Um, is something exciting happening on General Hospital tomorrow? I ask because ABC Daytime's advertisements for Friday's show have been so subtle and nuanced that I'm not sure if something earth-shattering is going to happen!

(I think an actual spoiler alert is probably unnecessary because the only way that this could be missed is if you own a Ted Mosby sensory deprivation gadget, or have no head, but just in case!)

In a showdown that we've all been anticipating since Dante was revealed to be an undercover cop, Sonny (the good mobster, the leading man, the romantic hero, the good father) shoots him. I know this for many reasons, the first being that I've watched this show before and understand that the only plot twists GH can come up with are heavily telegraphed ones, but also because:

A promo explicitly spelled out the progression of this entire story days before any of it actually unfolded

This promo, by the way, is inescapable. It airs on every single channel, during every commercial break, multiple times a day, just in case you happened to miss the first 521 airings. Do you know what happens to someone who watches an awful lot of television? That someone sees that commercial IN HER DREAMS.

And, during today's episode, a graphic at the bottom of the screen helpfully reminded us what's going to happen next!


What the hell ever happened to shocking soap moments?! Did the powers-that-be finally learn that many of us conspire to "accidentally delete GH from our DVR" and schedule things like dentist appointments at 3 PM and realize that the only way to get us to tune in was to tell us exactly what happens? Or did the Supreme Court finally bar them from using the line "The episode you won't want to miss!" because of their flagrant abuse of that phrase in previous promos? I don't get it, which is a sentence I often say while talking about this show...

If you want to see the actual scene in question, watch The Godfather. Oh, sorry, I meant watch this clip at Entertainment Weekly.

OH. And what does Bob Guza have to say about this twist? According to the most recent Soap Opera Digest Insider email, he considers it

"the penultimate, the cosmic guffaw."

When Becca emailed me about it this morning (with the subject line !!!! hate !!!!), I was seriously speechless for at least five full minutes, and must have looked hilariously dim, since my eyes were bugged and my mouth was hanging open. I have so many questions and no faith that they will ever get answered!


I still refuse to beleive Bob Guza actaully knows what any of those words mean. I'm also wonderign if perhaps I have been wrong in my understanding of the English language for all my years on Earth.

I am totally amused that GH thinks by advertisign a father shooting his son..they think people will want to watch. Why not advertise the soapy fallout of the niz reveal? something like taht is more likely to draw in a soap viewer.....

but then again I use this crazy thing called logic.

Grrr! People using "penultimate" when they obviously mean "ultimate" is one of my pet peeves. Bob Guza doing anything besides staying locked in his house with socks on his hands so he can't write is another.

GH's misuse of the word penultimate is legen - wait for it - dary


!!! Thank you so much for that clip! Oh, GH, failing at the same thing for almost a decade.

Sorry, random fangirl moment here, but I just found this site and LOVE IT!!! So hilarious and honest, whoever is writing these entries and comments, you guys are really funny :D

Anyways back to the spoiler alert, it's true, it's pretty much on every channel (coming from the person who saw it on...wait for it...the Animal Planet). I 100% truly believe Guza doesn't knows the meaning of penultimate, cosmic, guffaw, shocking soap moments, or 'your audience is primarily women, why does it feel like we're in the Godfather for every freakin' episode?'

Okay, I am a woman, and an avid mafia fan (for entertainment purposes only). This is proven by my devotion to The Sopranos and Martin Scorsese. Comparing Port Charles's convoluted crime families to The Godfather is like comparing brie to Velveeta. I also find it amusing that it's Guza's strategy to have Sonny's family members do the things that would normally call for a mafia death sentence (i.e. Rick, Dominic) so that the character's can keep their lives and cause "soapy (I use that term loosely) drama". I believe the man has never watched anything that stays true to how crime families work. (Micheal kills his brother Fredo in The Godfather; Tony kills his cousin Christopher in The Sopranos.)
I just find the whole idea of having a lovable hit man and his mentally challenged "boss" as the leading heroes of a show set on daytime television . . . . well, sorry, words are escaping me. And didn't Mel Brooks already do a mob parody?

Hey gee, doesn't February sweeps start today?! Guza must be sitting around staring at his life-sized poster of Steve Burton and yelling, "POINTLESS VIOLENCE FOR SWEEPS RULES!!!" while doing that devil horns thing with his hand.

I was trying to argue on another site yesterday that the mob crap would go over a lot better for a lot of people if they would attempt to have the good guys (i.e. police, what have you) be given the same amount of consideration as they do the Holy Hitmen. The answer I got back was, "well, people like Jason and Sonny because they're sexy." Mkay. I don't think I'll continue that argument any further.

And I'm highly amused by the use of the actors's names in that promo. I've substitued my own names for them: "The Guy Who's Been on the Show So Long You Can Make a Drinking Game Out of His Acting Tics," and "The Guy Who Used to be on 'Battlestar Galactica' and is Currently Slumming It."

Curse my work and it's need to stop me from viewing videos while on the clock. I can't wait to see Gh get slammed on The Daily Show. I heart Jon!

I... oh my lord. A mob boss shooting a man who, unbeknownst to him, is his son -- is the next-to-last planetary belly-laugh? I don't even -- how are we supposed to -- what does he even -- ouch.

If only today were the penultimate day of Guza's employment in show business, I would throw a huge party.... TOMORROW.

Louise from your lips to the soap gods and godesses ears! If it was the penulitmate day of Guza's employment....then there would be a cosmic guffaw.

I think I have finally decided his dog beat him in Scrabble with those words and he just thinks they go together.....

Sam...you saw it on Animal Planet? oh you poor thing to be assaulted like that. I hate it when I have to stop watching channels because I get waylaid by a random GH promo. I am weary of the Biography channel and Bravo for those reasons.

This promo, by the way, is inescapable.

This promo, by the way, is unaccessible in my country :)

(Un)fortunately for me, EW is UK friendly. Colour me shocked as I really was. The whole time, I thought we were talking about Michael.

Here you go Guza, you succeeded to surprise one person that doesn't watch andlives on a different continent. Great job.

I used to want to be a soap writer.

I lost that dream a long time ago.

But reading the man who has my old dream job misusing a word so wrongly...

God, it burns.

But wait! The Suck continues!!!

Starting the evening of January 29th, you can watch Friday's episode of General Hospital in the ABC.com Full Episode Player -- like always -- but you will also have the option of viewing the episode featuring commentary by Lisa LoCicero (Olivia) and Dominic Zamprogna (Dante)! Throughout the episode, Lisa and Dominic will pipe in with any thoughts they have about the episode, its taping, the writing, or anything else that crosses their minds. Think of it like the commentary that you get on DVDs.

I think this came from an ABCD email, but since I currently delete those without looking, I took it off another site.

Can't WAIT to hear LLC say, "...and that's when Maurice shot Duh-Face at me."

Well, I think this bodes very well for Sonny and Dante's relationship. We know that Sonny always shoots the ones he loves.

This show has gotten some pretty serious delusions of grandeur.

I'm torn.

Clearly Guza doesn't understand the definitions of many common words. He struggles with the meanings of such simple words like respect, family, sexy, romance, love, drama, entertainment and the list goes on and on. It's a pathetic tragedy that he is a professional employed writer with a deficit as severe as this, but so goes show business.

However, in this paticular instance I am hoping he knows exactly what penultimate means. Because if he does that bodes well for all of us and GH too :-).
This would be the "second to last" sweeps stunts where Sonny kills and or shoots or is responsible for killing and or shooting or blowing up one of his many kids or alleged loved ones. It would also be the "second to last" WHOSE THE DADDY plot device on GH.

How incredible would THAT be? It would mean Guza had only one more of these dreadful stunts left and then something else would have to be done. Maybe even consistant well crafted and planned integrated historically accurate family based dramatic romantic exciting sexy funny gripping soapy storytelling.

Talk about optimistic, no way Guza knows what penultimate means. As long as he runs GH this is far from the second to last stunt on this stunt packed show :-(

amy, my only objection would be comparing GH to Velveeta. It's not brie, but think of a world withOUT Mac N Cheese before you bash Velveeta. Think of the children! and me. Guza wishes his show was as enjoyabvle and cheesy (pun intended) as Velveeta.

Guza, you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

I love that they feel the need to explain what "commentary" means. Because we're idiots.

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