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« Who's The Lunatic, Anyway? | Main | It's Like "Groundhog Day", Except It's Written Terribly. And Also A Tragedy. »

March 17, 2011

Notes For The Midterm Evaluations...

Note to self: formalize (and clean up?) before submitting to higher-ups with midterm grades and written evaluations. Set up some parent-teacher conferences but do try to avoid some parents (T. Manning, C. Buchanan, R. Ford, R. Balsom).

Little Johnny McBain: Uncooperative. Perhaps earn his respect by offering a few St. Patrick's Day beers. Apparently can consume several liters of hard liquor and still stand. Appears to be struggling with several lessons. Going through a hell of a time after being tricked into a family and then learning he'd been lied to egregiously, but seems to have a great deal of confusion on the points of betrayal. Classmate Kelly uses phrases like, "Brody went behind your back and slept with your fiancee" and Little Johnny fails to correct her. Perhaps offer refresher course on definition of fiancee (i.e., someone you are currently engaged to). Perhaps remind Little Johnny of then-romantic-commitment to Little Marty Saybrooke. Speak to school nurse about addressing rancid-breath issues as a result of several-day bender. (Self: possibly bring air fresheners or Bad Air Sponge to class as his pores are starting to secrete Jack Daniels.) Possibly set classmate Brody up as a tutor for him on how one mans up. Midterm Average: C-

Jack Manning: Is he sleeping okay? Perhaps recent growth spurt has rendered him unable to comfortably make gestures and form convincing sentences. Has always been a little prick but lately directing it more specifically. Seems to goad a female classmate into fake sexual situations she's clearly not comfortable with -- genetic? A major concern. Also confused in chapter on "poor white trash," as he thinks it can apply to family with no housing costs living in giant home on wealthy estate. (Note to self: make appointment only with mother. Avoid father and stepmother, as might be perpetuating problems.) Midterm Average: D+.

Shane Morasco: Showing major improvements. Almost opposite trajectory as classmate Jack, as Shane has become more competent at convincingly communicating words and feelings. Awkward but great potential. Keep eye on for future roles in class play. Midterm Average: B+.

Sam Manning: Absent. Almost all of the time. News says father shot and in hospital -- called home and no answer from mother, siblings, aunt, or staff. Called hospital and no sign of him. Possibly call CPS. Concerned for whereabouts and well-being. Midterm Average: Incomplete.

Starr Manning: Wasted potential. Has become bland and cloying. Has decided rapist hateful father has "good side," though unable to identify it. Insists it has to do with starting food fights and name-calling, which sounds consistent with aforementioned bad side. Helping boyfriend's brother destroy a child and its mother -- also call CPS? Has toddler daughter rarely seen. Who is raising? Seems to always have head cold. Alert school nurse. Midterm Average: C.

Kelly Cramer: Forgot son. Forgot career. Inexplicably attracted to unshowered Little Johnny McBain with rancid breath and whiskey-stinking pores and unclean clothes. Understood when drunk herself, but concerned that she still finds stomach-able. Re-direct her in her studies. Keep separate from Natalie Banks on playground. Midterm Average: C.

Gigi Morasco: Also call CPS? Certain is not child's biological mother. Looks 25. Also, concerned for her "financially struggling" attitude that gets imparted to son Shane. Confusing son. Making him think that living on a sprawling estate in large free house makes them poor. School nurse should be alerted to eye makeup and hairstyle confusion, and taste in men. Midterm Average: B-.

Brody Lovett: Head of the class. Excellent student. Stellar young man. Priorities in order. Loves two non-biological children because in love with children's mother and is virtual father to both, just as he said he would be when he learned the bun in the oven might not share his DNA. Put money where mouth is. Also loving father to biological offspring despite deeply tricky situation. Stand-up guy who has made mistakes but is who I would assign any troubled student to rely on. Successfully pointed out aforementioned flawed logic of former playground friend Little Johnny McBain. (Note to self: avoid one-on-one interactions as personal feelings becoming inappropriate for teacher-student relationship.) Midterm Average: A.

Overall Class Evaluation: Grades slipping considerably from earlier in term. Would like to suspend Todd, Bobby, James, Nate, Starr, Jack, John, Dani, Langston, Rex, Aubrey. Would improve curve. Discuss with principal or Mayor Lord.


Excuse me while I print and frame this. AWESOME!!

Would love to read more of Teacher's evaluations!!!!

Oh how I want Brody and Natalie to be together.

Oh Brody... I think that the writers are trying to get me to sympathize with Ford but this whole story should just be called "More Reasons to Love Brody". Who wouldn't want Brody for a father?

Hilarious! And hooray for Brody being top of the class. I'm glad he told that whiny ass John what's what yesterday.

I want to see more of these evaluations. How hilarious would Joey's be. "Student seems to lack basic reasoning skills. May require special help."

Love it!!! ITA about Brody. I would have to be with him in a group situation to make sure that nothing inappropriate would happen.

Seriously though, Brody is truly the only character that I am rooting for here. He has handled things perfectly. He still loves Jess and wants to make things up to her all the while being a parent to both Ryder and Bree, even if Ryder isn't his biologically. And, he's stepping up to be in Liam's life. If I could have a way for Brody to be both Ryder and Liam's father, I would take it. It would definitely be a lot more soapy and lead to great storylines in the future than Ryder being the son of Robert Ford, the man who raped his mother.

As for Sam, Blair said he was at a sleepover. Did you notice though, how Sam wasn't even in the picture that Jack smashed??? Poor guy.

The teen bullying story is being done so poorly but today the actor that plays Shane really sold it for me. Imagine if he got scenes with other characters besides notJack, Gigi and Rex?

I haven't watched today's show yet, but yesterday when Shane called Gigi out on her crappy advice, it made me chortle with glee!
Also.. now that Echo knows Shane is still having problems, why was she sucking face with Charlie instead of helping her grandson who was suffering alone upstairs? I had hopes for her helping Shane but she didn't do a thing.

What about Cutter, Bo, Nora, or Inez? How did they do according to your grading system?

I seriously want Brody to be the father of both babies. But if it had to be only one, than Ryder because the heavenly rapist Ford should have been dead like yesterday.

Ah, Brody. The classic curve-breaker. Just when it looks like certain people will skate because EVERYONE sucks, someone comes along and pulls out a straight up A+! And don't forget to add Shane to the list of children, both biologically his and not, that Brody is absolutely willing to step up to the plate for, because he took on a responsibility, despite the DNA deal and any relationship issues with the mother. Brody isn't perfect (no soap character is), but I don't know if there's a character in daytime who's more HONORABLE, or honorably HOT. Love Brody!

I think Brody should be in a relationship with all the women in Llanview, Sister Wives/Big Love-style. He makes for the best dad and he makes all the women much more interesting. I didn't like Jessica until she was paired with him, I liked Natalie with Jared but didn't care about her and John, and then they had their one night and I like her in scenes with him, and Gigi and Rex haven't been as interesting as when they were involved in the paternity lie with Brody.

Recapper's ability to be hilarious and joyful: A+. So glad you're here.

This has to be the funniest thing I have seen in so long...way better than the actual show.

BRILLIANT column!!

I really like Brody. The only time I started to dislike him, even a little, was when he and Gnat went after Marty. And I'd sure like to see him back with Jessica.

NuJack is bad, and I'm not talking about the character. He's like a juvenile Snidely Whiplash. And for the first time, I like Shane quite a bit. I think he's playing this very well. Too bad he has two of the Three Stooges for parents.

I was hoping this was going to be an "Echo-driven" storyline, but it doesn't look like it.

Awesome post! Of course Brody gets an A! A+ maybe?

Tara, brilliant idea.

Brody's the Uncle Mac of OLTL: the perfect dad for kids who aren't even biologically his (and you know Liam will turn out to be John's). Him and Blair should get together (HAWT!) and take care of all of Llanview's children. Lord knows the rest of the parents are inept.

I loved your column. I agree & felt most of your evaluations were dead on. The only one I differ in is Kelly Cramer Buchanan. I think she should get an F-----. Yes, you mentioned her forgotten son, that is the only thing you wrote about her that was personal. All that other stuff is who she is hanging on.

I feel that TPTB bring her into this John/Natlie situation her past should be called into question when she is giving someone advice on how they are acting when said person participates not once, but twice in an sex romp even after she supposedly wrote a sincere apology note. With all she has done in the past.

Normally, it wouldn't be an issue for me, but they brought her into this storyline when there was no reason really. There is already to many participates in this. John, Natalie, Jess/Tess/Bess/Mess,Brody & Marty if she ever resurfaces to the canvas. In my book being a longtime viewer its insulting to not address her past to all the newcomers tuning in to let them know what a skank she really is.

Stole a baby/kidnapped (remember - Ace from All my children) & passed him off to Kevin who then in turn had thinks he is his, then sleeps with his son, Duke. Gets pregnant by him & that child is never to be seen or heard from again while she is in Landview being care free & single, Plus, my other is. She helped conseal Jessica's doubt early on when she thought Ford could be the father and now after Natalies worse fears of her sister turning to Tess again after learning the truth where has good friend Kelly to Jess now? I know its a soap, but have some continuity in your storline for gods sake.

You guys are too kind! Glad you enjoyed it. I will surely have some evaluation notes on the other characters when I get caught up over the weekend...

great great great!!! PS show-stop trying to make Kelly work SHE WILL NEVER WORK

I heart the "wee pocket soldier" aka Brody Lovett. What a man, what a man, what a mighty fine man.

John couldn't love a child that was not his biologically. I am so glad that Brody doesn't care who fathered Ryder and Liam and is there for both boys.

I pretty much watch this show just for Brody. He is the only stand up guy on this show, is the most swoon worthy guy on this show and is probably the best role model as a father and mate and a friend on this show. He is 10x the man that John could ever hope to be. And for someone who's only been on a few years Mark Lawson can act circles around many cast members who have been on longer than him (JPL, FF, ME, etc.).

AW (Shane)has had more time to hone his acting skill so of course his grade is higher. I get that the kid who plays NuJack is not really winning brownie points w/anyone but he's only been on like 3 whole times so as much as his scenes may be clunky I doubt anyone should expect Emmy winning material so soon. He's not any worse than some of the other newbies (the oldest and youngest Fords, Inez, Dani). Also the bullying storyline is a tough one to pull off in a daytime show. Soaps have a hard enough time pulling off a lot of their stories which are not so grounded in reality as it is. It's certainly better than a 3rd round of HS Musical relying on the overused trope of a medical/health tragedy.

Awesome column! I hella <3 Brody too. While trying to quantitate just how much, I came up with two key points: 1) Brody had the best introduction of anyone on any show, ever! (Refresher: bar fight in front of Dorian and Layla.) I'm even putting it as better than Tony on a Horse, but not chessier. 2) This is the most invested I've gotten in a new male character since JJ's Lucky back in the 90s. He is just that great.

yep Brody he deserves an A for trying to be the upsrtanding guy.. considering her was not long ago flipping out andsent to a mental institution for apost tramatic sitation. Kelly just sucks sahe deserves an F

i'd love to see Charlie suspended. he's so annoying.

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