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« Destination: Horror | Main | And Hilarity Ensues... »

April 26, 2011

"It Couldn't Get Much Worse Than It Already Is". Oh, Lucky, I Beg To Differ.

I had this very wordy, very irritated preamble to this post written before I finished today's General Hospital. I used lots of synonyms for "boring" and included a story about a hilarious Easter rant by my aunt Lisa (she is indirectly responsible for there even being a Serial Drama, since she introduced me to soaps as a wee one) about how horrible Jason is--a rant made whilst making Belgian waffles, which I think makes the story even more hilarious--and a variety of nicknames for Abby that incorporate the term "dead-eyed" because duh, but all of it went out the window when I realized that this week we are getting an INTERVENTION! On THURSDAY! INTERVENTION! You should all know by now how I feel about television interventions and how I feel is GLEEFUL! 

I also feel slightly irked about just how blatant this Emmy pandering is; like, it's so obvious and ridiculous that they may as well run a scroll at the bottom of the screen saying "Anthony Geary is eligible for a nomination as Outstanding Lead Actor in a Daytime Drama...Don't forget to vote Julie Marie Berman as Outstanding Supporting Actress...Jason RULEZ, Cops DROOLZ XOXO, Guza", but mostly...gleeful. Who would have thought that Bailey's intervention on Party of Five would have such an impact on my television viewing habits?!

It's sort of hard to talk about Emmy pandering without specifically mentioning Tony Geary's performance lately. He's been masterful. After years of shenanigans and wackiness, he's got some dark, painful material to work with and, well, he's been killing it. In the (surprisingly fantastic, actually--Maurice Benard is at his best with Geary and also, small children) scenes he had with Sonny, he had this air of just...exhaustion that was really well done.

And he got an Emmy-worthy line if there ever was one:

Luke: I don't give a crap about Jason.

Even though this wholly blasphemous statement was intended to showcase just how downward Luke has spiralled (insulting JASON?!?!?!), it still deserves a slow clap. 

This deserves a big old eye roll:

Luke: You never killed a kid, Sonny.
Sonny: I got one shot.

True, you are responsible for Michael getting shot. Also, you--single-handedly--almost one blown the fuck up! And SHOT ONE IN THE CHEST!

(Although, really, that one was mostly on Olivia).

 And this? Deserves a huge glass of shut the hell up (I quote Adam Sandler movies a lot, don't I? Huh) and also, WHAT THE FUCK?

Luke: We even survived him being a cop!

Yes, because this is, literally, the worst path a child could ever take. A COP! That's worse than being an arsonist, or a kitten-drowner or a fan of Nickelback.

I fast-forwarded through most of the rest of the show (although I have to say that Maxie and Elizabeth's scenes bring joy to my life. Maxie's role as the bitchy voice of reason is amazing. "What you're doing--excuse me, not doing, isn't fair to you or anyone else"! Smart and hilarious) but I don't want to fast-forward through all of the Michael/Abby/Johnny stuff. I know, why, right? Well, it's not because I want to miss things like this:

 Abby: He's worth it. Michael didn't just save me from getting raped, he gave me my life back.

Because I DO want to miss things like that, or at least repress them after the fact. And I certainly don't want to watch Michael make even more illogical criminal decisions because...ugh. It just depresses me, you know? The character growth that could have been, had the writing staff been comprised of people with, you know, talent.

What I don't want to miss is prime Anthony Zacchara crazy and since the Zaccharas are linked to all of this, I have to watch, or else I would have never seen this:

Anthony: I'm trying to make this place a little more beautiful. I am trying to bring [Face contorts with RAGE!] JOY AND TRANQUILITY INTO YOUR LIFE!

Anthony: I think we'll enjoy this time together, this gift we've been given. We'll be a couple of bachelors just hanging out, looking for a little action now and then.

I swear, before Anthony is carted back to prison or killed for daring to mess with Michael, we better get at least one hilarious montage of him and Johnny bonding and having adventures, preferably set to a Billy Joel song. Please!


I offer a slow clap for the Nickleback slam.

Luke: You never killed a kid, Sonny.
Sonny: I got one shot.

What kind of sick, twisted competition are these two having?

And Abby, please die. (Oh, who am I kidding? This is GH. She'll be brutally murdered at some point.)

I applaud you ladies for watching GH on a regular basis.

I guess GH figures they may as well get those Emmy nods before someone at Disney cancels the show.

I particularly loved that the "even survived him being a cop" came as the trump card on Luke's list AFTER Lucky finding out that, you know, his father raped his mother. Because, really. Dealing with your son being a cop is way worse than finding out your father raped your mother. Obviously.

I have to admit, except for the Abby/Michael crap, I've really enjoyed the past two days. I want to know which writer gave Luke that tirade against Jason to Sam yesterday? I nearly applauded!

It's nice to know Maurice Benard can still bring it, he just have to have the material and a decent scene partner. It looks like the intervention is going to be awesome. For the first time in a long time, I find myself looking forward to GH. Astonishing, I know.

This is what good writing, A list acting and balance could give us. And while I know it's Emmy pandering, if TG doesn't win for this story, there is no justice.

Louise you know it is.

Mallory enjoy your intevention...I'm going to get through the way I do with all other bleeding obvious Emmy baits....A nice bottle of wine and the mute button.

I've totally given up on GH. I just watch the Kristina and Ethan scenes on youtube because they're fun and cute and Kristina hates her dad.

On a side note, I missed how/when AZ got out of prison. Not that I don't enjoy BW immensely. Poor Johnny, having to deal with crazy Lisa AND crazy dad. Wait. Maybe AZ will have Lisa offed.

I'm not even watching anymore, but I'm STILL tired of the annual "Let's Give Tony Geary and Joshua Jackson an Emmy Reel!" Also, perhaps I'm letting what over the years has become a great dislike of Tony Geary (his interpretations of Luke when he talks about them are incredibly... misguided, IMHO) cloud my judgment, and like I said I'm not watching so maybe I'm being unfair, but I don't think he's really that great anymore. He's become so... ACTOR!y.

The fact that Jake's death has become about Jason and Luke is predictable, sad, and enraging all at once.

Oh, and am I the only one who remembers that one of those six Emmys TG has was for that hideous "My Way" heart attack stuff? That alone makes that little selling point a bit dubious.

Bourgeois Nerd...i remember that and over some truly great work by David Canary and Peter Bergman that year as well. It was the biggest joke Emmys there ever was. WAsnt' there only like one actor we all agreed actually DESERVED their award that year? I feel there was....

I too am tried of the yearly Emmy bait. If they really are the greatest of all great actors...then they don't need to bait so hard for Emmys.

I could totally go for a Zachara montage, but it's less Billy Joel in my mind and oddly more Laverne & Shirley.

As for the intervention, I am far less gleeful. At the very least, nobody in it will even come close to "...but you're my favorite Bailey..." Claudia Salinger Love!

Is anyone else jonesing for an Anthony Zachara/Russell Edgington show? (Those who watch True Blood, anyway). I mean COME ON! How great would those two be together??

Could they have Michael acting like more of a preschooler not getting his favorite toy? I understand he wants to help Abby, and I understand he DOES have some level of brain damage, but I think perhaps someone should get him a helmet and a coloring book to keep his mind on something else, lest he REALLY fuck up the situation. If he has sex with Abby with the same lack of emotional control he shows in every other walk of life..well, I guess I won't go there.

There's so much else to complain about, but I think we already know what the problems are. No sense in pouring salt into the wound.

I have a stupid question that has nothing to do with anything, but I figured I'd ask it here anyway.

How does Abby the unemployed Strooker/Paralegal student (she's what, almost 30 -- how long does it take to become a paralegal anyway?) afford such a nice apartment with nice furniture? I mean geez, Dante's a cop, and I assume he makes decent money, and look at the hole HE lives in in comparison!

This show is such crap. And if I have to listen to one more person talking about Jason's pain I'm gonna start throwing things.

Anthony is a refreshing break from the rest of the show though. He needs to give Lisa a few psycho tips on how to be crazy AND have the fans root for you!

Can this show just get new writers please? I'm sick of everybody and everything.

I floved Anthony's "joy and tranquility" line. Genius reading. It reminded me of the Seinfeld "Serenity now!" plea, lest we forget that was followed by "Insanity later!" Even if it means seeing more of Lisa because of Johnny, I love Anthony being back. He should have been the featured villain all along, not the forced introductions of Theo and Franco.

I kept thinking while watching yesterday's show that this story should be about Elizabeth's pain, not Jason's, not Luke's. I know the story was a way to get Liz off the show so they had to do some rewriting, but how sad that she hasn't been given the opportunity to portray her pain, heck even share more scenes with Jason if that would be what it took to feature her in the story. I did love Luke's rant about Jason to Sam though, I'm surprised Awesome Writer was allowed to speak ill of the mighty Jason.

I haven't watched GH the past couple of weeks, but if I could have scenes of Anthony at Vaughn's 'checking out the ladies' or perhaps scenes of him hitting on Monica or Bobbie, I might actually watch this show more often. He should at least try to hit on Alexis or Diane.

"we better get at least one hilarious montage of him and Johnny bonding and having adventures, preferably set to a Billy Joel song. Please!"

Love this!!!!

I appreciated the fact that they acknowledged the past shared by Sonny, Luke and Lucky - maybe there's hope yet.

I saw a preview of the Intervention and I didn't see Elizabeth in the circle...WTF?? Who the hell did Becky piss off?

@Michelle Frons, Phelps, ABC in general

Jeez, Sonny don't be so modest -- you got one kid shot -- and you shot one. Don't sell yourself short.

Mallory, you are aware that there's a whole show based on interventions, right? Or can you not deal with real life pain? (That's my problem with it.)

@Michelle: Why on earth would the mother of the child you killed in your drunken haze be someone who should be there to make you face the reality of your choices?

That's just crazy talk.

May I suggest "My Life" for the Anthony/Johnny night out?

I have to say I'm not looking forward to this intervention. Whereas people see Jake's death becoming about Jason and Luke, I have to greatly disagree. If Jake's death has become about anyone, its become about Lucky. And all this intervention is going to be is more of Lucky's grandstanding. I'm so sick of him running around town telling people his sob story so that someone will tell him its not his fault. It's now like he's marking people off a checklist. Luke, Ethan, Lulu, Jason, Sonny, Maxie, Nikolas, Elizabeth, Steven, Tracy, Sam, and Irish. They all got his version of his sob story. And we as an audience had to listen to it everytime he told it. In fact he set Jason up telling Jason that he was there to talk about Jake, just to turn around and talk about himself and his sob story. I'm so sick of him acting like he's had the greatest lost then anyone that loved Jake. He just got those pictures of Jake up in his apartment. Don't have any of their toys in his place whereas you think about Elizabeth having to walk past Jake's bedroom everyday and every time she walks out her house, she has to look at where she found her son. And that pisses me off more than anything because he didn't love Jake as much as he's supposedly grandstanding. And I know people can say, well he stepped up to play father to a kid that wasn't his, I'm like big deal. Many people have done it on GH. Mac did that, and did a way better job at it. Lucky is all talk when it comes to Jake and Cam, that's what pisses me off with all his snotting and crying. He only played 'daddy' when it didn't inconvenience him. Case in point, when Elizabeth was in ShadyBrooke, who took care of those kids? Who did they live with? Wasn't Lucky, that was Audrey and Steven. Lucky is basically a glorified babysitter that spent time with those kids when they didn't inconvience his time doing something else. Case in point, he blew off Cake because he acted like he had to marry Irish right then and there. Like Irish was being deported the very next day. It's been what about a week and a half since Jake's death and she still in the USA so him blowing off Cake was only because they were an inconvenience to what he wanted to do. The last time he saw Cam was before Jake's death and I'm guessing that's because Cam doesn't understand enough to tell him that its not his fault because to me it seems like he wants to interact with people who are quick to tell him how its not his fault and what a great guy he is.

I have to honestly say that I'm happy that Elizabeth isn't part of the intervention. Just thrilled because she's away from the Spencers and she always become stronger when she's away from Lucky and that family and I don't have to to hear her talk about the great virtues of Lucky who has called her a bitch, whore, slut on numerous occassions.

I floved Bailey's intervention!

Anthony makes me smile. I've missed him.

I'm pissed that Elizabeth never even got a second to be angry with Luke. I think she would have had an effective role in the intervention, but she's been pushed out of this entire story and it's her kid that died. It's become all about Jason and Lucky's grief and saving Luke from himself. I could appreciate this a little if story were written fairly.

Shockingly, I've been enjoying Elizabeth and Maxie's scenes, even though this is really none of Maxie's business. She wants to help and isn't being vindictive.

Kermitklein, I love you. You just said everything I've wanted to say since this whole thing started. I'm so tired of seeing Lucky on my screen, crying and whining and then yesterday talking about how he needed to move on with his life. It's not like Cameron really needs him or anything. He was always second-best to Jake and who cares that he doesn't have a father and barely has a mother? He has nothing to do with Jason, Sonny, or Luke, therefore, he's collateral damage.

Am I the only one who remembers the big reveal scene when he blamed Elizabeth for forcing him to play Daddy to her kids? Because that still pisses me off. Oh, he was forced? Because I remember him proposing to her half a dozen times for the sole purpose of being a husband and father, but he was FORCED?

And fuck him with his sad doe eyes. I could cry everyday if someone paid me enough. When Jason told him Jake had died, didn't it feel like he was staring at a mirror to make sure his "crumbling" face was portrayed correctly? The only one who looked as if they had a broken heart was Elizabeth. The only thing I wish those scenes would have had (besides her slapping Jason which was totally awesome) was if she slapped Lucky as well.

So, while I did see the intervention and while I think the list of guests in that episode was rather strange, nothing will actually change. If Luke goes to rehab it'll be because he wants him stuff back (i.e. The Haunted Star, an inexhaustible bank account, etc). It'll have nothing to do with how sorry he is for killing Jake. Don't believe me? Just listen to how he addressed Jake when he was talking to Alexis: "Did you hear that I killed Jake Webber?" Despite DNA, the fact that Jake was born during the time that Lucky and Elizabeth married, that automatically makes him a Spencer, so Luke can go find a bridge (preferably the same one Carly drove her car over) and pitch himself over it.

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