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« There's Some Sad Things Known To Man | Main | A Quick Note »

March 02, 2010

What This Show Lacks In Quality, It Makes Up For With Hilarious Facial Expressions

Sometimes, I write General Hospital off as completely terrible, with no redeeming qualities at all. And then Sonny and Jax will be having a heated confrontation, and Maurice Benard will make this face


and I'll have to revise my opinion and state that General Hospital is mostly, not completely, terrible because genuine entertainment is genuine entertainment, even if it is both fleeting and unintentional.

What brought on that almost cartoonish portrayal of anger, you ask? Actually, you don't ask that, because you know that Sonny is always angry and have ceased to care about the reasons behind the anger, but if you had asked that, I would tell you it was because he and Jax had one of the "You're the worst person in the world/No, you are" arguments that they've been having for well over a decade.

Sonny: You're a coward, okay? Admit it! Own up to what you did!
Jax: I'd be glad to.
Sonny: You're not defending your family. It's your chance to get back at me.
Jax: Oh. yeah, I hate to break it to you but I don't care how you end up. All I want is for my family to be safe.
Sonny: What about my family? You knew the truth about Dante, didn't say a word. You let the investigation continue knowing it could ruin everybody's life. And what about Michael? You say you love him. You risked his sanity and his freedom blaming me for what he did.
Jax: No, Sonny, it was your idea to cover up Claudia's murder. That's the secret that's going to ruin the kid's life. 
Sonny:The only reason you're breathin' is because you're married to Carly. When are you going to dump this son of a bitch? Because I've waited too long to put an end to this.  

Remember that time when we were all grossed out by this show having its hero shoot an unarmed cop in the chest, and the show was all, "You're missing the point! Sonny is a good man!"? I guess threatening to kill people for upsetting him (with the truth) is better than just outright shooting him, so...progress!

When he wasn't busy threatening Jax's life, Sonny was playing the role of the noble father, who makes all sorts of sacrifices for his children (a lot of what he said would have been sweet, if you didn't know anything about these two characters) (Also, it makes me slightly ill whenever Michael says the words "I'm sorry" to Sonny) (And also also, Maurice Benard was furiously blinking throughout this scene. It was like a code of some sort that I wish I could crack) and he told Michael:

Sonny: That's why I'm standing trial. To make amends for what I've done to you. That's what I owe you, as a father.

Um, it doesn't count as a big sacrifice if you were actually planning to leave the country rather than go to jail! Ass.


The Lucky/Elizabeth/Nikolas scenes were also good for some amazing facial expressions, as Liz and Lucky through cutting glares at each other, at Nikolas and at inanimate objects around the room. It was amazing. It makes perfect sense for these two to be furious and cold and angsty. It was in character AND funny.



Nikolas: Look, I want to know who the father is right now, but I feel like I need to show some restraint. So if Lucky's prepared to wait for the test results, so am I.
Lucky: Restraint would be nice.


Later in the episode, after Liz declared that she'd be having the paternity test done right away, Nikolas told Lucky that they'd need to coexist (which I thought they had already been, so whatever, Nik) and SECONDS after they left, Helena slithered into Liz's room. Like, she was obviously close enough to Nikolas and Lucky that they'd be able to smell her perfume (and you know she drenches herself in perfume), but whatever, Liz was sleeping and Helena chuckled evilly about Liz carrying a Cassadine baby. Between the paternity test and Helena's immediate appearance, it seems like we're headed for Helena tampering with the test results, which...would make not one iota of sense for this character. She's all about her bloodline, why would she want a faux Cassadine? Why am I expecting something on this show to make sense? Why do I set myself up for disappointment like this?


When Robin stumbled upon Patrick and Lisa in an almost sitcomishly suggestive position, I rolled my eyes so hard that I may have permanent nerve damage, because I envisioned a huge, terrible misunderstanding, but it turns out that...nothing happened. I'm not saying that I WANT a rift or a breakup, and I do always enjoy sweet Patrick/Robin scenes like the last one that they had today, but the writers manufacture all of this lame, ridiculous drama and then just do nothing with it. "Oh, that? Yeah, never mind about that. It's not important".

Actually, I take that back, there is one element of Scrubs stories that is always important: the part where Patrick was wiiiiiiiiild back in the day before Robin.

Lisa: Is it just me? Whenever Robin appears at the party, Patrick becomes Mr. Dull and Domesticated.


Why this is the one place that the writers decide to honor continuity is beyond me.

Also, Brianna Brown, I say this in the kindest way possible: if you ever get another script that calls for you to pretend to be drunk, do whatever it takes to get the writers to change it, because...today was uncomfortable.


In fairness to Ms. Brown, her attempt to play drunk was not the most uncomfortable part of today's show. No, that was Carly and Jax's random anger sex.


???!!!??? I don't even know what to say. That was Carly's way of reminding Jax what he had to lose...?

The other GH couple who (almost, at any rate) had sex today more than made up for that, though: Dante and Lulu continue to just be so damn good together.


Lulu: Dante! I want to rip your clothes off. But if you have a heart attack from the strain, I'm going to be really traumatized.
Dante: Okay, I'm going to have a heart attack if we don't do it.

LOVE THEM. I'd seriously watch a full show of Dominic Zamprogna and Julie Marie Berman being all sweet and bantery and adorable. I am even resisting my natural urge to be a pessimist, and I'm not even going to wonder how long it will take for the show to screw them up!*

*This is actually less because I love the couple so much and more because I have a feeling that in the time it takes me to wonder that, the ruination will have already started, because that's how GH rolls.


Lastly, I know that people are really enjoying Dahlia Salem as Claire.


I am not one of those people.

I WANT to like her. I do! She wants to put Sonny in jail for forever. What's not to like?

But she irritates the hell out of me. I didn't watch Another World, so I don't know what she was like on that show, but on GH and an episode of Criminal Minds (where she played a ridiculously annoying police officer), she over-enunciates and drives me crazy. And it truly disappoints me that I can't even fully enjoy a character who hates Sonny so much! GH won't let me have anything nice!


I'm still stunned that Sonny threatened to kill Jax and Carly is still drinking the Kool-Aid. Jax is trying to get Sonny put in jail, and Jax is a terrible, selfish, awful man for seeking to separate Sonny (the criminal) from his children. Today we learn, that Sonny also wants to separate Jax from his newborn and his place in lives of Sonny's children, but he'd wants to do it through murder. That, somehow is okay with Carly and Guza apparently, because instead of being horrified, Carly issued a rebuke as if Sonny had farted without leaving the room or saying, "Excuse me."

Every time I think Guza has scraped the bottom of the barrel, he's plumbs new depths. Don't get me wrong, shooting an unarmed cop who was reading you your Miranda rights, is about as despicable as you get, but there was something extra distasteful about Sonny today...he was completely serious. He wants Jax dead for daring to hate his guts. I think Sonny has convinced himself that his Jax/Deke comparison is accurate and is as passionate about removing Jax from the picture as Jax is about putting Sonny behind bars. This would make for compelling soap, both wrong, both right. Unfortunately, Guza has decided that the man who was attempting to achieve his goal by cooperating with law enforcement is a punk bitch, while the murdering gangster is honorable. Why? I'm not in Guza's warped mind, but I'd guess his explanation would include praise for Sonny because he would kill Jax himself--not hide behind the law.

I hate this show.

Love your comments about the facial expressions. I feel like Sonny is always looking for the teleprompter whenever he's on screen. He's squinting, blinking and turning his eyes away from the person he's supposed to be talking to. As for Carly - she is the worth wife EVER...always choosing Sonny ahead of Jax. Speaking of Jax, dumbest husband ever...oh, that's why they're married. Poor Josslyn.

Liz/Lucky are doing a fantastic job with their story...Nik not so much.

I love Scrubs but Robin needs to get angry and stop letting Patrick yell at her and then go out with his old girlfriend. If we're supposed to believe that Patrick was such a player back in the day, why in the world is he so slow realizing what Lisa is up to? Don't get it.

As for Claire....I'll reserve judgment for a while.

The Sonny facial expressions (and his constant words...pause...what's my line?....words delivery) was unintentionally hilarious, but I couldn't get the full funny factor. I was ENTIRELY too distracted by Carly's circa-1984 Alexis Carrington power suit, complete with linebacker shoulder pads and huge patent leather belt. Who the hell pulled THAT thing out of the ABC crypt? TOTALLY unflattering on Laura Wright. Eegads.

Although I probably should have prefaced the above comment with the fact that I was a HUGE Dynasty junkie in the 80's (I also watched it in repeats on Soapnet - twice), so while that suit looked horrid on Laura Wright, it did bring back some fond nostalgia for the show about cat fights, Maldavian wedding shootouts and the glorious bitch that was Alexis Carrington. :)

As someone who was a DEVOTED Another World fan for many many years, I always found Sofia Carlinoa bit...eh. I thought she was an adequate soap actress with adequate chemsitry, but I never found her compelling. So no love lost here. But I am delighted that they have another smart, attractive, Sonny-loathing attorney on the show now that ALEXIS HAS LOST HER MIND.

@ Rene: Wide belts and shoulder pads have made a comeback. And I'm saying that unironically, for better or for worse.

it's the constant smirk on DS's face that I can't stand. I did watch another world and never liked her then either.

Give Maurice Benard a break. He was just taking a rare break from screaming his lines.
I'm kinda worried about General Hospital. For the first time, there are a few characters that don't seem to respect the noble profession of murder/theft/extortion. I'm sure in the end, Lulu and Patrick will realize that there is no higher calling or service to one's community.

Please, people. Remember to teach you children that if they are ever shot by a greedy, murderous criminal, they should lie and take the blame themselves. (If they live.) It's just the right thing to do.

I don't watch General Hospital, but I read all the recaps because they're so entertaining! Also, TV Guide said that Kristina's boyfriend was named Kiefer...Bauer. Kiefer...Bauer. Really?! Is Guza not even trying anymore? I think I'd pay to write up a creative piece about him brainstorming while watching FOX programming.

@Emmy - OMG - please DO NOT TELL ME big shoulder pads are coming back. I already knew the belt worn over the big shirt (with the belt draping down on one side) was back in, but now you tell a gal who is 6 ft. tall with shoulders that are already wide enough that SHOULDER PADS are coming back?? I had to suffer this humiliation in high school with silky pink blazers, no less, but there is no way I can pull that off at 40.

What's next? Multicolored suspenders and those pastel-colored knit ties? Members Only jackets? I loved the 80's, but some things should die and STAY DEAD.

They finally did it. GH drove me away again. As much as I hate to have all their pretty out of my life and as much as I like many of the actors, I just could not stomach it. I left for awhile this summer / fall but couldn't resist. I had such high hopes for the Dante story. But obviously this is going to play out as it always does.
It would be different if Sonny were presented as a despicable villian with a twisted hold on some people or dirt to manipulate them. Or if the story were about his anguish about shooting Dante and what he's done to Michael & Kristina,leading him to try to change his ways & make amends. One son he shoots in the chest, another takes a bullet to the head, his daughter is pressured into sex with a violent bully who behaves shockingly like her dad despite his lone voice of reason that Sonny's a criminal...yeah it sounds like Sonny is a candidate for father of the year.
How can Carly claim to love Jax (the father of her clild!!!!!!) and stand there and listen to Sonny threaten to kill him!?!?!
We're supposed to emotionally invest in a story disproportionally centered on an amoral, repulsive criminal? Why hasn't Dante been sneering back at Sonny, mocking his insincere regret when the man had literally sneered at an unarmed man and shot him point blank in the chest?
Sonny makes my skin crawl. I am afraid I have to cut it loose again.
Luckily I have Serial Drama to keep me in the loop and point out funny things I might enjoy. Thanks girls!

Sonny:...Own up to what you did! WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?! Hello pot have you met the kettle? What a douche-mover. I think Bob Guza is out to destroy my sanity personally. Between Lisa and her straight up god awfulness and Sonny and his, well, everything, it's a wonder I still watch this damn show...

Copied off the GH facebook page, this was left in the comments after they asked if people thought Patrick was right to confront Sonny:
Patrick betta sit his A$$ & shut da f*ck b4 Robin be a widow & baby Emma will "daddyless" after all Sonny is a mobster! I remember when Sonny had AJ hanging over that meat grinder because he would not sign the adoption papers for Michael!

Yep, that's the high quality fan base Guza panders to. Kuddos!

I have never been an AMC watcher but the recent recaps has inspired me to watch the last couple of weeks. And I was amazed at where much of the drama took place: In a Hospital! It was so novel, setting a daytime drama in a hospital. But hospitals do have so much intrinsic drama, you'd think someone would have thought of that before...


@ Rene: Don't worry. It probably won't last long. I feel like we're churning through trends at break-neck speed these days. In fact, the shoulder-pads may already be over, as I first started seeing them last year.

The fact that GH garners higher ratings than the infinitely superior ONE LIFE TO LIVE makes my heart sad.

Bless this blog and all who comment on it. It seems like the only place on the internet that doesn't drink the Maurice Kool-Aid.

And the only reason Jax is the Big Bad here is because he's the only who makes a lick of sense.

great post, as usual! Dante & Lulu are super super adoreable and perfect together. I hope they stay that way :)

BTW, when your soaps are boring, you could always turn the channel to the soaps that you don't watch, and given us another entry under "Soaps We Don't Watch." It's always great to see my soap through a newbie's eyes, esp. through such snarky eyes as yours.

This blog is awesome! This entry, in particular, really got me laughing. Thanks for this!

We get this show here in Denmark as well and I have to agree with all the comments. Keep up the good work with the website.

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