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« Families Worth Rooting For (And Others) | Main | Begrudging Props For A Wholly Unexpected Source »

June 01, 2011

A New Approach (or For The Sake Of My Sanity)

I'm declaring my One Life to Live posts here on Serial Drama a Robert Ford-free zone for the remainder of this week. We'll see if I can stick to it, but it seems like a fun experiment just to see if it enhances my viewing pleasure. (Oh I'll still watch, because it is what I do, but I will ignore it in response. I have no idea if it'll work, and if it'll be possible to discuss other goings-on in Llanview without his polluting them somehow, but here goes nothin'!) Today, I delve into this grand experiment by grounding myself in this brave new world with a simple recap, devoid of any opinions (you believe me, right? Okay, that part might not be part of this project.) and we'll see how it goes. We'll see if this world makes any sense.

We open on Cutter further explaining how he blackmailed the Buchanan estate from Clint in exchange for Jessica. Joey is still shaking his hand, which is aching from the beating he gave Cutter in yesterday's episode. And I say again, isn't Tom Degnan lookin' better these days?

Rex is continuing to yell at Clint, who flatlines. Viki comes in and rushes out to get a doctor as Rex's eyes dart back and forth because... that's kind of his thing. He and Natalie must've gone to some eye-darting classes together in their youth.

Destiny gives Dani and Nate the news that Matthew's surgery didn't go well, just as Bo asks the doctor if she's saying that Matthew is brain-dead.

Credits. Flowing hair! Wind! Charlie. Aw. Oh and, "Created by Agnes Nixon and Destroyed by Brian Frons and Anne Sweeney." (Okay, maybe not that whole thing.)

Deanna is... ugh. Deanna is on the episode. She calls Nate to assure him again that Matthew's going to be fine, since she would totally know.

Destiny tells her pals how rough Matthew looked coming out of surgery, while Bo and Nora get more information from the doctor about their son's condition. The doctor acts a little bit like she's telling them "We can't save that tooth, I'm sorry" rather than "your son's permanently brain-dead." Nora points out that Matthew has beaten the medical odds in the past, and they demand more tests.

The doctors come in to try to revive Clint, so far to no avail. Rex grimaces.

Cutter hasn't wiped off his bloody nose yet, so it's just gross even though he's a pretty boy. He tells Aubrey that he took Clint's house because she and Joey live there, so now he can kick them out. 

Rama: I warned you to be careful with Cutter's heart!

Speculation: Rama tries to get preggers by Cutter to pass it off as Vimal's? Just a thought. Just trying to figure out what her role in all this is and why she's standing by Cutter (other than money, which is of course the primary reason). I was thinking that's what would happen between her and Cris, but maybe now she'll target Cutter? I don't care a lot, but I'm a tad curious what the plan is with her (if there is one?).

Outside Clint's hospital room, the doctor shows up with some medical jargon and says Clint is alive and stable but his heart is very bad and he'll need a donor. Oh, here we go. Viki lets the cat out of the bag and tells Rex that Clint is dying (Rex: BUG EYES).

Matthew's posse (plus Nate) follow him as he's rolled down the hallway to get more tests run. Everyone looks grim, and Destiny overhears the doctor saying that Matthew is never coming back. She is... not happy about this news. (STILL IN DENIAL HERE. STILL. IN. DENIAL.)

Nate's going to try to dig up more info on what's up with Matthew, while Dani goes after Destiny.

Viki fills Rex in on Clint's condition, and Rex blames himself for having exacerbated things by yelling at Clint. He likens it to when Tess caused Viki's heart attack. That's... a stretch.

Joey agrees to stay with Aubrey for now, for Ryder's sake. Rama asks the most important question: what about her?

Viki tells Rex he had a right to be angry and talks about how Clint has become more like Asa since Asa died. She insists that Clint still has a good man inside of him and that she hopes Rex gets a chance to see that side. Dani runs into Viki and tells her what she knows about Matthew. 

Bo gets called into the station, and Nora stays behind at the hospital. I can't deal with this. Nope, I can't.

Nate finds Destiny and she tells him what she overheard -- that Matthew isn't coming back, which is unfortunate news for Nate but not that big a deal for me SINCE IT'S NOT REALLY HAPPENING.

Rick the porn guy chats Deanna up at the Buenos Dias. Because, well, she's extremely attractive and a very stiff actress so, you know, perfect.

Aubrey tells Cutter she never wants to see him again, but that she never meant to hurt him. He sort of smirks at her, which is still undercut by all the bloody-faced-ness of the situation. Rama yells at Aubrey, which is probably unwise since Aubrey has a lot on Rama.

Rick tells Deanna she "could make bank with just one scene." (No, no she couldn't.)

Nate leaves for work, but not before astutely observing that Destiny needs tissues. And has a flashback to sucker-punching Matthew which led to the head injury that led to this situation WHICH IS NOT HAPPENING.

Nora calls Rachel. Nora calls Rachel! She finds some old photos of the family from years ago that just happen to be in her pocketbook and I am going to die, y'all, I can't take it. NOT HAPPENING. She tapes a family photo up onto some of the medical equipment. Viki arrives and puts her hand on Nora's shoulder.

Rex goes to tell Bo about Clint, when Bo stops him to fill him in on Matthew. Rex talks about what it felt like when Shane was sick with leukemia and how helpless he felt. Bo says Matthew's eyes looked like the lights were off. BUT IT'S NOT HAPPENING.

THEN THE GREATEST THING HAPPENS. I can't even... y'all. I'm serious. Aubrey yells at Rama and reveals everything Rama did (blackmailed her, lied to Vimal about being pregnant so she could sleep with Cristian) and Rama hauls off and slaps her. And, yes, this is funny to begin with, but it's made exponentially funnier by the fact that while this is happening, Cutter is standing in the frame nonchalantly examining some sort of bust. And then it's made even better by the fact that we jump right back to the scene and Rama calls Aubrey out for making money from sex and Aubrey slaps her right back (a slap that Shenaz Treasury takes really well, I might add). Now, they're just showing these scenes in super-short cuts interspersed with another scene that doesn't exist so it's hard to really talk about it, but it's really hilariously and awesomely done. We cut back and Cutter tells the ladies that the fun's over and instead they start squealing and (after Aubrey removes her earrings, mind you!!) throwing each other down on the couch by one another's hair. Screaming a lot and throwing each other around the room. Cutter makes sure they don't knock over an expensive lamp (though they do destroy some glassware, for sure) as he sort of stands there half-heartedly suggesting they stop. Fuzzy screencaps will not do this justice, but I'll try.


Then we cut back to it and they are still going. Rolling around and throwing each other and screaming. Rama manages to pull out a pretty big chunk of Aubrey's hair, calling her "dyed-blond whore" which Aubrey takes offense to, insisting (with a physical kick into the air, no less!) that she does not dye her hair! Cutter is loving every damn second of this.


(Josh Kelly was terrific in this scene.) Then Joey comes in and ruins all the fun by yelling at them to stop, because he needs help with Ryder. Joey and Aubrey head upstairs while Cutter tells Rama how hot that fight was and that he'll be sad to see her go, which she explains isn't going to happen.

Seriously, that was awesome. Major kudos to everyone involved in that -- all the actors, the fight choreographers, the editors, the director. Absolutely hilarious. Best thing that's happened by far since Rama, Cutter, and Aubrey were introduced as characters. By far.

Oh yeah. Sad stuff. I should maybe complain that they'd put such a silly (BUT AWESOME) scene in the midst of an episode about something so tragic but since the tragic thing ISN'T REALLY HAPPENING, everything about it is just fine. So Nora fills Viki in and Bo fills Rex in further on the Matthew situation. A nurse arrives to say Matthew's on his way back from the tests. Bo asks Rex why he's at the hospital and Rex avoids the question. 

Rama reminds Cutter of his secret that she knows but even Aubrey doesn't, so he agrees to let her stay. Just before leaving the house with Ryder, Aubrey insists to Joey that she's going to make this up to him. He's not particularly interested in anything she has to say.

Dani and Destiny fret about Matthew and Viki frets to Rex about Clint and Matthew and Clint's doctor shows up with bad news.

Matthew's doctor tells Bo and Nora that the new tests showed more brain activity than they'd originally thought, but it still doesn't look like good news. 

Clint's doctor tells Viki and Rex that Clint won't last long and his last heart attack was catastrophic.

Matthew's doctor says that there's only a minimal chance that Matthew will recover, which Destiny and Dani overhear and are anguished. Destiny wants to know how this happened.

Deanna finds Nate puking and he tells her that Matthew's dying and that he killed him, which Rick the Porn Guy overhears. Why do we need Deanna and Rick in this storyline again? Why?

Clint's doctor tells Viki and Rex that Clint has moved to the top of the transplant list and that all he needs is a heart, and naturally we cut to maybe-brain-dead Matthew on life support. Which is okay because it isn't really happening!

The end.

Huh. So let's review my little experiment. Despite some upsetting events transpiring in the episode and despite the presence of the very unnecessary Rick and Deanna, I guess this was some damn good soap today! I didn't miss anything, did you? Good stuff. (In seriousness, if you're among the many who are trying not to watch right now because of a not-worth-mentioning craptastic character, do check out the catfight. SO FUN. Made even better by the fact that it's not really involving important characters -- when female characters I like get into it that way I always get uncomfortable that they're behaving like that.) (Though I'd take a re-visit between Blair and Tea once before the end, just for funsies.)


Oh, Louise, you weren't wrong! What a fun catfight!

Although it did make me wish Kim had stuck around long enough to fight some bitch (Natalie?). Siiigh.

So true! Kim needed a good catfight. She would have nailed it.

Wonder what's Cutter's "dirty little secret" is? Is he a)Really C.J. Roberts?(I hope not, because Tess/Jessica is C.J.'s aunt!!! INCEST ALERT!!!!) b)Cutter is bisexual and is dating C.J.!!! or c)Cutter is Rex's long-lost twin brother, and the son of Clint and Echo!!! (I don't want this to happen either, because of what I also said in a. above!)

Clint's doctor tells Viki and Rex that Clint has moved to the top of the transplant list and that all he needs is a heart, and naturally we cut to maybe-brain-dead Matthew on life support. Which is okay because it isn't really happening!

Louise, I have no particular inside information or anything, but I have the feeling that THE THING THAT ISN'T HAPPENING isn't going to actually happen. I think it's all a big fake-out. I predict next week, as they're about to wheel Matthew in to take his heart out, they leave Destiny alone to say good-bye, and she begs him, weeping, not to give up now, not when their chance at happiness is so close, not to leave her. As she collapses on his chest, his eyes flutter and... Friday cliffhanger!

Actually, right now I'm worried that SHANE is the one who's going to get killed. I keep seeing a spoiler that "the bullying ends in tragedy" and I'm worried that Jack will accidentally kill Shane. I really, really hope not, because I like Shane, but someone is going to have to die and give Clint them their heart.

I'm adopting the same policy. Until Jessica comes back, I am not watching anything Tess or Ford related unless Brody is in it.

Louise, thank you for safe-guarding both your and my sanity. I seriously thought I lost my marbles after yesterday's epi.

Bourgeois Nerd: I hope that you are right about THE THING THAT ISN'T HAPPENING but I hope Shane does not die for Clint to love when their are so many other characters that should die first:

1. Rex
2. Gigi
3. Cutter
4. Joey
5. Rick The Porn Guy
6. Deanna
7. Any member of the Ford-Salinger Clan
8. and, yes, Jessica.

Interesting ideas. What other thoughts do people have re: Cutter's big secret?

Bourgeois Nerd, I really hope nobody young and lovely has to die. No good. But if someone has to, soapbaby did come up with that nice list of options (though I'd only root for about half of those, I admit, but I'd root hard!).


I love this recap for simply seeing the glass half full part of OLTL and not the glass half empty part. I held it together through THE THING THAT IS NOT HAPPENING up until Nora pulled out the old pictures of Matthew as an adorable little cherub and then I lost it. I really hope TTTINP doesn't continue to actually happen and that we can see Matthew live happily ever after in 6 months at which point Eddie Alderson can move on to star in great movies and eventually win an Oscar (seriously, he is the one actor on this show I am rooting for and hope to see much more of in the future on the big or even the small screen).

And that fight b/w Rama & Aubrey (w/Cutter looking on) was the best thing these characters have done since they've been on. The way Aubrey swept Rama across the bar was right up there with Rama pulling out Aubrey's hair. I hope whatever secret Rama knows about Cutter will (A) not take much longer to reveal and (B) make Josh Kelly's appearance worth it since he hasn't really been living up to his hype when his casting was announced. I know that there has been wide speculation about him being CJ but that's just not right since (A) he is way too old (though that probably is a non issue w/this show) and as someone above pointed out it would be pretty incestuous in a way that would give even Mitch Laurence the shivers.

I hadn't read this post before watching tonight on SoapNet (love being spoiler free, or as much as possible). I literally squealed and said "Hot damn, a good old-fashioned cat fight." I haven't seen that one good since...since...well...Krystle and Alexis! Cutter was hysterical, that was the first scene he's been in that I liked.

The whole THING THAT ISN'T HAPPENING is tearing me up...Destiny is ripping my heart out...

I don't quite get the obsession everyone has always had with CJ coming to town. I mean, they did watch two completely asinine attempts at Sarah, didn't they? Also, why would CJ be a grifter? Him and Sarah had plenty of money and trust funds and such; wasn't Sarah's whole deal not that she was poor or whatever but that she didn't want to use her money to become a world-famous singer or whatever? And why would he hate the Buchs so much? Why would no one recognize him? At this point, I'd rather CJ just be off somewhere doing something we know nothing about.

B fight! Woo Hoo! I laughed, I cried and I yelled so loud that my neighbors thought I was crazy. Rama/Aubrey fight was hilarious and the look on Cutter's face was priceless.

You are my favorite recapper because you see the show the same way I do. There were absolutely no scenes w/that person who doesn't exist. And I have no idea why they kept paralleling Clint's drama with the thing that IS NOT HAPPENING TO MATTHEW. The two are completely unrelated. I have to admit that I kept crying even though I know that it wasn't really happening.
That cat fight really was awesome!

Oh Louise - you nailed it again! That catfight was hilarious & I had to back up & watch it again!

As for the the thing that is NOT HAPPENING, my son is named Matthew & was born shortly before Matthew Buchannon (although my Matthew is only 13 hmmm)and I am totally totally in denial that this will happen. Nope. Absolutely NOT HAPPENING.

Chaka, they are giving us more reasons to believe THE THING THAT IS NOT HAPPENING is actually happening, because Clint needs Matthew's heart.

I broke down when they brought out the pictures and was certain that they were going through with this SL. Then there was a tiny bit more brain activity and I went deeply back in denial. I don't care, I'd trade Shane to save Matthew any day of the week.

I was being stoic about TTTINH until Nora pulled out the old photos. And then Bo and Nora beside Matthew's bed at the end, well let's just say it was very dusty at my house.

As far as the stuff you ignored, I have been FFing almost all of it, but I did catch the guy we're not talking about getting physically thrown out of Jess's room. Fun times.

Matthew's doctor is a sucky person. First, she tells Bo and Nora about Matthew's condition in a way akin to him having a cold. No biggie! Then, she only runs one of two tests (the second test being the more conclusive of the two) and tells Nora she only ran that one b/c it's generally right (Lord in the morning!). I'm glad Nora looked at her like an idiot and told her to run the second test. Finally, this fool comes back and is all like, "Yeah....so this test shows that there's more brain activity than we thought. My bad! Still though, it totally means nothing and he has minimal chance of recovering. I think he's a goner, y'all. You win some, you lose some!"

Why the hell would she have Bo and Nora think Matthew is totally brain-dead before running every test possible to make sure that's actually the case??? At this point, I wouldn't believe anything she said. She's telling the nurse Matthew is never coming back when she doesn't know that.

Loved the catfight!

Also, I need Rex to stay away from all dramatic situations. I thought we had turned a corner during Shane's story, but sadly there's been a backtrack.

OMG you hit it on the head Louise with: "The doctor acts a little bit like she's telling them 'We can't save that tooth, I'm sorry' rather than 'your son's permanently brain-dead.' " Was that not the worst dr ever!? I mean often times they cast these temporary actors who overact, especially in a role like this...this woman was void of any emotion...she seems like she'd be better fit as a librarian..."I believe the book you were looking for has been checked out"...What the what!??? It kind of distracted me from the sadness and gravity of the scenes...All that being said...I have checked at comings and goings and eddie aldersons name is nowhere to be found! I totally think its a fakeout! It could be shane or jack manning that dies in that "bully tragedy" instead...viola, clints heart transplant...who knows...I still have hope...u know if the thing that isnt happening was hypothetically happening

--Also, I need Rex to stay away from all dramatic situations. I thought we had turned a corner during Shane's story, but sadly there's been a backtrack.--

I so agree. JPL's idea of "drama" is to blink rapidly, then slowly, all while jerking his body and pitching his voice at an unnatural whine.

That scene with Nora was heartbreaking. Count me in the "Matthew will pull through at the last minute" camp. They can milk it for all the drama they want, but I want a happy ending here.

I've stopped watching because of the 'event THAT IS NOT HAPPENING'. Just as I stopped watching after the horrible SL with Sam, which still to this day has payback, I prefer to live in denial, until I hear there is a happy ending (please god, not with a Destiny/Matthew baby) - then I might go back and watch it unfold on youtube.

But until then, you are my source - I get all the important storyline info, but with just the right amount of snark to make it enjoyable (and now, a Ford free zone, which will be even better).

Thanks Louise!!

I am convinced after watching this that the "minimal chance" means they are faking us out! Those photos really did me in too - he grew up on this show and I remember that little cutie, his little-boy voice, awwwww! That camping photo that she put up? I remember when that story happened.

It would just be too sad if they killed off one of the only watchable teens. I'd rather see Shane go, despite his being a decent actor too. What a crock that we have these two to choose between while those people who don't really exist are running around being asinine, totally out of danger.

Josh Kelly was priceless during the catfight! I love the idea of Rama hooking up with him to get pregnant - do NOT like the idea of her and Cris.

I think I'm gonna have to stop watching too. The Ford propping and the unnameable event are too much. And with the imminent departures of Robin and Gina, what's left to enjoy? Thanks, Show, for strangling the last remaining life left in what was once the best soap on TV.

I have another theory about Cutter's secret: He's the REAL Aubrey Wentworth thanks to a sex change operation!!! That's why Rama knows the secret that the fake Aubrey has no clue about, because Rama went to boarding school with the Real Aubrey!!!!

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