Generally Uninteresting and Repetitive and Dull And...

It may never win awards for being the "best" show, or the most "well written" show...actually, it has won awards for both of those things which is a depressing fact I think I had tried to repress and which sort of disrupts the flow of this opening sentence. Well! What General Hospital will ALSO win is the award for being the most boring sixty minutes broadcast on network television; at one point today, I remarked (to nobody, which is probably a sign that I am losing it) that the show had been interminable and I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to sit through it.

Then came the mid-show bumper. I cried.

Much of the problem is, of course, that we've seen some iteration of all of these storylines--I probably should have thrown some sarcastic airquotes around that word, huh? Because these are less "storylines" and more "things that happen on an endless loop until the writers get bored or an actor leaves the show"--regularly since the late 90s. I mean, "Sonny feuds with rival crime family?" How freaking novel! "Dante gets shot?" He's only been on the show for two years! Why is he sharing so many scenes with de ja vu?! "Helena lurks around evilly and cackles madly in a story that's going to get forgotten in about eight days?" Been there, done that, Constance Towers is too good for this. "Michael is the worst?" It's a day that ends in -y!

All I'm saying is that I need something to happen. And right now, the only thing happening is my blood pressure rising whenever Michael appears onscreen, either barking orders or attempting to glower through puppy dog eyes. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have a television nemesis now that Ryan Lavery is (temporarily) out of my life, but I wish SOMETHING else would happen on this show besides me getting annoyed and, I have to admit, developing an almost-crush on Ronnie.

Ronnie: You want to do yourself a favor, kid? Cooperate with the PCPD. Despite what you've been told your whole life, we're actually not the enemy.
Michael: Then why don't you do your job and find out who shot my brother.
Ronnie: Your father may think he's untouchable, but we already know you're not. You want to play games with me? I assure you, you will lose.

Did no one else have the urge to write his name on their Trapper Keeper?!

Comments

[LadyBug]

Mallory, thanks for the recap! I have only been able to manage one or two episodes of GH in the last three years.

Well, since CrAZy has all of those drugs, maybe the hospital should throw a fund raiser and CrAZy spikes all of the food and beverage. All kinds of secrets, lies, hookups and betrayal happen during the fund raiser. Everyone could blame it on the "drugs" but relationships will end, Sonny's deeds againt Jax will come out and he lands in jail, Carly should lose custody of Joss to a returning Jax, Robin catches Patrick and Carly in a lip lock and she ends up in the arms of Jason while Sam ends up in bed with Johnny while AZ snaps photos of the duo. I am tired of Spinell so he ends up dead via the hands of AZ, Liz stabs Lucky to death for crying all over her new dress and Maxie winds up pregnant after sleeping with Dante which will thereby Finally end the friendship between her and Lulu. Olivia feeling distraught about Sonny being in jail sneaks in dressed as a guard and ends up being caught giving Sonny a "Bensonhurst special" by Dante. Steve decides he can't win where Olivia is concerned ends up knocking out Jason so that he and Robin can get freaky in one of the on call rooms.

[soapbaby]

Oh Mallory, I pity you for enduring the torture that is General Hospital. With hope, I gave the post-Guza era a fair shake, approximately one month (and some change) until I had to turn it off completely. Garin Wolf's version of this show is somehow WORSE than Guza's. Ugh.

Hey, at least OLTL and DAYS are pretty good these days.

[kermitklein]

Am I the only one that starts humming 'Cheer up Charlie' when Elizabeth is in scenes with Matt. It's like they moved her from one man-child who is Lucky where she constantly had to stroke his ego to another man-child which is Matt where she has to stroke his ego. Matt is as nerve racking as Michael to me. He complains about how he's not being treated fairly. He complains about how he's always coming in second to Patty. All I continue to do is yell at my screen that if he doesn't like it to go get a job at another hospital. I'm so sick of him throwing temper tantrums around that hospital. I don't understand why Matt and Michael are not BFFs. They both act like little children when people don't constantly kiss their ass and tell them that they are fabulous.

I wish GH will go with my idea. Have Luke tell Elizabeth that he has proof that Jake is alive. That he's been suspecting it for months. That he remembered that no one checked out who was the owner of the unknown car that was on the road the day of Jake's death. That he faked being drunk on a daily basis to fool Helena that he was falling apart and for her to let down her guard enough to trip up and reveal that she has Jake. Have Luke and Elizabeth go get Jake out of one of Helena's many fortresses. That way you kill two birds with one stone. You redeem Luke from being a child killer and you make up to the Elizabeth fans like myself who had to watch her sit on the sidelines when Sasha who she knew kidnapped Jake walk out of the PCPD and instead of following her, went home in 2008 in order to white wash Sam.

That would be way more interesting then the boringness that I am constantly watching on my screen now.

[Rene']

Ronnie! Writing his name on my Trapper Keeper, indeed, Mallory! And not just for his awesomeness in giving Michael the where-to-for but for his ultimate bitch slap of Abby. Oh, I'm sorry, "Candy!" LOL! Her "Michael, you need to work at ELQ where we're all clean and shiny and new with professional offices with STAPLERS! and forgetting all about our past" attitude has made me want to hurl.

Bitch be a strippah'. I know she's trying to "change her life for the better" (there's those sarcastic air quotes for ya' Mallory), but pretending she had no life before this one by wearing a stylish pair of pumps is OBNOXIOUS, especially while she preaches the straight-life gospel to Michael. Wonder if that would have worked with her if someone had tried while she was plucking dollar bills out of her G-string?

[Vicki]

Franky, either of the two storylines suggested here would be more enjoyable to watch than what's currently on. I would really like to see Ronnie drop-kick Michael....and Lulu is hitting the bottle? Like we couldn't see that coming...

[realbrenda4evr]

"television nemesis" Ha! Michael is horrid. I like Ronnie and don't care that he stay's in Michael's face. He appears to be the only one who is eager to tell Michael some truths.

Also, the highlight for me with this show has been Elizabeth and Matt.

[eygirl33]

I had such high hopes when Guza was fired. Now disappointment has set in again and I've stopped watching. It's such a shame, really. All that talent and it's wasted on the crappy writing.

[Carina]

Michael has become unbearable. Honestly he was pretty bad before but now he literally makes me want to pull my hair out of my head.

[Vicki]

What Michael needs is a smack in the mouth.