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« Gross. | Main | Hyperbole and Other Llanview-esque Mistakes »

November 05, 2010

Enjoyment Amid The Turmoil

If SOAPNet weren't allergic to soap operas and also on its last legs, and if I hadn't been so epically burned by the last General Hospital spinoff (yes, Night Shift season two was everything a soap could be, but the memories of the first season continue to weigh heavily on my soul. REMEMBER? REMEMBER? The serial killer, the nameless Ms. Barrett with her face wrapped in eight miles of Ace bandages, the Billy Dee Williams, the glimpse Robin got of her dead and/or evil twin?), I would probably start a campaign advocating for an Edward Quartermaine spinoff, because I just find John Ingle to be endlessly adorable.

(He also has one of the greatest IMDB pages ever. His resume can basically be summed up as "He was in basically everything awesome" including roles on The Golden Girls, Parks and Recreation, The Office in its glory days, 90210, Melrose Place, Webster and The Facts of Life, both of which I enjoyed immensely as a toddler, Heathers, and so on, and so on, and so awesomely on.)

I don't blame you for thinking that I'm high because...a Quartermaine spinoff? Hello, General Hospital can't be bothered to give them more than three minutes of screentime a month, let alone a whole show, but Edward's scenes with Brenda today gave me the warm fuzzies and inspired me to dream big. I had been impatiently waiting for a scene between these two and I have to say, aside from the all too short length, it didn't disappoint.

The way his face lit up when he saw her on the doorstep? ADORABLE.

The way he has no patience for Jason's line of work? ADORABLE.

Edward: Words may fly here at the Quartermaines, not bullets.

Brenda: I feel safe when I'm with [Jason].
Edward: Of course, he's a big hulking thug.

The meta line he had so accurately describing the current state of the Quartermaine family? ADOR--actually, it's less adorable and more tragic.

Edward: I cannot believe that the Quartermaines have been reduced to catering to the likes of Luke Spencer.

"I cannot believe that the Quartermaines have been reduced to three of us and our obnoxious, overacting weirdo of a maid" would have also been an acceptable assessment.

The delight continued later in the episode, briefly, when Jason asked Brenda where she had gone.

Brenda: I went to see Edward. That's where you need to go.
Jason: For what?
Brenda: Because he's your grandfather and he misses Lila.

The amount of "DUH, I can't believe you even asked that question" in Vanessa Marcil's delivery of that line was sublime.

In a shocking development, though, that was not even the best Jason exchange of the episode. I feel as confused as anyone that I have been enjoying Jason moments enough to rank them.

Carly: If Brenda and I were dangling over a pit of alligators, who would you save?
Jason: That's stupid. You wouldn't be anywhere near alligators.

The transcript doesn't do the hilarity justice. It was so, so funny.

Carly, because she is deranged, took the uncomfortably long time it took him to process the particulars of this scenario--we all know he was struggling to envision circumstances that would find these two, of all people, in the vicinity of an alligator pit-- as an admission that he'd, of course, save her. Never change, Carly.


Besides Edward, another of my favorite supporting characters came out to play: Elizabeth's bitchface.


I shudder to think how miserable I'd be watching this show if I didn't at least have hilarious facial expressions to look forward to! Becky Herbst, of course, makes the greatest faces; I think it's because her eyes are so expressive and she's got really adroit eyebrows. Thursday's show saw the sneer out in full force and Lisa was on the receiving end.

Elizabeth: Okay, look. I really feel the need to make my position clear so we don't have a misunderstanding.
Lisa, not looking up from paperwork which, okay, ha: You have my undivided attention.
Elizabeth: I'm no saint. So I'm not going to presume to judge your affair with a married man. What I am, irrevocably, is Robin's friend.
Lisa: Okay, got it.
Elizabeth: And I know exactly what you're doing to her.
Lisa: Okay, can I be honest? This is getting really tiresome.
Elizabeth: You're undermining her, and very efficiently. You parade your professionalism around here and being all the victim, just knowing that your very presence pushes her buttons.
Lisa: Really, Elizabeth? So now I'm responsible for Robin's inability to control her temper?
Elizabeth: What you're doing is despicable. The one consolation? Karma's a bitch and she will catch up.

Oh, crazy-masquerading-as-sane Lisa. You tried to snark back but, honestly, Liz is in a different league.

After that conversation, Lisa hightailed it out of the hospital, ignoring Epiphany's plea for her to stay to take care of paperwork. She even waved cheerfully at Pip as the elevator doors closed!

She wound up at Mac's, which...I understand that she needed to be there to find Robin and Emma in the fire, because we're at the point in this story where she is going to be portrayed as a hero and what better way to earn your hero stripes than by saving a baby and your nemesis in a fire that was possibly started by Cameron Webber (he WAS looking at the candles very intently at Emma's party! And this isn't the first time he's had problems with fire. Is he an arsonist for hire?! I like to think that Cam knows better than to keep company such as Lisa Niles and if he were going to go that route, maybe in an effort to help his mom out with the bills, he'd only work for a high caliber of people, but who knows), but...what was the reason for her going over there? So bizarre.

Equally bizarre: what the hell kind of smoke detector doesn't start to go off until the fire turns serious? I have had several run-ins with a smoke detector incapable of understanding the concept of dark toast, so...come on. And how would Robin not smell the smoke? And what made her tumble down all of those stairs in a manner so absurd that it could have been part of a Life Alert commercial?

I'm not sure why I still expect this show to make any sort of sense. I would be far more pleasant and cry a lot less if I just assumed that each episode was little more than random plot points strung together in illogical ways.


From the opening scene of the Quartermaine's in yesterday's show, I have been looking forward to your rant on Edward's line, "I can't believe the Quartermaine's have been reduced to..." I think you ought to have a post solely dedicated to completing that sentence. There are soooooo many possible endings!!
Thank you for not disappointing on that!

I really wish they had used the whole Night Shift Ms. Barrett thing with this storyline. It would have been a nice tie in, and there are so many possibilities they could have explored with that. But that's asking for continuity, and these writers can't even muster up enough continuity to make sense of Lisa rushing over to Mac's house. Here's to hoping for some payoff in the future that explains that little mystery.

My smoke detector goes off when my shower is too steamy so, yeah, I don't buy this silent detector off when there is a legitimate fire burning drapes at ALL.

My husband almost burned down our house TWICE by leaving cooking hot dogs on the stove and GOING TO BED. TWICE I TELL YOU! Not only were we awakened by the smoke detector but ADT was also calling the house because the alarm was going off as well. Again, just smoke NO FIRE like Robin had. That is truly a WTF moment. This show sucks.

Maybe Cam is really THE BALKAN!!!!!! (You know that's probably the only way to make me care about THE BALKAN. Just saying. And it's no more out there than Double Dead Diego)

And I think if anyone ever bothers to look into "Hey why would the Police Commissoner have epically crappy fire alarms?", either A - Mac will be blamed out right because well it's been a few months since that happened or B - DUDES DON'T YOU KNOW IT WAS THE WORK OF THE MOST EVIL MAN OF EVIL MEN THAT YOU DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT UNTIL LIKE THREE MONTHS AGO THE BALKAN CAUSE SCREWING WITH FIRE ALARMS IS SO UP HIS ALLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?

YEah..on second thought Cameron also has go-go-Gadget arms and he screwed with the smoke detectors so evil arson plan could work.

Um, wasn't Zander a pyro? Maybe that would explain Cam and the fires...or am I misappropriating a plot from Criminal Minds?

Love Edward. Have always loved snarky little grumpy Grandpa Edward! His zingers are the best thing on this show.

i might have to find the Brenda/Edward scene love them! 'ugh the rest

Our tiny little firestarter aka Cam, loves fires.

Thanks for the snarky Liz picture!

Guza is an idiout for killing off the Q's!

Let's not forget John Ingle was on Boy Meets World, too!!!! God, I love Edward. WHY, GUZA, WHY???? YOU DOUCHEFACE.

And this, ladies and gentlemen (I assume there are a couple that visit this site), is why I will, forever and always, FLOVE Liz, hyperfertility and Jerry Springer-worthy relationships and all. B/c, much like Maxie, even though she's given Patrick far more support and kindness than his sleazy, douchebag ass (b/c, I mean-dude, the male character involved in this story who's come out looking the BEST is, God help me, God help us all, SONNY! Yes, Sonny Corinthos looks like the only sensible, respectful, decent, reasonable, intelligent (!) man in this story! And Steven and Patrick are in this story!! The FUCK?! But I digress..) deserves, but she still has Robin's back against the psycho bitch-b/c Liz and Maxie have both dealt w/their share (and Maxie WAS one at one time), and they know from psycho bitches.

And this lame attempt to redeem Lisa is KILLING what decency that was left to Patrick's character-he becomes more of an unlikable ass by the day. And I honestly can't tell if it's intentional or not, but Robin, the more they have every character in the hospital running around in their Team Lisa t-shirts and extolling her virtues, and despite the fact that they are trying to make her seem paranoid and as though she's been driven over the edge by Lisa's crap, becomes more SYMPATHETIC by the day. It's almost as though they are DELIBERATELY making Patrick, and by extension Scrubs as a pairing, irredeemable. And I get that it's partly so they can try to keep Brianna Brown-and it would make sense if they made Lisa suddenly angelic, and Robin ACTUALLY crazy, and Patrick as the long-suffering husband who was driven back into Lisa's arms. That's a s/l I would EXPECT from GH-hell, we've seen it before, w/Sam suddenly becoming an evil, baby-kidnapper-enabling bitch so they could have an excuse to do Liason being the most recent and notable example-but ROBIN actually being the truly innocent heroine whom everyone has turned against and is losing everything b/c of something she didn't do, while her husband continues to fraternize and sympathize with the mistress who tried, repeatedly, to harm Robin, a s/l that actually makes Robin EXTREMELY sympathetic to viewers (even people who generally hate Robin are rooting for her)? I mean, yeah, it would make sense on a show that is, like, GOOD-but on GH?! What the hell do y'all think Guza's up to?

w/Sam suddenly becoming an evil, baby-kidnapper-enabling bitch so they could have an excuse to do Liason.
No. KeMo was leaving the show and Guza was given the go ahead to write Liason, which he was planning when SBu returned in 2002. Back in 2002, Pratt & Frons nixed Guza writing for Liason since they had the hots for Courtney. Guza was going to write Liason in 2004 (beginning with NEM wedding), but Frons and Pratt wanted JaSam. KeMo played fast and loose with her contract in 2007 which is why they were writing her watching Jake's kidnapping, etc...

Cam's grandfather Cameron died in a fire. Maybe there is a connection there... Like maybe he's the reincarnation of the elder Cameron and every time he sees fire, he relives his death in his previous life. This makes him angry and he starts fires to destroy other lives. Bwah hahahahahhhh!

OMG Dawn, that is totally ridiculous and completely hilarious. I am so glad he didn't burn the house down or worse, hurt anybody with his dopey hot dog cookery. Otherwise we could never laugh at this crazy story. And that he did it twice, f'ing priceless. Is he even allowed in the kitchen or near hot dogs anymore? Maybe for Christmas you should buy him an Easy Bake Oven? If he can't cook it with the lightbulb toy oven I maybe he has no business trying ;-)

Thanks for the laugh, it took the edge off of reading about today's Guza heap of steaming poop.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who's convinced that Cameron started that fire... his adorable eyes lit up (bad pun intended) when he saw that candle.

Sarah not only did he do it twice, he did twice inside of a MONTH. ;-/ This was just last year. OMG I wanted to totally kill him myself the second time. Thank God for smoke detectors.And, no, he no longer comes home from work late night and tries to cook. He knows better now. :)

Someone mentioned to me that Lisa ran out of the hospital twice. Once after she found out about the party and once after Liz gave her a verbal karma smackdown. Maybe Cam saw Lisa about to knock over the candle and Cam remembered how bad fire is from the last time he had experience with it? Sorry. Had to come up with an alternative because I don't like thinking of poor little Cam as a 21st century Firestarter. =)

Lorelai - I hope you're right and I hope Epiphany remembers Lisa running out to the elevator like she was on 'fire'. I can't imagine wanting to check out a new restaurant that badly that I'll blow off work to do it. Maybe her shift was over but if she's trying to play SuperDoc I don't think it would be smart.

At the end of all of this I honestly need to see some major groveling from Patrick. He set all of this in motion and gets to play the martyr.

Yeah, I thought Lisa left twice during this fiasco, so I was under the impression that SHE started the fire?? That's why she ran out of the hospital so quickly. She thought Patrick would show up, find Robin to be "incompetent" for letting such a thing happen, blah, blah, but Patrick got called into surgery, so she had to book it over there.

OR she figured she might have waited too long and needed to high tail it over to "save Robin" to get the hero complex she was looking for. Either way, seems to me "bitch crazy" knew something was up. Why else run out of the hospital at top speed??

I refuse to think it's Cam, even with Guza operating the typewriter that banged out this piece of shit storyline (I know, who uses typewriters anymore, but somehow, I envision Guza still using one...)

Although, Maxie playing, "let's start a fire and then blow it out" over and over with two boys under the age of five has got to be a contender for the Darwin award, right?

Of note: I read ahead on the tv guide to find out what is going on next week at GH, as I usually do to see if there is anything that will make me start watching this show again, and wouldn't you know know it: Guiza has decided to rip off The Hangover for a new story line. *Pukes*

"Edward: I cannot believe that the Quartermaines have been reduced to catering to the likes of Luke Spencer."

I think the world is going to implode. The meta-ness and the cluelessness of this piece of dialogue makes my head hurt.

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