Access Llanview?

So...Wendy Williams. "Access Llanview." That happened today. So she guest-starred as the host of a tabloid TV show that served as a framing device for today's episode of One Life to Live, for... I have no idea what purpose. She didn't interact with any of the characters; she just offered up some exposition, but I didn't realize that today was a Very Special Episode for people who haven't watched in six months. I'm all for new viewers but this was just bizarre. And most importantly, where was Charlie Sheen? I thought he was going on all the talk shows from now on.

Well, if I got to host a show about Llanview, here's what I'd have to say to the three viewers:

Before Rex finally told the truth to Bo about where David is, Bo went all Clint on Rex about how David was such a traitor to his family, so they no longer care about him, which... doesn't that seem a bit at odds with his expectation that Clint should forgive him for getting involved with his wife? And should totally accept Rex as his son, despite Rex having tried to con the family in the past? Pick a philosophy, Bukes!

After Rex finally told the truth to Bo about where David is, Rex made some pathetic argument about how he put his own family ahead of Bo's. His living-rent-free girlfriend's tuition -- that's what he put ahead of Bo's family. It's not as if Rex's family's lives were at stake -- but Bo's son's life was and is at stake. I wish Rex had just stated it like is. He put Gigi's college tuition ahead of the life and freedom of Bo's son. 

Thankfully, Bo did not let it go. Today anyway.

So now what is Cutter up to? Is he just offering up someone for Dorian to talk to in order to win points with Kelly? Because I have bad news for him about what Kelly's been up to. Maybe he's the smartest man in town and will realize Dorian is basically the most awesome single chick in town and fall madly in love with her and pull a "Sorry, Sis!" when he lands not only the spectacular Dorian but a load of cash as well. Oh, wait. Just kidding. I imagine we're all gearing up for another tedious round of Dorian and David whenever he comes back to visit the show for a month. I CAN'T WAIT.

And now a special segment...

Characters Who Are WINNING

Brody. He took action, and actually tried more than just saying, "Please." Now while I don't buy for a second that Jessica's family has no legal recourse in this whole Tess situation, Brody isn't going to give up and has already attempted, you know, more than one strategy.

Nora. While she and Bo should have given Matthew more information already, she did finally let the poor kid in on what the hell is going on right now with his Uncle Clint.

Joey. Sure, they've had him be duped regarding just about everything on the planet lately, but at least he finally remembered having seen Eddie Ford in Clint's house.

Eddie Ford. The show remembered his murder hasn't been solved!

 

Characters Who Are LOSING

Charlie. He made out with Echo today in his wife's living room. Seriously, are they firing Brian Kerwin? Did he quit? This isn't exactly a "keep him around" move. You don't cheat on Victoria Lord! And if you do, I'd assume you're supposed to devolve in a downward spiral of self-hatred, not put the moves on the other woman again in the middle of Llanfair!

Rex. Apparently he let David rot in a Moroccan prison because he was "so scared" for his family. And, bullshit.

Ford. My thinking Ford's a loser is nothing new, but today he hit new lows when Jessica's mother tearfully begged for his mercy to help with her mentally ill daughter and he refused. 

 

And finally, if I were the host of a TV show about Llanview, this is definitely the image with which I'd end my show:

Comments

[C]

Niiice screen cap of Brody. Lookin' good, Pocket Cop! He has seriously become the only likeable male romantic lead on this show.

Enough trying to sugarcoat what Ford did to Jessica, Show. Tess being the one to actually do the deed with Ford is even WORSE because that means Jess was so traumatized by what was happening, she had to split into Tess. He's gross, he's disgusting, and his lame claims that he's doing these horrible things (denying mental help to an ill woman, refusing a teary eyed, begging mother and grandmother) for his son are ridiculously transparant. STOP IT!

[C]

Oh, and DIAF Charlie. In Viki's own home? While she's dealing with crisis after crisis? With the woman who broke up one of her past marriages? Brian Kerwin has to be on his way out, right?

[nOva]

DIAF = "Die in a fire," right?

Is the show trying to pin Eddie's murder on Matthew now? I knew it was a possibility but... I know this is a lot to ask of OLTL but I need that timeline to make sense.

[Andrea]

Ford is a POS and completely disgusting. He doesn't even deserve to be called a human being. I can't believe that he thinks that his rights to a child that was created out of rape are more important Jessica's rights to be mentally healthy. My one hope after all of this is done is that Tess is actually playing Ford and making sure that he looks as bad as possible when there is a custody battle for Ryder.

And Brody is definitely the most amazing person in this whole storyline. He's accepted his responsibility for everything and just wants to make sure that both Jess and Ryder have nothing to do with Ford.

[JT]

Hopefully that is Wendy Williams only appearance. Maybe if she interviewed characters or something it would've added something to the show but it was just filler material.

Brody is, always have been and hopefully barring any character assassination upon which I will no longer watch this show, hopefully always will be my hero. He is the one character I have consistently loved practically from the beginning. I really hope he is the one to bring Jessica back and put Ford either in jail where he belongs or hated by everyone in Llanview and ostracized right out of town.

I have thought Matthew to be a potential suspect for Eddie's murder for a while and that Clint has been protecting him somehow. I'm not sure what actual timeline n0va is referring to since there was a huge gap left open and unaccounted for between the time when Eddie was seen alive and when he was found dead which made anyone a suspect.

I can't get on the bandwagon of Charlie hate and I really hope BK doesn't leave. He is a talented actor and they way he has been written is not his fault. Yeah it's bad that he's making out w/Echo in his wife's home but people have done worse in Llanfair and been forgiven for it later on. Tess built a cell in the basement and tried to kill Natalie but she has her fans. Heck a lot of people love Clint despite the fact that he has done way more damage to his family than Charlie has. I'm just not throwing in the towel because the Charlie/Vicki shippers are having a cow over the fact that Charlie isn't perfect.

[Amanda]

Brody? Hella fine.

That's all that needs to be said, really.

[guilty pleasure]

Well I was wrong about Cutter going to emotionally rape Dorian. It seems to me that he is trying to worm his way into Dorian's life either to make Kelly jealous, or to get Dorian's money! I personally don't want a Cutter and Dorian pairing! Couldn't they just pair Joey back with Dorian again to get him away from that boring BE scam s/l, and to reignite the Viki/Dorian feud again?

[Andrea]

Amanda, ITA.

[LadyBug]

Charlie is about to fall off of the wagon when he finds out that Echo knew all along that Clint was Rexx's father.

Ford is horse dung.

Tess needs to go away and let Jessica fight her own battles.

Rexx and Gigi deserve each other. Rexx's little family should be living in a one bedroom apartment while trying to pay their bills.

Yeah, I think either Matthew or Nora are the ones that knocked off Eddie Ford.

[LooseLipsLiz]

I have to say - Bree looked AMAZING in the photos that "Access Llanview" used for the Jess/Tess storyline. Wow.

For the first time in this Tess/Ford storyline, I hated Ford. I wish he had some remorse about the whole keeping Jessica insane situation. Ugh. But, still, Bree and David have this weird chemistry that still makes me want to watch.

---

In my opinion, Joey was not a winner today. He moved Aubrey in! Ewww. . . Frankly, I think OLTL missed the casting boat on this one. Daniel Cosgrove (I know, he played Gina's brother on GL, but still!) would have made a better Joey. He is more age appropiate and has an ironic sense of humor. And, I think he looked quite a bit like Nathan Fillon. (Seriously, does anyone agree with me?) I think Joey was cast before Daniel agreed to return as Scott on AMC - though I am LOVING him over there. Hmm . . . (Oh, and I totally just remembered that he played a love interest to Terri Conn - maybe this wouldn't have worked. It would be like watching ATWT all over again.)

---

I really like Brian Kerwin, but I never really felt "it" between Charlie and Viki once it moved to Llanview (they were great in Paris, TX). I guess I am okay with him being writen into a corner. . . well, not really, but still. I wish Jared was still on the show. I really liked him.

[Sharon]

Someone should tell Wendy Williams to drop her chin when she's talking directly into the camera. Her nose job (at least I'm hoping that thing is not natural) looks decidedly... porcine. It was so distracting, I couldn't pay attention to what she was saying.

[gjb]

well I am not a fan of oltl anymore. I know you guys hated Ford and all but I really liked him with Langston. But after the bullshit crap of them firing the actress who plays Langston to do this beyond fucked up stupid ass story, I now HATE Ford. I personally think that Langston and Ford and the actors David and Brittany had great chemistry and if oltl didn't fire her and actually fired the people on that show who deserve it, I would still be a fan of Lang and Ford. But idk maybe the show wants the character of Ford to be hated and that's why they are doing this stupidness but either way, I wish they hadn't fired Brittany cause she is a much better actress than half the bullshit actress on that show.

[Carl]

"In my opinion, Joey was not a winner today. He moved Aubrey in! Ewww. . . Frankly, I think OLTL missed the casting boat on this one. Daniel Cosgrove (I know, he played Gina's brother on GL, but still!) would have made a better Joey. He is more age appropiate and has an ironic sense of humor. And, I think he looked quite a bit like Nathan Fillon. (Seriously, does anyone agree with me?) I think Joey was cast before Daniel agreed to return as Scott on AMC - though I am LOVING him over there. Hmm . . . (Oh, and I totally just remembered that he played a love interest to Terri Conn - maybe this wouldn't have worked. It would be like watching ATWT all over again.)"

Terri and Daniel had horrible chemistry on ATWT.

They are never going to cast anyone they like as Joey because Joey is on the show to remind us how much we are supposed to like John, Cutter, etc. He's there to be a chump.

[Louise]

Yeah, I was going to say -- I don't think casting someone with an ironic sense of humor would help the role of Joey since he isn't written with one (for all I know TD is a witty genius). He's just written as one big dope. When I referred to him as "winning," believe me, I meant it more in the Charlie Sheen sense. He got ONE THING right.

[LadyBug]

Has Joey ever been a winner accept as a kid on the show? I remember Joey, Kevin and Jessica were not at ALL thrilled when Viki started seeing Sloan Carpenter. Joey was cheated on by Kelly with his brother Kevin. Jen Rapport cheated on Joey by his now new brother Rexx.

NF was THE best Joey Buchanan, but even he had some poopy stories before leaving the show. And no, I'm not talking about Dorian or his earlier romance with Kelly.