Serial Drama

Serial Drama's Best and Worst of 2011

Trying to list soapdom's Best and Worst of 2011 was a task that we can only describe as impossible, possibly because we are still dejected over our stories being canceled. It sort of made reminiscing a challenge.

"Was there a Best Story this year?"
"NO, THIS WAS THE YEAR THAT ALL MY CHILDREN AND ONE LIFE TO LIVE WERE CANCELED!"
"What about Best--"
"NO!"
"What about Best Hair?"
"CANCELED!"

But that's not fair, since we do want to highlight the best of soaps this year. Stop laughing, there totally were some! They were completely overshadowed by the year's many, indescribable lowlights, but they happened! So even though it took us a while and we constantly interrupted ourselves by tearing up, we did compile an official list. Because there is nothing in the world more therapeutic than writing a list.


Before we begin, we'd like to name some of the most notable Bests of the Year: Best Editor, of course, goes to the ever-fabulous Stephanie Sloane (now the editor-in-chief at Soap Opera Digest!) who has been nothing but supportive of our loquacious hypercriticism. And Best Audience? You! We thank you so much for reading, linking, commenting, emailing, Facebooking, commiserating and making us smile with your fantasticness. We hope you all have a 2012 that's nothing but wonderful (and that wish, of course, extends to the state of soaps as well. Please be wonderful, shows!)

And our usual disclaimer: the following picks are only our opinions and we are sure that many---possibly even most!--of you will disagree with everything we've listed here. Dispute away and nominate your own Bests and Worsts in the comment section! And with that, we list away. 

The Year's Worst Everything: ABC's Cancellation of All My Children and One Life to Live

Gutted. Heartbroken. Angry. For two lifelong soap fans, hearing that AMC and OLTL had been canceled was upsetting on all sorts of levels and...the worst. It was just the worst. Saying goodbye to two iconic shows? The worst. Not knowing what Erica Kane and Dorian Lord are up to? The worst. Hearing that the shows have been canceled following weeks of reassurance from ABC Daytime that they were safe? The worst. Learning that they would be replaced by two insipid hours of television called The Chew and The Revolution? The worst.

The Year's Second Worst Everything: Prospect Park is a No Go

Hey, remember how The Year's Worst Everything was the cancellation of All My Children and One Life to Live? And then how we got a reprieve because a company called Prospect Park "saved" the shows and started working toward developing both of them for an online network? And then both of our shows got canceled... again? The worst.

Daytime’s Greatest Treasure: Susan Lucci

Onscreen, Susan Lucci was so damn delightful that it was impossible not to enjoy every scene she was in, especially when she was hamming it up as Erica and Jane, who had surgery to copy Ms. Kane's face and engineered a kidnapping to steal her life. What started out as a legitimately chilling story turned...well, it turned ridiculous, but La Lucci was clearly having a ball with the dual roles that it was seriously impossible not to be giddy along with her. And offscreen, she publicly derided ABC's decision to cancel All My Children and had some unkind words for Brian Frons, whose reliably terrible and regrettably long tenure as the head of ABC Daytime oversaw the systematic destruction of the show. She said everything we've been thinking--namely, that ABC is foolish and shortsighted and that Charles Pratt should be legally barred from television writing, but she said it with the panache and sass that only a daytime legend can. We toss our hair over our shoulders in honor of you, Ms. Lucci!

Best Cameos: The Returns By AMC's Roster of Former Favorites

The brief visits from some of our favorite former residents of Pine Valley were bittersweet, but so fantastic. Eva LaRue stopped by and reminded us of the show's 90s epicness. Cady McClain brought Dixie back from the dead and reunited with Tad. Sarah Michelle Gellar made us howl with laughter as a psych patient who imagined that she had family ties with Erica Kane and was obsessed with vampires way before Twilight. We were even excited when Justin Bruening returned, and since when did anyone really care about Jamie? David Canary and Julia Barr came back to give Adam and Brooke a much-deserved happy ending, and Josh Duhamel made us swoon. It was so nice to see our old friends! If only they had returned under less depressing circumstances.

 Best Return: Roger Howarth Returns As Todd Manning

They began with the unfortunately overused soap trope of bringing a beloved actor back by starting with months of the character lurking around town (though they smartly used Howarth's skill at working in scenes with little kids) to build anticipation for the big reveal, but what a reveal it was! His beloved daughter, his embittered son, both of his ex-wives, the man who handed him over to his captors all those years ago, and the man who’d been known as Todd Manning for the past eight years were all there. And with that “I dare you to forget me” kiss he planted on Blair, we got the year’s best kiss and an angsty, legendary supercouple was revived.

The scenes between Roger Howarth and Trevor St. John were soapy fire, and it’s only a shame that nobody seemed to see that The Two Todds was a goldmine of a scenario that could have yielded great drama (and comedy) until the very end.

 

Best Couple: Greenlee and Leo, All My Children

It seems like it's cheating (mainly because it is) to include a couple that was paired up only in Greenlee's (and our!) dreams, but we dare you to find a pair that exhibited the same chemistry, banter, and romance that Greenlee and Leo did in their August reunion and we dare you to find something more swoon-worthy than Leo's "Shh. I just want to look at you". Do you know how hard it was to type that line when our hands were flailing so?!

Josh Duhamel's return was handled by the AMC writers brilliantly--they didn't bring him back from the dead (more's the pity), but they did gift viewers with callbacks to Greenlee and Leo's love affair, from their wedding vows to their special place of Bhutan and, coupled with the still-sparkling chemistry between Duhamel and Rebecca Budig, that counts for a lot.

The Llanview Lladies are Bringin' the Heat

First of all, I'm so sorry for being a blogging slacker lately. I was away for a while and then I broke my foot (gah!), so things have been a bit of a mess. Ergo, I warn you: this is a painkiller-influenced post. It might be... less than coherent.

Loved Nat's outfit today.

She always looks so good in that muted blue. I know it's just a t-shirt and jeans, but y'all know how frustrated I can get about how they dress this hottie, so I cannot help but feel compelled to give credit when it's due! And that sparkly blue was pretty rockin', too.

But while I'm on the subject, today really was a lovely day in general for the hot ladies of the town.

Blair's another one who can rock the jeans, even though they only let her do it about twice a year!

In Which Robocop Gets a Backstory

As soon as she stomped into the PCPD and started droning about police protocol, Dolores Padilla captured the hearts of tens, all of whom were won over by her stereotypical feistiness and inability to make facial expressions that come close to approximating real, human faces. And not even they found themselves hoping that the show would shine some sort of light on Padilla's past, unless it would give us some details on her inventor.

Never one to give the audience what it wants, we learned a WHOLE lot about Padilla today. She has a TEMPER. And a MURDERED SISTER. And solves problems with SEX, which really seems like it could be dangerous for all involved. Sparks would fly, literally. Anyway, it was bizarre. I'm beginning to think that Padilla was engineered by a computer programmer who learned all he needs to know about human interaction from watching 90s sitcoms.

Depression Hurts--And This Show Isn't Helping

Port Charles is so relentlessly grim these days that I keep expecting to catch a glimpse of the bathrobe from the commercials for Abilify (you know? The one that floats around morosely looking like a gloomy and oddly deflated Cookie Monster), lurking in the background looking sad, maybe having a drink at Jake's and pouring his heart out to Coleman. "It's just that...Lucky abandoned his kids. Why? Why would he do that? And why does Ethan hate the concept of Luke and Laura so much? I don't get it Coleman, I just don't get it. Can I have more peanuts please? Thanks."

In the span of sixty minutes, hearts were shattered all over the place. Lucky shatter Elizabeth's heart and Cameron's and mine, by deciding to run away to Ireland--to find himself.

Lucky: I was so hard on my dad. Every time he would leave, there was a part of me that would just want to blame him and judge him and... and now I'm doing that to you. See, the thing is, Aiden... you -- you don't leave because it's easy. You leave because...you leave because you have to.

Lucky: Yeah. I'm, uh, I'm no good to anyone here, not until I figure out what I want for my life.

Because writing the guy off the show by sending him out of town indefinitely for work- (or Laura-) related reasons would have been too complicated and not, what, douchey enough? I wish Cameron had overheard that explanation, yanked back the red scarf he had adorably gifted his father with and given a classic "Bitch, please" on the way to the town hall to file paperwork for legal emancipation.

Then there was Ethan, who broke my--well, it was more my brain that he broke than my heart, because this--this made me so angry that I spontaneously thought of, like, ten expletive-riddled things to say about it and I am pretty sure my brain actually short-circuited for a second because I got a wicked headache soon after that tool slurred the following words in the most condescending of manners, like he has known any of the people involved in these relationships for longer than eight minutes:

Ethan: What if you'd succeeded, hmm? What if you'd been able to keep Lucky trapped like Laura did with Luke?

It's not even the show's outright hatred of the Luke/Laura coupling that I object to (it's been such a common theme over the past few years that I think I reached the peak of my outrage in, like, 2009. Now I hear things like this and feel just a low-level hum of irritation), it's the person delivering the message. I know Ethan feels like he understands Luke better than people who have actually known him for years and that he understands the dynamics Spencer men have with women and with Cassadines (oh, how I ached to punch him in the face when he was laughing off the dangers of Wyndemere. Wait until Helena kidnaps you and fakes your death, dude and I hope that is your exit story), but honestly. He really doesn't KNOW these people and he certainly doesn't know them well enough to delve into their romantic histories and lecture people about them in that obnoxious, marble-mouthed way he has.

But then. THEN!

I've Had It! Leave My Soap Mom Alone!

How many times can I handle looking at Viki's little crestfallen, heartbroken face this year? Hasn't it happened enough?

But once again today, Viki walked in on the man she loves with someone else (thankfully it wasn't quite as graphic an eye-full as last time and it was just a kiss that she witnessed, though we all know she's imagining more). Poor Mom!

Oh no! I hate it when she's sad. And then she was so upset that she cried to David. Don't make her cry! It's too hard to watch!

Ho-Ho-Horrible

It's the holidays (not that you'd ever know that from watching General Hospital, since the majority of the show's airtime has gone to Doom and Gloom. Really, a death-by-crane, a shooting, a painful breakup, sexual assault victims coming to terms with their attacks, the beginning of a legacy character's prolonged possibly/probably fatal illness...with every scene, the sad trombone plays a little sadder and a little louder), so I am feeling more charitable than usual, which is why I am wracking my brain trying to think of an explanation for the peculiar montage that ended today's episode.

On a normal day, I'd look at this completely unnecessary compilation of characters being miserable and make a joke about now having the sudden urge to slit my wrists before ranting about how the writers, who have exhibited nothing but extreme laziness and a phobia of effort in the past, have managed to best even themselves in terms of creative bankruptcy because, seriously, could they not come up with a few lines of dialogue to fill those last three minutes?

But today, I'm at least TRYING to think of a more charitable explanation. Like...maybe they wrote a closing scene, but there was a printing catastrophe and it never made its way to the actors, which necessitated the lamest of lame-ass montages that prominently featured Jason trying to cope with the fact that literally every person he has come into contact with has been the victim of some sort of mob violence; Michael, caressing his face with a scarf belonging to his late girlfriend/pseudo-therapist; Kate putting her hair back up (because she had let it down for Sonny, get it?) in one angry, heartbroken motion; and Elizabeth and Lucky breaking my heart? That's sort of possible, right?

The Greatest Hour Of My Life

Oh, am I overstating the case? Well, if this isn't your first visit, you know I'm a tad prone to hyperbole when I get excited. But really, I'm still floating around the room and dancing little jigs about today's episode (and you're lucky you're not here because my jigs do not look pretty).

Today was the special OLTL episode that doubled as a full Fraternity Row episode, and there's really nothing to snark on because the show did such a lovely job snarking on itself. And there's nothing to really pick apart and critique because it was a stand-alone episode that doesn't impact the actual plot of One Life to Live. But it would be criminal to let the episode fly by without giving it at least a little of its due. I'm tempted to start going crazy making screencaps, but there simply isn't enough time since I'd be doing practically every frame today's show. I will try to be economical.

There was nothing that really didn't work for me today, so let's start with some of the standouts in terms of actors:

• David A. Gregory. Yes, you read that right. The actor behind the character I've spent the most virtual space whining about over the past year was a major standout. All three of the Ford boys' portrayers were hilarious and clearly having a great time (like everyone else) as the "Mazda" brothers (tee-hee), but Gregory really impressed -- dude knows how to parody what he was brought on this show to do. Comedy is his friend, and I was psyched to see it.

• Erika Slezak. Shocker, I know. As German maid Gilda and her tougher alter ego Matilda, Slezak masterfully overplayed both roles (with an impeccably overdone accent for both). Not that there was ever any question, but she proved today that she remains Queen in any genre.

• Melissa Archer and Michael Easton. I name them together because they were very much a package deal as possible siblings and lovers Brandon and Briana today, and they played off each other perfectly. Archer as Briana, the Chairman of the Deltas, did a classic soap-acting lampoon full of exaggerated pauses and pointlessly sultry deliveries (my favorite: "These kids just need a little ....guidance," with heaving bosom and the word "guidance" being delivered ridiculously late and breathless in a way that made it sound like porn) while Easton played Brandon as the total antithesis of his type as the uber-preppy "Leader Emeritus" of the Alpha House. He was never without his tennis racket and they were in the background of half the scenes with Brandon giving tennis pointers and Briana absolutely captivated.

(How hot was Melissa Archer in that dress? See, wardrobe?! Hot!)

Shocker In Port Charles: Self Awareness!

It doesn't happen always, or even often, but General Hospital does sometimes amaze. Like, Abby was killed BY A CRANE. WHAT? That is so ludicrous and ridiculous and DUMB and I cannot tear my eyes away from any of it. Every time Sam and Michael grieve for her in between talking about themselves and Jason, I just think "...crane. Crane. Craaane!" and I laugh. Perhaps I find this funnier than most because when I hear the word crane, I think not of machinery or birds, but of Niles and Frasier...

Anyway, Port Charles's resident simple-minded, soothing-voiced former stripper has perished, offscreeen and in the most random way possible, which has sent Michael into a spiral of utter self-loathing. We finally have something in common!

For a few minutes, he chose to seriously examine his life's choices and startled me with his self-awareness.

Michael: Anybody who gets close to me gets hurt or killed. I'm just like my father.

I mean, RIGHT?! Because he is! This child is a prime example to use in an argument on Nature vs. Nurture. Like his father, he is spoiled, entitled and prone to violent fits of rage. He is hugely unpleasant, judgmental and has a nasty habit of brutally insulting the women in his life when they dare disagree with them. And, above all, he is thoroughly unentertaining.

Sam, of course, tries to make him feel better about himself and completely disagrees with this accurate assessment and he proves his own point quite neatly in response:

Michael: I got to get the phone number of Abby's family. They need to know what happened...what I did.

Making an exquisitely tortured sad face and making an accident all about you? Tuning out the person speaking to you until its your turn to say something (about yourself)? He IS Sonny. Just a foot taller...

How to Celebrate Christmas, Manning-Style (or How Is This So Awesome?)

Well.

I don't think I can word it a new way, so I'll just quote myself (from Serial Drama's Facebook page). Friday's One Life to Live was "a jam-packed flashback-laden meta-soapy heartbreaking and fabulous smorgasbord of joy. Holy soaptasticness. I couldn't even snark on this if you paid me one bazillion dollars."

Of course let's not get crazy here. I could probably find something to complain about. I could whine that we're in the eleventh hour and they're finally really giving John and Téa some substantive scenes together, and this is a friendship and a potential pairing I really would have enjoyed seeing explored. I could whine that Natalie -- once again -- decided to act all dejected because she called John and he couldn't come over and talk to her immediately because he was doing something important. Natalie! He's the Chief of Detectives! Don't freakin' take it personally! Sheesh. I'm starting to question the point of all this because it looks a whole lot like she's looking for reasons not to be with him, so maybe she doesn't really love him that much at all. (Not that I think this is supposed to be the point, it's just... annoying.)

That said, Natalie was in some great scenes with Jessica in which she actually apologized to her sister for almost marrying Brody! We've got our Buke twins back! And then Nat had a great Christmas flashback to her first Christmas as a Buchanan.

She's such a baby. Love it! Even better, the flashback included little Starr.

Well played, Afternoon Television Program.

I Am The World's Easiest Person. I...Probably Could Have Phrased That Better

There is something wrong with me.

I spent the last half of yesterday's General Hospital, and much of today's, getting completely worked up and filled with venom--that's not what's wrong with me, especially because it was completely warranted. I mean, can we talk about how totally NOT Robin it is to even consider, for a second, running away? Or how irksome it is that the writers only remember Jason and Robin's relationship when it comes time to shoehorn Jason into a story he needn't be involved in? Or how the show is wasting Jonathan Jackson's last few scenes by forcing the poor guy to listen to Maggie talk about nothing? Because how am I supposed to respond to that, if not with irritation?!

No, what's wrong with me is what came next and what came next is a box of tissues and a seriously ugly cry that, at one point, turned into ugly howling. All this show needs to do is mention much loved stories of years past and I turn into a mess.