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« A Case of the Mondays? | Main | Funeral For a Friend »

December 07, 2010

Oh No He Didn't

I watched General Hospital today. I know this because I took notes on it (yes, notes. Yes, I am an uber-nerd. Yes, I have a habit of writing things like "ugh" or "???" in the margins when something irks me. Yes, the page winds up covered with "ugh" and "???") and I had a few things I think I wanted to discuss, like: Theo being The Balkan because he totally is (becase the alternative is that, after the boring and pointless debacle that was Shirley, we are going down that same Very Special Episode route again, which...wait, boring, pointless and a retread? Maybe he's not The Balkan after all) and how I can't really get worked up about Abby and Michael's endless therapy scenes because the boy NEEDS therapy and she's a much better, if less licensed, therapist than Lainey could ever dream of being, and Molly being Molly.

But then I was sent a link to Soap Opera Network's GH episode count for November and I got so annoyed that all of my other complaints flew out the window. The following actors appeared in the most episodes. Out of 20. Just to remind you: 20.

1. Dominic Zamprogna (Dante Falconeri) – 20
2. Steve Burton (Jason Morgan) – 19
3. Jason Thompson (Patrick Drake) – 17
* Laura Wright (Carly Jacks) – 17
5. Maurice Benard (Sonny Corinthos) – 16
* Vanessa Marcil Giovinazzo (Brenda Barrett) – 16
* Kimberly McCullough (Robin Scorpio) – 16
8. Brianna Brown (Lisa Niles) – 15
9. Julie Marie Berman (Lulu Spencer) – 14
10. Bradford Anderson (Damien Spinelli) – 13
* Jonathan Jackson (Lucky Spencer) – 13

I've felt for a while like Dante Falconeri was stalking me. Everywhere I turned, there he was. On soap magazine covers, on that damn "Brenda's secret that we haven't decided on yet is going to tear four families apart, forever, and Port Charles will never be the same" commercial that aired during every commercial break on every channel and, of course, on General Hospital where he seemed to be around all the time. And I felt that way because IT'S TRUE. He IS around all the time, being the recipient of piss-poor writing and dressing like a Sweathog. In fact, out of 230 episodes, he's been in 216. !!! Why? Why?! Make it stop! And I don't even dislike Dante! For the most part. Like, when he's not randomly inserted in stories he has no business being a part of and when he hates Sonny. So I mostly like him circa February 2010, I guess.

I am curious, Serial Drama readers: is there ANY character you'd want to see every single day? I feel like even Jack Abbott and Cameron Webber sharing scenes all the time would get--um, okay, that was a bad example because that would be one of the best things ever...


Well, the obvious solution is to write off all characters above the age of 20. We would keep Michael, Kristina, Molly, Morgan (but I want Aaron Refvem back, dammit!), Cameron, Jake, Aiden, and Josslyn. The only two characters we would save would be Lucky and Alexis, but only on the condition that Jonathan Jackson will shave off that ridiculous "facial hair." Maybe we could keep Abby, too, cause I like her with Michael. And that Taylor kid Kristina was friends with. So basically, the story here is that a horrible virus (worse than the deadly monkey flu or whatever the hell that was) hits Port Charles, and the kids, Alexis, and Lucky are protected due to their sheer awesomeness. Everybody else either dies, goes into a coma, or frantically leaves town to avoid dying.

How about Cameron Webber and Edward Quatermaine...comments and b please faces for days :)

Need to keep Emma as well. Don't know about Spencer.

Guza loves a new toy, and Dante is that for him. No matter that the saturation of that character is boring the hell out of the audience and burning out the character at the same time. I have to come to realize that the reason Guza likes a new toy is that he doesn't have to deal with a history that existed before he came on to invent it. It is an arrogance this writer has that discounts the efforts of the people who went before him and a laziness about working around what the audience knows to be true. There is no payoff for long-time fans. Guza re-writes with abandon, creates his own history, and destroys everything about GH in his wake.



Oh right, I forgot about Emma!!!! And Spencer, but hey, so does Nikolas, and Spencer's his kid, and at least I remembered that I forgot him...

>is there ANY character you'd want to see every single day?

Robert Scorpio. :-(

Cam and Jake should be on at least three times a week with their Momma. Those two little boys are adorable. Add Emma to the list, and leave Spencer at home with Nicholas.

I would settle for seeing Quartermaines circa 1994-1995 two days a week. Well, how about EVERYONE circa that era?

I am totally fine with seeing EJ DiMera at absolutely any time.

I wondered if you'd comment on the fact that Dante cut off his Farrah 'do, though I can't say the partially modified bowl cut is much better.

I love to believe that the actors come over here and read this blog and realize they need to do things like cut their hair, never wear a particular shirt again or get the hell off the canvas for a minute or 500. I can dream, right?

Who could I see every day? WORD to kitkat - Robert Scorpio, Sean Donnelly, Tiffany, Holly, Anna, Edward, Monica, Alan, and definitely LUCY COE for the win.....

And P.S.....if I AM right and the actors actually come here to see Wat's Up Wit Dat from the fans, let me just say to the actress who plays Lisa Niles (I care so little I didn't look it up)....


All I could think when Lisa was patching up/looking like she was blowing Johnny was "she's tilting her head....that hair is going to fall over on the side...here it comes!!" But it never did. SHELLACKED DOWN! So I missed most of that dialogue....

If we are doing past characters I would love to see Lucy Coe and her duck Sigmund every day. LOVED the show during that time. If we are doing present day characters, I really can't think of one. Pretty much says where I am back at with this show. :(

Top down(so to speak) there are so many extremely attractive (read: hot), smart older women on the canvas that it's a shame they don't get more screen time. Do I need to list them? Alexis, Diane, Tracy (she's getting the time but the story is horrible) Susan (man, it would be fun if she turned up to be dead Alexander's mom - and what if she took a shine to Luke? Have they even met?), Olivia and Kate. And if you work down, what happened to all the woman hospital workers that used to hang out at Jake's gettin' hammered on tequila and beer and actually talking about stuff.

seriously, doesn't anyone care that there has been only ABC soaps blogs for the past months; or is it just me?

Balance has always been an issue for Guza. For the last 5 to 15 years it's been Sonny, Jason, Carly, their love interest and their kids all of the time.

The only exception are Robin and Patrick. They are finally getting more airtime, but unfortunately, Patrick was thrown under a bus and driven over a few dozen times in order to make that happened.

All that aside, I don't think it's the lopsidedness that is driving GH into the ground (although that ain't helping). What's even more bothersome for me is that all the character will literaly say the same lines over and over for weeks even months at a time. Who knows maybe the fact that the number of episodes are decreasing next year could actually help GH? It may encourage the writers to make each episode count or it may mean we'll see even less of everyone else.

And to answer your question, No.

Guza has never understood the concept that less is more. He thinks the more he overexposes a character, the more the viewers will like them. Then again, maybe he just doesn't care what the viewers think and writes whatever the hell he wants.

I would be more than fine with seeing Diane and Alexis every day. Not in a storyline, per se (like Guza would give them one), but I feel the whole show would greatly improve if they were just MST3K-ing it in a corner of the screen the whole time.

Tracy! But with a good story.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who suspects elderly hypochondriac is The Balkan.

No. We don't need any character on every single day. But I don't think I would care so much if they would just give the characters GOOD WRITING. You know: Snappy dialogue, touching relationships, exciting storylines, believable motivations. Stuff that she show is crucially missing right now, in other words.

I'm missing Robert and Anna.

News alert, James Franco will reappear on GH on 2/25 and 2/28. The Academy Awards are on 2/27. Was there ever any doubt ABC would do some cross-promotion? Franco is a character I don't even want to see once a YEAR.

i would love to see tracy quartermaine every day

As I recall Luke and Laura in the early 80's were on alot... most days. of course the show was awesome with a wonderful cast and solid families so bad comparsion.... I don't want to see anyone everyday-- the most 3 days-- I want to see all cast members at least once a week..... Guza doesn't do balance...

I will miss Robert Scorpio forever...

Kate Howard! I adore Megan Ward!

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