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« Twelve Angry Viewers | Main | I Know Stupid Isn't A Criminal Offense... »

April 28, 2010

The Young and the Ridiculous

Even though I know I am setting myself up for mocking and judgment here, I am going to admit to you that I watched a lot of Lifetime Movie Network's "Happily Never After" event last weekend, which I think we can all agree is the best and the worst name for a special movie event of all time. Since I am easily distracted, I like doing work with something in the background so brainless and fluffy that paying real attention is not required. Also...I have really questionable taste in entertainment.

At any rate, I sat through a lot of really terrible, implausible movies. Like, one with Tara Reid and Kip Pardue called Devil's Pond, where they were married and happy and then all of a sudden he turned psychotic and kept her on a chain. And another with Summer Glau (who...I don't even know why I know her! Her level of internet-fame is way bigger than it should be based on what I've seen of her talent, which is nothing, because in this movie she didn't even blink convincingly) as a newlywed whose husband went missing on their cruise ship, co-starring Chris Carmack and Erik Palladino, who must be like, "No, I was legitimate once. I was on ER!" And another with Ashley Jones of The Bold and the Beautiful where she was accused of having sex with a student which made me really sad, because of how seriously she was taking her role. I wanted to hug her!

The point of this confession slash digression is that I have watched a lot of implausible and terrible things this week, but none of them can even come close to the level of idiocy exhibited by The Young and the Restless right now. I know them's fighting words but seriously, Sex Lies and Obsession and Harry Hamlin's role as a sex addict may have made me seriously uncomfortable, as did its lingering closeups of Lisa Rinna's lips, but at least it didn't have TWO crazy people who BOTH had complete plastic surgery to look like someone else including their face, height AND voice, teaming up to kill people.

Sarah: Oh. Some women just don't care who they hurt. And men, they are morons, falling for that type, never realizing what evil bitches they really are.

Patty: No, you know what? When I left that house... Jack can never see her again, ever.

Sarah: Well, he won’t.

Patty: Nurse Sarah.You're really gonna kill Phyllis for me?

Sarah: As long as you kill Michael for me.

I keep complaining about this and rather than just doing the polite thing and ending this farce once and for all (even with something as lame as a scroll written in ComicSans saying "We decided to go in a different direction, so please forget everything you've seen for the last few months") , they remain firmly committed to being terrible. Even Peter Bergman commented on this ridiculosity of this story, although he was far more polite about it (dreamy AND diplomatic! Is there anything he can't do? Besides salvage this show, I mean, because try as he might...)

And while this is obviously the WORST of the stories going on right now, it's not like the rest of them are good. The fallout from Adam's "death"? Horrendous. Victoria and Billy? No. And if I hear Little D's name on more time, I might set fire to my eardrums.

No wonder Sean Young is making a guest appearance! This kind of lunacy seems like it's been cribbed directly from her dreams. I wouldn't be surprised to see her get a writing credit soon...


Did you read the last question in the Bergman interview? I'd expect that induced some squee.

I actually have a soft spot for outlandish people-switching storylines having come of age on James Reilly-era Days and Eileen Davidson's turn as five characters at once. But this sort-of thing doesn't seem to be Y & R's strong suit. They are not a consistently campy show, so the tone is off, and they also seem incapable of building the kind of suspense these storylines require. Shit always fizzles right when it should climax.

I realize you're not supposed to overthink these types of storylines, but this has always been my beef with the husband-sleeps-with-a-lookalike stories: Identical face? Sure. Identical height/weight/voice? Okay.

But no two women in the world have identical nipples, and a husband would most certainly notice that in bed.

Trying not to be a witch here, since I love the site and the snark, but the one movie was based on the SAD case of George Allen Smith. Look it up or cruisebruise. com . I can't get on the mess with that.

I LOVE me some Lifetime Movie Network. You can kill a Saturday with absolutely nothing to show for it.

Kirk Fotenot, did you ever watch Days Of Our Lives? Marlena was with a guy that she thought was her husband with a new face, and never noticed (or at least commented on) the um, differences.

Tim, ha! I was tried to keep my squealing in check (although I did swoon on Facebook). HE IS JUST THE DREAMIEST!

KatT, I had a feeling it was based on that sad case. The movie was just so bad and took such silly turns, and the acting was awful.

Kirk, seriously, it's ridiculous!

I have been fast forwarding about 90% of each episode lately. I was fine with the Patty/Emily story but the Lauren/Sara story is laaaaaaaaaame. Lame lame lame. It's too much. I know it's a soap opera but come ON. And guess what, writers? NO ONE CARES WHO KILLED ADAM. No. One. Cares.

Remember when Dru fell off a cliff? That was AWESOME. I vote for Amber and Daniel falling down an elevator shaft. Buh bye.

Re; Mallory

I totally understand where you are coming from and I do agree that acting was baaaaaaaaaaad. I just about weep every time I think of that poor man and what a Charlie Foxtrot the whole thing has turned into, that's all. I have to cringe just a little.

*putting on Geek Hat*

Summer Glau's role on the show Firefly and the movie Serenity will forever ensure her place in internet geekdom.

*taking off Geek Hat and slinking away for knowing this*

You think these stories are bad now, just wait....I read somewhere (can't remember where!) a rumor that Adam isn't really dead, but in fact switched places with someone - another switcheroo!!!
Remember when he met some man in a diner who thanked him so much for something that was unclear? And then when Adam was MIA for a couple of days and Sharon was waiting to confront him, and he came back claiming he'd visited Hope's grave but he kept saying his back hurt? Well, this rumor is that Adam donated bone marrow to the man and that man is the charred body that now has Adam's DNA. Did I read that here??

Maybe this was mentioned before, but, didn't the GCAC like, blow up or something a week or so ago? And it is back open and looking exactly the same as before? I want that insurance company/contractor!

The Lifetime Channel is a hoot. Their tag line used to be "movies for women," and they're filled with murder, cheating, lying, two timing and suicide. WEEEEEEEE! Good times, ladies, good times.

I actually LIKE Sarah. She's such a refreshing change from that snoozefest known as Lauren. Plus, she's a better psycho than Shelia because she doesn't walk around muttering her entire storyline aloud all the time. AND no bad wigs or accents!

You're not the only one who is a geek. Summer Glau was a prima ballerina before tv. Along with Firefly and it's movie Serenity, she was in a couple of episodes of 4400 (and Constance Towers from GH was also in an episode), and recently played a female terminator in the now-canceled Sarah Connor Chronicles. She also had a cameo as herself in an episode of Big Bang Theory. I personally like her as an actress. Most of what's she been cast in are similar characters. Didn't get to see the Lifetime movie so I can't comment on it or Y&R, although it was my grandmother's favorite. Before she passed in '98, she always had to watch "her show" anytime we spent time at her place. I always knew we wouldn't go anywhere for lunch until it was over.

Ironically, googling for a Deadly Honeymoon download led me to this obscure blog.

Summer Glau is the bees knees.

Your opinion is invalid.

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