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« The Upside and the Downside | Main | A Totally and Surprisingly Non-Horrible Valentine's Day »

February 13, 2012

These Plot Twists Aren't Remotely Twisty (And These Plots Are Barely Even Plots)

Well I, for one, have never been more floored by a soap moment than I was towards the end of today's General Hospital when we heard this shocking medical bombshell:

Patrick to a dumbfounded Jason. Granted, there's no way of knowing how Jason actually felt, since he has exactly one facial expression, but the dramatic score leads me to believe he felt dumbfounded and heartbroken and maybe even a little hungry: Your condition isn't going away...it's getting worse [...] Your condition is inoperable.

I should point out that when I say "floored", I don't mean "surprised"; I mean "floored" like "I am currently on the floor, in the fetal position, sobbing that we are going to have to sit through ANOTHER story about Jason being on the verge of death, even though that story has been told literally dozens of times and dozens is actually rounding down, substantially and even though there is no chance in hell that Jason will be in serious jeopardy, because then what would the show be about? Doctors? As if! Also, can we talk about how this story's screentime will completely and totally dwarf the screentime that Robin got in her poor, marginalized little possible deathbed storyline? Sob, snort, etc.".

My heavy sigh could not be any heavier.


In addition to the ultra dramatic score, today's General Hospital's soundtrack heavily featured the loud and pained sounds of my groaning.

While it seems like the following exchange was straight out of an especially grim Lifetime movie, possibly titled Stalked: He Followed Her Home...Forever!, it is actually a conversation between Sonny and Kate after the latter entered her office to find the former waiting for her, tense with rage and nursing the wounds of betrayal.

Sonny, creepily: You don't seem happy to see me.
Kate: You're sitting in the dark, waiting--
Sonny: Where the hell have you been?
Kate: I don't have to account for my every move.
Sonny: I called you a bunch of times. You didn't...you didn't [at this point, he made arm motions remarkably similar to The Robot, which doesn't sound creepy, but in conjunction with his growl it honestly seemed like a man on the verge of a breakdown--Ed.] I left messages. You didn't call me back.
Kate: Are you stalking me now, Sonny?
Sonny: I'm not stalking you.
Kate, who probably should have spoken slower and used smaller words if she really wanted him to grasp any of this: You followed me to Chicago. You tracked me to my hotel room. You're in my office.
Sonny, figuring that having a half-assed rationale for his stalkerish behavior is just about the same as not exhibiting stalkerish behavior at all: Because you weren't straight with me!

But that's not why I groaned.

This conversation somehow gave way to some serious flirtation and we were left with this unsettling moment.

Kate: I think we might have a problem.
Sonny: What's that?
Kate: I'm falling in love with you all over again.

Disgust, amirite?

But that's also not why I groaned. Actually, that's a lie--it's totally why I groaned. It's just that I ALSO groaned at this, perhaps even LOUDER and made a plaintive wail, like, "Why?!"

Kate: Kate Howard! Yes, that's the number you called. Who are you trying to reach? Can you say that again, please? How did you get this number?

She has a split personality, doesn't she? And this is going to be terrible, isn't it?

Speaking of terrible (hey, a segue is a segue!)...

I tried to write a full paragraph about Maxie and I used the words vindictive, petulant, intolerable and hateful so many times in, like, a sentence that I was kind of taken aback by my own vitriol, so I scrapped it, but...really. REALLY.

Monica: If you have something to say, please say it now. Is there someone on my staff who has done something criminally wrong?
Maxie: That would be Elizabeth Webber.
Monica: What crime has Elizabeth supposedly committed?
Maxie: I don't want her to get in trouble.
Monica: Then why did you say anything in the first place, Maxie? If you have something to say, just say it.
Maxie: Okay. Well, promise me you'll go easy on her, okay--
Monica: Maxie.
Maxie: I mean Elizabeth can't lose her job right now. Okay. Elizabeth stole drugs from the hospital.
Monica: Go on.
Maxie: A couple of months ago, Lucky was working on this case that involved a serious drug ring. They got me, too. I could have been killed if it weren't for the fact that I have really quick thinking.
Monica: Maxie, come on. About Elizabeth.
Maxie: Right. Anyhoo, Elizabeth stole drugs and gave them to Lucky, which was totally horrible and illegal, and really mean to do to Lucky. It caused him to relapse.
Monica: These are really serious charges. Do you have any proof to back this up?
Maxie: You bet I do.

If you look up, you can actually see years worth of character rehabilitation fly overhead, never to be seen again.


The OLTL crew has been at GH mere days and the "alters" are already popping out! The problem is who is having the alters, I mean what rhymes w/ Kate?!?! Vicki Nikki Jes Wes Tess and now Kate... (crickets)

What rhymes with Kate?


I'll just stop there.

My question is do we start the drinking game this week on for every time Sam is going to say 'do this for me and the baby' and pat her belly or do we wait till next week and start fresh.

Another thing Monica still has no proof on what Maxie is saying. She's basically going off of hear say which is really sad considering Monica knows and even acknowledged that Elizabeth and Maxie do not have a cordial relationship. How much I hate Maxie right now? So much. Like forget that this woman is supporting two kids on her own, let's just focus on the fact that bearded man called things off and instead of focusing on getting the bearded man back, let's focus on getting Elizabeth fired and in the same breath use the words honesty and wanting to be a better person.

Argh. Why is it that Liz gets to be held 'accountable' for her misdeeds, yet, NO ONE else ever does when they have done FAR worse? Ridiculous.

I am just so tired of Liz getting bashed over and over in the writing. Maxie has seemed to take up Siobhan's old mantle of going to Liz's job to hurl insults and now accusations, placing her job in jeopardy. It's all way too much. I like Liz and Maxie and tired of the repetition. It really hurts Maxie as a character because she has regressed greatly and does actually exhibit signs of mental illness (I admit it was funny the other day when Ewen offered up his business card!) I have really disliked the way Maxie has been written since before Kristen Storms went on medical leave. The whole losing 'Sam's-engagement-ring-in-the-garbage' and 'Save-the-jackal'-nonsense were bad enough but now she's been frontburnered in multiple poor stories. IMO, Maxie is the only female character driving her own story. And I think Jen Lilley is doing a great job but no amount of effort can make Maxie fun right now.

Ron C's work has not shown up yet-we're still getting Garin W's writing. So, that DID story was probably in the works for awhile. Let's hope that RC either drops it or writes it better.

Although being shot on your wedding day, keeping the bloody dress as sad memento of shooting and then choosing to again date the person who made you the shooting target is a pretty good indication that you might be nuckin' futs. But it doesn't have to mean DID.

I have been trying to give GH a try now that I'm soap-less and now that my favorite couple ever is stopping by in a few weeks and I will stick around long enough to see their visit but I am not even sure Starr Manning, the child of the soap couple of my heart, can make me stay after Todd and Blair check out.

I'm hoping we'll see an uptick in stories soon. I especially hope we see less Skate 2.0 since, yeah, it's creepy and dysfunctional and please, heavens, less Maxie torturing Liz for no reason.

I say yes to more Johnny but wish they'd drop the Johnny/Carly "romance" ASAP.

Last time I checked Maxie went after Liz's husband AND BOUGHT HIM PILLS,faked a pregnancy AND a miscarriage to try to keep him, yet Liz is the bain of her existence? I have ALWAYS hated Maxie. She NEVER takes resposibility for how she screws up her own life. It's slways someone else's fault.

Sometimes I don't know why I still watch this show. And by "sometimes", I mean "all the time." Maxie is horrific, the Sonny/Kate stuff is uncomfortably disturbing and gross and everything else is just boring. But I will stick my neck out there by admitting that I found the Johnny/Carly pairing kind of hot. It's been a long time since I've liked either of these two with anyone, but together... I'm on board with that. His face when Michael knocked on the door was hilarious, and her excitement when she heard about Michael's college plans was kind of cute. They made me smile... and that's a RARE thing for me to do while watching GH these days!

marz, Carlivati has been tweaking the scripts for a while. I'm not 100% sure but it's likely the alters stuff is him.

Mary Beth, lol at Kate/Hate.

Okay, I am clearly in the minority, but I think the Kate DID story is mildy interesting. Skate 2.0 are horrible, have no chemistry, and are totally a time waster until they can get VMG back for the finale, but this is a bit more intriuging than the usual wash, rinse, repeat Sonny romance. KS has been very good. I think MB has been, well, MB and he can barely contain his rage when either the words Brenda or Jax are mentioned, but hey I will take what I can get. His stalker behavior and declarations of love to Kate are very unconvincing, but Kate is buying it because she is crazy not because of Sonny's magic penis. Right? RIGHT?

Yes! Liz looked all sparkly and happy when talking with Ewan and then along comes the dreadful Maxie Jones!

Here's hoping that karma bites Maxie and all of the other sanctimonious hypocrites in Port Charles.

Monica with her drinking and hit and run from 2008 should keep her mouth shut and tell Maxie to go kick rocks!

Maxie needs to get her ass handed to her by Robin. Any other person Maxie will just rationalize it away. But if Robin tells her that she is being a childish, backstabbing, jealous, conniving big ol' bitch, then Maxie would be forced to think about her actions. As Maxie actually loves and respects her beloved cousin Robin. Robin likes and trusts Liz. She trusts Liz with helping out with her husband and child if anything would happened to Robin. And Robin should point this sh!t out to Maxie.

Maxie is mad that her relationship with Matt just isn't working out like she had planned. It was fun in the beginning. But it just doesn't have long haul staying power. Matt likes to have talk to people about his medical research work. Maxie cares about high fashion. She has no clue about what Matt is talking about when he is trying to tell her about his work. Just like he doesn't get her passion for Crimson and working for Kate. And yeah, Matt is lying to himself about how deep his feelings for Elizabeth are. Maxie is dead right about that. But guess what? That isn't Liz's problem or fault. Be mad at Matt for breaking up. But it isn't like Elizabeth seduced him, encouraged a drug addiction, faked a pregnancy and then a miscarriage to get Matt in her life. Unlike some people.

Bottom line: It isn't Elizabeth's fault that Matt has become attracted to her. That just sort of happened. That stuff tends to happen when girlfriends ditch boyfriends at the last minute to run around town doing crap with an ex, multiple times.

Skate in any form? Creepy as hell. Sonny stalking women just doesn't shock me. He has done it with most of the women he proclaimed himself to be in love with. Karen, Brenda, Carly and others all had to deal with Sonny's control freak tendencies.

JaSam? Still can't be bothered to care about them. They kill off the adorableness that was Jake(and thus also killing "Cake") to cram a new miracle JaSam spawn? Blech. I'm ready for the break up and for Sam to be paired(reunited?) with Det. McBain.

St. Jasus's sudden brain hurt? I'm sorry. I don't feel much pity for a self made serial killing thug.

stlbf I grovel at your feet. :D

stlbf, yes, what she said.

HA! At least Matt had a good start on telling off Maxie today! Now if only Robin can find out about Maxie's vendetta against her friend(and co worker and neighbor).


An interesting discussion is worth comment. I think that you should write more on this topic, it might not be a taboo subject but generally people are not enough to speak on such topics....what is torrent

stlbf, I, like everyone else, agree with EVERYTHING you posted.


"JaSam? Still can't be bothered to care about them. They kill off the adorableness that was Jake(and thus also killing "Cake") to cram a new miracle JaSam spawn? Blech. I'm ready for the break up..."

....goes DOUBLE for me!!!

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