Shlock and Awe and Negative Attention To Detail, Sense

General Hospital has never exhibited a real concern for factual accuracy or medical soundness. Or continuity or character development. Or...you know, that sentence could probably go on indefinitely and everyone reading this blog could list their own suggestion for aspects of quality television that General Hospital does not even consider a thing, so the following isn't surprising in a "But this show is usually so logical and detail-oriented!" way, because I'm not blogging from 1997, but it is surprising, and saddening, in a "What if THIS isn't even the bottom of the barrel? What if this barrel HAS no bottom?!" way.

Lisa Niles, boring doctor turned stalker turned SUPERVILLAIN, spent some months in a coma after stabbing herself in the chest with a syringe containing cleaning fluid following a tense/ridiculous/overly long hostage situation which stands out in my mind as both ridiculous AND as a memory of the good old days.

Then she woke up from her coma and seriously? She's fine. Actually, she's fucking bionic. Because while some people experience muscle weakness or other ailments following time spent comatose and require extensive physical therapy, this girl is like a death squad of one, knocking people out left and right and barely even getting winded. Like, I'm not sure how it's possible that the same drain cleaner that put someone in a vegetative state could also strengthen their muscles and improve endurance, but here we are!

After a reign of terror that saw her attack random GH and yacht staffers and stab assorted mobsters, Lisa snuck up behind Elizabeth, chloroformed her and THREW HER OVERBOARD.

BECAUSE THAT IS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE FOR SOMEONE WHO JUST CAME OUT OF A COMA, WHAT THE HELL?

Maybe I'll give her the benefit of the doubt here, because Elizabeth IS bitsy. But what about ROBIN?!

Sure, Robin is also teensy, but she's the daughter of superspies! COME ON!

Although it seems like not even all the Devane-Scorpio DNA in the world is a match for Lisa because she was also able to overpower Patrick who, remember, was standing when he encountered her and is also a good half foot taller than she is.

Then, after chloroforming him (or injecting him with something; she likes to play with rags and syringes and seems to have a steady supply of both with her), she dragged him over to the bed and tied him up. Although it's possible, given her superhuman strength, that she tossed him onto the bed with ease, like one would throw a Nerf ball. Who knows? It's not like we saw it onscreen! Yes, that's right: we didn't get to see Lisa take Patrick down. Because it was more important for Olivia and Steve to talk some more about how he is secretive and about the time she hurt herself on a stripper pole, and for Maxie and Spinelli to continue to have the same exact conversation about Liz being a skank on an endless loop. Since nobody, anywhere, finds any of that entertaining, I have to imagine that the writers deliberately swept it under the proverbial rug. I hope they are filled with shame. I know I am...

Comments

[Soapbaby]

"What if THIS isn't even the bottom of the barrel? What if this barrel HAS no bottom?!"

You described GH perfectly. The entire Lisa Niles s/l has been a fail. I only felt okay about its first run because of the scenes where Robin confronts Patrick about the affair and when Robin visualized Stone but two scenes cannot carry this s/l and those scenes were almost two years ago. I was so happy when the story seemed over but GH keeps recycling the same story and it' wasn't good the first time. The last time Lisa Niles returned, it was even more tiresome and uninspired. Even this boat mayhem doesn't mark the end of Lisa Niles. Ugh. Now, there is Lisa, Anthony and Franco running amuck and not one of them is close to being a compelling character, just one crazier than the next. Perhaps, they can form PC's version of a Legion of Doom? They are already cartoon villains at best.

[LogopolisMike]

Well, she looks cute in the uniform at least.

I'm sure they didn't show..whatever..she did with Patrick not only because they had to show stuff no one cares about but also because there would be absolutely no way to block it for the camera that would not look absolutely ridiculous.

This looks like GH might as well go "full Passions" and tell us Lisa awoke from her coma as a witch.

I won't admit publicly whether or not that would make me tune in, but I suppose you can guess how I'd feel about that mess.

[Carrie]

It's funny how all Scrubs stories are B stories even when they are reaching a climax. Watching Friday's episode it seem that it was a Sonny/Kate focused episode, even thought all this Lisa nonsense was going on it wasn't given nearly the amount of time as NuSkate conversations (or maybe it just seemed that way). Although NuSkate broke new ground with more Deke and Bensonhurst memories and Sonny was his usual charming self "I love Brenda more than anything, but she gone so, duh, let's do it", and Stolivia continue to find ways to be anti-sexy, I think that it would have awesome to hear wacky hi-jinks music while Lisa chased 6'3 Patrick around the room and overpowered him.

[Catbus]

Well, there's Uma Thurman's character in Kill Bill, but Quentin Tarantino can get away with that kind of stuff.

[Bourgeois Nerd]

Who knew having three murderous psychopaths running around could be so boring?

[gjb]

well in today's episode we at least got to see Robin's Scropio-Devane side cause she got herself out of those stupid ass fucked up ropes and she attacked the crazy ass bitch. man I hope Robin kills this bitch! this started out as a scrubs story but instead ends up being this crazy bitches story. SHE'S NOT EVEN A IMPORTANT CHARACTER!!!! man I really hate gh. I just want my girl Robin to KILL THAT BITCH!!

[The Queen B]

Isn't it funny how on GH everyone lets their douche hang out with pride, yet on OLTL RC takes away all the edge from his characters and whitewashes them five minutes after they do something heinous and suddenly they're all puppies and rainbows and good with terminally ill children?

Somehow both end up eye-rollingly ridiculous and boring. There really needs to be some middle ground. Can't we have self aware villains, grey characters and honest good guys that aren't boring or saps?

And why do all these soap writers suddenly think they're Alfred Hitchcock and the fans need to shut it cuz we just don't "get it?" I mean, Wolfe and RC are many things but Oscar contenders will never be one of them.

[Lucy]

This is the longest 48 hours in soap history. (Or is it only 24?) We went from the Endless Honeymoon to the Endless boat trip. And now we're going to have to endure hours and hours of conversation about is Sam ready to be a mom (here's a hint: no she's not & hit men make lousy daddies).

Why anyone with TV sense thinks Sam and Jason make a great couple (even a good one) is beyond me. They spend so much time navel-gazing, it's sleep-inducing.

And I'm impressed that evil "spirits" know CPR.

[Emily J.]

If Dr. Niles is really...ya know...a doctor...wouldn't she realize that injecting Patrick with a significant amount of Robin's blood has a really good chance of causing anaphylatic shock because their blood types are probably not the same? The HIV angle is just laughable as the true "threat," especially considering Patrick can take the same post-exposure prophylaxis that he did years ago after the "April Incident." These writers need to do a little more research if they don't want their stories to be totally eyeroll-worthy.

[eygirl33]

I'm with you about filled with shame. It's just so pathetic. I can't believe this is GH has turned into. It really is tragic.

[ziyal]

thank you for YOUR endless source of entertainment. The screencaps are enough to keep me away from GH

[Didi]

disgusting, I might have to take a break from GH. The whole Lisa Niles threatening Patrick with a vial of Robin's blood is cringe-worthy and offensive on so many levels. Just ugh with this show, UGH

[Rene']

GH has been bringing people back from the dead, giving them amnesia, blindness and paralysis only to only to have them miraculously cured, freezing the world, introducing characters that are aliens and on and on for decades, and yet, THIS is BY FAR the most ridiculous thing EVER. I actually enjoyed those other storylines, probably because the characters were still awesome and people that you cared about, whereas here...uh...not so much.

Then there's the longest three hours in recorded history. There's been sex, skinny dipping, drinking, more sex, scouting for snacks, more drinking and more sex, murdering of boat staff and throwing people overboard, chloroforming, dragging and tying up, more chloroforming and tying up, not to mention the Houdini-esque arrival of Anthony Zacchara, who is both old and injured and - dry - which is utterly more ridiculous than the Cassadines freezing Port Charles with a giant ray gun from their private island, and it seems it SHOULDN'T be more ridiculous! And all this has taken place in LESS than three hours?

...the hell??

[Valerie]

I've been waiting for you guys to rips this hot mess of a storyline to shreds!

But why stop here? How about Matt getting so drunk that really, shouldn't he be in a coma due to alcohol poisoning by now?

And why does Steve have to constantly pull out his guitar and serenade Olivia. And even worse -- why SHIRTLESS??? Do these two even HAVE a fan base???

Don't forget that Lisa also took down Anthony Z AND Johnny.

Too bad Sonny wasn't in her line of fire . . . . . at least THAT I could have cheered for . . . .

[Lisa]

I always LOVE your posts, rundowns, blogs LOL, whatever you call these. Ugh you got it sooooo right with the character of Lisa. Can she please really go away now? Do I have to wonder if she's going to appear in another 6 months down the line... NOT dead and someone else took pity on her and saved her life?! She is such a waste of space. She's annoying and I'm tired of her and my couple sharing airtime. Dear TPTB, LET.IT.GO. 'Lisa' didn't catch on. She's not a 'love to hate' type of character. She's a 'WHAT THE HECK/WHY IS SHE STILL FREAKIN' ON' one. LOL thanks for making me laugh. You guys are funny :)

[hatingGHrightnow]

Thank heaven for DVR! I fastforwarded through that whole mess. It was more of the same with Robin, Lisa and Patrick. Is it possible for them to write something original? Why not write a story that has nothing to do with psychos or has been mobsters who run around town killing people for absolutely no reason? What about writing a story that touches everyone in Port Charles? I'm thinking something along the lines of Bianca's rape on GH and her subsequent killing of her rapist, Michael Cambias. Everyone knew she did it and protected her until the very end. Give me a story like that on GH and I'd watch every day.

[hatingGHrightnow]

Correction - Bianca on AMC. Sorry about that.