Two Kinds of Awesome

It's rare that an episode of General Hospital has even one awesome thing. Or one thing that approaches being mildly okay. But Thursday's show featured two genuinely fantastic moments amongst the "Oh, Patrick, you were so wild back in the day and I'm so glad I knew you then instead of now"¹ and the--I'm not paraphrasing here, this is what Elizabeth ACTUALLY said--"I'm not going to blow apart my life for anyone. And I'm going to lie until the day I die to preserve our relationship"², and they were fantastic in wildly different ways.

Laura Wright and Drew Garrett's work together was genuinely amazing. I enjoy watching both of them, always. Apparently, liking Laura Wright so much is a seriously controversial opinion, but I do; I have major respect for anyone who can make this poorly written version of Carly tolerable (even I'm not brainwashed by her pretty hair enough to think that she's always likable). And Drew Garrett is seriously such a find. Even when I can't stand what Michael is saying or doing (which is....a lot of the time), I still feel compelled to watch. Sure, that might be Stockholm Syndrome, but it might also be a great performance! He should really start working on an Outstanding Younger Actor Emmy acceptance speech now (assuming that there is an actual Emmy ceremony and not a situation where the winners get their Emmy via USPS in a damaged box) after his work yesterday.

 
Carly: It's not healthy, sitting on your emotions. They back up on you, Michael. They choke you. You still feel what you're going to feel. It just comes out in different ways. You think I don't see that you're not eating and you're not sleeping? You're angry, and you're distant. You lash out at people you love. You're taunting the cops. And now you're drinking and driving. I'm scared. I'm afraid for you.

Michael: But if I can't fix anything else, if I have to sit around like an idiot while everybody else is cleaning up my own messes... I should at least be able to get a grip on my own turmoils. Why should I dump that on the rest of you, too?

Carly: Because that's what most people who love each other do. I dump everything on Jason [Hee!--Ed.]. You think I'm weak?

Michael: Anything but.  And it's not that I can't sleep. I don't want to, 'cause I have nightmares. You know, I can feel the weight of the axe handle in my hands, and I feel my arms swinging, and I can see the startled look on Claudia's eyes. And then she's falling. But not like that night, you know? She just dropped. In my dream, she's going down in slow motion, collapsing like in sections on the floor. And the worst part is the blood. It's still warm. The blood's alive, the blood's still alive. I was just trying to stop her. I was just trying to help you and Josslyn. Claudia was not supposed to die.

So freaking good.

And then there was the OTHER kind of awesome. The kind where you're watching your TV, wide-eyed with fascination and you don't know if it's good or bad, or if you're imagining the whole thing, but either way, you can't help giggling at how amazing and absurd it is at the same time. You know what I'm talking about: Franco.

 
The Franco storyline can be summed up like so many other stories on this show: "Well, it COULD have been great", but because we have the writers and producers that we do, it fell short of what it could have been. It COULD have been an actual story, and not three lines of dialogue dragged out for ages (those three lines being "Franco is crazy", "You're crazy" and "I'm crazy, not to mention bitter that you shunned my chips and dip). That's not to say I'm not enjoying it, because I enjoy anything that brings James Franco into my life (like, say, 30 Rock next week!), but I am a special case.

Anyway, I think that they shouldn't have even given him a real storyline, much less one centered around Jason. They should have just had him randomly pop up to spout hilarious one-liners and make comments that unnerve all around him. Because when he does that, it's amazing. Would it have made any real sense? No, but neither does the story they actually came up with. He could have been a hot guy acting as an occasionally bizarre voice for the audience.

Sonny: I'm kind of an  artist, too.
Franco: Yeah?
Sonny: Your brain splatter all over that wall, what would that go for at an auction?
Franco: Gangsters are so colorful!

Franco: I think I'm starting to get this whole "mob banter" thing.

Sonny: What you really are is a lovesick groupie who's got a crush on a rock star hitman you can never have.
Franco: As opposed to say, a daddy who's jealous his favorite has another suitor?

Franco: Well, of course you will. That's what you do. You send your assassin into impossible situations while you hide behind your bodyguards. Jason's a killer. You, you're a coward.

Jason: What, you want to search me?
Franco: I thought you'd never ask. Assume the position.

What the what?! The only question now is if this will be The Soup's clip of the week, or just part of Joel's "My Stories" segment.

Also, fun fact: the top Google search leading to Serial Drama today is: "Jason and Franco" GAY. The all-caps are part of the actual search, not mine.

¹. Remember, because Patrick was wiiiiiild back in the day, with his drinking and his sexing! It was craaaaaaazy! Lisa sheds a tear for that Patrick.

². SERIOUSLY, LIZ, WHAT THE HELL? YOU NEED THERAPY³

³. From a therapist at Mercy, naturally.

Comments

[Louise]

Mallory, your footnotes are golden.

I think a lot of us have the same Stockholm Syndrome, but I'm with you. Do I love Carly and Michael? No. Do I love Laura Wright and Drew Garrett? And how! And that was great that Michael is finally admitting that he's not all mob-cocky proud of what he did. I'm sure they'll just drop it and he'll go back to being mini-Sonny, but it was a great moment.

And what's to say about Franco. Too much fun.

[Beth R.]

Oh Franco....YOU are so colorful.

Truly Franco is one the most frightening glances into Guza's mind that we've ever had. Hillirous...but frightening.

(And yes I am totally planning a goodbye Jason/Franco fan vid to "Endless Love" as sung by Glee. Mock all you want but you know you'd watch it.)

[Nikki]

"Franco: As opposed to say, a daddy who's jealous his favorite has another suitor?
Franco: I thought you'd never ask. Assume the position."
When he said those two things..i burst out laughing uncontrollably( i think my flatmates must have thought i was insane cuz I couldn't stop...) lol
"assume the position" was the best...i mean wtf? haha...James Franco is the best. And from the moment I heard both of those lines I've been waiting patiently for your post.

And yes...Liz needs a special form of therapy..

[Beth R.]

While I agree Liz needs a whack in the head, a kick in the butt AND some therapy...I also realize this show is setting up to have her take the LION'S share of the blame for this (again...cause if you remember the break up with JAson was all about how SHE couldn't handle his life...not the fact Jason wouldn't change a darn thing. Begs the question..what did Becky do to these writers?) and give Nik the "Well he wanted to tell the truth it was Elizabeth who continued the lie" pitch to get sympathy. I'm not saying it's going to work but I'm like 99% sure that's the angle they are going to work here. So with that thought in mind I chalked up that line to our daily dose of Bob Guza's "Women are stupid and evil and suck" lecture.

Then again I've hated Nik since he showed up on teh screen so I admit to being conspiracy minded about him.

[stace]

Who IS the Liz? She is unrecognizable. Is it a plot to get the Liason fans to give up the fight? What the what?

[Mary Beth]

Beth R. -- do not tease us with such things (the Endless Love vid) and not follow through. I will be heartbroken.

I'm still unable to speak of this awful awful destruction of Liz in anything other than gutteral angry sounds. I don't think she's perfect. I don't want her to be perfect. But this is all just. . . GAH!

At least Lucky's supposed to find out soon so the horrible sneaking around phase will finally be over and done with and we'll be into the "everyone tells Liz how awful she is" phase, which I'm sure her haters will enjoy.

Someone just poke me when we've reached the "Guza has gone on to other shiny things and found a new female character to denigrate" phase (watch out Robin fans. . . he'll have forgotten that whole PPDPDP thing by now and think she's due)

[Katie]

Gotta say, I started watching this week for the unintentional entertainment factor.
Today's installment:
MB "man-i-poo-late" lol

[Dede]

Liz haters have been wanting her to admit she's a liar. She did today and she still gets hated on. But just like she got blamed for taking Jake away from Jason, the writers will have her be the one taking the blame for the whole "Niz" thing. I guess the writers do this to her because they know RH can handle it.

So this whole Franco storyline came down to Jason "chosing"? Yeah like Jason ever would really chose between saving Sam or saving Lulu. Boring. But I just loved Franco calling Sonny a coward. Beautiful.

[amiejayne]

I was gleefully awaiting your post about the "assume the position" line, I seriously almost pissed my pants when Franco said that and pulled the wand out. With the right music, this could have totally been the beginning of a gay bondage movie!

[LadyBug]

The whole LnL666/Niz was gross from start to finish. Why ruin these high school friendships? Why not have L/N/E sit down and talk about missing Emily and they each agree to move on with their lives, away from each other romantically? No LnL666 or Niz, each person gets a new love interest, no harm, no foul. Instead of showing a triangle like OLTL did with Clint/Nora/Bo, where we were able to root for each person, GH gave us nothing but sleaze. I'm a LizFF and yes, she had story, but it was nasty from start to finish. As for Lucky, it doesn't matter which actor is in the role, he's dumber than a box of rocks. Nic has always been sleazy, so it's no wonder he went after Liz.

[valmir]

Loving Franco's one-liners (that about all) when it come to this storyline. also, it is interesting to see Jason having some emotions, besides staring.

Glad Michael is finally being shown to have some conflict in regards to Claudia's death. Laura and Drew were very good in those scenes.

I have always wanted GH to dive into Patrick's past, and this is all they could come up with. OMG, shut up, Lisa. GH really waste the opportunities they had with Rick Springfield to give us more insight into Patrick's background.

Liz, Liz, Liz! Just hate what they have done to her character. But if Sam can recover, so can she... may take a few years.

I am pretty much done with my consistent viewing of GH, and keep up mostly by the internet. Thanks ladies, for your service!

[AM]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aC5WWeCz8nc
Not quite "Endless Love" but still funny!

[shelle_cr]

Hate Carly, love LW. Not a Michael fan, love DG.

LW is the reason that when I occasionally watch GH clips on YT i don't FF through Carly's scenes.

Slightly gleefull OT: Just watching Quinn Fabray on Veronica Mars (Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down ).