Songs In The Key of CRAZY

If you had told me a few months ago that I would be considering writing an ode to Lisa Niles, a character that I couldn't even think about without feigning the most dramatic of yawns, a move that was theatrical for theatricality's sake because it's not like any of you could actually see me doing the yawning, I would have scoffed in your face. Mostly because I have openly admitted that I am incapable of poetry writing, but also because: there was nothing about her worthy of even the vaguest positive commentary. I mean, what, was I supposed to write a sonnet about her days as an alcohol drinking, sex having college student? I could have titled it, "The Majority of College Students, Ever".

But her--and it needs to be said: RIDICULOUS. Because losing her marbles after one romp with Patrick and losing them so spectacularly that she went full-on dangerous in about eight minutes is just so completely lame. THIS is the kind of story a soap should be dragging out; Brenda and Murphy's sole conversation is not, but we'll get to that later--fall of the rails has been so tremendously entertaining to watch that I feel deflated when the show cuts away to any of the other "stories" currently "unfolding".

When Patrick rebuffed her crazy offer to rationalize his behavior for him and she walked away only to lurk at him from afar, I actually giggled.

And then when she paused for a minute to review her options and decided to JUMP ON THE HOOD OF ROBIN'S CAR, I flaily-hand clapped with delight.

Oh, Lisa, you nutty ho! You are such a happy (and obvious; the General Hospital writers stumble onto this kind of awesomeness rarely and unintentionally) accident.

Who knew that all you needed to do to make Brianna Brown interesting was to let her go crazy? Actually, I knew that, a little, based on her guest spot on Criminal Minds where she played a crazy high-class hooker, but the point is: she's been so enjoyable to watch. I love how Lisa is spouting these insane things with the measured calm of someone convinced that she's the voice of reason.

Lisa: Hey. Looks like you could use a friend.

What? Amazing.

Lisa: Okay, and I don't doubt that, but being married to her made you miserable, because you went from this fun-loving guy to picking fights with almost everyone that you came across.

Patrick: Because every time I turn around, you were pulling some stupid stunt. Do you realize what you've done? I mean, you broke into my house. You stole Robin's HIV meds. You cut her picture out of our wedding photo. Damn it, Lisa, you stole my baby out of our house.

Lisa: The reason that you are so angry is because you are relieved that your marriage is over.

Amazing-er.

While she flies high in the sky of crazy, Robin and Patrick's reactions to this entire fiasco are grounded and so so realistic that you almost have to cringe.

Aside: you also have to seriously covet Robin's sweater. Or at least you do if you have a cardigan fetish like me.

GH often drives me to retail therapy.

But back to Patrick and Robin: Robin is continuing to throw facts back in Patrick's face.

Robin: Don't you dare let Lisa off the hook that easily. She has been after you ever since she came to town, flirting with you, scrubbing in on your surgeries. I mean, you made me believe that I was paranoid, that she was just your friend, and then I felt so stupid for being insecure. I mean, then you went, and you slept with her the first chance you got.

Patrick: It's not--

Robin: She broke into our house, she stole my meds, she stole our daughter, and she was so sick this entire time, but you never bothered to warn me of that. What is wrong with you? How could you even be with a woman like that?

How did Patrick react to that truth-telling? Did you guess "petulantly"? Ding ding ding! He totally did.

Patrick: We weren't in the best place before you went to Africa. I didn't want you to go, and I tried to be supportive, but you just kept pushing me away. You told me that I didn't understand. I mean, you know what it's like to live in the shadow of Stone?

Robin: Oh ho ho!

Patrick: Robin, I always feel like I never measure up to him.

Robin: How can you even say that?

Really, spouting that kind of half-assed inanity with a straight face makes it clear that Patrick has more in common with Lisa than a fondness for booze and hooking up.

The trip to Africa was, actually, problematic: the writers totally phoned in a reason to get Robin off-screen to facilitate Kimberly McCullough's absence and they did so by having Robin make the kind of decision that couples should probably make together. But HOW FUCKING PETTY. "I never wanted to cheat on you! But then you went ahead and devoted a few weeks to helping people with AIDS and it's just like, god, do you know how that made me feel? You left your husband to go save the world. What was I supposed to do?!"

And then he threw Stone into the mix. I find his pathological insecurity about Stone to just be embarrassing, really, although I see why he might be concerned. Nobody in Port Charles aside from Robin even acknowledges that they've dated people before their current partner, who is always their truest love to ever be true, so he might think it's strange, but...ugh. It does him no favors.

Even calling Patrick in an emotional moment, after finding a special toy of Emma's, was realistic. I mean, I doubt that the writers were really concerned with realism here and mostly just needed a reason for Robin to be driving in order to have Lisa FLING HERSELF ONTO THE HOOD OF THE CAR, but I've been there. I have always been horrible at cutting people out of my life for good or giving an indefinite silent treatment, so I totally felt her there.

And then I felt GIDDY about Lisa's latest terrible plan. I am actually excited to tune in on Monday. Imagine that!

Friday's show crashed to a screeching halt whenever it went to the rest of the stories. You could almost hear a faint, sad trombone sound during the scene transitions.

JASON AND SAM are having a shootout and reminiscing about all of the other times they were in mortal peril. Or at least that's the gist I've gotten from the few seconds their scenes have managed to keep my interest: bullets and talk about how Jason is great. Fantastic.

MURPHY AND BRENDAare STILL talking about his proposal and his status as a famous movie star and her romantic past and it is KILLING ME. It is KILLING ME, IN MY SOUL. It is all so dull and so repetitive and such an epic waste of Brenda and Vanessa Marcil's awesomeness. I know that the writers don't want Brenda back in Port Charles right away to do things like "comfort her best friend after the implosion of her marriage" and "visit her surrogate family, the Quartermaines" (the former because they've rewritten Brenda and Robin's relationship and downgraded it to friends and the latter because there are hardly any Qs for her to go visit) because they want a big, dramatic, surprise reunion in Rome with Sonny, who happens to be planning to head there when he jumps bail. Except it kind of doesn't count as dramatic or surprising when it is as heavily telegraphed as this has been. But since the writers can't grasp even the simplest of concepts (such as murderers being poor choices for romantic heroes), we are stuck with Murphy, the dullest movie star of all time, and Adrienne Barbeau.

SONNY is in danger of another murder trial. What a nuisance the legal system is! I have to admit that I've been fast-forwarding most of these scenes, because my interest in Sonny's legal problems (which we all know he is NEVER going to pay for) doesn't exist, and my interest in seeing Dante try to prove Sonny's innocence is even less than non-existent.

Diane gets a few quality quips in at Sonny's expense:

Diane: You pay me triple for this. Just stop going around shooting people, you could save yourself a considerable amount of money.

But overall, 90% of the show just a complete waste of my time. I am considering taking up an incredibly boring hobby so that I could do the hobby during the boring parts of the show and be able to say, "The Sonny scenes were so boring that I [insert boring hobby here]" to make my point. But at the moment, I'll settle for italics: Booooooooring.

Comments

[Nikki]

Seriously....same exact reaction I've had to GH lately! I literally fast forwarded Thursday and Friday's epis through everything that was not Patrick and Robin..

I couldn't tell you the first thing about what Jason and Sam are doing... I saw her behind an overturned table with a gun at one point and that's basically all I know.. of I know Johnny was shot and Sonny did it...dunno what else is going on there and the great return of Brenda Barrett... not so great!

But yes back to the good stuff.. Lisa Niles is CUCKOO! so wonderfully cuckoo...lol..I love it! And KMc and JT have been so brilliant..all I cud think was nooo... don't break up!( With the "reason" Patrick gave for cheating ( although there never is a reason in my book) even if it was entirely childish at least it wasn't "well she was there" as it usually is in soaps.

I'll be so sad when Lisa Niles either dies or is committed to Shady Brook cuz her cuckoo has me excited to see GH ( well just that storyline).

[tricia]

How did Patrick react to that truth-telling? Did you guess "petulantly"?

Do you remember when the only adverb we needed for Patrick was "hotly"? I miss those days.

[BJ]

Let's be honest - Patrick bringing up Stone is all about Stone's reappearance in a few weeks. Same old shit with GH - nothing arises naturally. It is always forced. Patrick never felt insecure about Stone until TPTB felt the need to shoe-horn him with odd mentions when Robin needed to stupidly be friends with Jason or Sonny again.

I was a Stone and Robin fan AND even I am sick of Robin bringing him up the way she does. Jeez. He died, right? He certainly gets more mentions than Alan F'ing Quatermaine for heaven's sake.

But this all makes as much sense as Lisa being suddenly crazy delusional stalker surgeon. Whatever. Briana Brown is doing a good job, though, I must say.

The storyline is loaded with suckitude, but the actors are doing good work. It is the only storyline on GH worth watching at all.

[Ziyal]

Considering all the Stone reminiscing on the day of Robin and Patrick's wedding, I see Patrick's point. Just sayin'.

[C]

Briana Brown is totally selling that Lisa completely believes the crazy ass shit she is spouting. I think my favorite was, after Robin awesomely called her a homewrecking whore, the exasperated sigh Lisa gave when Robin walked away. Like Robin's the crazy ass bitch. Hilarious! And unintentionaly awesome!

[jules02]

Have to agree about fast forwarding through Sonny and Jason & Sam parts. Has anyone noticed that Sonny has been in the interrogation room for days?

Since you love the kid scenes so much, I thought you would mention the scene where Jake was playing with the fringe on Elizabeth's purse. That was pretty cute. :-) Kind of sad though that I often watch with the thought, "I wonder if I will read about this on Serial Drama?"

[Monica]

I guess I'm the only one (besides Robin) who is not enjoying Lisa. I'm hoping that Lucky was only humoring the crazy lady and will believe Robin - especially since Maxie already reported Lisa's Fatal Attraction.

[Kristin]

Sorry, I have to disagree. The only part of the Scrubs story that I am enjoying is Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough as Patrick and Robin. There would be no FA/Obsessed story without Patrick and Robin. They are the root for couple and the only reason I even tune in at all.

[Dawn]

Um, I'm a little mad that you took a Stevie Wonder album (Songs in the Key of Life), changed the last word and made it about the crazy chick. Well......not really mad, but still......... :-)

[Mike]

All I know is, if I should ever attempt to kill two or three people, I would hope I have someone on the force like Dante looking out for me - even though he would be one of my intended victims THAT I SHOT IN THE CHEST POINT BLANK. For all the many crimes Sonny commits, why is Dante always trying to find loophole technicalities to hang Sonny's innocence on?

I'm figuring Dante's mantra must be "To Protect and Serve ... the Mobsters of Port Charles."

[Marianne]

Favorite line of...like, ever? "Oh, Lisa, you nutty ho!" HEE!

Kimberly has been KILLING it this week! And I have to say, I FLOVE all the truth-telling Robin's gotten to do this week!

And, THANK YOU, FINALLY someone other than just a lowly little messageboard poster like myself said it: Patrick, as a grownass man, looks like a PATHETIC LOSER for being jealous of a dead teenager! And then using it as an EXCUSE TO CHEAT!(and I say again !!!!)

Most unintentionally hilarious exchange of the week goes to this s/l, as well:
Patrick: We were having problems before you went to Africa and...
Robin: So what? You thought sleeping w/Lisa would fix things?
Or something like that...
Again, HEE!

Loving this!

[Fleur]

thank you! Save for Robin and Patrick and Crazy Lisa (and um, I actually enjoyed the stuff with Sam/Jason and Lucky. Just me?), this last week has been sooooooo booooring. Sonny and Jason's revolving door arrests (again), Sonny in peril of getting put in prison forever AGAIN (geez. Just put him there. I can't care about this plot yet again because it never. goes. away.), Claire and Ronnie and Dante going on and on about another boring mafia 'mystery shootout' and maybe it wasn't intentional on Sonny's part even though he shot his son in the chest although people might have forgotten since the last five seconds it was mentioned, Carly and Brook Lynn still having their weekly conversation about plotting trouble between....zzzzzzz.

Yeah, I must have drifted off for a few episodes. Shootouts that I don't give a crap about, Sonny arrested, Claire being boring. I watched an episode recently realized I didn't give a crap about a single character's conversation, save for about ten minutes a show. Seems like the writing team was phoning these last few weeks in before their end-of-summer vacation. Hopefully the writing will pick up in the fall.

[Fleur]

oh, I forgot to mention Mac's five seconds of screentime awesomeness. Mac saying the line "I knew this would happen" to Patrick when he confessed to cheating was the best part of the episode for me.

[Kay]

Robin was all types of awesome this week, and KMc has been rocking this storyline now that they've finally given her some material to work with.

Patrick, like all men on GH, seem to have gone to the same school of how to come up with weak rationalizations for cheating.

[Tabby]

I would LOVE to see Lisa Niles taken to shady brook. In some small way, she's about as crazy as Heather Webber was. Not sure if you guys remember her, but there's never been a good SL of a crazy woman since her. lol

[veve]

all these stone mnetions are starting to remind me of last yr with all the emily mentions. i wish the writiers would stop overkilling people who are dead buried and have no chance of return. lets hope they dont eeff up the stone ghost/angel/ whatever sl they are going with appearance

and can they please cast some girl to be gia and revive that chaarcter to make nik/liz interesting?

[JulieB]

I have not seen today's show, because for some inexplicable reason, it didn't tape. Thus I was spared some of the nonsense that has been going on. I am a little dismayed at Lisa going full tilt crazy at the drop of a hat, but I must admit I am enjoying watching that idiot Patrick squirm. This could and should last several months, but no doubt the writers and their short attention span will have it ended by the time Labor Day rolls around. There are so many reasons to miss the show lately, and I find myself skipping days at a time. With crazy Lisa putting the screws to Patrick and Robin, I would be happy for a long time. They are so smug and annoying. Well, anyway, she is smug, and he is annoying. A match made in daytime Hell.

[Dawn]

OOH!! Tabby I remember and LOVED Heather. For those of you who don't have clue who we are talking about she is Steven Lars mother from back in the 70's and popped up again in the early 2000's. Robin Mattson was WONDERFUL as Heather. I floved her and her craziness. :-) MEMORIES!!!!!!!!!

[Tabby]

She was awesome. If anyone is interested they have clips of her on youtube.