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« More Murder In Port Charles: Boredom Kills | Main | Llanview's Biggest Bully Finally Weighs In »

May 07, 2011

The Dangers of Unprocessed Foods

To say the least, it was a hilarious week on The Bold and the Beautiful. It's occurred to me that it might be a strange time to try to get back into this soap, since even though these "all the friends and enemies and frenemies and families temporary bury the hatchet in a life-or-death situation" scenarios are some of my favorite things on daytime serials, it's hard to learn that much about the characters and relationships and animosities and rivalries because they are temporarily suspended. Frankly, all these characters seem like lovely people at the moment. They all seem to really appreciate and respect each other. Lame!

I apologize for the stream-of-consciousness that's about to come, but it'll take a while before I'm back in this thing with enough experience to really unify a comprehensive commentary!

I spent much of the week frantically searching hands for wedding rings, and having little luck. Are Stephanie and Eric married to each other now, or someone else, or no one? 

They finally mentioned the pilots of the plane! I'd been wondering how that plane had magically been flying itself when it crashed. Poor pilots, all kaput. But am I crazy, or was it a little odd that Brooke and Thomas were so comfortable walking around the cabin of an in-flight plane after having just barely survived a plane crash? Maybe I'm nuts, but I'd be wearing twelve seat belts. They also seem to be vacillating between being shivering and dehydrated to the point that they can barely move or communicate, to being lucid enough to be all shifty about whether they got all incest-y because of the ecstasy berries, to making smart alecky phone calls. 

Big revelation for me this week: Katie is Katie. As in, Katie-and-Rocco, as in Katie-with-the-bad-skin-and-low-self-esteem!


I'd been a little lost up until now because Heather Tom seemed so much younger than that Katie, but now I've got it and I'm psyched. And Thorne is Thorne, though played by a different actor, and seen (I think) only once since my return. And Donna is Donna, though played by a different actress, and one that bears a seriously uncanny resemblance to Katherine Kelly Lang. The fog is starting to lift, y'all!

You know, I retract my earlier statement that everyone seems lovely because of the crisis. That girl Steffy does not seem lovely. Am I off-base here? It'd be one thing if the crisis and working together in an emergency brought her and this Bill guy closer together, but she's been putting the moves on him the entire time, practically getting turned on every time he mentions his wife. I hear she has a history of hating the Logans, so I suppose she wouldn't care about Katie's feelings, but is she after Bill just to hurt Katie or does she legitimately want him? All that sycophantic talk was making my skin crawl.


"Oh Bill, you've ruined me for all other men!" "Oh Bill, I don't just say I'll follow you to the ends of the Earth, I actually did it! And not at all just because I was in the right place at the right time and actually trying to rescue my brother!" "So the only other woman you've said 'I love you' to left you!" (Something tells me that whatever Katie most recently left Bill for was a little more serious than a broken dish or something.) And what is this huge experience they've allegedly gone through together? Mostly Bill looked at a screen while Steffy distracted him by trying to seduce him and flatter him. And I'm definitely unclear on what he sees in her. And wouldn't she be eleven in real time? Is her SORAS-ed age around twenty-five or so, does that sound right? When did her twin sister die?

Susan Flannery had so little to sink her teeth into this week and, once again, still managed to school everyone with her performance. It seems odd to talk about vets on such a young show, but Flannery's a vet from way back and has earned her stripes over and over again. While this show's old-fashioned uber-camp is exactly its appeal, she keeps it from being only a big joke by grounding it with some dignity.

At any rate, I'm glad that Thomas and Brooke have been rescued alive so I can delve back into what the various conflicts are on this show. Also, where's this guy I always hear about in the soap press named Texas Battle? I was looking forward to seeing if he lived up to such an epic name. I'm also looking forward to figuring how why Jack Wagner's hair got so blonde. But the best part? The fact that this "did we or didn't we" storyline with Brooke and Thomas means we're going to get get flashbacks to...


...for some time to come. And that is nothing short of amazing.

Whipple out!


Blech. More OLTL, please.

Eric got divorced from Donna not that long ago. He's back with Stephanie but they aren't married. Texas Battle is Marcus who is Erica's adopted son. No idea why he adopted him but he's Donna's son with her high school sweetheart Justin.

I feel bad for poor Thorne in the basement. He's show up every so often and since I'm strange I have this weird little thing I do on days when he isn't on. He's played by Winsor Harmon and I believe he played Dell on All My Children if I'm not mistaken. It is sad that he's a real Forrester yet no one bothers to think about him since it is all about Boob oops I mean Ridge whose real father is Stefano oops I mean Massimo.

I'm iffy on Jack's hair too. I don't know why he did that to his head. The woman playing his mom went blonde too although I prefer Lesli as a brunette.

Steffy has a habit of going after guys that are already taken. At least she's laying off of Hope's guys for the time being. She even tried to get Owen although I think she could just take creepy Oliver who was one of the guys that gets her but she said the same about Liam and now she's crazy over Bill.

Katie had a damn good reason for being upset with Bill. Amber got pregnant and claimed that Liam is the father but he's not since he never slept with her. She just made it seem like they did. The father could be either Marcus who is Texas Battle and Oliver the guy with the creepy hair that lurks around like a bad rash. I'm hoping Marcus is the father since there won't be a need for a DNA test since a black little baby would say it all.

Since Bill only recently found out about his son Liam after all this guy's doppleganger went to prison in Llanview he was pretty pissed at Amber so he planned on killing her along with the unborn baby. So Katie does have the right to be mad although Steffy is fine with the guy planning something like this. The house nearly did kill Amber since the branch knocked her over the balcony so Bill took off but Steffy showed up and ended up saving Amber.

I would be pretty surprised if Thomas and Brooke did anything. They were supposed to be on that island for days without food and very little water. They ate the berries and that was it. Also the feelings have pretty much been on his side since she doesn't at least not that I've seen looks at him that way while he's the one that kissed her while she was asleep on the plane. But I do love that shot since I'm shallow and damn it that boy sure is pretty.

I want Whip to come up with another ad campaign since he has a knack of coming up with ideas that involve Owen being half naked which I'm absolutely cool with. Sometimes I wonder if he has a crush on the guy. I wouldn't blame him if he did since he'd probably have better luck than getting some attention from his so called wife Taylor who would pounce on Ridge if she ever got the chance.

Whip having a crush on Owen ... LMAO!

As for Steffy, while she does hate the Logans, she does seem to genuinely want Bill right now. The thing is, she tried to seduce him about a year ago (just after he married Katie). They didn't sleep together, but she got enough ammo to blackmail Bill into signing over Forrester Creations back to Ridge et al. Then she was just using him and hurting Katie was an added bonus. Here, I think she really does like him, BUT what I don't get is how come he doesn't find it suspect considering her past behavior to him (perhaps we have yet to see his POV in the future).

Steffy's non-identical twin sister, Phoebe (a blonde, the "pretty one"), died about four years ago in a car crash. Rick (off canvas), Brooke's oldest child and Eric's son, was blamed for her death for a good long year (?), which caused major Logan-Forrester friction.

Texas Battle totally lives up to his name, but not sure about Marcus......he doesn't often get much to do :/

LOVE LOVE LOVE the recap.

Texas Battle/Marcus absence is explained by saying he's at Forrester International Headquarters in Paris, but in actuality, he's playing a Zombie hunter in a prime time series on a cable channel - I don't know which one or when it's on. Since it tapes in L.A., he appears on Bold when his schedule allows.

Good grief, I remember when Katie had that bad, bad acne! And then there was Rocco..he he he ...

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