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« The Bold & the SERIOUSLY? | Main | The Still & the Planning (!) »

July 12, 2012

A Likely Story

I don't expect the people who write up daily episode summaries for the various cable guides to be well-versed in soap histories or personality traits, but a passing familiarity with the genre would be helpful, if only to save us from episode recaps like today's, which teased "Sam is on the verge of discovering the truth". Delightfully naive at best and wholly unrealistic at worst. Doesn't everybody know that soap storylines are wrapped up no less than six months after they began?! Unless they've just created a macro and plan to use this summary for every episode of General Hospital for the next year or so, in which case I redact the withering tone of the above and replace it with kudos for efficient planning...

Sam continues, and will continue, to have near-misses with discovering the truth about the myriad horrendous things that have happened to her in recent weeks, this time coming seriously close to finding the paternity results Heather had hanging out of her purse in the most tantalizing manner. And to add misery to misery, she then had to counsel Maxie on her love life and make excuses for Spinelli, which is just an awful thing to do to a woman who has experienced unbearable tragedy in recent weeks. I mean, she DID get to live out my dream and make out with John McBain, but I would hardly call this week a win on her end, overall because...Spinelli. Ugh. I know she doesn't have the complete aversion to him that I do and she even cares about him, but still! It just seems like a surefire way to make her even more miserable.

Speaking of near-misses, Patrick's drug theft was "almost" "discovered" by Epiphany today. Like, the show tried to get some dramatic tension out of him getting caught stealing. AGAIN, this is the mere beginning of a story (...does it actually count as a story if it happens onscreen no more than three times a month?), the truth won't be discovered by characters who actually matter (no offense intended, Ramon) for another couple of seasons, so you can save it with your dramatic end-of-scene "Epiphany declares that she knows what happened to the drugs like Patrick looks overwhelmingly guilty and attempts to contort his face into one of mere curiosity, failing miserably".

I do feel awful for Patrick, and happy that Jason Thompson is getting some more epic material with which to pad his Emmy reel next year, but this addiction story is leaving me cold. And you know me; I LOVE addiction storylines. Interventions are basically my favorite thing in the world to watch (except for the actual show Intervention, which just depresses me; I prefer my interventions scripted, preferably in a bottle episode) but this one was just half-assed. Lulu? Really? She does have an awful lot of experience with addiction and having an aggressive, emotionless person confront him was an interesting twist, since she doesn't seem to care enough about him to buy into any of his excuses, but they've barely interacted during their time on the show. I think I know my barista better than Lulu knows Patrick (at the very least, he knows my drink order and often is in the process of making it as I am walking through the door), and I'd feel uncomfortable confronting him about his grief-induced hypothetical drug addiction!

But anyway, Lulu dropped some truth on Patrick and he paid some lip service to quitting and Maxie basically danced around today, giddy that they had cured Patrick and gotten him to seek treatment. Because addicts totally always follow through on promises that they've made, right? If Maxie had watched a few more very special episodes of 90s television dramas, she'd know a little more about drug use! And planning successful interventions, for that matter.

I have nothing to say about Molly and Alexis's ongoing battle because it has been giving me visceral flashbacks to my freshman year of high school and the fights I had with my parents about dating that consisted mainly of me screeching loudly and storming off to my room to blast music; I was in the midst of a serious Spice Girls phase during that era of my life, so it's safe to say that I missed the point of angry blaring by quite a large margin. I'd rather repress the entire thing, so I am just going to briefly say that I totally sympathize with Molly and move along from there.

Roger Howarth continues to make my LIFE with the way he delivers lines.

Todd: See, this is why -- this is why you never, never trust a stranger that you meet in the middle of the woods in the middle of the night if she's pushing around a dead body in a wheelbarrow.


I want the truth about Heather and Todd to come out because I think Sam deserves a happy ending, but I also want their uneasy partnership to go on FOREVER because they are seriously entertaining together.


I loved Todd going off on Heather today about the paternity test. It was pure magic...I think I saw steam come from his ears. Even better when he started jumping up and down in his anger. It was epic!

I can't believe it, but I actually like Todd and hopefully he will continue to keep his mouth shut. I firmly believe that Sam doesn't deserve one ounce of happiness; not for all the crap that she did to Jake.

Mallory, it would be absolutely hilarous if you & Louise listed Todd-isms every now & then.

Sam deserves a bullet in the head courtesy of one Jason Morgan. When a grown azz adult deliberately goes after a baby with hate and malice in their hearts, they deserve the full wrath of every parent in the world!

Todd owns his screw ups and never blames them on a "moment of weakness" which Sam has done repeatedly and will continue to do so as long as she gets away with it.

Random thoughts: Lulu's supposed to be at least 25, and she "forgot" to go to her full-time job? Sam showed up 3 hours late to her job (the undercover job she scored to do her ACTUAL job). Props to Heather for at least having the work ethic to do her job and tend to her prisoner-in-a-shed. Also, I giggled because Ramon Santiago is one of the Detroit Tigers.

Sam's a PI....if she wants to know what Todd and Heather are up to, why doesn't she just bug Todd's office?!? Kind of PI 101 I would think!

When Steve was trying to find a lawyer for Heather, I was saying to my TV, "Scotty Baldwin! Scotty Baldwin!" They were co-conspirators back in the day. It would be great if he came back and they worked together to mess with Jason again. Get Kin Shriner!

Can't forget the best of GH this week. I can sum it up in two words: Crazy Calling!

@Lisbeth. OMG! I literally fell on the floor laughing my ass off when Todd's ringtone for Heather went "crazy calling, crazy calling". LOVED IT!

I actually think Molly and TJ are cute, but I do not sympathize with Molly at all b/c her behavior is disgusting. I get she's young, but the way she is treating Alexis is not cute, sympathetic, or spunky. Alexis has valid reasons for not being on Team TJ. Aside from the party that ended with Molly being drunk, he was nothing but disrespectful when he met Alexis. I agree with Shawn that TJ has changed, but it would be smart for him to SHOW her he's changed, instead of him and Molly being righteous when they get caught lying.

I just think that Alexis could have come around sooner had TJ come to her, sincerely apologize for the trouble he caused, and promised to be better. I just can't with the Davis girls being intolerable brats when they don't get what they want. They usually don't for a reason, but good luck getting them to see that. What I can't believe is Alexis allowing children to speak to her that way, but this just reminds me of OLTL when Starr behaved horribly when she was with Cole on OLTL and the way Jack was allowed to speak to adults when he was aged into terribleness.

Molly has been acting too much like Kristina lately for me to feel the least bit bad for her. I'm still waiting for someone to point out how Kristina killed a baby, and accident which her mom took the rap for, when she tries to blast Alexis and Sonny and all morally superior. Alexis lets her kids get away with way too much.

Sorry for the rant, but Molly made me see red.

And also, I love Todd for all time!

I agree, realbrenda. Whenever Molly says, "OHMYGOD" in that impatient, whiny voice, I wonder why Alexis puts up with it.

You guys, I love Todd and Heather. I'm so happy that GH has been infused with some genuine comedy rather than the accidental comic stylings of Sonny.

Ooooh, Mallory, I'm so thrilled to hear that you also had a serious Spice Girls phase! I had their posters plastered all over my room AND I even scrapbooked them! :nostalgia:

@LadyBug "Sam deserves a bullet in the head courtesy of one Jason Morgan."

Well, Jason would certainly know how, wouldn't he?

Molly's voice gets high and screechy whenever she gets upset, seems she picked up one of OldKristina's tics

I really want Sam and Todd to eventually have a conversation about terrible choices involving infants. After all, Sam could tell Todd all about how she watched the crazy woman snatch Jake and refused to help find him; then Todd could confide how he told Blair that her son had died and only went to extreme lengths to get him back when he realized Jack was his biological son. All of this would have to happen before Sam finds out that Todd let her believe her son was dead; but all things considered, they ought to understand one another's worst offenses better than most people could.

Sam could also tell Todd how she hired two men with guns to terrorize a mother, toddler and baby in the park. I hope RC has the guts to write all of Sam's sins when it came to Elizabeth, Jason, Cam and Jake once and for all because soap fans never forget previous stories!

KatR, Jason is a hit man for the mob. When he told Sam,"I will kill you" it was not a prelude to love in the afternoon after he found out she hired those men to scare Elizabeth, Cam and Jake.

Poor Sam. Poor Sam my big toe. Todd's crimes are always mentioned in dialogue, Carly slept with Bobbie's husband, OLTL's Viki's DID issues, Victor Newman's various crimes, etc... but when it comes to Sam, none of her dirty deeds (tampering with Jax's car so that he couldn't say goodbye to his dying father, sleeping with her mother's husband while the woman was dealing with lung cancer, seducing Lucky to get back at Liz, terrorizing babies, etc). GH keeps writing Sam like she's some freaking heroine when the character is a villain that on occasions does the right thing like Todd. Todd owns his screw ups and you can't say the same thing about Sam.

Well I guess I missed all the evil Sam did,Thanks to the fact that the evil Sonny and Jason did drove me away.
Todd I never watched the evil on OLTL so I guess my liking him,feeling like he is sorry for his sins filled with guilt,which is something I NEVER saw from Jason ,Sonny or Carley.
Sam I did not miss the disgusting Jason browbeating her because she was raped. And heavens ,She spoke to a cop. Then he thinks Joe Jr is scum for killing McBains sister for talking to a cop? When this show makes no sense,it really makes no sense.
I think Todd and heather are a welcome change on this show. I want Sam to get her baby eventually,and Todd to be the one to atone for his sins.
Right now the show sometimes is a lot better than the soprano's light it was when I shut it off for years.

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