This Is A Different Definition of Suspenseful Than The One I'm Familiar With

General Hospital has been attempting to inject drama and tension into situations where the outcome is so clearly telegraphed that you could almost perfectly predict entire conversations leading up to said outcome (the only thing keeping your predictions from being entirely perfect are the amount of stammers and botched phrases you'd attribute to Maurice Benard). I mean, really, we were supposed to be literally sitting on the edge of our seats, biting our fingernails and wondering, "Oh my gosh, will Sonny be denied bail and have to go immediately to Pentonville?!?! I mean, I know that the last thirty times he has been in this EXACT SITUATION, that has not happened, but what if that happens now and means we have to wait even longer for his random Roman reunion with Brenda? Also, CLAUSTROPHOBIA!" and "Are Jason and Sam and Lucky going to survive this shootout?!?! I WONDER! I wonder if the single most important person to this show, and two other people who are kind of useful to the writers sometimes, is going to survive being shootout for the millionth time. And while I am hysterical with worry, let me ask another question: is he going to be HEROIC?"

So imagine my surprise today when something truly, hugely, and completely shocking took place. Are you sitting down? You should probably be sitting down when you read this: multiple Quartermaines appeared on the show today.

Multiple!

Quartermaines!

At first, I wondered if the heat (I have spent most of this week complaining endlessly about the heat to anyone who will listen and I feel slightly bad about it, but not totally, because September 1st should not be 95 degrees!) had caused me to hallucinate. And, the presence of Brook aside, it would have been a pretty nice hallucination, with Tracy and Monica being all snarky with each other--

Monica: Why would she, or anybody for that matter, want to stick around this house and hear nothing but abuse from Tracy?

Including sparring about who would pack Tracy's bags upon her exit from Monica's house (I love when Monica points out that it's her house. Remind me again why Leslie Charleson had to be bumped down to recurring?), and Edward texting Alice (!!! He is so presh!) and also being adorably proud of Brook Lynn for no real reason:

Edward: Good for you! You called her on her true motives.

I found that endlessly cute, because it reminded me of my own grandfather, who once almost burst with pride when I mentioned that, on my first time out and about alone in Boston, I had found a Dunkin Donuts. Anybody who has ever been to Boston understands that this is nothing remarkable, since there is a Dunkin Donuts every three feet, but he was so excited and happy for me.

The rest of the show, as you might have guessed, was completely without merit, which is what clued me in that this was for real. Sonny may not have been on, but he was talked about a whole lot, and when that happens, my eyes start to close...

Comments

[Cate]

"I love when Monica points out that it's her house. Remind me again why Leslie Charleson had to be bumped down to recurring?"

It's because the people that run this show royally suck at their jobs even though they think they're Jason Morgan's gift to the soap world. Also there is an unfortunate reality that some people watch this show believing it is quality entertainment and Sonny/Jason/Carly/etc. are the greatest characters to ever be great...these people obviously have been or should be hit over the head with something heavy.
Can we just list the things that have been destroyed on GH in the last decade:
Luke, Laura, Luke and Laura's relationship, the Quartermaines, the show's entire history, the hospital, Robert Scorpio, families, Holly Sutton, Bobbie, Alexis, Mac, Felicia, limos, Jerry Jax, Georgie, Emily, Alan, Tony, Elizabeth, Nikolas, realistic friendships, the concept of supercouples, the criminal justice system...there are many many more of course but enough venting for today.

[Heather]

Of all the terrible things the Gooze has done as head writer, his treatment of the Qs is definitely the worst.

I didn't mind the Jasam stuff, but I am so sick of Sonny!

[BJ]

I didn't even know that there were multiple Quatermaines still alive! How I hate this awful show.

I haven't watched a moment of Brenda's return because there is nothing new there. Even in fast forward I can predict the dialogue and the outcome. GH died when Guza & Co. allowed the Unholy Trinity to dominate. Nothing suspenseful has happened since.

[realbrenda4evr]

I'm always happy to see the Quartermaines, although I have to admit I wasn't suprised. It was a Wednesday epi, after all.

[Mike]

It's sad, isn't it, that over the last few years if we hear the writers (GUZA) say they are going to concentrate on the Quartermaines, it means one of them is going to die.

[veve]

the qs are always on the 1st wednesday of every month. and leslie is on reaccouring because we never see her anyway so they don't feel the need to pay her more. monica should be on more though. i mean even though all her bio and adopted kids are dead we have maya who is a ward/quartermaine on screen woring in the medical proffesion. and maya is alot like nl's emily hell she is a doctor just like em. i swear i saw more of the qs when rebecca(who is NOT family)was on then when we have actual family like maya and brooklyn

[Janet]

Guza probably figures Monica gets plenty of airtime...don't you notice whenever there's a hospital scene, over the loudspeaker we always hear, "Dr. Quartermaine....Dr. Monica Quartermaine...please call...." Her name gets more airplay than her actual character. And why bother to identify that it is MONICA Quartermaine they are paging, when Guza killed off all the other Dr. Quartermaines.

[Judy]

Veve, isn't Jason Monica's son? He's not dead, though he has disowned his family...

[veve]

judy jason is actually a product of an affair alan had with susan moore so no he is technically not monica's child just like emily is not monica's. all monica's bio kids are dead

[Beth]

Mallory, I have to say your story about your grandfather being pleased about the Dunkin Donuts in Boston. Some friends and I were in Boston a few years ago (ironically, for a GH personal appearance), and our ongoing joke was how you couldn't swing a dead cat in Boston without hitting a DD or a Starbucks. Glad to know someone else had that revelation! :)

[Rene']

I actually squeaked in delight when I saw Edward, though I have to say, I was said he wasn't sporting his jaunty hat. On the other hand, I think John Ingle had some kind of skin cancer at the time he was wearing the hats, so if this means that has been dealt with, then I can skip said jaunty hat. :)

I nearly exploded when I saw that Leslie Charleson was taken off contract. Although, in reality, "recurring" is a step up for her since she hasn't been seen enough in the last couple of years to even qualify as "recurring."

Tristan Rogers has been picking up a few crumpled ex-GH vets from the side of the road and adding them to his new soap, including Jackie Zemen. Maybe Leslie Charleson can join, too, and together, they can burn down General Hospital.

I can dream, can't I?

[Rene']

Oh, on a quirky and bizarre GH-related side note (Mallory, somehow I think you'll appreciate this)...I pulled out my DVD of Roller Boogie the other night (don't judge! Linda Blair disco skating?? You haven't lived until you've seen it!), and I had completely forgotten that Lynn Herring (yes, our beloved Lucy Coe!) made one of her first onscreen appearances as a boardwalk skater in that. Here's a pic:

http://www.susan-a-miller.com/rollerboogie/lynnherring2.JPG

I miss Lucy......

[Elle]

Awwww, the love of doting grandparents - nothing better on planet earth.

I'm a member of the doting aunts club - my nieces and nephews would find the DDs in Boston in no time too. They're SUCH amazing kids. :)

[Tabby]

More Q's please, and more crazy Lisa lol