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« This Is How a Heart Breaks: Slowly, From Sadness and (Mostly) Frustration | Main | One Life to Love (or Really, THOUSANDS) »

January 31, 2012

Building a Mystery

I'm really quite interested in the resolution to this latest whodunit General Hospital is offering. Well, not interested, exactly--more like I'm anxious for it to be over. Not because I care, in any way, about the identity of the person assaulting unnamed strippers off-camera, but because the sooner it ends, the sooner we can get Michael's dramatic "I AND I ALONE SOLVED THIS CRIME, AND I DID IT FOR ABBY BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" monologue over with. Having that hanging over my head is causing me some serious consternation.

THANKFULLY, we have possibly made some progress on this front. Granted, this could be the reddest of herrings, but considering how nonsensical and lazy the GH writing staff seems to be, it's an incredibly safe bet that the assaulter could wind up being none other than Ronnie Dimestico, he of the shoe polish head for whom I have developed a strange fondness.


Look at how menacingly he is drinking that water!

Ewen's profile of the unsub really drove it all home, although I did become suspicious at Ronnie's ability to quietly move from place to place in a matter of seconds, without making a sound.



Ewen: I reviewed your files and was able to work up a profile on the assault suspect. I'd say you're after a male, Caucasian, 25 to 40, probably not originally from this area.

EWEN: Possibly from somewhere like...Brooklyn.
RONNIE: Fuhgeddaboutit!

Ewen: He's a student of human nature who works and interacts with people outside their homes.

EWEN: ...at places like crime scenes or police stations.

Ewen: Most likely, he's had difficult relations with women in his personal life.

PADILLA: So what you're saying--

Ewen: But he would never hurt someone who was close to him. Instead, he takes out his anger and frustration on the strangers, the victims.

RONNIE: So you're safe, Padilla.
PADILLA: ...wha--

Ewen: He may have had a criminal history, but D'onofrio wasn't the attacker. I read his file, too. History of public crime, domestic abuse. Way too obvious. The man you're looking for is far more cunning. You could be standing right beside him and you might not even know it.

EWEN: Just like I'm standing right next to you, looking at you pointedly.

It COULD just be a misdirect but, come on, the only thing this show loves more than cops behaving poorly is military veterans with no morals.


Is it wrong that I'm subconsciously (ok, totally consciously) waiting for the RC and FV stuff to air before I start watching again? Right now I just.... I just.... can't. You know?

But what about the last mystery they still haven't solved? Who killed Lisa???!!!!11!? Maybe they figured out we don't give a shit.

Hilarious recap Mallory. I read another recap of today's episode which alluded to TJ (the young African-American man that Shawn has custody of) being illiterate. Seriously?! If that's the case, oh fuck GH for not only being a sexist piece of garbage but racist as well. TJ is the only non-white teenager on the show and is African-American and so far, has an no parents, steals cars, objectifies woman and may not be able to read. What kind of fuckery is this?! Oh, wait its General Hospital. This show should be round up and shot.

So Mallory, what's your take on TJ's ability to read and the show's general handling of the character?

Also, what's your take on OLTL's Start Manning joining the show? I am not enthused at all. I'd much rather have Kristina (Lexi Ainsworth) return and another new young woman to pair up with Michael, like Serena Baldwin or some long lost Webber, anyone but that wasteland of story named Starr!

Very well share! Thanks for sharing this great stuff. Amazing post!

Please let it be Ewen. Because Ewen looking at Ronnie was so obvious. Ewen is a doctor who left a woman he did not know on a beach soaking wet in November, after he inexplicably happened upon her while taking a brief moment away from the other woman he guards, but becomes enraged about whenever she is out of his sight. Liz almost died from pneumonia and hypothermia because of that "rescue."

Even the profile that Ewen did (after having the official files for days) seemed to praise the stripper beater for his cunning. Maybe because I really want Ewen gone,with his supply closet consultations and his gurney gazing, I just am wishfully thinking that GH does something different and Ewen vanishes with Cassandra. The actor is good-the character is useless. He needs a doctor more than most of his patients. Make my wish come true, RC.

OMG, seriously?!! I laughed so much with this recap, Mallory. Thank you! And then I realized how sad this whole show has become. I, too, have grown to like Ronnie :/

On a semi-related note, yesterday I was watching classic Santa Barbara clips, and it was Christmas, and not only did they have awesome Christmas stuff happening, but there was actually a Christmas ARC, as in MULTIPLE EPISODES.

The glorious days of warm and fuzzy soaps. Sigh.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was Ronnie who was the culprit. Besides the lack of subtley pointing to him as the most obvious choice, he's also a cop. And if GH has taught us anything, it's that cops are the bad guys.

Soapbaby, I would love to see Lexi return to GH as Kristina. I still can't believe the asinine decision to fire the actress when she was nominated and had a plethora of fans supporting her. Then again, this is GH.

OOH! Santa Barbara. ***sigh*** A Martinez was scrum-dili-icious. That man, and that man alone was the sole reason I stopped watching GH for the entire run of Santa Barbara. In the bay area they came on at the same time so I had to choose......and GH lost. God how I miss that show. My love for all things NLG began with that show. :D Anyway,of course the killer is going to be Ronnie. You know the only cop WHO ACTS LIKE A COP on the show. Figures. Stupid show.


It's a good thing the office is empty today, because this one had me howling! Thank you so much for subjecting yourself to this horrorfest for us.

Do you not cover Young and Restless anymore? With AMC and OLTL gone, it's the only soap I have left.

I think that the newbie cop Delores Padilla is the one that's been killing the strippers, because I read on the spoiler sites that Dante and Lulu cathes Delores doing something suspicious!

I meant to types catches, but I still stand by my thought about Delores being the stripper killer!

Dawn!! Another SB fan...yay! What a glorious role NLG had in Julia *sigh* Cruz Castillo....that chiseled face <3 <3

I loved the Mason/ Julia dynamic...they had me howling! Sigh, SB was a gem.

This. All this above. Brings me joy. Thanks Mallory, it's hilarious.

@marz I totally thought Ewen was hilariously describing himself. From another place, check. Caucasian 25-40, check. Student of human nature, check. Standing right beside people, you better believe that's a check. I didn't even notice Ronnie acting weird, cause he always acts like an ass.

Julia & Mason <3 <3

Somehow if the stripper-beater-upper (I don't think anyone has died - yet?) is Ronnie, I just know that he will be the most vile, scummy person on the planet who will either die in a hail of bullets (shot by Dante or Jason), or go to jail for life. And Sonny and Jason who kill people or have them killed will somehow be morally better than Ronnie because they don't hurt women (or deal in drugs). I'm not saying beating up women isn't a terrible crime too, of course it is, just that Ronnie, a cop, would no doubt be one of the few to pay for his crime, and Sonny and Jason will continue to roam the earth because they are "good" mobsters. The show's logic is screwed up...wait a minute, I said "logic" referring to GH!

I noticed on Wednesday's show that it was produced by Frank Valentini but Wolf and Altman were still writing it. I hope something changes soon where people on the right side of the law stop being thrown under the bus whenever the show needs a convenient fall guy.

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