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« In Which I Flail Endlessly and Scream Like a Tween | Main | A Quick Heads-Up For The "New" Guy »

August 08, 2011

Sucks So Good: True Blood 4.7, "Cold Gray Light of Dawn"

I have no idea how it's possible that we've already reached the latter half of this season of True Blood, but here we are. After the jump, "Cold Gray Light of Dawn"!

If anybody asks me today, "So how was last night's True Blood?"--I don't know why they'd ask, since it seems like they wouldn't be interested if they don't watch it themselves, but for the purpose of this exercise, just go with it, okay?--I'm not sure what I would say. "Well, there was a lot of chanting. And A LOT of sex. And a whole lot of moaning about the sun." "So...?" "So I'm dying for it to be next week already, basically". "...oh".

But it WAS exciting, wasn't it? Oh, sure, there were lulls and some randomness (talented as Alan Ball is, not even he can figure out how to connect such a large cast in a meaningful way, hence the recurring "Remember THIS GUY? Yeah! Here he is, doin' stuff" scenes we get) but...seriously, the last few minutes of the episode, with all of the vampires begging to be let into the sun? Awesome. Awesome.

Possession is 9/10 of...Awesome.

Katarina/Katie is summoned by Luis (who is under Antonia's power) and Antonia (who is kicking it in Marnie's body); she tries to pull rank with her professional security consultant shtick, but Luis almost immediately overpowers her and delights over the possibility of draining her. Antonia reminds him not to spill any blood, so he settles for snapping her neck. Antonia/Marnie sashays fiercely out of her holding cell and relays a message to King Beel that she has returned.

Let me just say now, although I will probably wind up saying it every time I talk about her, that Fiona Shaw is FANTASTIC. The way she speaks, the faces she makes, and the way she carries herself as Marnie is in a completely different hemisphere from when she's Antonia, and it's just so much fun to watch.

Anyway, her newly faithful servant Luis goes to vist Bill and passes along Antonia's friendly greeting and fires a gun, which the previews presented as something life-altering and shocking, the kind of moment that could be the episode's cliffhanger. But Bill immediately fires back and the two, weakened by the wood, fight lamely for a few minutes before Luis stakes himself with one final word: resurrection. Bill is wigged out.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Pam torments Tara and Naomi, who put up a valiant fight, but not even two cagefighters are a match for a pissed off and especially vain vampire who is suffering from facial decomposition. Luckily for Tara, who is about three seconds from being murdered, a crowd of cell phone camera weilding bystanders gathers, excited at the prospect of selling a vampire video to TMZ. When they notice Pam's rotting face, they are horrified and confused, finally assuming that she is a zombie, which is a much more plausible explanation than "vampire who has been hexed by a vengeful witch".

Pam: I am not a zombie!
Onlooker: That's exactly what a zombie would say. 

Pam leaves, but not before she makes one final promise to Tara that she will find her, someday, and murder and eat her. 

Now, if I were in Tara's place, I'd be hoofing it out of Bon Temps faster than...a thing that is really fast. She can go back to writing Lafayette and Sookie postcards and loving her girlfriend in peace in New Orleans where, remember, she was SAFE and not being threatened by vampires on a daily basis. I know that the girl is traumatized and that logic goes out the window in times of great emotional stress, but really? Instead of listening to reason, she breaks up with Naomi, since she feels that she is a danger to society, as most of the people she interacts with wind up dead or maimed or stalked by vindictive supernatural beings. 

Please Let Him Start To Smoke an Electronic Cigarette!

Jesus and Lafayette are traumatized by Jesus's near-death experience at the hands of a rattlesnake and Jesus rages at his grandfather for risking his life to just to prove a point. The point he was trying to prove? That Lafayette is a medium. Lala is baffled and the amount of non-supernatural or otherwise special people in Bon Temps dwindles even lower.

Later, he and Baby Mikey see the same ghost/spirit/????, so...there's that.

"And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolfpack".

The seriously unstable-seeming pack leader that we met recently initiates Debbie and Alice into the Shreveport pack. Debbie is a full on "WOO!" girl about the induction, but Alcide goes through the motions with a grimace and a far off stare that says "I wonder what Sookie's doing right about now". He apologizes to Debbie for ruining her night and offers to go party it up for her sake, but she thinks they can spare a few minutes to see what kind of trouble Sookie's gotten herself into in the woods.

Well...Eric's the one who has gotten himself into something, which Debbie and Alcide see firsthand when they find the pair in the midst of some enjoyable sex in the middle of the woods. Alcide's face remains stoic, but the ever-jealous and often perceptive Debbie can sense that something is wrong.

Later, the two are in the midst of having sex when she becomes distracted; and not just by thoughts of "Ohmigod, I am having sex with a guy who looks like this!". No, she stops and asks Alcide if he's in love with Sookie. He basically gives a master class in evading the question.

Alcide: Baby, this is crazy. You're imagining things. 
Debbie: Baby, the love I feel...(Weeps uncontrollably)
Alcide: Look at me. I worry for her, I do. But that's as far as it goes. There's only one girl that I love. One girl I dream about. I don't know why you're thinking the things you are.  

Like, seriously? If I were Debbie, I'd be pressing for specifics. "And by 'one girl', you mean me, RIGHT? WHY SO VAGUE, BRO?" I feel like we're inching ever closer to her trashy-ass breakdown and I, for one, am looking forward to it. Bring back the mall bangs and screeching!

A Sad, Albeit Adorable, Love Triangle

Jason is dealing with his burgeoning crush on Jessica and the way his mind wanders to super sexy thoughts about her all the time by working out. Soon, his abs are going to have abs! He is interrupted by a super sweet and supportive HOYT, who is so cute in his few minutes this episode that I was struck with a tremendous wave of guilt for being intrigued by a Jessica/Jason romance. He is all concerned with Jason's rape and his nearly being turned into a werepanther, and worried that Jessica is slipping away from him, and his face lit up when Jason offered to make him Sloppy Joes. Aww! I have a feeling that his heart is going to be smashed soon, though, especially since Jason can't even hear Jessica's name without making an awkward face and fumbling for a way to change the subject.


Eric and Sookie have enthusiastic sex in a variety of different positions (Hot. HOT. Crazy hot) and places and have a post-coital heart-to-heart in Sookie's bed. Eric listens to her heart beat and smiles, saying that he can almost imagine it is his own heart beating. He asks if she wants him to remember again and even she has to hesitate, acknowledging that the old Eric was pretty horrible and did a litany of increasingly awful things to people that she loved, but finally answers with "I hope I will". 

The Man With a Plan

In case you missed the past few episodes, Bill fills Jessica in on Antonia's backstory: witch, mistreated by vampire priests, burned at the stake, necromancer, forced vampires to meet the sun. But he has a plan! He summons his sheriffs to usher their vampires out of the state and insists that those who choose to stay in Louisiana must silver themselves in order to keep themselves in their coffins. 

Bill visits Sookie and Eric to warn them of the impending danger; if he had gone over just a little earlier (and considering his recent stretch of interrupting at inopportune moments, it's sort of shocking that he didn't!), he'd have gotten such an upsetting eyeful that he would, frankly, be wishing for some time in the sun. As it stands, he's just visibly unsettled by Eric continuing to treat him with reverence, which is hilarious. He leaves them both with silver and tells Sookie that if she cares for Eric even a little, she has to do this for him. And she does, so she does, and it is sad, especially when Eric so pitifully asks her to stay with him. While she does, she remembers the last time she saw him silvered, at the Fellowship of the Sun when he was willing to die for her and Godric (mostly Godric); he is surprised that she was able to resist him after that. "And still you didn't love me?" I love that even innocent Eric is sort of cocky.

Father Knows Best

My favorite Bill is Gruff, Concerned Father Bill, so tonight's episode was really a treat for me! I loved every single bit of his scenes with Jessica, from his concern with her being silvered and admonishing his guards to do it gently (before he wound up finishing it). Then, while they both have the bleeds and sit in excruciating pain, she wonders what it's going to feel like to be summoned to the daylight. He's not entirely sure but what he does know is how overcome he is with guilt for all of the pain he's caused her in her human and vampire lives. She confides in him about how she doesn't love Hoyt the way that he loves her and he implores her not to lose sight of her humanity. Jessica doesn't care for his rationalization that Antonia was driven to this by pain and pledges to kill her, specifically by eating her face. Even Bill has to crack a smile at that one.


Sam calls Luna all flirtatiously and she...well, she is not having it. The only words she can muster are an impassioned "Fuck you", which completely throws him off since, as far as he knew, things had been going really well for the two of them, what with the charm and the bonding with her daughter. So he goes to visit her at school and she is just baffled by how he can't see that his "kicking someone out immediately after sex" and her reaction of "burning hatred" are related to each other. The pieces of the puzzle start to come together, though, and they both realize that Tommy shifted into Sam; both are incredibly disturbed by the events of the past 24 hours.

Later, Tommy once again finds himself being choked, this time by Sam, who is enraged about the whole skinwalking thing. On the one hand, it's been a bad few weeks for him, but on the other, he probably wouldn't be in that position so often if he weren't such a loathsome human being. Tommy tries to explain that he never meant to shift into Sam, but Sam is beyond done: he orders him out and wishes, a bit melodramatically, that he could forget everything about Tommy. I mean, I'm with him there, obviously, but still, phrasing is key.

Bewitched, Bothered and Be...Wishing For Revenge (I Apologize For That One)

Tara walks down a dark road, angsty, angry and hating life when she encounters Antonia. Antonia fills her in both on the fact that she's inhabiting Marnie's body and that she has suffered at the hands of vampires as well (we get another set of flashbacks to Antonia's horrible original life; I think the rapist vampire priest scenes are going to haunt my dreams for the forseeable future, but at least the show is getting its money's worth from those shots). Antonia promises Tara REVENGE on ALL the vampires in the world, which makes Tara happier than I've seen her since...well, since she was possessed by Mary Anne, I think.

She recruits all of the area's Wiccans to join Antonia/Marnie's crusade against the vampires of the world. Holly is leery at first, but eventually comes around (and then has a horrifically awkward date with Andy, who is craving V, that was so random and unnecessary that I'm not even sure what to say about it. All I know is that I could barely watch it without cringing in horror, like I often do during George's storylines in Seinfeld reruns). Later, they wait for Marnie, who strolls into their circle triumphantly and announces that they are at war with vampires. She paints a pretty bleak picture of what will happen to them if they stick with the status quo: torture, rape, face-eating and points out that vampires aren't immortal, exactly; they're just difficult to kill. But when there's a will, there's a way, right?

At the end of the episode, we have an Awesome sequence where exciting things are happening one after the other.

The witches chant a Latin spell and Antonia levitates while all of the vampires beg to be let into the sunlight.

Sookie fills Jason in on the spell and he realizes that Jessica is in danger, and takes off for Bill's mansion to save her. Which, aww!

Ginger has to protect Pam from the sunlight by laying on her pink lined coffin and letting loose a trademark Ginger sceam. Pam spent a lot of time with hilarious recurring characters this episode; earlier, she was treated by the tiny Dr. Ludwig, who once treated Sookie when she was clawed by the maenad. Pam, as one might imagine, is the world's worst patient.

Pam: I'm going to shove my fist up your ass and use you as a handwarmer.

Jessica and Bill beg for the sun, while...

...Sookie begs Eric to hold on and...

...Maxine Fortenberry's neighbor walks into her front yard and, well...explodes. Maxine is too busy being a told-ya-so spewing know-it-all to really register any horror at the fact that someone was just set on fire in front of her, and...

...Jessica is able to break free of her silver binding. Bill commands her, as her master, to unbind him as well, but she can only manage, in her severely weakened state, to walk slowly upstairs and prepare to throw the doors open and greet the sun, and it's all so very exciting! I have absolutely no idea how I am going to wait for the next episode. I mean, I know Jessica won't likely die, but STILL. EXCITEMENT!


Was I hearing things, or was there the sound of a gunshot at the end when Jess was opening the doors?

@Ashley: Yes. Jason was tackled by one of Bill's guards, who pulled a gun on Jason just as they cut to Jess inside at the door. As she opened, gunshot. Guard shot Jason? Or other way around? (I'm assuming Jason will have gotten by and use those football skills to tackle Jess back into the doorway at the beginning of the next show.)

Loved the episode, but yes, it really just left me anxious for next week. So much of the episode was just building up to the spell that it was kind of frustrating that's where they left it.

Meanwhile, I have great admiration and appreciation of ASkars and APaq for their dedication to their craft.


Loved seeing Dr. Ludwig again, but I loved loved LOVED the image of Ginger riding that pink satin coffin (of course) for her (and Pam's) life.

Bill has been in the sun before. Season one. He burned to a crisp and still lived. Sookie - I think it was her- found him and got him inside. Tsk, tsk, writers. Continuity.

"If you don't get in here right now I'm gonna burn this taco stand to the ground!".....God I love Lafayette. While this episode wasn't perfect it still had some very good scenes. From Sookie and Eric olympic style sex (I swear they made us of almost every room in the house). To Pam's chemical peel from hell and Ginger riding Pam's tricked out pink casket like a mechanical bull. I'm sorry but with Tara's luck she should know by now that this alliance with a 400 year old witch is not gonna end well for her! I agree with everyone who says Jason is gonna dart threw the doors and tackle Jessica just in time to save her.....I can't wait until next week!!!

@Sharron: Yes, and he'd been feasting on Sookie fairy blood off and on for a while. He lasted longer than he probably would've if he hadn't been.

And again, he was in the sun and burned even slower when he'd just nearly drained the life out of her last season, too.

Why the FARK didn't Sookie make Eric drink her, in case he did get out into the sun?!

Lauren, I was thinking the same thing too. In fact, if Sookie weren't so self-centered, she would have offered to donate a pint or two of blood so that her vampire pals would have a little bit of sunscreen, just in case. They could distribute it like V.

Can I say that this show has made me so shallow? I am normally not into that kind of stuff, but damn, Jason doing handstand push-ups was impressively hot! How he thought switching to plank-style would deter his sex thoughts is beyond me.

Lastly, as gymnastic as the Eric-Sookie fuckathon was (though not as gymnasty and Bill-Sookie sex), Alcide has some pretty intriguing moves and if Debs can't appreciate them, I'm sure someone else will.

Russell, Bill, and Eric nearly drained her dry and all it did was make them burn more slowly. They still burned. And it's not like the spell is for the vamps to run outside, do a jig and run back inside.

Taking a shot of Sookie blood wouldn't do much (*maybe* give a human protector a little extra time to throw a blanket over them but . . . then what? the vamps were pretty determined to be out there) and I doubt they'd want her to try (and potentially reveal her secret), even if she wanted to, which I certainly can't blame her for not wanting to.

@Mary Beth: yep, I forgot about last season when Tara kicked him out of the truck (van?) on the way to the hospital.

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