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« "Subtly" and "Not At All Ridiculously" Planting the Seeds of Intrigue | Main | Who Do I Pay To Make This End? »

April 05, 2010

"Cop Out" Is The Only Time This Show Doesn't Treat Cop Like a Dirty Word

Before I even put this thought out into the universe: yes. Yes, I have ranted constantly about General Hospital's depiction of the legal system and the ways in which the show bastardizes it (front, back, and sideways) and professional ranter/legal expert Becca has confirmed that the only way Bob Guza could be more ignorant of the US justice system is...I can't even make a clever quip about this, because there's just no way for that to ever happen. So with that in mind, I know it seems crazy, or CAH-RAZY, even, to say these words, but seriously: they are not even going to bother with making Kiefer face legal repercussions for being an abusive horror and his punishment will, instead, be getting mowed down by Alexis?



FIRST OF ALL, how fucking ridiculous. Seriously, why couldn't they have arrested him and written him off by sending him to jail? Why must everyone on this show die? I mean, I don't know for sure that he's going to die, but this IS current day GH, where body bags are seen more often than Patrick and Robin. And how is that as a follow-up to the PSA's they've been running about this story? "Domestic violence is a serious issue...so, um, fingers crossed that your abuser gets hit by a car. Hope it all works out for you!".

SECOND OF ALL, this seems like a punishment for the audience more than anything, since now we're stuck watching Alexis do something bone-headed that Carly and others will now be able to use against her forever, and it's always worse when Carly and others have valid reasons for Alexis bashing, since it's easy to write off her usual, "Alexis is terrible because...she's terrible!"

I hate everything.


Including Maxie. I don't hate her in a love-to-hate her way, and I don't hate her with a twinge of regret for hating Maxie Freaking Jones, who used to be awesome. No, I just spend her time onscreen so annoyed that my inner monologue of "Make her stop talking, make her stop talking, make her stop talking" gets so loud that I can't hear what she's actually saying onscreen, and then I have to rewind and listen again, and then the same inner monologue starts and it's a horrible vicious cycle, and I really need them to either strike her with a serious case of laryngitis, or send her out of town for a long while, because REALLY.

Maxie: Ok, first of all, I don't know anyone named Camille, and how rude are you? Do you think I wear this attire because I am quirky? Do you know what I do for a living?

Claire: Your occupation has nothing to do with these proceedings.

Maxie: I'm in the fashion industry. I'm also a patient at this hospital, which means I'm sick. May I have some more water, please?


She is so annoying that Sonny's outright hatred for her is his most appealing character trait, and I find myself wondering, "Why do I hate him again? Is he really so bad?" whenever he makes a slightly offensive, always outdated remark about her, like the "ditzy broad" incident.

(Don't worry, as soon as the insult is out of his mouth, I usually remember that this isn't his most appealing trait, it's his only appealing trait)

I feel like we were supposed to find this all very funny and quirky, like, "Oh, let's watch that scrappy Maxie outwit the admittedly terrible federal prosecutor", but if that is what GH was aiming for, they failed, as they do so often and so spectacularly.

And Spinelli being annoying goes without saying.


Spinelli: With all due respect, I would not have to sit vigil in the hallway had you not delivered Maximista to testimony hell despite her weakened condition.

Epiphany's misplaced rage and habit of lashing out at everyone she comes into contact with for such infractions as speaking to her, or breathing, frequently annoys me, but I missed it today. Why did she have such a calm, measured reaction to Spinelli? Damn it, Pip!


So, there is a new Quartermaine in town.

There is not much to say about her yet, except that she is stunningly pretty


 And that her appearance has given us more Edward, being adorable, overbearing and hilarious.

Maya: Ok, I am so sorry. Let me assure you that I don't want, nor expect any special treatment.

Edward: Well, what good is money if you don't use it to buy influence?

And an old Quartermaine ("Quartermaine"?) is back, too.

Skye had a seriously nice scene with Ethan today, the first part of which was marred by Nathan Parsons' over-reliance on his smirk. I wish someone would take him aside and gently tell him that he plays a character whose existence in and of itself is upsetting to a majority of GH viewers and that the best way to get them to come around on him is to not look like such a douchebag!

Anyway, Skye's coldness made him turn the smug down a notch.


Skye: No one told me you live here.

Ethan: You kidding? Edward would rather burn the place down.

Skye: Oh. Yet you just come and go as you please.

Ethan: Yeah, pretty much. Yeah case no one's mentioned it, my dad lives here.

Skye: Well, you must live under a lucky star.

Ethan: Wrong sibling. That'd be my brother Lucky.

Skye: Aren't you glib.

Ethan: Am I detecting a hint of hostility? I thought we were getting along pretty well.

Skye: Not if you're a pig who beats up on teenage girls.

After that, a smirk-free Parsons gave a really nice performance as Ethan tried to make his case to Skye, who heard him out, and then managed to get a few digs in at Alexis.

Skye: Well, if you've been wrongly accused, then I'm genuinely sorry. But I'm not exactly the most objective eye. Never had any use for Alexis. Think she's a condescending, self-important twit. And Sonny Corinthos is the most self-absorbed person on the planet. I can understand why having parents like those would cause Kristina to act out in dangerous ways. But the person who beat that girl is a monster, and whether it's you or someone else, he needs to pay.

What I took away from all of this is that people should constantly call Ethan names, because it ups Nathan Parsons's performance considerably, and also that we are in for a looooong Alexis-bashing few days/weeks/months/however long this show plans on letting the Alexis/Kiefer story drag on for (I honestly have no idea how long it will last, because this show can never decide if it wants to rush stories or drag them out, but knows either way that it is fully committed to doing them poorly).


Oh, Michael.

Michael: I'm just not used to killing people, you know?


Being a teen is hard enough, but now poor Michael has to deal with the fact that he has one of the lowest body counts in all of Port Charles! That's just going to make him even more insecure. I mean, by the time she was his age, Laura had already killed MULTIPLE people!


I wasn't even going to comment on the Carly, Jason and Sonny scenes, because they were the same things they always are: Carly and Jason worry about Sonny, and Maurice Benard punctuates his sentences with bizarre spaces and stammers, and how often can you describe the same exact thing in new and entertaining ways? But then Sonny said...

Sonny: What do you expect me to do, Carly? Wash my hands of Dante? Shrug it off like, "what the hell? I just found that, you know, he's my son after his mother kept him from me his whole life, you know and I just shot him. No big deal. Too bad." You know, is that what--I don't know. What do you want me to do here?

Um, what? I mean, for one, that transcript doesn't even do it justice, because those brief words took about three and a half hours for Maurice Benard to say. And I thought it wasn't a big deal that Sonny shot Dante, but it actually kind of is? Or is it just a big deal because he's Sonny's son that he didn't know about, and if it were just a random cop, it would go back to not being a big deal and he would wash his hands of him? These writers should just stay away from all attempts at sarcasm, especially with this deep thinker.



Kristina was brutally attacked again and I, unsurprisingly, was tearful and upset, like I always am when things are even vaguely sad. Even more unsurprisingly, Nancy Lee Grahn and Lexi Ainsworth were STELLAR.


This story has had a whole lot of missteps and doesn't focus on Kristina nearly as much as it should (imagine that? Focusing on the girl who was attacked and not the ways that it impacts her father?) but I can't say enough about their performances. They own me.


She is so annoying that Sonny's outright hatred for her is his most appealing character trait, and I find myself wondering, "Why do I hate him again? Is he really so bad?" whenever he makes a slightly offensive, always outdated remark about her, like the "ditzy broad" incident.

(Don't worry, as soon as the insult is out of his mouth, I usually remember that this isn't his most appealing trait, it's his only appealing trait)

I must disagree, since I think Sonny's most appealing trait is his disdain for Spinelli. I love those scenes and don't even care that big, bad Sonny is being mean to poor widdle Spinelli--I can't stand the character and Sonny gives voice to my hatred. It's cathartic. Otherwise, spot on.

Ok, I woke up my napping hubby as I snorted unbelievably loudly with laughter at "Being a teen is hard enough, but now poor Michael has to deal with the fact that he has one of the lowest body counts in all of Port Charles!" LOL!

Loved Alexis and Kristina today. . . but I agree. A real shame this writing team couldn't get it in their head to do an actual investigation, arrest, charging, trial, sentencing and jail term for something against the law. Apparently, if you do something bad.. . you die. That is all.

To amend what bethie said...If you do something bad...you die...unless you are named Sonny or Jason and then the universe will stick it's head up it's own rectum to make sure you didn't do bad in the first place. Such is the law on Planet Guza.

And I also have to agree with ande...Sonny's hatred of Spinelli really is his only redeeming quality as when Maxie is free of Spin she has moments where we can like her again....As Spin is Spin....well there is no hope for him.

Looks like Sonny is gunning for Lifetime Achievement in Duh Face of the Year!!!

I wish I could be surprised about the decision to kill Keifer but since this show was walking around advocating the brother of the accuesed and the brother of the victim were of course the most logical choice to be the official investigators of this case...and I don't need legal expert Becca to explain the concept of CONFLICT OF MOTHER EFFING INTEREST to me...I knew it wasn't going to see the inside of a court room.

Now as much as I appreciate Skye getting the smirk removed...I'll refrain from full praise until she also gets him to cut the hair, bathe, and stop the mumbling...then I'll consider for a second easing up on the hate....I probably won't but I'll consider it.

What does a Scrubs fan have to do to get a decent storyline? I got all hopeful they were actually on when I saw a mention of their names but if it's just more showing up to fight again over Sonny or help someone else with their issues, I'm going back to my books and watching anything else but this show.

Alexis, Liz and Robin - Why is it these 3 women get bashed by the likes of Maxie, Sam, Carly, Skye etc? Seriously, Niz was gross when they had Liz sleeping with two brothers and if GH could get away with Robin sleeping with Matt they would go for it in a minute!

Spinelli/Maxie - please, will someone hit both of them with a car?

Sonny - hatred of Spinelli is so entertaining and his lack of interest in Maxie's brain is hilarious!

I think Maurice Bernard just slacks off when it comes to memorizing his lines. I've been in plays at my high school, so I know what it looks like when you are trying to rack your brain on stage for your next line. And it looks like Maurice Bernard.

Today the writers had Ethan stealing all kinds of 'trinkets' from the Q mansion even though he had told Luke a few days ago that he had come in on his own dime and would leave the same way. I'm thinking the smirk is part of the 'con man stealing stuff' persona. This is the same character who on several occasions interceded on Krissy's behalf when Kiefer was being rough with her yet could not remember even one of these incident when he was accused of beating her. I can not think of how difficult it must be to play this character. It's a huge credit to him that everyone forgets how young he is. I, for one, am a huge fan of Nathan Parsons.

I find it disturbing that the voiceover in the promos for the Kiefer story said, "Justice is served" as we saw Kiefer get mowed down by Alexis. Of course abuse against women is a terrible crime, but it is not punishable by death, and the fact that justice for a teenager who is so obviously messed up has to be death shows just how screwed up the priorities of TIIC are. I agree that it could have been a much better PSA story if they showed all the consequences of Kiefer's actions and how he ruined all his plans for the future instead of making him die. But I guess since he beat up Sonny's daughter, Sonny would never allow the justice system to actually do its job, so it was either Sonny has Kiefer killed or Kiefer dies by some other way. This show has written itself into such a corner that they can't even have an obviously guilty person face legal consequences and pay for their crime. Instead of a real trial where the guilty person pays, we have these absurd trials where the person is actually innocent, and then Guza gets to vilify the legal system with big bad prosecutors to make us root for our beloved criminals.

isn't it MaxiNista, as in Fashionista?

Up until now, I have been impressed with a lot about this abuse story line. There have been a lot of facts hidden in the dialogue, things that could only have come from the dating violence program that the writers worked with (forgot the name). (These facts could have only come from someone other than the GH writers because they actually are facts and make sense.)

As much as they twisted the plot to be about how Sonny and Sam feel (at least Sonny's made a little sense, since it showed the pattern of violence - Sam's was OTT) - a lot of the stuff rang true (ask anyone who's been abused & they will tell you, they just want it to be over & go back to normal...)


Keifer getting run down (resulting in death) as opposed to actually facing punishment is nothing short of
(Big shock, I know. Here I sit with my duh face on.)

Also... on a side note - I would like to know *WHAT* Spinelli did to his foot to keep him in a freaking wheelchair so long? Geez, they could have amputated the damn thing and gave him a prosthetic by now.

Yes, I love the whole idea of a PSA announcement on GH - "here is what you should do, which is NOTHING like the story we are going to tell." Because if you were going to look to GH's PSA stories for direction, you would accuse an innocent person of beating you up to protect your boyfriend (rather than saying, I don't remember) and then the real abuser would be mowed down before officially being accused and going to trial.

You know, the thing that truly bothers me about this show is that it doesn't just focus on the mob, it goes out of it's way to make a mockery of law and order, it actually disrespects law enforcers by making them corrupt or inept (or both). Lying is somehow noble, cops are traitors and worth killing (so long as it isn't a relation). It really borders on offensive.

I think they had Alexis run over Kiefer because otherwise they would have felt obligated to have Sonny kill him, and having Sonny kill a teenager might make us think he's a bad man or something! Sigh.

I hate that they killed Kiefer and that Alexis was the one to do it. This is the second person that she's killed accidentally, the first being Luis Alcazar. How much better it would have been to have Kiefer face the music and have his annoying smug father try to buy his way out of it, by trying to pay off Kristina to change her story. It would have been great to see Sonny come up against this guy, since he has such contempt for Sonny. Killing Kiefer is such lazy writing, particularly since Alexis took the blame for Kristina's car accident last summer.

Maxie was just horrid yesterday. I wanted to reach through my TV and slap her. Is her performance supposed to be funny? The writers implied that she was avoiding answering the question of whether Michael was in the car, but she did answer it in the end. Why not just let her lie upfront without having to go through all those annoying coughs and sputters. These writers really, really, really suck!!!!!

Re: Spinelli

Bradford Anderson had foot surgery, so they "wrote it in" to his storyline. And I'm sure the writers are patting themselves on the back, saying how clever they are for doing so.

I still can't believe Maxie perjured herself to save Sonny. Even Robin's dumbass told the truth!

I'll have more to say later as I always do, but has anyone seen those TJ Maxx commercials where the BRUTALLY ANNOYING woman at the end says she's a "Merry MaxiNista?"

I throw barware at my TV when those commercials come on, I swear to God. Mostly because I love the clearance home furnishings at TJ Maxx, and now I can't shop there without thinking about nerdy euphemisms.

Bastards at GH..........

Okay, I have to start off by saying I've watched approximately two minutes of this entire Kristina s/l despite my intense love for NLG, so my opinion probably counts for nothing, but when has that ever stopped me?

What irritates me more than anything is that I feel like Kristina and Alexis are being thrown under a bus for ETHAN, because the "writers" apparently don't understand how to make a character likeable without tearing down another character to do it. I mean, this guy's been around for a year. If he's not catching on with the audience, then cut bait. So he's Tony Geary's current BFF - who cares? TG nor any other actor should be controlling the story content.

And yep, I can't help but to notice that it's female characters once again biting the bullet for a male character. Shocker. But hey, if it makes Mr Ed the Mumbling Wallabee look better, then who cares if a fan favorite gets trashed?

And just to add on to bethie's comment about you do something bad, you die. Apparently, with these writers, you also die if you bore them (Georgie), stump them for story ideas (Emily), look at them the wrong way (Alan), serve as a threat to Jason's greatness (AJ), or if they just feel like breaking out the fake guns for the day (Zander).

I HATE this show.

I made the mistake of watching again in real time. Sonny "giving" Dante one free punch then threatening him, Son or not, made me wish I could get a free punch at Guza. I loathe violence, but for Guza I'd take the damn punch and knock the dumb right out of him. In reality I wouldn't hit anyone. But maybe I shuld smack myself for watching this pile of steaming poop.

Sonny actually threatened Dante, he hasn't even fully healed from the point blank attempted murder bullet Sonny put in his chest a few weeks ago. What a super sweet wonderful Daddy?!?!?! Dante at least told Sonny his kids are wrecked all due to his crappy life and choices. To which Sonny gave him the duh face and told him he was only upset because Dante loves Sonny and wants him to be his Daddy?!?!?! Then he blamed it all on Olivia again.

I need a drink.

@ Mike: Cosigned, except substitute "borders on" with "is wildly".

So I've quit watching GH to avoid the rage. And now? The story is so wildly offensive that even your highly amusing recaps make me ragey! I won't stop reading, I promise, but I just wanted to warn you that in doing so, I may be putting innocent barware at risk.

If there were any justice, Guza would have been fired a long time ago. How he keeps his job is beyond me.

I am so sick of seeing Sonny, Jason, Carly on my screen every that I don't bother to watch.

And JJ, one of the best talents out there, came back to this trainwreck?

And GH cannot even get an abuse story out in the correct manner? F**k it.

The sad thing about Sonny's diction, grammar, or whatever heading the stumbling and halting falls under, is that Maurice Benard sounds pretty much the same in real life. I just watched an interview of him the other day, and that's just how he talks. Yikes.

Also, I know you dislike Ethan almost as much as Spinelli (who I enjoy when he's not trying too hard or defending Jason), but I've really come to Nathan Parsons. I find the accent charming, and now that he quit spouting off at Lucky about not appreciating Luke's awesomeness enough, I actually enjoy most of his scenes. He's always had good chemistry with Lulu and Luke, and I enjoy him with JJ's Lucky, Edward, and pretty much everyone else. I think the turning point for me was when he and Luke did "Stray Cat Strut" for karaoke, I'm a sucker for a guy that can sing. ;-)

Why the hell does Carly have to be in the middle of anything anymore? She's a boring harpy. let's kill her off. If anything, she needs to be at home taking care of her baby and tending the failing marriage. It amazes me how they always find a way to bring back ALL s/l's with carly, jason, and sonny in the mix.

"And GH cannot even get an abuse story out in the correct manner? F**k it."

Exactly. And a trial with Kiefer would have been far more interesting than this # with Sonny.

Seems like once the writers start off an interesting and decent s/l, such as this one with Kristina, they ruin the # out of it before it has a chance.

All we get is the sonny, jason, and carly show.

I'm actually enjoying the storyline - I think Lexi Ainsworth is doing a fantastic job as is pretty much everyone else involved in the storyline. The writers dropped the ball by not having Michael be part of the story - DG would be doing a fantastic job of defending his sister......wait - he's hiding in the bushes until his replacement steps in. I can't even get started with the why's....he's a great actor, he's good looking, he has chemistry with everyone(even his on screen sis -eww). Unless he's committed a federal offence and is heading to prison - they should not have fired him. I don't care if he's a holy effing terror behind the scenes or if he doesn't have chemistry with the new Ward chick - fire her! The audience has no investment in her. I'm having a hard time watching his scenes knowing that he's being replaced. TIIC really dropped the ball on this one - they should admit their mistake and grovel for him to come back. As far as Nathan Parsons, I agree with amiejayne - I like him! The accent - I don't find he mumbles...it's an accent! I don't get the whole greasy, needs a bath bashing....I think he's hot and he needs a real love interest.

Oh, GOD, I was really hoping they weren't going to make Kiefer die from this mowing down. THIS EFFING SHOW!

And yeah, that scene with Maxie was interminable. And it drives me nuts that they keep talking about Claire being a shark while she has the lamest lines in the entire show. She couldn't talk her way out of a parking ticket! God, how do I get a job writing crap for soaps? Talk about easy street.

I so hate this show. When the Kristina story is done I'm tuning out again.

Everything about GH is so "FALSE" any viewer know's none of the jury would have been selected, Mr Guza, has tuned GH into a "HUGE JOKE". I for one am soooo tired of police bashing, who do you call when your in trouble or need help??? I would call 911 "BUT" Mr Guza would call the"MOB". I'am sooo "SICK" of Maxie & Spinelli I FF when they are on, Now when Maxie is with Johnny Or Lucky I watch, tell you something, with the annoying Spin she is unwatchable. Also Carly should have a radical make over, Laura Wright is a fantastic Carly the very best"BUT" as she is writen now she is as Kate said a "Hypocrite", the Dante character when he first came on was interesting, now he is "Disco Dante" mob gold chains, and just so "GOOD" he has become boring, the Olivia character should never been brought in, the actress is so into herself she forgets to act, she has no chemistry with Sonny and it really shows. Let's bring GH back the writers need to "QUIT" re-writing the same s/l's and go back to what made GH special. The story that brought me back to GH after a long lay-off was the Sonny & Kate s/l I actually began to like Sonny, it was so well acted I watched it over and over, "BUT" then the all knowing Mr Guza had to wreck what was so good, and look what we have now, Sarah J Brown flopped, Lisa LoCicero is flopping daily, Lula and Dante were likable in the beginning and now they are a ff time couple. Jason has so lost his touch, Nic & Liz please no words needed. How about Dante & Claire? How about Syke & Jax? How about Carly finally getting over Sonny and fighting for her man??? And most of all How about Sonny & Kate finding out that O lied to both of them what a twist if Danter was the policeman's son and not the mob boss's spawn???? Now that would be interesting, I for one would love to see Carly and Kate go at it, eveytime Megan Ward & Laura Wright have scenes togather GH rocks. They better do something quick because GH is sinking faster then the Titanic.

I try not to watch as I find myself cringing all the time--GH had a great storyline going with the abusive bf until Keifer was killed by Alexis-- a trail would have been interesting and full of drama--GH missed the boat. The actresses who play Alexis and Kristina have been excellent--the young man who played Keifer was very good also. Why is Carly in this storyline????? why????

Once again the storyline became how did this affect Sonny!

Maxie is soooooo annoying right now as is Spinelli. The charm was lost for me once Spinelli gave up Dante/Dominic to Jason and he knew that he would be killed.

The worship of mob is too much for me. Sonny and Jason can do no wrong-- they are the heros of Port Charles. THe moral compass on this show is haywired.

I saw this movie last month at my friends house. I didn't like it much though the movie is an average one..

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