Last Week in Llanview (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb)

The bomb being, of course, any attempt at some semblance of logic and sense. I don't care. I love it. Could pregnant Natalie in her bridal gear carry an unconscious Marty through a staffed courthouse, put her into the car, drive her up to the lodge, and drag her into the place, all without stumbling or getting noticed? No chance. I don't care.

Who would care when it gave us a seriously old-school soap scene with a pregnant bride in high-heeled boots holding a crazy lady hostage with a shotgun? Could anyone not have fun watching these scenes? I know I complain about the lack of logic on this show all the time, but when the payoff is good, it's worth the shameful suspension of disbelief. We even got the obligatory crushing-the-captive's-phone-with-the-spike-heel bit:

What's not to love?

As far as storyline advancement, it was nice to see that Natalie saw that her only way out was to come clean (as she obviously should have done months ago). No sense in resisting it on principle just because the woman lording it over her got the information illegally and immorally, but since this is a soap, things just can't be that simple. The tables were turned as Natalie went into premature labor, though she was in denial about it. This allowed Marty to show some doctorly concern, which in turn allowed Natalie to remind Marty that she's not exactly an OB-GYN and, to boot, is in fact a lousy shrink as it is (a line that I'm sure got many cheers in many, many households). But a collapse gave Marty control of the shotgun, allowed her to return the phone-destroying favor (but with a lot less fashion panache), and put her in the big moral decision-making test that daytime loves so much. 

From what I've heard around in addition to the comments here, various fans on either side have been incredibly frustrated that this storyline seems designed to unfairly represent one character to make the other look better somehow, but I am not in that camp at all -- both these women are completely in the wrong, hilariously and awesomely. Each has had the upper hand at different moments, and always for the wrongest reasons. I love that it's not some black-and-white moral battle; that it gives us shotguns and bitch-slaps and hyperbolic language and all of that equals pure joy. Which of course means that Marty did not, in fact, have a crisis of conscience that made her an automatic hero. Instead she left Natalie behind.

Oopsie! Pregnant lady about to waaaaay-prematurely deliver, all by her lonesome in the middle of the woods. Though I might don a white dress and black boots and hold someone hostage with a shotgun if John Effing McBain somehow ends up being the hero, especially since Natalie's complete disappearance in the middle of her sister's medical crisis has left him nothing more than mildly nonplussed. (Then again, is there any kind of nonplussed other than "mild?")

Speaking of her sister's medical crisis... um... OH NO JESSICA AND HER UNBORN BABY ARE IN TROUBLE.

It is truly shocking and a refreshing brand new storyline! It did give us a nice, heated Viki and Clint scene, though.

I seriously cannot wait till Clint's machinations are revealed because Viki seems to be the only one whose admonishments ever seem to get to him, and she will rip him a new one. I adore these two in scenes together. On the other hand, this latest complication is going to lead Charlie back to being Sad Sack Charlie, which is the worst kind of tedium. And really? He's going to give up his sobriety for something that might happen? Can't we put this off until something does happen?

Ugh.

But speaking of alcoholics, Dorian won the week for me by going in disguise to spy on Echo at an AA meeting. I seriously don't know what kind of aging goth emo witch she's supposed to be disguised as, but it is spectacular.

Totally incognito! This woman would certainly not raise an eyebrow!

My favorite was the moment she actually did some creepy strut-dance up to the front of the room.

Adorable.

Now, if I'm honestly going to respond to the week, I suppose I do have to mention the Fords and their dimwit women. There's nothing to say about Ford and Langston or James and Starr since their scenes did not advance their stories at all this week (unless one considers Ford and Langston moving their sex date up to Valentine's Day to be "advancement"), but Nate had his hearing and the judge accepted Tea's motion to dismiss (based on the notion that there are several other people who have yet to be eliminated from the suspect list for Eddie's murder). At some point before this attempt at dismissal, Inez told Nate something that we were not privy to, but whatever it was led Nate to give his mother some really boring looks of significance in the courtroom.

Which in turn led to his mother giving him some really boring looks back.

Which in turn led to Nate very non-dramatically telling the judge that he should not dismiss the case, because he in fact is the one who killed Eddie. This was terribly upsetting to some people in the courtroom, particularly his mother who was so devastated that she reacted as follows:

Okay, seriously. Someone needs to tell Jessica Leccia that while "subtle" or "understated" are often refreshing in such a melodramatic medium, you gotta freakin' give us something, woman. She looks like she's worried she forgot to feed the hamster.

Meanwhile, Aubrey's up to something naughty with someone kind of hot, David is back and it's killing us, Bo and Nora are heartbreaking but Bo seems to finally be getting a clue (I fear that Clint's involvement is somehow going to turn Inez into a victim, though, even when everyone finds out she drugged him and that will make my head explode-y), and the slappiest of awesome slaps occurred.

The box Eli left Blair had a painting of her in it (circa around 1995 or 1996, right?), dated 2003. 

Any speculation on what this is all about?

Not a bad start to 2011, One Life to Live. 

Destiny out!

Comments

[Leanne]

So let's get this straight. This is Jessica's fourth pregnancy. She's already had three girls, two of which (Megan and Chloe) were stillborn. If she gives birth to another dead girl again, I am going to scream. I'm quite sure that's not actually possible at this point. She needs to have a healthy little boy so that Bree can have a cute baby brother and WE CAN ALL JUST BE HAPPY, DAMMIT!

[Dandesun]

The painting of Blair is her when she and Todd had their 'golden balloon' wedding in 1995 before he 'died' in Ireland and was apparently painted in 2003, when we lost RH's Todd and gained TSJ's Todd.

In all honesty, it's probably just one big cocktease... but it IS fun to speculate because those are some pretty important moments for Todd/Blair. (Unless you believe in Ron's rewritng and realize they meant nothing because he was carrying a torch for Marty/Tea all along.)

But hey... Ted King's coming, right?

[C]

The Natalie/Marty scenes (particularly the ones with Natalie going all Asa with the shotgun) were soapy goodness. I love that, however implausibly she did it, Natalie managed to get Marty into the lodge and then just dumped her on the floor instead of on the couch or a chair. Heh.

Marty sarcastically and bitchily dismissing what happened to Jessica's baby might have been a bitchy step too far for our favorite crazy head shrinker, though.

[Miranda]

I love your recaps so much. They are so full of energy and excitement. They make me want to start watching one life to live again!

[Knope]

The Natalie and Marty scenes were fabulous, awesome, fun, soapy wonderfulness! I haven't had that much fun on this show since Bo and Nora's wedding 7 months ago!

I've decided that baby is McBain's since only a McBain could spoil the fun like that with an inopportune entrance. Stay inside, baby! I want to see more Marty/Natalie hooliganisms!

Where exactly were they? I know Nat said the Buchanan Lodge, but it looked a lot like Viki's cabin. Or is the Buchanan Lodge the same thing as Viki's cabin?

[Chad]

I just assume that, since she is a Buchanan and was an heir of Asa by choice and blood, Natalie got a hired goon or two to help.

[Lisa]

Team Natalie. Marty lost me at scoffing at Jessica's situation and leaving Nat there. I wouldn't even do that and I'm pretty fricking mean.

[Louise]

Knope, I believe it's the Buchanan Lodge. Viki's cabin looks very similar but has a slightly different layout (fireplace on the other side nearest the door, which I remember from Schuyler/Gigi sexin' each other up last year).

Chad, good call. Of course she can hire goons!

[guilty pleasure]

You could've also titled this blog entry "Pistol Packin' Baby Mama" or "Natalie's Got A Gun"!!!!

[oakley frogskins]

She should probably seek some sort of counselling instead of going to her freezer everyday to hold onto a painful past event.