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« Daytime Emmys Recap: Worst Dressed | Main | Decent Bits and Pieces »

June 29, 2010

Desperately Seeking a Descriptor

It seems so long ago that Patrick Drake could appear onscreen without the audience performing a synchronized gag/eyeroll combination, doesn't it? If I didn't have a blog that serves as an archive of all of my soap related thoughts, I would scarcely believe that there was once a time that I exhibited slavish devotion to Patrick and described his every action as being "hotly" done.

Then Night Shift, season one, came along and effectively murdered the "hotly", which was replaced with [REDACTED]. The [REDACTED] was then lifted for good behavior and he went descriptor-free until recently, when I floated the notion of using the word "pissily" because ohmigod, what a petulant brat he can be, but this week, "pissily" flew out the window and I am at a loss, which is where you all come in.

Lisa: Yeah, because you think that you can slow-dance with me whenever you want, right? Well, that's not gonna happen, Patrick.

Patrick: You're not gonna be happy with Steve Webber.

Lisa: Ok, you would love for me to pine for you while you're happily married--or at least, that's what you keep telling everyone--and just wait for whatever crumbs you feel like throwin' me. All right, well, that is not gonna happen.

Patrick: You've been tryin' to get my attention for months. Well, you have it. So what are you gonna do with it?

While disgusting, this was in character for Patrick, who has an established history of using cheesy and awkward come-ons.



Patrick: Don't act like that kiss came out of nowhere. You've been flirting with me for months in front of Robin, reminding me of all the college days, making sure I remember what it used to be like. Asking me for a consult in the locker room so I could see you half naked.

I really enjoy how he is trying to have the upper hand in this conversation by admitting that he's completely aware that she's been relentlessly flirting with him and trying to entice him, and that he did nothing to stop it. THE HIGH HORSE WILL BUCK YOU RIGHT OFF FOR THAT, PATRICK.

Lisa: All right, you know it's easy for you to turn this around on me and make it seem like I'm some homewrecker when you're the one that is clearly unhappy in your marriage.
Patrick: That--I love Robin.

Uh, way to evade the issue of being happily married, Patrick.

Lisa: Okay, then why do you care who I sleep with? Your head practically exploded when you saw that Steve and I were seeing one another.
Patrick: That's what it's about, right? Get a little attention from Steve, make me jealous.
Lisa: Oh my god. I've always known that you're arrogant, but this is taking it to a whole new level, okay? Because I am with Steve because he's a decent guy and we have fun together.

That's the saddest attempt to talk someone up that I've ever seen. She couldn't have even upgraded him to being a "good guy"? Ouch.

Lisa: And that's the problem, isn't it? You want everyone to be as miserable as you are. Well, you know what? You're the one who chose to settle down and get married, so if you're not as happy in your new life as you were in your old life, then you only have yourself to blame.
Patrick: You can't just stop reminding me of what it used to be like between us, right?

OMFG. While he's right and that Lisa is totally over-the-top when it comes to reminiscing about their wild times together, how pathetic is this, really? I have never heard of anyone becoming so unhinged at college memories that, as much as the show attempts to paint them as groundbreaking in their depravity, amount to drinking beer and getting laid. Does he break down at the sight of a red solo cup?

Lisa then astutely noted that he's trying to mark his territory where she's concerned and told him to go home and sober up, but I'm so totally sure that will stick, until tomorrow when they will probably fall into bed together. Okay, maybe not...I mean, I am sure they will fall into bed together, but it likely won't be tomorrow because since when does Patrick get three days in a row onscreen?

So OBVIOUSLY, he needs a descriptor, because this is just...ugh. But what descriptor to use?! "Toolishly"? "Grossly"? Suggestions are welcome!



It's shorter than what I have been using which is "inexplicably acting the same age as his daughter." I understand that can get long to type.

I have no idea why you're surprised that Patty boy is going to ride Dr. Lisa while Robin is off saving the world.

If Robin did not have HIV, Guza would have had a threesome with Patty and Matt.

I think Guza was planning on having Patty boy and Liz do the horizontal mambo when Robin was having her Emma in the tree party, but Scrub fans were throwing a hissy fit.

As for Robin, I think she wanted her own family and now that she has one, she's off saving the world. There is nothing wrong with that, except Robin doesn't discuss her desires with Patty before making plans to leave the country.

Guza likes sleaze and that is not going to change while he's HW....

Puke Worthy.

can ignore be a descriptor, and you never ever again show pics of him kissing another woman.

I mean seriously, GUZA is a disgusting man and is obviously very unhappy at home so he takes it out on the upstanding citizens of Port Charles.

ugh what awful show.... but thanks for a great a blog....

Ahh...one of the few remaining likable male characters on GH and now, he's joined the ranks of the remaining douchebags. His only redeeming value is his habit of pointing out that Sonny is a BAD man...something that will probably get him killed one of these days.

I... I'm just at a lost for words...

Patrick is just vile and disguisting and Robin nor Emma did anything to deserve this. Guza has more sympathy for the ex and her FA story than what he is doing to the characters of Robin and Patrick.
Guza is nuts if he thinks I buy into his comment that if Stone was alive Robin would be with him. Guza is delusional especially since Robin told Patrick he was the love of her life at their wedding. Stone is dead and Patrick admitted to knowing his ex has been after him all along and played along with it and kisses her and goes back for moree is beyond disguisting and this from someone who loves Robin with Patrick. It is beyond slezze and vile. I actually hate Patrick.

It is truly appalling what Guza is doing to Patrick. He is one of the few honorable characters left on GH and there is no way he would really behave this way. Anyone who says different has an agenda against Patrick or Scrubs. Patrick is a good guy and NOT a cheater. I am so over this show. It blowS!

Can we just call him Patrick's Evil Twin Ratrick and be done with it because this guy on my screen is NOT Patrick Drake.

Patrick's gone off the douche end, and all for Lisa who's not a terribly interesting character. And if Patrick tries to blame this on Robin, I'm gonna want to smack him because that's the same crap Sonny and Carly try to pull every time they screw up. Robin offered to cancel her trip but he told her to go, and now it looks like he probably actually wanted her to go so he could mack on Lisa.


I second douchily

I like douchily, but since Nikolas pretty much has the lock on that one, I vote for "dickishly". Though "petulantly" certainly fits, as you've noted. What I really wish was that Patrick was doing all of this invisibly. That would be the ideal modifier for this whole show right now, in fact.


I caught 2 seconds of this show and was quickly reminded why I no longer watch it.

Where is Robert Scorpio to kick Patrick's lyin'cheatin'whiny ass?

Guza...you are a very twisted man.

Douchbaggedly works for me.

So does Stolidly,Obtusely and FatHeadedly.

How about 'jackassly' 'nimrodly' 'dickly' or 'dipshitly'.

We could just ignore him and hope for a new character to team Robin with.

You hit the bulls eye with this post.

I'm partial to 'dumbassly', 'blockheadedly' and 'sfb' aka 'shitforbrainsly' Patrick.

How about "manwhoreishly"

When I saw "Steve Webber" written down I suddenly realized he shares the same name as that cutie Steven Webber from "Wings." Maybe if he was on the show I could tolerate some of this crapola.

so, so UGH! Transcribing this crap must have been painful. Great post!

It's very easy to turn off this show because there is not one likeable character. Watching Guza's idea of love makes me need to take a shower to wash off the filth he writes as "romance." Guza specializes in deconstructing every character, their history, and their good qualities. I don't watch this cesspool of a show any more, proudly proclaim I am GH free for almost 2 years, because Guza is still there spewing his sleaze and misogyny. Why be aggravated for 5 hours a week?

this show sucks!!!! Robin and Patrick were the ONLY reason I watch GH...in fact I tape the show everyday and fast forward to only watch them (which is about 50 sec to 2 min a day)....they have made Patrick into such an ass I will no longer watch this crap at all!!!!

Puhhhlease Scrubs fans what did you expect ?!
You wanted a storyline for them well you have one !
For drama, shock value who are the core of a storyline you will have cheating (one of the less destructive plot, quite easy to redeem actually), kidnapping, baby-switching, murder, rape ect...
I love Robin and Patrick together but it was expected and it could have been worse..now for some balance they have to make Robin doing something sleazy or plain bad..the angel versus the devil is getting seriously old..i know they want the rooting one and the hated one..but it is so simplistic and boring..
No drama = no story = boring Robin and Patrick = off-screen..

Prickisly. Did someone say that already?

I meant Prickishly. Jeez, I can't spell.

I like Prickishly. :-)


"Puhhhlease Scrubs fans what did you expect ?!
You wanted a storyline for them well you have one !
For drama, shock value who are the core of a storyline you will have cheating (one of the less destructive plot, quite easy to redeem actually), kidnapping, baby-switching, murder, rape ect...
No drama = no story = boring Robin and Patrick = off-screen.." ~ sally

See, this is my problem. I'm pretty sure that that's Guza's rationale too. He actually thinks that he is giving people what they want. People probably wrote in wanting more screentime for Robin and Patrick, and so he dreamed up this nightmare of a story. But it is actually possible, you see, to give characters screentime without making them unlikable. There are ways to add drama to a couple without cheating. Robin and Patrick are doctors on a show called General HOSPITAL. They should be the main players! Whatever happened to that euthanasia storyline they were planning? That would have given Robin and Patrick some meaty material without ruining them. Or they could bring back Robert and Anna and have an old-school Scorpio adventure story. Or they could have something family-based with Noah, Patrick, and Matt. And if they absolutely HAD to do a love triangle, wouldn't a Patrick/Robin/Jason one have been far more interesting? Jason and Robin have a ton of great history, and would probably have gotten lots of support, whereas basically EVERYONE is grossed out by Patrick/Lisa, who are just stupid and contrived.

I understand Luanna and yeah what i said is probably Guza rationale too, like for most or even all the others headwriters of the others soaps.
Why can't they do some adventure stories ? Because of the money...it is always the money..money money money..soaps are dying they have no more real support from the networks, they already use their budget for their big events like the carnival this year or some explosions for some Sonny/Jason drama..
The cancer or some other medical storylines bore the audience (or at least it is what the producers and networks believe).
Jason is a character with already lot's of stories and he is always involved in the mob drama, if he has a story with Scrubs they would be once again supporting characters in the mob stories..
You know at least they have been (and still be) together with littles obstacles or drama we can't say the same for lot's of other popular couples with big fanbases who are always screwed-up on a regular basis..

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