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« On A Couple of Couples | Main | What Just Happened? No Worries, OLTL Will Show You... Again and Again and Again! »

August 19, 2010

Smug People and Drugged People

Pretty much every single aspect of the "Brook Lynn drugs Dante because she needs money and because Carly's idea of a 'master revenge plan' includes pimping someone out in order to create romantic discord" is loathsome. I mean, let's just break that sentence apart, okay?

Brook Lynn--who,can I remind you, is the daughter of NED and LOIS, and the granddaughter of TRACY. Cue the General Hospital writers saying, "Well, you said you wanted more Quartermaines, so...?"--

drugs Dante--I think the only two words to describe that are "UGH" and "abhorrent". I mean, honestly, it doesn't matter that she didn't have sex with him while he was out; she still drugged her so-called lifelong friend--

because she needs money--she can't touch her trust, right? And she doesn't want to go to Edward and get money from him, since it would come with all sorts of crazy conditions. For me, if the choice is between being micro-managed or becoming a seducer for hire, I'm going with the micro-management--

and because Carly's idea of a 'master revenge plan' includes pimping someone out in order to create romantic discord--STUPID.

There is all sorts of what-the-fuckery in every level of this storyline, and now that we've moved onto the fallout portion, it's only getting worse, because what we're getting from Brook is smug face.

Is there anything more irritating than a soap character being accused of something that they actually did and reacting with outrage and condescension? The answer is...well, probably there is, yeah, but this is also seriously irksome.


Maxie: I'll bet money I know what happened last night: you called Dante at Jake's, had this sob story, claimed you needed to talk to your old friend from Bensonhurst. He got there, you drugged his drink and tried to take advantage of him.
Brook: I expected so much more from you, Maxie. I mean, come on. We were drugged together in college. I don't have to drug men to to be with me. That's something you would have to do.
Maxie: Oh, but you did have to drug him, Brook Lynn. Because liquor wouldn't have been enough. You could poor vodka down his throat for six straight hours and he still wouldn't have been interested in a slut like you.
Brook: You want the facts? Dante had one beer and he invited me back to his place. And I couldn't leave him alone. He was lonely and Lulu doesn't understand him.
Maxie: Are you serious? Is that the best excuse you could come up with?
Brook: Yeah, well, it's the truth.

It's not that I expect Brook to be so filled with guilt or shame that she immediately comes clean about the fact that she is a whirling dervish of destruction and skank, but if she could dial the smugness down a notch or twelve, it would make this more bearable. Only slightly more bearable, but still.

The only silver lining, and it's a small one, is that I am seriously enjoying Maxie in fiercely protective friend/knowledgeable ex-homewrecker mode. I love that she knew exactly what went down between Dante and Brook Lynn, and that she's inherently suspicious of Lisa because she knows, from experience, what it looks like to be a deranged schemer (I think she could use all of her poor life decisions for good and become a seriously successful relationship guru for others) and I also loved:

Maxie: You say one more thing about Lulu and I will personally rip all of the hair out of your head.

Do it, Maxie, do it!


How badly did I feel for Michael once again having to play therapist, this time for Dante as he tried to piece together the events of the previous night? Very badly.


I feel like his mood must have brightened considerably when he was hauled into the PCPD for questioning by Cartoonish Ronnie of the Horrible Dye Job. Which, SIGH. It's so tiresome when we get scenes of the obsessive and buffoonish cops blaming Jason and/or Sonny and/or Michael for anything that happens in Port Charles, while Jason and/or Sonny and/or Michael respond stoically and nobly. And gross, my stomach churned a little at Jason being so proud of Michael for not saying anything and refusing to talk without a lawyer present. I am so glad that Michael's stint in Pentonville taught everyone a valuable lesson!

My stomach also churned a little at how I found myself nodding with Ronnie in agreement.


Ronnie: No, seriously, what is he? The pied piper? The guy marches into hell and everybody follows him. I tell you, his charisma is lost on me.

Michael: I'm not saying anything without my lawyer.
Ronnie: What is he, a parrot? What is wrong with you? You're teaching this kid to be a criminal.

I wish the show's voice of reason were a lot less oily.


Did someone on the show's staff just remember that Bobbie and Luke own Kelly's? Because it was mentioned so often today that it reminded me of when I'd learn something in school that I considered endlessly fascinating but usually wasn't and I'd try to casually incorporate it into all of the conversations I had that day. "Can I have a small cup of soda, please? And DID YOU KNOW that the SMALL intestine is actually the body's largest organ?"

Also regarding the scenes at Kelly's: (1) I am so sick of the godforsaken Corinthos/Zacchara vendetta and (2)I get nervous whenever we see Mike, which has been kind of a lot lately!


It says a lot about this show that seeing family members is a cause for alarm. And all of the things it says are curse words.


In a totally coincidental move, Vanessa Marcil returns to GH and Sonny is all of a sudden thinking about her again! It's so crazy how that happened.

So after her chance encounter with her acquaintance Brenda in Africa, Robin has become a total Sonny/Brenda 'shipper and is urging Sonny to call or email her. I feel like she should have pushed email a little harder, because then Brenda wouldn't have to deal with all of that stammering and awkward pausing, but then again, Sonny is so the type to write emails in all caps and he'd probably forward chain letters, so maybe a phone call actually is better. I was confused by Robin's assertion that Brenda was immature back in the day; I mean, she was, but she was also super young, so it's to be expected. And I was also confused by Robin's ugly shirt.


Her hair and makeup this week have been killer (which, sadly, is a rare occurrence. KMc is beautiful, but they tend to half-ass her hair and makeup) but that shirt was sheer, Pilgrim-y and unflattering.

Sonny ponders this and decides he wants to know what Brenda has been up to. Instead of just sitting down and typing Brenda's name into Google, he calls Spinelli over to research her, and then proceeded to react to everything he said with disdain and impatience, which...I am with him there, but he is the one who chose to bring Spinelli in to do this, the most basic of tasks, so this is another mess of his own making.

Spinelli's findings: Brenda is pretty and dating Murphy.

I call bullshit on this, by the way. There is NO WAY that, as obsessed with Jason as he is, Spinelli wouldn't have researched everything there is to know about Brenda.

Speaking of Brenda, she spent the episode hanging out with Adrienne Barbeau and also looking ADORABLE in glasses.


I think I've mentioned before that I am seriously obsessed with glasses. And it's a long-time obsession, too: when I was in elementary school, I used to flunk my vision tests on purpose in hopes that it would get me a killer pair of glasses, but my mother saw through that almost immediately. Anyway, I love glasses and if you ever need to distract me from something, just slap a pair of glasses on someone and my attention will be completely diverted.

Today, she and Adrienne Barbeau (whose character maybe has a name, but I will not ever be using it. And I will probably never shorten Adrienne Barbeau to AB or anything; Adrienne Barbeau is the kind of name you have to use in full. Adrienne Barbeau was on Maude right? And she was often in People when I was in middle school, because she had twins when she was in her 50s? Adrienne Barbeau!) rehashed the details of Murphy's proposal. It turns out--and you'll never believe this--that Brenda is still hung up on Sonny! And he's thinking about her! Imagine that!

Brenda: I could love him. There would always just be something that was always missing.
Adrienne Barbeau: And what would that be?
Brenda: My heart. My heart's somewhere else.
Adrienne Barbeau: Well, this, uh, other man, is he a realistic plan?
Brenda: No. He's not. We've been out of each other's lives for a really long time and if I was with Murphy, my heart would be divided most of the time and he just doesn't deserve that, even though he actually said he could handle it. I couldn't do that to him, right? I wouldn't do that to him.
Adrienne Barbeau: This man, that you're about to dropkick a movie star for: is he alive or dead?

Oh, Adrienne Barbeau, that's such a stupid question. Of course he is alive. He is taunting us with his aliveness, actually.


Oh, silly, silly Adrienne Barbeau-character, whatever your name is, Sonny can't DIE! No one can kill Saint Sonny of The Body Bags! Trust us. No one. Ever.

And Kimberly has been looking SOOOO pretty-so, basically, we have to watch Guza torture Robin in order to get hair and makeup to make her look as pretty as she actually is?

And I hate to say it, b/c I know Guza knows this and does it on purpose to remind us that there was a time when some of us liked Sonny, but Sonny is SOOOOO much more.....tolerable, when he's in scenes w/Robin. Even if Robin is pimping her BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD WHO SHE JUST LOST TOUCH WITH (GAH! HATE! GUZA! HATE!) out to the man who ruined her life not once, not twice, but THREE FREAKIN' TIMES!! Robin, don't make me tie you to a chair and make you watch the "He always leaves me standing in the rain" scene over and over!

Heee! "St. Sonny of the Body Bags"??? Marianne for that you win the internets tonight!

I think I will say this on every single blog or message board I am on with her. Comments like that one are why I will forever and ever love Marianne. :)

Maxie - Traded pills for sex with Lucky. Slept with a serial killer (Franco) in order to get an interview for Crimson magazine. Blackmailed Logan into sleeping with her in order to get back at Loo Loo. Was planning on sleeping with Johnny while he was seeing Loo loo. Slept with Matt two seconds after her relationship ended with Spin dork.

Lulu - Lied and manipulated poor dumb Dillon then aborted his child. Georgie is the one that the show chose to kill - good girls always bite it end the end while the skanks and Ho's live on.

Brooklyn - Uses a date rape drug to get her childhood friend into the sack just for the cash to pay her bills. Ugh.

Did anybody else catch that the Corinthos family apparently has their own domain name (or whatever you call the @ "hotmail" "gmail" "aol" part of an email address)?

I mean, I'm pretty sure Sonny's email address was SCorinthos@Corinthos.com. WTF? I know he's rich, but he can't even slum it with everyone else and have an @gmail.com email address? He apparently can't even use Google on his own, so how did this happen? Oh wait! I think I know! Lazy writers who can't be bothered coming up with an "@portcharlesnet.com" ending.


Of all the fuckery on this show, the destruction of Brooklyn actually pisses me off the most. Fucking Guza. Ned and Lois were my OTP when I was a kid, and he's turned their daughter into beer drugging hooker. I hate him.

oooh, jessica, thanks for pointing that out! Brook Lynn ... big massive SIGH is all i can muster

yay for Kimberly hair and make-up <3 <3

Agreed. Almost everything about Brenda was so so cute - the hair, the glasses, the jeans, her cute petiteness - but what was up with the way she was talking? Was she trying to hold marbles in her mouth?

And Robin. Oh my. That shirt was so thin yet it made her look almost beefy. And no one could put a camisole under that thing?

I don't understand Brenda's heart belonging to Sonny. Brenda LONG ago chose Jax over Sonny - she made the choice several times and it seemed pretty definitive. Yes, Sonny was special to her, but her heart was with Jax.

And yes, Jax dumped her at the altar, but was that enough for Brenda to just decide that her second runner up was now the love of her life? To the point that she is now hung up on him again (and how weird is that? She isn't 'still' hung up on him because she did get over him - but has reverted to being hung up on him?).

The emotional nonsense this show pulls drives me crazy.

If Sonny's company has a website: www.corinthos.com then that would be his correct email address. My work email address doesn't end in yahoo or gmail, it is ___@companyname.com.

Sonny's email was in fact M.Corinthos@Corinthos.com, so God knows what Michael's email is.

I'm very happy Brenda is back, but as boring and unattractive as I find Brad Rowe, at least he's keeping her away from Sonny for a few more days. I just don't know if I can watch Sonny ruin Brenda (like he ruins everything). Instead, could she bring Lois and Ned back with her, and we could watch them for a while? I'd trade either one for their child.

That sure was a giant cupcake box. And considering the magnitude of his transgression, kind of a tacky thing to bring. I don't think flowers and cupcakes bring the proper gravity to his grovelling.

Finally, it's funny Carly being so upset about what happened to Michael in Pentonville, because as horrible as that was (and I still can't believe I'm watching a soap opera with implied prison rape - it almost made me quit until the Brenda news hit) it's made him a much more likeable and stable person. For the first time since Michael was a baby being doted on by Rinaldo and Benny, I actually don't hate him.

I cannot believe you did mention the HILARIOUSLY ironic moment when Sonny saw Murphy in a pic with Brenda and said, "isn't that that bad actor?"

"Is there anything more irritating than a soap character being accused of something that they actually did and reacting with outrage and condescension? "

Thank you for pointing this out, because it irritates me no end when Sonny puts on that "Who me?" face whenever he's accused of trying to blow up Johnny, or shooting Dante in the chest, stuff like that. Characters on GH have elevated this maneuver to an art form. If there was just the a little nuance of doubt in their faces, it would make it all easier to swallow than their righteous indignation that how dare anyone accuse them of this horrible thing that they actually did.

Some of the other older ladies of soapdom should take a cue from Adrienne Barbeau, she is 65 and looks fabulous. She still looks like herself, has great hair, a great figure, and has aged gracefully and is still attractive. So many of the younger actresses start doing things to their faces when they are still young and end up looking like marionette faces with their puffed-up cheekbones and protruding lips. I find myself staring that the strange things they did to their faces and not paying attention to the actual scenes.

Oh, oh!! Has someone tried e-mailing mcorinthos@corinthos.com? If not, I'll get right on that with stupid forwards and viruses. Maybe it's Guza's. Oh, wait. His is probably jason.n.guza4eva@sonnylover.com

His is probably jason.n.guza4eva@sonnylover.com

DAWN! YAY! Love you, too, girly!

And Beth R., the whole thing is actually supposed to be "Saint Sonny of The Bodybags and The Holy Hitman", but I didn't have a sufficient opening, based on the blog topic at hand, to throw in a Jason-bash. Oh, well, maybe next time, lol. But thanks-and you've had some really good Sonny-bashing names, too, lol.

Sometimes, I swear, I only watch this show so I can get the jokes you ladies make about it....Wait, should I be thanking y'all for that?

And Janaynay-jason.n.guza4eva@sonnylover.com?! OMG-I almost peed my pants!

I know you haven't blogged about this yet, Mallory, but please refer back to my comment of several weeks ago regarding the "Fatal Attraction Lisa" storyline. I promised a "Fuck You Fruit Basket" to Guza if he went down that road, in particular:

1) Crazy Hair
2) Breaking into Robin and Patrick's House
3) Stealing Emma to go to an amusement park or other such nonsense.

Check, check and CHECK as of yesterday with the hijacking of baby Emma for ice cream. Fuck you Fruit Basket definitely being delivered soon....

Apparently, Guza not only believes we have forgotten all history of GH but that we have Alzheimers about every movie in the last 50 years as well. How soon before Lisa shows up with the 5 ft. butcher knife wearing a bad white cotton dress? (seriously, was that the biggest frickin' butcher knife you've ever seen in Fatal Attraction?)

I'd feel all psychic and stuff if Guza wasn't so damned predictable.

So here is my take on the vile catastrophe that is Brook Lynne Ashton.

1. She illegally bought ruhipnol, aka the date rape drug.

2. She is a sex worker and her pimp is Carly.

3. She drugged a log time family friend/police detective and nearly raped him but was interrupted by Lulu.

4. The plan was to not only drug and rape the Dante but also to film it to blackmail him and destroy his life career and relationship. All for money per Pimp Carly's instructions. So BLA is also a pornographer and blackmailer on top of being a whore.

Do not even get me started on her unfortunate plastic surgery, fugly wardrobe, or that heinous song of hers that I SO DO NOT WANT!!!!! And I am not even picking on her acting and singing abilities.

Way to go Guza, you ruin the memories of long vanished favorites like Ned and Lois with this vile mysogynistic idiocy. SOAP KILLER!!!

http://www.corinthos.com/ - a real web site! It's a research company. I wonder how many emails they've had for MCorinthos, telling him how hot he is from rabid fans. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW......................

don't you people realize the only quartermiane guza actually likes is emily who is not actually a quartermiane and he doesnt even like her that much.

was i the only one that almost died of laughter as sonny shot johnny? was bb directed to act so ridiculous during that scene? he smiled when he got shot and touched blood.

i love kimberly and she has looked amazing this week. did she dye her hair? it looked so fresh and fab.
so lisa stole robin's obviously latina baby?

lol @ this basic show using a real companies website

LOL at the mental picture I just got of Sonny trying to do research. I think his head might explode.

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