Farewell to the Nation's Cuddliest Hitman

Well, gang, today's the day. The day we all have to weep and join hands in our mutual grief over saying goodbye to Saint Jasus of Assassin. Or, you know, it's Steve Burton's last air date. Whichever.

I'm of mixed feelings on this departure. I'm not a fan of this character, but I don't hold this against Steve Burton. I know he can be polarizing at times, but I honestly think he's done the job that's been asked of him (and he always has a refreshingly humble sense of humor about how few facial expressions are required of him at his job, and oh yeah -- he says Jason's a serial killer and always seems to be appropriately amused that he's treated as the moral center of the show). And I have to respect the man for being able to be at the center of two of the most unhinged couple-shipping fanbases in the history of television (disclaimer: I'm in no way suggesting that all Jason/Sam fans or all Jason/Liz fans are insane. I'm in every way suggesting that plenty of them are, and they tend to be the loudest ones), though admittedly I respect both Becky Herbst and Kelly Monaco for this even more, since they tend to bear the brunt of the more malicious lunatics. Can y'all tell I'm a little psyched that the Liz/Sam wars won't get any new ammunition anytime soon because of Jason's departure? Oh, who am I kidding. I'm sure message boards will be ablaze at the way Sam's mouth moved three scenes after a Liz scene or the way Liz cocked an eyebrow at Sam while handing her a piece of hospital paperwork. And each of these will be proof that the one gal is and always really was Jason's Tru Wuv. Plus, there are obviously at least 36 of Jason's long-lost spawn still out there to be discovered, and the warring contingencies will no doubt be keeping tally of how many of these were borne of "Liason" or "JaSam" or... aw, hell. The conspiracy theories are already hurting my head. I CAN'T WAIT. (I liked both pairings at times, by the way. Is there a firing squad nearby? I also could not give a crap who his soulmate "really" is since I wouldn't wish that on any character I really like.)

I have gone off the rails here.

Point is, Jason is still a Quartermaine and has still been a major character on this show for a couple of decades now. And Steve Burton really did a nice job making the character his own after replacing a string of random light-haired young boys who ran across the screen twice a year when the brothers were home from boarding school. I mean who ever really believed a new actor could replace the indelible mark left on us by young thespian Quinn Carlson? Or Bryan Beck?

Did I digress? I believe I did. What I'm trying to get at here is that I'm going to recap the show just as soon as I can get my DVR to stop punking out. Okay.

Here we go.

Lulu can't have a baby. Dante is adorable. And Lulu is sad.

The cops go to see Trey, who handles their arrival by crossing away from them so that he's at the opposite end of the screen. Was that weird blocking to anyone else? Sonny shows up and Michael tells him Joe had been there.

Jason shoots Joe and kicks away the gun.

He runs to Bernie, who does that awful soapy thing of spending a long time saying how he "needs to tell him about something," and phrases it several different ways and never gets it out anyway since EvilMeanBadDuke shows up and shoots Jason.

Anna tells Luke that Duke has no DNA on record, so his sample is meaningless. Luke sighs, as do I.

Monica's all excited about being a grandma again! Well, yeah, since Michael got stolen from the family and Jake got concealed and then killed, I can see how she'd be psyched. Too bad she's in for more bad news!

Duke kicks Jason off the dock into the water, ensuring that his body will not be found so that everyone can declare him dead and he can come back when Steve Burton gets tired of Tennessee or hanging out with James Franco, whichever comes first (my bet is on the latter).

This also ensures that the Jason-lovin' masses will hope Duke burns in a fiery inferno, just in case they hadn't stacked the decks against him enough yet (because of course, plenty of people might have thanked him for attempting to have Kristina offed). So, you know, yay. Great management of a beloved character's return from the dead after 23 years. Rock solid.

Lulu can't carry a child past the second trimester, and explains to Dante that it can't be fixed. She apologizes to Dante, who tells her not to apologize because he is the best.

Tracy mocks Monica, and also points out that Monica is not technically Danny's grandmother (so she thinks, as Monica adopted Jason but obviously not Franco), and then gets in a STELLAR POINT about how obviously Jason can accept the baby "because he clearly has no problem with other men's babies" (when she's right she's right!). Monica accuses Tracy of being worried about sharing the inheritance, and tells Tracy that the baby was named after Edward. Tracy gets pissy about this and again makes a STELLAR POINT about how Jason rejected the family and is a career criminal and has brought bloodshed down on the family, which Monica refers to as "dramatics." Or, in my dictionary, "facts." Anyway, Tracy tells Monica about removing the bullet from Joe a couple weeks back.

Sam fills John in on her reunion with Jason.

Bernie's all bleeding out on the docks and calls Sonny and whispers his location. Sonny asks what's wrong and Bernie says, hilariously, "Jason."

Lulu's adorable little doctor comes in and Dante explains that Lulu thinks her condition is her fault because of the abortion she had as a teenager.

Sonny and the beat cops run off to Pier 52. Michael wants to be manly and go help, but Sonny won't allow it. Trey tries to go, too, but Starr announces that they're both staying put, because Starr is a dominant. (I hope she and Michael have a solid safe word.)

Tracy and Monica bicker some more.

Luke moans on to Anna about investigating Duke. Alas, I'm pretty sure he's Duke. Speaking of whom, Duke shoots Bernie and then shoots after Joe, who gets away and Duke goes chasing after. 

Sam tells John that the feelings they'd shared were real and they can't forget that. He suggests that they do.

Adorable Doc tells Lulu her condition is congenital and has absolutely nothing to do with the termination, which ultimately would have resulted in a miscarriage. The doctor suggests getting a second opinion, though she believes herself to be quite correct. She recommends that Lulu go back on birth control, for obvious reasons. Dante tries to reassure Lulu, who is not reassured. He gives her a bear hug and she bursts into sobs. I can't deal with how cute these two are.

Starr yells a lot.

Joe shows up at Tracy's, shot. Again. She forgets to say, "We have to stop meeting like this!"

Anna tells Luke she's sure about Duke and I am borrrrrrred. He tells her he has feelings for her. "Real, strong, important feelings." Seriously? Well, of course they're important, Luke! It's not like they're someone else's feelings!

This little baby playing Danny (or "sitting in the frame as Danny") is just the cutest. Sam thanks John for helping find Danny, and then lets him hold him.

Sonny finds a still-breathing Bernie, who tells him that Jason got shot and pushed into the harbor. Sonny takes off his jacket and shoes to jump in the water. I don't know why that cracked me up so much. But hooo boy, did it. (Also, Duke is apparently a really bad shot for such a Big Evil Menace To Society.)

Lulu and Dante share their sadness and how they pictured their future kids, and talk about how they at least have each other. Because they live in some weird paradigm where this means they can never be parents?

Joe tells some old Sonny stories to Tracy, about how Sonny used to call him a coward. His under-eye "I got shot and am dying!" makeup is really bad. Joe tells Tracy he saved her life.

Michael blathers on to Starr about how she doesn't understand "the business." She thanks him for staying.

Duke goes in to chat with Anna and Luke, the latter of whom decides to speak for Anna, and they continue with the same conversation they've been having. Luke suggests they get Duke's fingerprints. Duke asks Anna if she really wants to indulge Luke's paranoia.

John fills Sam in on his personal life. Natalie's restraining order against him is still in effect. John tells her a bunch of ridiculous stuff that Natalie would never say -- that his job is too high-risk, that he's not financially stable enough to accommodate Natalie's lifestyle, that he doesn't play well with others. Uh, she loves all that shit. And financially? She wouldn't care, but even if she did? She's a freakin' multi-millionaire! This is silly. I'll just assume that it's not real and Natalie's just saying this shit to hurt him because he hurt her. Anyway, Sam wants to know if John is staying in Port Charles.

Sonny comes back above water and screams about how he has to find Jason.

Doing these straight recaps was way more fun with wine. 

Dante tells Lulu she is perfect to him. These two are such a down-to-earth pairing. I love it.

Bernie fades while, you know, trying to tell Sonny something.

Anna tells Duke she believes he is who he says he is, but it'll be easier for everyone if he just does the fingerprint test. Luke grins evilly at Duke. Duke furrows his brow evilly at Luke. This is not really the exciting vets' love triangle we were all looking for.

Joe tells Tracy he saved her life with the antidote, and he guilts her into calling Trey to get him over there. Trey lies that he's going to help Kristina. Michael gets all worried about something maybe happening to Jason. Starr asks, appropriately, "Isn't that his job?" Michael makes his Droopy Dog face. 

Sam asks John how Tea is doing, which is a very nice touch. John heads out and Sam tells him she really hopes he gets his family back. He tells her to always cherish what she has with Jason and Danny, you know, to lay it on real thick.

Some divers swim around looking for Jason, but Sonny feels the effort is insufficient. Jason, he points out, has a wife and a kid! (Which I'm sure is not the case for any of Jason's or Sonny's victims, right? I'm assuming.)

Adorable Doctor brings Lulu her birth control prescription and a packet of information of "alternatives" of creating a family, and reminds them that there are still many ways they can have children. Duh!

The cops zip up Bernie in a body bag, and comment that he was shot by two different guns. 

Duke's fingerprints match those they have on file. Luke pouts. 

Yay! The smug got wiped right off his face.

Michael and Starr see the news report about the shooting, and Michael's sure that Trey went to help his father. Which he did. Joe starts to say his goodbyes to his son, and lies that it was Sonny who shot him.

There's a knock at Sam's door. Probably not good news! It's Sonny, who looks like he had a rough swim.

And again, I worry for what's about to be demanded of Kelly Monaco's tear ducts.

Comments

[Dawn]

**Saint Jasus of Assassin**

That almost made me choke on a grape. BWAHAHAHA! Bye Jason! Don't let the doorknob, er, seaweed hit ya!

[C]

Seriously, the off-screen assassination of Natalie is getting ridiculous. And while I suspect there's some manipulation at play here, John has known her for YEARS and should know better than to believe any of that shit.

Ah, the old body washed out to sea, we couldn't find it, i'm suuuure he's dead exit.
Adios, sainted hit man.

[soapbaby]

Thanks for the recap Louise! Boy, you deserve a glass of wine. I could barely pay attention to the episode out of sheer boredom. I FFWDed everything except Lulu/Dante/most excellent doctor (super adorable) and Tracy (because she makes everything better.)

I really feel like Jason's "death" was wholly underwhelming. I haven't loved the character in 4 years now but the character deserved a more epic exit. Now, we have to put up with weeks of characters uplifting the memory of Jason. I am beyond tired of seeing Sam already and I think KeMo is spent. Her acting during the kidnapping of baby Daniel and the subsequent reunion was flat. I am already fatigued just thinking about it.

Anyone notice "Duke" reach for his gun as Anna began to read the results of the fingerprints? I am not convinced he is Duke and I believe that Anna is playing him. I do wish Duke let let off a round in Luke but oh well... ;-)

[Cindy]

I normally cry like a baby when characters get killed off, and heck, even Joe touched me when saying goodbye to Trey but Jason...it was weird...I felt nothing. Nothing at all.

[artemesia98]

About the Liz/Sam wars, I thought you might be interested in this quote from the divine Ms. Hughes:

"Neither Edie and I - nor Tristan, for that matter - wanted to see our characters get involved in one of those typical jealous triangles. There are already too many of those on the air, so we tried to avoid playing certain things as they were written. If the script said, 'Katherine glares at Anna,' Edie wouldn't glare, she'd just look. Naughty, yes, but without the necessary innuendos to develop an adversarial relationship, the GH writers gradually turned toward a more mature, realistic, and fresh depiction of a triangle. And the show, most would agree, has been better for it." -Finola Hughes, excerpt from Episodes magazine May/June 1990

[Bethie]

The most touching scene Jason had the past week with his regular on-screen partners was appropriately with Sonny. SB and MB were definitely choked up in their final scene together at the hospital. That was the only emotion I felt in Burton's exit which is a crying shame since he was once a character I adored. . .back in the Jason and Robin days.

I'm sad to see Steve Burton go, mostly because the most compelling story for Jason was never told. . . namely, JasonQ reconciling JasonM's life. Jason getting Q memories back, and not necessarily becoming Jason Q again, but having to deal with the guilt of what JasonM has done, cuz JasonQ was as upstanding as uptanding could be.

Alas, they never played that. I only got a tiny bit of satisfaction back when Michael killed Claudia and Jason went to Robin and apologized and told her she was right all along. . . you know, no worries. . .it only took you like 17 years or so to realize.

Anyway, I digress also. Ultimately Jason was an important character to the show and Steve Burton will definitely be missed. Best of luck to him.

[Chad]

Seriously I'm also going to mourn Bernie. It was nice being able to think that Mr. Lippmann was still appearing on my TV screen!

I am glad that they at least dealt with Lulu's abortion head-on. I've been less impressed with how soaps typically deal with abortion ("General Hospital" no exception), and it's nice that the show addressed that part of Lulu's history while making it clear that it had nothing to do with her current situation.

Also I too noticed the touch of Duke reaching for his gun at that important moment...I'm a little disappointed like other long-term fans, but I'm also genuinely interested in seeing where they're going with this. At least Ian Buchanan can play the hell out of a charming yet sinister villain.

[Janeway]

Loved your recap, especially Lante part. Yes, they are adorable and sweet and real and it was very sad.

One thing I disagreed with though:

"Lulu and Dante share their sadness and how they pictured their future kids, and talk about how they at least have each other. Because they live in some weird paradigm where this means they can never be parents?"

The initial shock of finding out you will never carry a child or have a biological child of your own is very great. There is a grieving process they must go through before they can consider alternatives (I had friends go through it) Also, they are very down to earth like you said and have no money, and surrogacy (and even adoption) is very expensive and takes a long time. I am interesting in where the writers take it and still hope for a Lante baby.

[LadyBug]

Sonny dove into the dirty water to look for his true love, Jason. SaSon forever will be tattooed on Sonny's chest!

Why is it every soap makes it the woman's fault that she can't have a baby? It would have been freaking delicious for Momma Pasta who still takes care of Dante's laundry and the man that impregnated half the women in Port Charles that their son is sterile or with a very, low sperm count.

[sanen85]

I've always been oddly comforted knowing that after all LuLu did to lead up to her pregnancy, she would have to live with the consequences. She would know that all her conniving and hurting other people lead her to have to make a decision she'd have to live with. It bothered me that they basically told her that the decision didn't matter and would have had the same result. I'm not sure why it bothered me so much.

Oh, and I can't pretend Jason is dead when they've given us no reason to. So, I can't be appropriately sad at his exit.

[Soapbaby]

^^ I disagree sanen85. Lulu made a poor choice as a teenager when she went after a married Dylan but that doesn't equate to her never being able to carry a pregnancy. That's an awful, underdeserved consequence. By that logic, ALL of Port Charles should be infertile!

[Lucy D.]

As much as I don't like Jason, I'm glad he went in the water--where he'll float to the same safe haven as Jerry Jacks and come back at the "right" time.

I laughed out loud at how fast Sonny went into the water instead of finding out from Bernie who shot him.

I also noticed Duke reaching for his gun. So if he isn't the real Duke, his prints were changed in the main fingerprint registry. And why would Duke want/need Sonny's fortune/business? He's a small town mobster. Not having watched during the Duke time, I really don't care. I want Robert to come back and beat the crap out of both Duke and Luke.

[Lucy D.]

Oh and LOVING Dante and Lulu.

[uliis]

soapbaby, that's not what sane85 was saying. She was saying that the abortion was the consequence of the choices Lulu made, and while Lulu hadn't regretted it it's something that she's had to live with it, and it bothers the poster that the writers have kinda said now that it didn't matter if Lulu had gotten an abortion or not

Ladybug, I think it's because they want to use a surrogate for Lante, and if it were Dante's fault they could just fertilize Lulu's egg and she could carry the baby. But it does bug me too that once again it is the woman's fault. ugh.

[Soapbaby]

Thanks for your perspective uliis. The first part of sanen85's statement confused me so perhaps I misunderstood the entire statement. I'll wait for her clarity if she wishes to make it clear.

[SHERI]

it cracked me up also when sonny jumped into the water because he reminded me of a little kid jumping into their backyard swimming pool. i half expected to see pool toys floating around in the water and for jason to pop up with his tongue sticking out saying"i can hold my breath under water longer then you can".LOL

[Vicki]

A bit off-topic, but baby Danny is almost as big as Sam!

[SHERI]

I forgot to add this to my other post. I found it kind of ironic that duke who has been in town less then 10 seconds has killed more people in this one scene then sonny(who only waves his gun around he is *gag* the mobster with a heart of gold)has in all the 20 of so years on GH. in regards to the scene with sam and john that was NOT a goodbye. She will find out that jason is dead be the widow morgan for a few weeks/month then move on with guess who JOHNNY BOY. Just when it is safe Natalie will come back to pc and their will be the natalie john sam triangle that frank valentin is so obviously drooling for. In the end all we will have is BABY LIAM AND BABY DANIEL being AJ AND JASON THE NEXT GENERATION.

[Janet B.]

I agree with Chad, to me Bernie will always be Elaine's boss Mr. Lippman from Pendant Publishing on Seinfeld. I was hoping he'd survive but then Duke shot him again and he got zipped into a body bag. No, Mr. Lippman!

Duke's just shooting people left and right. If he is the real Duke, I don't know how the writers are going to get out of this one, unless they want him to be pure evil.

When Sonny jumped into the water I was hoping he'd go in headfirst and we'd see his feet and then hear a fake splash sound and then water would come up at the bottom of the screen.

[Kim]

Lulu and Dante didn't learn that they can't have a biological child, they learned that she can't carry it. And I have no problem with that or that it's the woman, because it's actually not her "fault" at all.

[marz]

Thank you, Kim. I also appreciated the writers ending that speculation immediately.

I loved your post, Louise. I look forward to your comments on Jason's funeral week.

[uliis]

Kim, I should have put fault in quotation marks too, I don't believe Lulu's to blame at all either. Just tired of the medical problem in regards to reproduction always being the woman's on tv.

[DocHopper]

Funeral week? I wish. You know that shit is gonna last a month. Ugh. I'm just so tired of watching poor KeMo cry.

See ya, Borg! Thanks for eating my show for 15 years. I won't miss you hogging the screentime from characters who do things that are interesting.

[LadyBug]

Jake and Danny should have been the next Jason and AJ.

[SaneN85]

Thank you for the clarification, Uliis. That is exactly what I meant and I'm sorry if I caused anyone confusion. Soapbaby, I hope that helps clear it up. I would never think someone should have to "pay" for the rest of their lives for something they did as a teenager (except severe criminal acts with no remorse).

It just seemed that the only part of that whole disaster that Lulu actually regretted was the abortion. Now, I feel like she doesn't have to regret any of it.

[Elizabeth]

I never got the impression Lulu regretted the abortion. I think she still believes it was the right decision. Any regrets were over the necessity of the abortion. Which should still be true.

[boes]

The thing that really frightens me about Lulu's inability to carry a baby to term is that she'll need a surrogate.....and I'll make a bet that Dullivia will volunteer to be that surrogate. Just think, Dante's loudmouthed mother will be carrying his kid. Does it get any skankier than that?
Can you imagine how often Dr. Orange Glow will be walking around with his mouth hanging open after THAT? Oh, the flies he will catch.

[soapbaby]

Thanks sanen85! I hope I didn't put you on the spot with asking for clarity. I think Lulu's reaction to the news of her not being able to conceive was realistic. Upon receiving bad news, most reasonable people irrationally seek to blame themselves as a form of denial. Kudos to Julie Berman and Dominic Zamprogna.

[Lisa Black]

I hope Olivia isn't the surrogate, but I definitely don't see how surrogacy is skanky in any way.

[marz]

I don't see how Olivia is skanky in any way.

And surrogacy is just one option, which will be mulled over along with adoption. And get a damn second opinion, but not from Kelly.