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« Preview for A Bold And Not-So-Beautiful Experiment | Main | Lies and Crimes in Pine Valley »

May 01, 2011

Privacy Variations in Fake Pennsylvania

It took me longer than usual to finish up the week's episodes of One Life to Live, in part because I was binging on The Bold and the Beautiful, and in part because, well, it's baseball season. Weekends get crazy when the boys are in town. Friday's OLTL didn't exactly move any stories forward at breakneck speed, but it did finally give us some movement on the Blair/Tomas connection. Each of them being one step ahead of the other was refreshing to say the least, and not just a little hot. They've made us all out to be fools in this scenario so many times before, though, that it's hard to hold out any hope that Tomas won't turn out evil. Extra evil. Uber evil. The evilest kind of evil. And really, John McBain thinks Tomas isn't to be trusted and, sadly, that's generally code for "he should therefore not be trusted since McBain is all-knowing. He has hunches!"


I'm pretty sure the big Friday cliffhanger moment was supposed to be Todd waking up from his wonderful and welcome coma, but to me, that was the dullest and most disappointing scene of the episode. I'm also a little sick of people waking up from comas on soap operas with zero confusion and always with some threat or smart-ass remark. I get that we're all supposed to chuckle and go, "Oh, that Todd, he's just incorrigible!" but mostly I get a bad taste in my mouth and get a little eye-rolly. Clint on a bad day is worlds more entertaining than Todd, but I found it just as annoying when Clint did the same thing (last week?).

A welcome addition to Llanview lately is Dr. Buhari (Tamela Aldridge), who is a therapist who -- for once on a soap -- is actually trying to stop her patient from continuing to do immoral and ridiculous things (in this case, she's trying to get Marty to come clean about switching Liam's paternity results). I'm skeptical about how much Marty insists Dr. Buhari really has her hands tied here because of being court-appointed, though. Wouldn't the doctor have the authority to send Marty back to St. Anne's, considering she's so clearly still off her rocker? Although I ask you, when she is capable of looking this hot:


...why have they tried to go all flowy Earth Mother with Marty over the last couple of years? And for god's sake WHY WASTE IT ON JOHN MCBAIN?! This is basically the main situation on the show where I cannot suspend my disbelief: three beautiful and seemingly intelligent women (Natalie, Marty, and Kelly) are all after John McBain. To the point that they have compromised any progress they have made as human beings and broken laws and... well, I'm of course only referring to Natalie and Marty. Kelly's probably behaving better than usual when it comes to men, but there's really nowhere to go but up after you've schtupped your stepson and gotten knocked up. Or kidnapped someone else's kid to pass it off as your own just to hold onto some guy.

And speaking of Dr. Buhari's patients and the various privacy rules regarding her treatment, I so want to shake Gigi and Rex and explain that there's nothing right about stealing a recording of your son's therapy session and convincing yourself it's to make sure he's not planning to try to kill himself. Sweet, naive Rex and Gigi: that actually isn't confidential. If a patient is planning to hurt himself or someone else, that's precisely when the confidentiality laws can be bypassed. So in fact, all you're doing is invading his privacy in a pretty despicable way. But no worries! Natalie has a brilliant idea for how they can circumvent this violation: Gigi and Rex won't listen to the tape. She will. I mean, what could be wrong about that? He's no longer having his privacy violated by his mother and father, he's having it invaded by his aunt! No biggie! I'm sure he doesn't mind his Aunt Natalie knowing all of his personal information; he probably just forgot to tell her his deepest, darkest most humiliating secrets. I realize this is all just a contrivance to put Natalie in the position of hearing Marty confess to switching Liam's paternity test, but can't they have her accidentally stumble across that information in a manner that isn't illegal and immoral? 

While we're on the subject of privacy, across town in the snooze-a-rama known as the Deanna/James/Starr storyline, the writers deserve some sort of medal. For once, a soap that employed the standard cliche of someone just walking into a room and seeing something they shouldn't see that "isn't what it looks like!" actually bothered to explain why a door was not only unlocked but completely wide open:


It's because Deanna burned the Pop-tarts! They were airing out the room! (Beyond that, there's nothing to say. The scene went: "Bus blah blah," "Overnight," "Ohio," "breakup," "bus," "family," "back together," "Llanview," "bus," and then a few more blah blah blahs. Harold Pinter could have written the scene and with those three characters there still wouldn't have been any subtext, so I guess the good news is you really don't have to watch very closely.) Thanks, writers, for actually trying to justify a standard soap trope! 

So yeah, did you guys know that an ABC daytime soap opera had a special episode last week showcasing a six-time Emmy award winner? It did. Hard for anyone who turned on ABC last week not to know about it. Except, it wasn't just one show. Glurg.


It's seriously nauseating that Natalie, Kelly, and Marty are all crazy (literally, in Marty's case) for McBain.

Not happy at all that Todd's wake. That coma of his was blissful indeed.

Return of "glurg"! Whee.

Suck it, John McBain. Seriously. You too, Todd.

I'd be a lot more worried about Tomas if they hadn't been planting big neon "TOMAS IS NOT WHAT HE SEEMS!" the whole time. I'm actually fairly confident, then, that it's a bit of a red herring.

As illegal and immoral as it is... I actually don't blame, per se, Rex and Gigi for wanting to listen to the tape. They're scared out of whatever minimal amount of wits they have. It sure as hell ain't good, and if Shane or Dr. Buhari ever find out I hope they ream them but good for doing it, but it's understandable. AND a total contrivance to get Natalie to listen to the tape.

I feel this is a safe place, so I'll just come out and say it: I like John and Kelly. I KNOW! It's just that they enjoy poking one another (on several levels) and they smile at each other and it has the vaguest outlines of a functional relationship. Neither of these things were in evidence with Marty and Natalie.

Isn't Dr. Buhari grand? I mean, she's a competent mental health professional! What a novelty! I hope they don't make her Deanna's mother; she's far too awesome for that. Maybe she and Shawn could get it on? He HAS been in the hospital a lot lately...

Louise, Glurg! doesn't even begin to express my disgust at the fact that ES's phenomenal 40th anniversary performance got exactly ZERO promotion. But what can we expect though? Tony Geary is a MAN on the sexxxy, non-cancelled show with all the mobsters.

Tomas isn't evil. I'm guessing that he works for the CIA or some other intelligence organization and that he was actually going to get blood from Todd to do a DNA test or something.

I'm also really annoyed that ES's anniversary show got no promotion. She's ES for pete's sake!!!! It just shows that ABCD doesn't care about OLTL at all.

Bourgeois Nerd, you are in a safe place indeed. I think I might like John and Kelly a little bit, too. I wish Natalie would look elsewhere for love because I just don't enjoy her with him.

Ugh, I hadn't even thought of the doc as Deanna's mother. I hope Deanna gets swept off the canvas as soon as post-cancellation scripts start showing up.

I'm with Andrea: Tomas is totally some CIA Jason Bourne-style badass. He was probably trying to prevent the shooting or something.

Don't worry, Dr. Buhari isn't even a rumor I've heard, just a terrible nightmare scenario my overactive imagination cooked up. Actually, I might have read somewhere that Deanna's connected to Destiny's mother or something?

If OLTL weren't cancelled, I wouldn't mind Deanna staying. Something about the actress appeals to me, though she definitely needs some work. As it is, though, I say flush her with at least two-thirds of the Fords (James can stay because he doesn't annoy me too much) and give me some Tina or something.

Bourgeois Nerd and Louise I must disagree re: John and Kelly. They are poking each other because they can't be with their true "wuv's". And it didn't take Kelly a heartbeat to become as pathetically insecure as all of John's other women(s). "Did I cross a line, blah, blah,blah". Then she begs to cook for him and shyly asks "Was Marty right? Are you just using me to hurt Natalie?". If it were just about adult sex, that would be one thing but Kelly is as much a simpering wimp as any woman J.M. touches. Add to that , I am a woman who would never hop in the sack with the man my ex sister in law almost married and then take her a "peace pie" but continue to sleep with the dude every time I got horny for my true love...I have always hated Kelly. She is vapid and anti Cramer and silly and a liar. Not to mention how hypocritical does she sound every time she defends her sleeping with J.M. by saying "But Natalie slept with another man and had his baby so of course John will never forgive her and he shouldn't". Hypocritical much, Ms. Cramer?

That said, I sure as hell would rather have Kelly stuck with the moody one than my girl Natalie. Today Rex said it for me "John doesn't deserve you Natalie" Amen!

Does Gnat ever change? Has she ever changed? Apparently, it's always okay for her to do whatever forwards her desires, it's okay for her to lambast others for their failings, while hers are acceptable, and of course, she is always the self-appointed Queen of Self Pity. The woman never learns, never changes, except, perhaps, to get even better at her own self-justification. So, her viciousness at Marty is overlooked, but Marty going after her is the worst thing in the world. GO MARTY! It's a shame that Marty is being destroyed on the altar of Gnat.

I think Marty and Natalie are both being destroyed on the altar of John Fuckin' McBain. Though I agree with Louise that, as nauseating as it is, Kelly's behavior is a step up from sleeping with her stepson.

Kelly sleeping with her stepson! Oh my god, I had just started watching OLTL again when that happened, and I had to get my sister to explain to me who Duke was and how it was possible to believe that Kevin was Duke's father, GIVEN THAT THEY LOOKED THE SAME AGE. And then there was the sex, and the tornado, and... ugh. It was all bad!

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