Confessions of a Teenager and a Drama Queen

Now that the truth about Claudia's death is out in the open, thanks to Dante's storming into court to yell it out in the most dramatic fashion possible, I hope we are treated to a scene of at least one Port Charles resident hearing the news and asking their scene partner, hopefully in a snide tone of voice, "Uh, then couldn't this whole rigmarole have been avoided by Michael telling the truth about this obvious case of self defense in November? Way to waste everyone's time, morons", because HONESTLY the stupidity of this whole cover-up continues to gall me months after the fact, especially since the people doing the covering-up couldn't even do it properly, what with Michael managing to hold onto a key piece of evidence in the form of a bloody shirt. I realize that this is a controversial thing for someone in Port Charles to say, because it requires verbalizing doubt in the town's religious figure, but it's something that needs to be said and the worst that can happen is that they'll get damned to hell for all eternity, and I'm pretty sure that hell has a 24-hour loop of this show playing constantly, so it's not like it's anything they aren't used to.

That Port Charles citizen will be in good company, though, because after Friday's episode, Lucky Spencer will definitely be on the receiving end of some Jason Morgan ordered fire and brimstone.

Not only did he disobey Jason, which is shocking enough:

Jason: Hey, hey, hey! Michael, you're coming with me.

Lucky: That's not gonna happen, Jason.

Jason: Lucky, just turn your head and let the kid walk away.

Lucky: I can't do that.

He ALSO pointed out what a horrible idea the cover-up was, although he did it more politely than I'd have liked:

Lucky: I'm sure in that moment jason's only thought was protecting you. Now, he's usually a pretty clear thinker, but when someone you love, especially a child you love is at risk, sometimes you just panic.

Michael: Jason doesn't panic.

Lucky: Well, he must have that night. Because if somebody would have been thinking clearly, they would have called the police. Forensics would have backed up your statement and claudia's death would have gone down as self-defense. But when you're terrified, all rational thought just goes out the window. You fall back on what you know, you go with your instincts. A cover-up just becomes automatic. I know this for a fact, because that's exactly what my father would have done.

And THEN held a gun on Jason!

And it was seriously like someone saying, "They've had a long week, let's give 'em something awesome as a treat".

Lucky's parts of the show were the best, which leads me to believe that Awesome Writer had the chance to work his magic while the rest of the writers scrambled to make it seem like someone else was the bad guy in this whole situation, and not Sonny, Jason or Carly. First, he adorably confirmed plans to go to a father-son picnic with Cam. What is not to love about that sentence?!  And THEN he did what no one else could: he found the dopey teenager who's roaming around town when he's supposed to be hiding.

How much did you love that, by the way? I loved it a whole lot. I'm still not exactly sure why it took Jonathan Jackson returning to the role for the writing staff to realize that Lucky Spencer needn't be a slow-witted character trotted out for random cameos, but I do appreciate it. Can you imagine how this would have gone down if Greg Vaughan were still in the role, and his Lucky was given the task of finding Michael? He'd walk around town aimlessly for a few weeks, bumping into Michael at least three times, and each time being decieved by Michael's lame attempt at a disguise, seeing Michael in a sombrero and walking away pleasantly, saying, "It was nice meeting you, Miguel!"

And their scenes after Lucky found Michael at the Quartermaine's were so, so nice. That whole part of the show was really well done, if I am being totally honest: Lucky quietly and supportively listening to Michael unburden himself, juxtaposed with Dante oh-so-dramatically recounting the same story in court, as Jason, Carly and Sonny looked on, feeling hatred, revulsion and nausea, respectively.

Great performances across the board, although for Jonathan Jackson and Dominic Zamprogna, it goes without saying. I was also seriously impressed with Chad Duell, who is dealing with being a recast for a actor who has garnered all sorts of positive feedback and with being thrown immediately into incredibly heavy scenes. I still think this would have had far more impact for viewers if Drew Garrett were still playing Michael, but I have to give Duell a boatload of credit.

Michael: My dad showed up. He said I did the right thing. That I finally made him proud.

1.) Aww.

2.) This show is broken.

Also, I feel an enormous (pun intended) sense of kinship with him for being a freakishly tall person in a sea of gnomes. We could have been classmates at Above the Beanstalk, a free summer camp for giants (ILU, 30 Rock)! It was startling to see him in a scene with children and Lexi Ainsworth, who is child-sized.

So how did the story's main players react when they learned that all of their hard work was for naught and that Michael is now sure to face consequences for being ax-happy? Exactly the way you thought they would: angrily.

Jason stormed out of the courtroom and then went to find Michael, finally getting him, like, six hours later than Lucky did.

I am not sure why a deity has such defective spidey senses.

Carly was called out for perjury, and then went on to perjure herself some more, blending a little bit of truth in with the same lie, and mentioning Michael's troubled past and brain damage, and even providing a handy, albeit false, explanation for Dante's big piece of evidence. Pretty sneaky, sis!

She then went all shouty crackers at Lulu, thrusting her index finger in Lulu's face violently and then got her Malfoy on and pretty much called her a blood traitor.

Carly: What's it gonna be, Lulu? You gonna run off with your new boyfriend or are you gonna turn around and face me?
Dante: Just let it go.
Lulu: No, I can't. Look, I get that you're upset and you're scared for Michael, but what just happened is--
Carly: Don't patronize me. Stop! I want you to look me in the eye and tell me how you could betray me like that. Well, tell me how you can help some son of a bitch that you didn't even know a year ago destroy my kid.  

Sonny had the most legitimately hilarious reactions to this whole cluster. First, he made a face so clearly thinking, "FML" during Dante's testimony.

And then he did what he does best: made everything all about him.

Sonny: Why would you do this? You hate me so much that you would hurt your brother to get back at me?

I didn't say it was hilarious on purpose, just that it was hilarious.

How I long for Dante, when confronted with their righteous ire, to give it back to all of them, and good, perhaps in a scene inspired by Monica's epic rant on Friends where she responded to criticism about dating Richard's son with "married a lesbian, left a man at the altar, fell in love with a gay ice dancer, threw a girl's wooden leg in a fire, live in a box!", perhaps saying something like, "Lie like you breathe and wear the ugliest dresses this side of a Kardashian, self-absorbed douche who's afraid of the dark, KILL PEOPLE FOR MONEY!"

Comments

[Fleur]

Re: Cameron I'm usually hard to win over where 'tv kids' are concerned (because they're often a bit..sickeningly precocious. As in: Davis, Molly). But Little Cam is the cutest. And Lucky's picnic offering made me adore this duo even more, if that's even possible. I loved JJ's scenes. LOVED.

(Also, I'm gonna have to have a retro teenybopper moment here and say JJ was looking smoking hot the whole episode. Maybe it was partly the words that were coming out of his mouth, but also perhaps a haircut? Maybe? I was trying to figure it out).

Also, I know he's a bit of a Southern Ham, but I really enjoyed the Judge on Friday. Anyone who can deliver "fruit of the poisoned tree" so casually in a sentence deserves some praise in my book.

[Luanna]

It was amazing, but Friday's episode was basically... awesome. Okay, so Jason bashing Dante to Morgan/Krissy/Molly (and then Kristina totally buying it and comparing Dante to KIEFER) sort of made me want to shriek with frustration, but mostly, Awesome Writer was definitely in charge. Loved the Michael/Lucky scenes. And it's possible that I may have squealed with delight when Lucky pulled his gun on Jason.

[Rebekah]

I'm adding "shouty crackers" to my regular vocabulary!! Love it!

[Beth R.]

Oh please soap gods...may this be the END of the insane and in no way making sense Jason/Lucky BFF-ship that I am convinced was written solely to drive me around the bend. Because we all know...you don't tell Jason he's wrong and have him still love you the bestest.

[Jenn]

"Sonny had the most legitimately hilarious reactions to this whole cluster. First, he made a face so clearly thinking, "FML" during Dante's testimony."

ROTFLMAO

And also re: the reference to "The one with Chandler in a box"

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Thanks for the chuckles

[Jen K]

You reference Harry Potter, 30 Rock AND Friends in the same post? Who even cares about GH after all that?!!?

I did have to FB a friend about how freaking HOT the gun pulling was!!!

[Tess]

Yeah for HP reference! Double yeah for Friends! Tripple yeah for 30 Rock!

I'll be honest and say that when Carly was yelling at Lulu, all I could think was, "Are you trying to tell me you never chose a guy over your family before?"

Right, sure...

[Gio]

Hilarious! Just what is it with these writers and their pushing thugs as heroes?

Also, Greg Vaughn is a major hottie and it galled me that TPTB painted his Lucky as a moron.

[Gio]

Oh, BTW, Jason makes me vomit. Forget Carly and Sonny, the true supercouple is Jason and Sonny.

[Rene']

How could something as simple as Lucky confirming a father/son date with Cam be so awesome in a show that's supposed to be filled with soapy awesomeness (it used to! I swear! I lived in the 80's!) What I really loved about that scene, though, was Lucky saying to Cam "be sure to put Gram's phone back all the way" or something so completely REAL and dad-like. We parents say goofy things like that. :)

So Sonny basically looked like a sleepy lizard on a hot rock while Dante was blowing everything he has worked for out of the water, and even when it was over, his level of intensity in delivering his "do you just hate me" ego speech was the same level I use when ordering fast food. So his stages of emotion are boredom and broken barware?

Does Maurice Benard ever not look bored/annoyed/sleepy/perplexed/smug? I said Maurice Benard and not Sonny because I USED to think it was how he played the character. Then I saw him on the Dr. Oz show a couple of weeks back, and he acted EXACTLY the same way. Smug/arrogant/bored/wished he was getting a pedicure - anything but being present and active right where he is. Eegads.

[tish]

I am so glad Lucky Spencer finally got an IQ! A shame the writers did not let Greg Vaughn portray him with one but I am glad JJ gets to show this Lucky! YAH standing up to Jason!!!! I watch just for that scene!!!

Go Lulu-- How can Carly stand there with a straight face and yell at Lulu about putting a guy first. Hello pot meet kettle.

[Gio]

Ok, did anyone else want Lulu to haul off and slap the walking sperm bank, Sonny, when he had the nerve to scold her for NOT calling Carly and telling her where Michael was? He had the nerve to say, "You're not the person I thought you were." GMAB.

Can someone explain to me how a man who orders hits for a living, has fathered at least three children out of wedlock and is playing with the notion of shutting Warren up permanently, is in a position to lecture anyone?

[minirth]

"and then got her Malfoy on and pretty much called her a blood traitor"

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Best Harry Potter reference ever!!! PERFECT!!!

[Mandy]

Mallory, as always, I bow down to your greatness. The Malfoy reference was amazing and then the Friends one to end it? Flawless. I must have watched Lucky pulling the gun on Jason ten times.