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« The Day's Dumbest Dialogue | Main | True Blood: I Got a Right to Sing the Blues »

July 25, 2010

Are You Francophreaking Kidding Me?

ALTERNATE TITLE: Three Fatalities and a Kidnapped Baby

ALTERNATE ALTERNATE TITLE: The Time Mallory's Crush on James Franco Was Clubbed To Death In Front of Her

When Friday's episode of General Hospital ended, I sat for about three minutes, trying to come to terms with what I had just sat through, which was sixty minutes of just...utter wretchedness, and it was the kind of wretchedness that is impossible to attain accidentally. No, this is a case of Bob Guza looking at his perfectly precise whiteboards, assessing the plotlines he'd have going on in the July 23rd episode and musing, "That's all well and good, but how can we make these things even worse?"

Because every thread of this episode was just bad, either in acting, editing or pacing. How is it that an episode about a rampage in a hospital had no dramatic tension? It was seriously just business as usual. And then there was the Franco DISASTER which was a cacophony of everything that could possibly go wrong in an episode of television including horrific, over-the-top acting, embarrassing non-acting and a performer in drag doing a spoken word performance alongside "Mad World".

Since I am unable to repress the memories of this episode, I am going to recap it for those who were lucky enough to miss it, because why should I be the only one who has to suffer?!


The show opens with a frustratingly long look at the setting up of Franco's performance piece in Los Angeles, a plotline that is ludicrous on numerous levels (including: why is the only law enforcement presence Dante, and his hitman foil/sidekick? Like, the FBI has no interest in an unhinged serial killer? I know they probably figure that since Jason is on the case, their services are unnecessary, since Jason always saves the day, but still. Ugh, hate, the worst, etc. And why does the art community not seem to know that Franco is a serial killer? I was also going to complain about how much this location shoot was costing but, as Sara Bibel at Deep Soap notes, James Franco paid for most of it, so that takes one complaint off of my list, which leaves me annoyed about...um, pretty much every other beat of this story). Even the show's attempt at continuity (a lingering closeup on a bowl of red M&Ms) was awful; they can't be bothered to recall the show's history or the events one episode prior, but they can remember Franco's quirks.

Back in Port Charles, Warren strides through General Hospital eerily.


As Mac draws his gun, Warren quickly and calmly shoots him and Ethan, and snarls at Kristina, "Look what you made me do." She cowers, and Michael, like a good big brother, protects her as Warren goes on his fiftieth rant about how Kristina is a lying liar who lies, and since she had to go and tell all of those whoppers about Kiefer, she has to die. As he points the gun at her, a shot is fired...

Which, elsewhere in the hospital, Carly hears. She immediately jumps into protective mother mode and has no patience for Patrick telling her that they can't be sure it was actually gunshots. Again, I have to express concern that this man is allowed to operate on people's heads: you live in Port Charles! It's a safe bet that any sound you hear is gunfire, or people screaming in pain after being disposed of by some other violent means. Carly schools him.

Carly: I was married to Sonny long enough to know what gunfire sounds like.

1.) Ha! 2.) I don't know why she never uses her biggest trump card, "Sonny shot me in the head while I was giving birth", in situations like this. It would give some of her arguments way more credibility.

Nikolas and Lucky watch Franco's ridiculous recording, which Maxie also glimpses. He warns them/us that "logic will not serve you here. Give yourself over to experience". It's presented as a shocking bit of wisdom, but it's totally old hat for us, no? Franco, we're watching the Guza era of GH; logic has been useless to us since the mid-90s.

Back in Los Angeles, cameras are filming Franco's show and the man of the hour is broadcast on a big screen welcoming Jason to Francophrenia.


Franco: Remember to keep your seatbelts unfastened, your hands outside of the car and definitely talk to strangers. And what you see is definitely not what you get, and one among us will definitely not survive. Enjoy!

The people in all of these scenes are completely horrendous, I have to tell you. Not that anybody involved in this story is even passably good, really; Dominic Zamprogna is fine, I guess, but James Franco (who IS a good actor, guys, I swear!) is fully committed these days to being awful, while Steve Burton is thinking, "I think when I go to Starbucks tomorrow, I might try soy milk" or something that has equally little to do with, you know, the job of acting. But the extras actually made me angry.



Most of them are given the truly difficult task of standing upright and looking at things, and they can't even pull that off convincingly. It's a huge faction of people incapable of making normal facial expressions and otherwise looking human. Jason and Dante stare around dumbly at the crowd for a long time, possibly because they are also baffled by how hammy these people are, and Franco laughs an evil laugh.

I have never before been so happy to see the shitty GH credits.

Carly is in full Momma Bear mode and says she needs to go see if Michael is okay and refuses to buy into Patrick's theory that it was just the police firing warning shots. He finally gives into her and tells her she's not going alone, because he'll be able to help out if they stumble upon bodies which they will because, again, you live in Port Charles. You probably find bodies on your driveway in the morning instead of a newspaper.

In what will go down as one of the most shocking moments on GH this year, MAC was a HERO and shot Warren.


Let me repeat that: MAC SCORPIO, the POLICE commissioner, was a HERO and shot a deranged mad man. That happened! On General Hospital! It was crazy.

Kristina sobs, and Maya has just completely frozen, huddled at the nurses's station.


Matt runs upon the scene and screams for a gurney. Steven and Olivia sprint over and Steve starts to help Ethan, who is bleeding out. He gets no help from Maya, who is stuck in place and can't follow any of his orders. Finally, he has to ask Olivia to come help with chest compressions. I have to say, it's kind of random for Olivia to be shoehorned into the hospital part of General Hospital, but she does seem like the type of person who keeps a cool head in a crisis and would be able to jump in and help. I am in no way comparing her to Joan Holloway, because that would be blasphemy (related: CANNOT WAIT for Mad Men's return tonight!), but it's like when Guy was run over by the lawnmower, and Joan just stepped in like it was second nature, and did a better job than her doctor husband would have been able to; Olivia seems like the same sort of efficient type.


Also, Lisa LoCicero looks incredibly tiny these days, no?

Maxie and Liz have a short, sweet scene in Shirley's room, where Liz informs her that Shirley has died. Maxie offers condolences and says she can see how special Shirley was. Liz ties the entire Shirley story up in a bow, verbalizing the lessons that she's learned from Shirley, like not living your life in fear and not feeling sorry for yourself, and all of the other lessons that you learn from kindly old cancer patients portrayed by matriarchs of long-running television dramas. Maxie informs Liz that Franco is the one who took Aiden, and Liz bolts.

Lucky and Nik are still watching Franco deliver his message; Lucky points out that it's a pre-recorded message, since Franco is in LA, and wonders why he'd take Aiden, since everything Franco does is about Jason. Nik remembers that Aiden's hospital ID has 66 in it.

Francophrenia: Jason and Dante look around for Franco.

In Port Charles, Liz runs around until she finds Nik and Lucky. She gives Nikolas a huge hug while Lucky watches...well, not from afar, probably about a foot away, but afar sounds better. Franco is STILL prattling on.

Franco is also running through his exhibit and he grabs a girl, holding a gun to her head. Jason runs over and tells him to let her go, and asks what Franco wants, which leads to a rehash of Franco's whole mantra about choice, and he tells Jason that someone is going to die tonight. This show's bloodlust has gotten to me, because at this point, I found myself chanting "Shoot her! Shoot her!" because everything about the "actress" Franco grabbed was extremely annoying, from her facial expressions to her voice, and if we have to up the body count this episode, it seems only fair to kill her off.


Steve performs chest compressions on Ethan and tells Olivia that she's doing great. Maya, the actual medical intern, can only watch in terror. Matt informs them that Matt's pulse is weakening and when Steve tells Maya to go to the desk and call for help, she stares at the phone, horrified. He finally orders Michael to run down to the ER and explain the whole thing to them and bring back help; as he leaves, Michael tells his sister not to look at Mr. Bauer. And she tries really hard not to, but can't help it. Carly and Patrick arrive on the scene and Carly sees Kristina crying. As she tentatively asks if she's okay, Warren takes a moment out of his busy dying schedule to tell her that this is all her fault.


After a commercial break, Patrick announces that Warren is dead and, in one of the episode's best moments, Matt doesn't miss a beat.

Matt: Good, because I could use some help here.

It was funny, in a ghoulish way.

As Patrick goes to help, Carly tells Kristina that none of this was her fault. Kristina recaps the whole ordeal to Carly and then hysterically says that Ethan can't die. Olivia tries to reassure her and Steve eventually tells Carly to take Kristina out of there. I think this would have been better, and more in character, if Kristina had gone mute, like she has in the past when she's been traumatized. But I should cut them some slack, they remembered the quip about red M&Ms, I can't actually expect them to remember two things in one show, can I?

Lucky and Nikolas are trying to work through the kidnapping aloud, and Lucky points out that they can't take anything Franco says at face value. The two of them start listing the 66-labeled things they could search--hospital rooms, lockers, patient charts--and set out to play detective. Liz stares helplessly at Aiden's empty bassinet. Lucky watches from outside the room as Nikolas rubs her shoulder


(I see what you did there, GH! S-U-B-T-L-E) and tells her that she should go sit with Shirley. Liz informs him that Shirley has died, and Nikolas sighs sadly at the angst. "What more can we possibly go through", he probably wonders, not knowing that the GH writers have likely already come up with some new, awful curveball to throw at him and Elizabeth for eight minutes on Monday's episode. Not to mention the fact that Aiden isn't actually his...

Francophrenia: The world's most horrible actress is still being held at gunpoint and dialogue takes a turn down 123 Pornography Lane.

Jason: You want my attention? I'm here.
Franco: And still not one word about the show. I thought you, of all people, would appreciate my vision.
Jason: Let's go somewhere else and talk.
Crowd of "People": ::Loudly chant "Boo", but manage to do it poorly. It's three letters! Crowds of drunken people at sporting events can pull it off with panache!::
Franco: You're starting to bore me, officer. Just whip out your piece. Give the people a thrill. Show the world what made you a legend!

When he tells Jason that he shouldn't worry about witnesses, since they all think it's performance art, the girl makes a "start to realize something's not kosher" face, but does it in a hammy and absurd way. Franco says that if Jason kills him, he'll be back in Pentonville, and Michael won't be there to keep him company and practice dance moves. He then adds that Carter will live on forever in Franco's work, gesturing towards the screen which shows Carter holding Michael's mug shot. God, this show is depraved. When Jason looks, Franco runs.


(SERIOUSLY THOUGH, Michael's prison rape is part of this ludicrous story? The fuck is wrong with this show?)

He makes small talk about his brilliance with the camera man, and a fawning sycophant comes up to give him some over-the-top praise, which amuses him, and only him.

At the hospital, Kristina is still panicking about Ethan, and says again that it's all her fault, Carly reassures her again. Part of me thinks that Warren shooting up the hospital should have gotten the entire hour, or at least the fallout should have since, you know, Mac Scorpio and Luke Spencer's son are fighting for their lives, but the thought of sitting through a full hour of this exact conversation sounds decidedly unentertaining.

Mac and Ethan go into surgery, and Steve wants it known that he wants the hospital's strongest people assisting. Maxie asks if they're going to save Mac, and Matt tells her he'll do his best.

Patrick is telling Robin that Mac is strong, and she says that she can't lose him. As Patrick hugs his wife, Lisa watches and looks like she's going to vomit and/or stab someone in a fit of anger.


Francophrenia: Franco and the camera man are bickering over how far is too far when it comes to performance art and Franco puts him out of his misery by strangling him.

Dante and Jason confer, and notice a girl with bedraggled blonde hair. Jason glimpses Franco, who waves at him, and Jason heads off to confront him.

Lucky calls Dante and fills him in on the kidnapping, theorizing that Franco paid someone to take Aiden. Hilariously, Liz is just running around in the background while Lucky is on the phone. I need to find enjoyment where I can get it, folks, and if unintentional enjoyment is all there is, I'll just have to take it. Lucky reminds Dante that Jason can't kill Franco, and Dante hangs up without saying goodbye, which is something that always irks me in TV and movies. It turns out, by the way, that the girl with the awful blonde hair is Lulu! Dante asks her what the hell she's doing here and makes a confused face, no doubt wondering how the writers managed to shoehorn her into this shithole of a story.


Short answer, Dante? They did it poorly.

Jason heads into a stairwell, drawing his gun and comes across the camera man. He starts to check for a pulse, but Franco taunts him and Jason runs after him, firing his gun.

A note about commercials that aired endlessly on ABC: everybody involved with The Bachelorette annoys me; the woman who does the overly dramatic voiceovers for ABC Soaps In Depth is pretty terrible; I will probably go see Charlie St. Cloud the day it opens, and I will probably cry, and I will probably email Becca about my crush on Zac Efron and she will definitely mock me a whole lot. But between him and Leonardo DiCaprio (who can do no wrong), at least two of my crushes have not let me down this summer.

Lucky, Liz and Nikolas are on a mission to find Aiden, and are running around the hospital looking in rooms. Elizabeth opens the door on a couple with a baby in a pink blanket, who look at her with completely innocent "Nothing to see here, frazzled woman. Just chilling with my baby. Chillaxing if you will. Hahaha, please leave, this is awkward" faces


She meekly apologizes and leaves. Girl, that was probably your baby cleverly disguised in a pink blanket!

Also, BREAKING, NEVER BEFORE SEEN INFORMATION: Kristina feels guilty, but Michael tells her it's not her fault.

As Matt goes to scrub in for Mac's surgery, Maxie attempts to run up behind him.

Maxie: Save him.
Matt: I'll do my best.
Maxie: Mac is the only family I have left. Seriously, he's always been there for me no matter what awful thing I've done to him and that says a lot. I haven't been half the daughter he deserves, but he loves me no matter what, and I love him more than anything. So don't just save him for me, save him for Robin, because she needs him just as much as I do. So, please, do better than your best.

Matt puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder and heads off. Simple, nice scene.

Robin, meanwhile, is listing all of the worst case scenarios for Mac's surgery, and Patrick tells her that if something goes wrong, Matt will fix it. Next comes some heavy-handed irony, as Robin says, "There's no on that I trust more than you and Matt", which is, of course, HILARIOUS (not really) because Patrick just cheated on her! Anyway, she's trying to be strong, but her voice catches a little and Lisa gives them the death glare, because she's a crazy stalker now.

Olivia asks if Ethan's going to be okay and starts to collapse before Steven catches her. They banter a little bit, which doesn't seem to be the best use of his time, but whatever. After he leaves, Maya comes over to thank Olivia for stepping in when Maya couldn't. Olivia guesses that she's seen someone else get shot. Well, wow--we already know that Sonny can look into someone's eyes and see their whole history, and it turns out that Olivia can do the same? With parents like that, Dante must be a mind-reader. I wonder if he starts to get sick when he reads Lulu's mind, since all he hears is his name on a constant loop, and I think that would be sick-making for anybody.

Speaking of, back at Francophrenia, Lulu tries to explain why the hell she's there, arguing that she's trying to protect Dante from Jason.


Dante: So what was your plan? You show up, Jason takes aim, you step in front of the gun?
Lulu: If I had to.
Dante: Lulu!
Lulu: Jason is not going to do anything while I'm here. Not when he has to answer to Carly.

It's highly amusing to me that Lulu thinks so highly of Carly's fondness for her, since even before Lulu "turned her back on her family" and "chose a man over her own blood", I don't think Carly would have ever considered taking her side over Jason's.

I also can't get over how badly Julie Berman needs a haircut.

Jason is still running up the stairs to find Franco, and he tells Franco that he crossed the line. Franco counters that he actually destroyed the line and theorizes that Jason is being held back by emotion, emotion for Michael, in particular, and we get to hear a condensed version of The Ballad of Jason and Michael.

Back at the hospital, Robin and Maxie are both telling themselves that Mac is going to be fine. Maxie thinks they should send him to a resort, and Robin says that Alexis should go, too, since she hasn't given up the idea of them as a couple. Robin, the writers gave up on that idea months ago, and if you think they're going to revisit that when they could be focusing on Jason, Brenda or Jason and Brenda coming up? You're an adorable little fool.

Maxie: I've been so selfish. I've only argued with Mac, or taken him for granted.
Robin: Mac knows how much we love him.
Maxie: Well, lately I've only been around when I needed something. I've been so caught up with myself that i hardly see what's in front of me.
Robin: Between Emma and work, I hardly see him anymore.
Maxie: Well, I'm praying that Matt is as brilliant as he says he is, and we will have the chance to show Mac how much we care about him.



Then they clasp hands, and it's very cute, and I again feel that we're getting shafted here, because this is the kind of story that should play out over a week. I also take issue with Maxie's belief that she is caught up with herself; if she were merely selfish, that would be one thing, but the fact of the matter is that she even puts Spinelli and Jason ahead of her, which is just tragic. Maybe Mac's near death experience will change her outlook? Yeah, I don't think there's much of a chance of that, either.

In another cute, brief scene, Patrick scrubs in to assist Matt and asks what Matt needs from him. He needs to find out where Mac is losing blood from, by the way, because Mac is a total mess.

Francophrenia: this has taken a turn for the worse. How is it possible to be even worse than it was for the bulk of the episode? I don't know, but they managed it. It was like ludicrous on speed. Kalup Linzy performs the aforementioned spoken word performance of "Mad World" while dressed in drag, and everything about it is terrible.


Dante and Lulu watch, while Jason runs around chasing Franco and while the extras are horrendous. On top of the roof, Franco shouts for Jason not to kill him, because he knows where the baby is, and all of a sudden, he (or, more likely, a double) falls off the roof. While Franco/"Franco"'s body lies in a pool of blood, Dante glares up at Jason for effing things up, hardcore.


Jason thinks to himself, "That probably could have gone better. Let me go casually exit stage left, pretending that nothing is wrong."





I'm so glad I don't watch this show anymore.

Do you suppose TIIC allowed James Franco to write his own lines? After all, if he's paying the production costs, he could probably ask that in return. Not only was this perhaps the worst episode of a soap I've ever seen--and I've been watching GH since the early days with Jessie Brewer--but it's made worse by the knowledge that it will probably be the episode submitted for an Emmy next year (guest star, location shoot, lots of violence).

I have to say that even though the James Franco storyline was completely over the top and ridiculous and the rest of the show wasn't much better that it was worth watching this episode just to see how many tears Lexi Ainsworth could produce cause holy crap! That girl can cry, I mean there was snot dripping off her face at one point. And albeit not a huge plus it was also nice to see a side of Carly that was actually tolerable, it's too bad it'll only last six minutes.

This show sucks.

Against my better judgement I watched Friday to see some Jones/Drake/Scorpio moments. Those scenes were terrific! That is why I watch soaps- tender moments, emotions, life/death hospital drama. The whole Franco storyline was a bizarre mess. I have no know what I was watching.

Your blog is terrific as always. I was savoring reading it as I was drinking my glass of wine. Your whine ( I mean that in a good way) and my wine was far more enjoyable than the time I spent watching GH.

I do think the above comment was correct this will be the GH emmy nomination reel--

Absolutely the worst. I wondered the same thing about why there was just one cop and one released prisoner to take down a known serial killer. I can't imagine anyone would have allowed the Son of Sam to put on an art show in 1970s New York. And as for that one cop: Dante is seriously the lousiest one ever.

I suffered from acute secondary embarrassment watching James Franco "act" on Friday. Literally squirming on my couch. Are you SURE he was a good actor once?

The Franco stuff was horrendous. There are no words to describe the ridiculousness.

The only good parts of the episode were the Maxie and Robin scenes where they're worrying about Mac. Kimberly McCullough and Kirsten Storms were both very good.

Please tell me that Franco is really dead.

I loved this episode! The hospital scenes were mostly awesome, except for Liz zig-zagging behind Lucky, opening doors everywhere. It reminded me of a Scooby-Doo episode. I expected to see Fred and Daphne come through next.

The Francophrenia scenes provided comic relief - or maybe it was just my inner commentary that was so fabulous. I too was yelling "shoot her" at my tv - those extras were so stiff! And Lulu came out of no-where. It would have been better if, instead of Lulu coming to LA to stalk Dante on her own, Franco had one of his goons deliver her with a bomb strapped to her ankle like a SCRAM bracelet.

I was convinced that Franco took Liz's baby because he was making some sort of crazy Franco link between this baby and Jake. I was convinced that Franco knew Jake was Jason's son until the whole 66 thing seemed to take over. Bummer. I thought my idea was much more interesting.

Best quote of the blog: "I don't know why she never uses her biggest trump card, "Sonny shot me in the head while I was giving birth", in situations like this. It would give some of her arguments way more credibility." ROTFLMAO!

I too was so disgusted by the story line, very little follow through. GH is making very little sense these days.....it maybe time to just follow your commentary which is more entertaining then the actual show.

Is that a new haircut for Maxie or ....? Doesn't look too good. Glad to see KS put on some weight tho.

Loving the screencaps, and floving the fact that I don't watch this show anymore.

It took almost as long to read the recap as it did to watch the show. Both were fun in their own respects. The wife and I do tend to scream at the-writers-that-hate-us and it does seem like we are pausing the tape more often now.

Are my wife and I the only people in America who do not know who the black guy in drag was? Is he the same guy who sang the really bad version of Route 66? And did Spinelly really say (in a previous ep) that Kingman was in California? Trace the route Spinney!

The contract that the actor playing Warren had must have been up this week and somebody said, "Hey! We have to get rid of him. like, today!?" Our theory about the Bauer family, and we think it's been supported since we were first exposed to Mom and Dad especially if you look at the dialogue in the office between Warren and Kristina. Warren never admits to being an abuser. He consistently says, "We had such high hopes for Keifer," and, "It's all Kristina's fault." We think Mom abused both Dad and Keifer had watched it for seventeen years and thought that was how relationships worked. That people beat the folks they love. Warren transferred his feelings of hatred of his wife to Kristina and refused to believe that Keifer could beat her. Does it make any sense? Of course, not. None of it does.

I know it's tough to take all this crap in over the course of a week but I just wanted to mention one thing that happened in the previous episode upon which no blogger that I read regularly has commented. It was refreshing to see Maxie tell the truth to Shirley about her jewelry. We think it was nice of Shirley to give Liz a necklace just before she died. When PBS sends the Antiques Gameshow to Port Charles next fall we think the appraiser will say, "While there is no value in this as art and the piece is only about two weeks old, the emeralds are worth about a quarter million."

I have to admit I didn't know who James Franco was before his appearance on GH and still have never seen anything else he has done. All I could think on Friday was: "this guy is a movie star????" The Franco part of the episode was bizarre and campy and just plain awful. I agree that the Mac & Ethan shooting should have been its own story and not mixed in with the other craziness.

A series of shootings in a hospital? I guess Guza checked out the "Grey's Anatomy" finale, huh.

This recap was wayyyy more interesting than the actual show. Interestingly enough, I skipped Friday's episode to go see the YUMMY Dicaprio in 'Inception'(great stuff!) I caught up with it on soapnet monday morning.
Kalup Linzy at the end was ridiculous.
I feel the need to defend James Franco, he really is a good actor but he NEEDS to stay away from GH, he irritates me on the soap and the acting is too over the top. Sometimes I have no idea what the fuck he's trying to say...art, life, death, huh? (and this is coming from a big fan).
There are no words to describe my hate for Lulu so am not even gonna go there.
Lisa LoCicero IS getting tinier but it's amazing how her boobs seem to be getting bigger.
Those stupid extras at the 'art exhibit' should go jump off a cliff, they made a bad episode even worse.

I trust you that James Franco is a good actor. Not sure that I’d believe anyone else based on this story arc, as I found his performance to be nothing short of cringe worthy. I was actually embarrassed for him, for the GH actors and for soap actors in general.

I’ve seen the reason for his less-than-stellar GH outing placed on the writing, the directing and/or his scene partners. However, many if not most soap actors face all of these challenges day in and day out and still rise above. There must be other factors involved.

My hope is that a mainstream movie critic caught Franco’s performance, critiques it honestly and compares it to the performances of the GH actors. Maybe then eyes will be opened and soap actors will begin to receive the credit and respect they deserve for the immense talent that many of them possess.

Elle, EXACTLY. NLG, for example, spins gold from crap on a daily basis. She is constantly infusing the WTFery written for her with depth and nuance that the writers clearly didn't bother with based on the script alone. Several of the GH actors (and no, Maurice and Steve, I am NOT looking at you) do this regularly and rarely get the credit they deserve.

I actually really liked the hospital portion of Friday's GH! Mac freakin Scorpio being the hero and killing Warren! Matt and Steve and Patrick in HOT doctor mode. Some tender sweet moments between Patrick and Robin, Matt and Maxie, Robin and Maxie. Now the Franco portion of the show: watched the first couple of scenes and couldn't stop laughing. FF'd the rest! Read your hilarious recap though and I see didn't miss much:)

Those extras made me see red and I, too, was rooting for Franco to shoot that horrible, terrible girl.

Francophrenia was......I have to say I was quiet for most of it, but when Kalup was performing in in drag and looking a hot mess, I actually aloud "Is this really happening right now? I'm so confused."

So my 8 year old stepdaughter watched this show with me for the first time on Friday. She was enthralled, and kept asking all weekend when she could watch General Hospital again. She said it was the "most interesting show" she had ever seen. What does that tell you?

Thanks for filling in the last 15 minutes of this craptastic show since I missed it last Friday. Why, oh why did they waste the whole Kiefer/Kristina/Warren Bauer storyline. This whole thing should have gone down after Kiefer was arrested for beating Kristina and then gone to jail. Having Warren almost hit Kristina was not enough. If we had just seen the family dynamics with Kiefer and his family I might have cared. Although I'm detecting a little non brother/sisterly dynamic between Michael and Kristina.

As for the whole Franco thing I'm just glad its over for July sweeps.

Did you notice how casually they managed, in the Robin/Maxie conversation, to yet again make viewers think that Felicia was never there for Maxie when she was growing up, and to paint Robert and Anna as deadbeat parents, when they were there for Robin for a number of years and the only reason Anna lost contact with her was due to amnesia?

Michaela said: "NLG, for example, spins gold from crap on a daily basis. She is constantly infusing the WTFery written for her with depth and nuance that the writers clearly didn't bother with based on the script alone."

This is absolutely true, EXCEPT that we don't get to see NLG "on a daily basis" nor "constantly". If we DID see her as often as other less talented cast members, she would indeed be spinning crap into gold on a daily basis, and we would be wearing sunglasses in order to watch a bright and shiny show rather squinting to see a spark of metal, only to find tin.

I see Guza is back to ripping off the prime time shows (Grey's Anatomy, 24, The Wire, Sopranos and Lost)and anything else he can hack out for our enjoyment. What's next? Are we going to see flash sideways, flash forwards and someone pushing a button whenever the number 66 comes up?

THANK YOU for touching on the most annoying part of that whole friggin' episode - THE EXTRAS! I'm POSITIVE that they were friends and family of the cast and crew. People whose only other experience in front of the camera was at their last family reunion act JUST LIKE THAT. I'm telling you, family members!

Okay, I'm equally annoyed by Becky Herbst still being GLARINGLY PREGNANT! Are we not supposed to notice that?? I have had a baby, and believe me, I know that you still look somewhat pregnant in that first week (okay or ten weeks), but not THAT pregnant!! Especially on soaps where women go back to a size 2 before the baby even cries for the first time! The black shirt is NOT fooling anyone!

AND WHAT KIND OF MORON wouldn't have RUN over to that couple with the baby and confirmed it wasn't theirs?? Oh, the kind of moron as written by BOB "I'M A FUCKTARD" GUZA!

Please, Lord, don't let the "woozy Olivia" scene spell "P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T." I've watched GH for well over 25 years, and getting the "vapors" is always GH's way of signaling someone being knocked up.

Why did Steve ask Maya to CALL for help on the PHONE, but Michael had to RUN to the E.R. to tell them what happened? I know he was in a coma and has some brain damage, but I believe I've seen him use a phone since he woke up. AHHH!!!

I have many more unanswered questions about this episode, but I know they will go unanswered. They are just life's little mysteries....

So I ask again-why isn't there some kinds of mass revolt by fans!! Mailboxes and phone lines at ABC and soap mags should be full!! Surely someone at ABC has a brain and if enough people complain maybe something would be done!!!

can krissy and michael please get off my screen for a few months? those two are such a waste of airtime. and am i the only one that doesnt like this michael and could care less about an upcoming rape storyline? sorry but cd is mediocre to me

So... James Franco is on the cover of this week's New York Magazine, and in the big article written about him, they talk about his stint on GH. The guy writing the article calls it "a small, double-edged pop-culture masterpiece - a black whole of publicity in which everything works both within the frame of the show and as a commentary on Franco's career," which honestly makes me think he's watching a completely different show than the rest of us, but whatever.

The article also states that James Franco is also having a show at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Los Angeles, where this whole debacle is being set, and that the show will be based on his experience at GH. Apparently he's had dudes filming the filming of his episodes. He also sees his work on GH as "performance art."

I'm... not sure if that explains anything or makes this shitshow any less terrible, but I just thought I'd share.

After I watched this episode, I headed to the message boards to vent & found that 99.9% of the comments read something like:

"That was the best show ever" (without sarcasm)

I thought I had gone crazy.

I am glad that I haven't.

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