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« Awesome Bitches and Those Who Need To Be Removed | Main | Reasons To Call The Cops (And Other Things That Mystify) »

December 10, 2010

On Rivals and Romance and Repeated Repetition

The following words may surprise you--indeed, they are probably the most shocking thing to happen in or around Port Charles in ages--but they're the truth: yesterday's episode of General Hospital was not a rerun. I can see why you'd think it was an old episode, since everyone was having the same conversations they've been having for eons, but no. Brand new.

Thursday's rehashed rehash had some high points. Okay, one high point. And, like it ALWAYS is, that high point was Carly.

Her obsession with Brenda and Dante, her utter vindictiveness and her perfect hair are the best parts of this show. Faint praise? Perhaps. But her melodramatic squealing about how quickly and tragically this latest go-round of Sonny and Brenda will end and how much time she is going to have to spend cleaning up broken glasses  is hilarious.

Then there was the rest. Quick thoughts...

  • Rumor has it that Daniel Benzali is a legitimate actor and I know that means nothing once an actor has to start speaking GH-penned words in front of a hopelessly inept GH director, but...what's with the over-the-top accent and unnecessary hamminess?

    He sounds like Sesame Street's Count von Count starring in an all Muppet revival of King Lear. Part of me hopes that he IS The Balkan and just really enjoys getting into character. The other part of me hopes that he is NOT The Balkan, because can you imagine the tongue-lashing Robin will get from the rest of Port Charles if it turns out that he's an international crime figure and she was the only person who took a liking to him? And I bet Lisa would be the one to discover the truth! It's a horrible prospect!
  • Speaking of Lisa and horrible, what is this?
  • Also, what kind of dimwitted criminal mastermind attempts to steal medicine in front of a plethora of doctors, nurses, the Chief of Staff and a hospital trustee?!
  • Not that the Chief of Staff is effective at his job in any way, shape or form. In a completely random scene that I assume was written so that real life BFFs Scott Reeves and Steve Burton could work together, Jason asked Steve for help in drawing The Balkan out of the mysterious shadows her lurks in, and Steve entered the room with all sorts of attitude before immediately caving in to Jason's wishes.  

STEVE: You beckoned me, you criminal, you?
JASON: I need your help.
STEVE: IRONIC, isn't it? That a CRIMINAL needs my help. You call me to your den of sin and murder plots, and you want me, the Chief of Staff, to help you, the hitman? I think not.
JASON: It's just that Brenda's life is at stake--
STEVE: Lives will ALWAYS be at stake when people spend time with thugs and murderers.
JASON: It's just--
STEVE: Are you trying to intimidate me? It's not going to work. Yeah, the rest of Port Charles might be under your thumb, but I'm not.

STEVE: Oh, and now you're making short jokes? That's funny, Jason. Really funny. Let me reiterate: You are not the boss of me. I am the boss of me. And of the hospital. Me. Not you.

STEVE: Okay, come to the hospital Wednesday at 5. I'll make sure the door is unlocked for you. Are we cool? We're cool, right?

  • Is Siobhan playing Lucky for evil, nefarious purposes, or is she also working undercover? I am sure the end reslt will be the opposite of entertaining, so I am not sure why I'm concerned...
  • My heart breaks for Michael basically all the time. Even when he's happy, I am just overwhelmed with an urge to give him a hug, because Chad Duell has puppy dog eyes that would put actual puppies to shame.

    I had nothing but sympathy for him today when he and Dante talked about the last time he and Dante talked (see what I mean about the rehashing?!) and Dante apologized for venting.

Michael: I know you're talking to me by default (HUG #1) and I can't really offer much advice in the ways of relationships (HUG #2), but I think I'm a good listener (HUG #3).

He lost me later, though. First, with his theory that Sonny is with Brenda at least partly to stick it to Carly. Second, with the boneheaded decision to tell the explosive ("explosive") secret of Dante's love for Brenda on the docks where anybody could hear...like Lulu, for example, who was strolling by at that exact moment. Third, by having the same exact conversation he has had with Abby for I don't even know how long. The writers obviously don't believe that we have the mental faculties needed to retain information for even brief stretches, hence the constant repetition about how nice Michael is and how unfailingly supportive--and how totally NOT A HOOKER--Abby is.

(Really. You know the joke about reading fortune cookies and adding "in bed" to the end? That's what the writers do with Michael and Abby. Basically every other sentence includes the words "I know you're not a hooker" or "I don't sell myself for money".)

  • Dante's retconned love of Brenda is irksome.

1) It changes his entire relationship with Lulu. And I liked that relationship! Until it started eating the show, anyway.

2) am terrified about what will happen when Writer's Pet A's love for Writer's Pet B becomes common knowledge; I worry that the story will wind up playing out not just in every scene on General Hospital, but also All My Children and One Life to Live.

3) It means we get scenes that play out kind of like this:

LULU: Oh, my poor baby. What happened? PS: I love you.
DANTE: I just got a little drunk.
LULU: Oh, sweetie, let me get you a vitamin. Be right back. I'll miss you when I'm gone.
DANTE: I just have something I need to tell you.
LULU: You can tell me anything. Anything you say or do, I will support you.
DANTE: Okay. The thing is--
LULU: I will support you with my love.
DANTE: Thanks.
LULU: Because I love you. 
DANTE: Yeah, I can't do this.

I mean, REALLY. The writers could not possibly lay it on any thicker.

  • They could also not lay it on any grosser! Dante found himself in one hell of an awkward position when he and his father started talking about the woman they both love.

DANTE: I've been guarding Brenda. SPEAKING OF BRENDA...
SONNY: Yeah, I'm taking care of Brenda tonight, if you know what I mean.
DANTE: Uh...
SONNY: I mean sexually. We're going to do it.

Uncomfortable, right?! For me, I mean.


My wife: Honey could you go downstairs and get that aluminum grain shovel?

Me: Uh, sure. What for?

Wife: I need to slap Carly on the side of the head.

This has been going on for months now so every time she says "grain shovel" I know what she means.

I postulated to her recently that HUffman is the Christmas McGuffin. Not meant to be the Balkan but will disappear after he shows Robin that she really needs to forgive the estranged hubby. And will remind Liz that Shirley left her with some junky looking costume jewelry that has actually has a whole crap load of valuable stones in it.

I hear there's a bus coming to town. I (we)hope Brenda, Sonny and Carly hop it and split town at least for a while.

I have to say...considering I was expecting Steven to be kissing Jason's butt within thee seconds of arriving back in town the fact the show waited THIS LONG to have Jason and Steven interact actually does show some kind of restraint of their part. But again damning with faint praise I know.

Yeah I'm with Curtis...Theirly there will eventually become like the biggest Patrick cheerleader this side of the Mississippi and then he'll die is some RETURN OF TOXIC BALLS stunt and we'll be all "and his point was????"

How sad is it that for a second I couldn't tell if the dialogue in your post was made up by you or if it was actual GH dialogue...

Jason and Steve hadn't interacted yet because Jason already has so many boyfriends.

I worked in a hospital for ten years, and let me tell you, MED CARTS DO NOT SIT AROUND UNATTENDED! It is the biggest hospital cardinal sin, second only to sharing confidential medical information. Only at GH would someone leave a cart full of meds sitting right by the elevator, unattended.

Of course, this is the same show where relatives of the accused can sit on the jury and yell things at the judge during trial.

Did anybody else think that D. Zamprogna's face looked swollen on one side yesterday and kind of yellowish? Like maybe he'd been punched and was harboring a bruise under 10 lbs. of makeup? It was kind of distracting when he was talking.

Why doesn't Sonny just do a mass email to everyone he knows to tell them he's about to bang Brenda? He's sending Max and Milo to get the paraphernalia for his Den of Sweaty Sonny Sex (ewww!) and then talking to his son about schtooping someone is just ACK. Is he going to film it so he can whip it out (no pun intended) at Christmas for a little family viewing?

Please let Carly die in a mob hit. That is all.

DANTE: I've been guarding Brenda. SPEAKING OF BRENDA...
SONNY: Yeah, I'm taking care of Brenda tonight, if you know what I mean.
DANTE: Uh...
SONNY: I mean sexually. We're going to do it.

Did this actually happen??? Because if it did just no words. Even for GH this would be a new low. LOL. This can't be actual dialogue.

Yikes, I can remember when ABC was forcing some show on us, believing the public really wanted to see Daniel Benzali as a lead actor, but still!

Talk about a tumble!

Rene I work in a hospital too and our meds are LOCKED in a cabinet on each unit and the nurse or doc has to have a code AND the ID number of the patient to unlock it. It dispenses the medication by the dosage indicated for the patient's number that they enter. NO ONE can just willy nilly unlock it and just take out a random amount of meds. There has to be a patient ID number attached for anything to be dispensed. I was told once that this show has a nurse on set as a consultant. If this is true it begs the question WHAT TYPE OF HOSPITAL DOES SHE/HE WORK IN?????

Dawn: Well, I suppose Lisa has to have some lame and half-ass way of getting Johnny the medication. Doing it the up-to-date way would be much more work for the set designers. More money too, I'd imagine, than just buying a cart with loads of little pill bottles.

@Tess, yeah but still, there should never be an unattended cart full of medication left out in the open that any random person can walk up to and take from. This show sucks.

This show continues to be Toxic Balls.

Lisa stealing the meds instead of simply writing a prescription for say...Ethan for antibiotics because he say...came into the ER and complained of being sick. Well, that writing is Toxic Balls.

Steven going to Jason's LAIR of Pink Doom makes no sense either. Had he said something along the lines of..."I'm paying you this courtesy because you're my cousin" or "I'm here only to make sure you are still of the mindset to stay away from my sister and my nephew" then it would have made more sense. Whatever happened within the context of the meeting was overshadowed by my complete and total love of Scott Reeves and Steve Burton and recognizing the parallels of Scott's Steven being constantly in motion and Steve's Jason being stark still to how I imagine the two of them in real life. Also, the writing was Toxic Balls, of course, so I had to rewind and watch a few times to try to get the understanding of what was happening. Unfortunately, I'm still at a loss. Much like I still am at the original Toxic Balls storyline.

Carly is...Carly. Nuff said

Honestly, Dante/Lulu, Dante/Michael, Dante/Jason, Dante/Sonny, Dante/Brenda I pretty much fast forward through. You can also replace the name Dante with Sonny, Jax and Sam. I also fast forward Jax/Carly but that has been true for quite some time now.

I would sure like to see the writers find awesome writer and put him/her in charge. Either that or put all the writers talents in a time machine and go back to 2004-2007. Basically pre writer strike. (I've determined that is when the writers started to become Toxic Balls.)

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