80% of Feeling Good is Looking Good

Okay, that title isn't really all that relevant, but when I turned on my TV before turning on the DVR for today's General Hospital, that was a direct quote from some sort of men's hair club commercial and I almost died laughing. 80%, you guys. Empirical fact! STUDIES HAVE SHOWN! And so I couldn't help but experience the entire episode in this context.

For instance, Trey doesn't look half bad. Sure, he's got some dark circles around his eyes, but he's a pretty boy. Brain dead? C'mon! When you look like that, chances are you feel good.

Carly has looked fabulous for two weeks of episodes. Seriously. Ridiculously fabulous. That hair! The sort of night-before smoky-eyes residue! That cute jacket! Plus she's a little less made up than usual, so her freckles are showing and I am a fan. And she always looks cute in jeans. So what's she feelin' so bad about? Please! Just because she just found out her ex-boyfriend killed some kids and blackmailed her current boyfriend, who it turns out swapped her friend's live baby out for a dead baby and is like the world's worst grandfather and was blackmailing her ex-boyfriend right back... I mean that's no reason to feel bad.

So 20% of her current state is not so great. She looks good, and that's 80%. Quit whinin'!

(And hey, shout out to this excellent sequence:

Sam: Sounds like you saw yourself in Todd. (laughs) You should've known that was a huge, huge mistake, Carly.

Carly: You know you can be a real bitch sometimes.

Sam: You know it takes one to know one.

Carly: You know, who knows, maybe I can use this for good? Maybe I can get women to line up their boyfriends in front of me, and if I'm attracted to them, they should run -- run -- for their lives.

Nice, ladies!)

Oh and there's another one! Sam. Sam is super-pretty. She's got those giant brown eyes and this perfect little nose and she's just plain hot. So what's her problem?

So she's a new mother who's still dealing with being maybe-raped by her husband's long-lost twin brother two years ago and her husband's presumed dead! Big deal: EIGHTY PERCENT OF FEELING GOOD IS LOOKING GOOD, SAM. Seriously.

Who else looks too good to feel bad?

Huh. Nah, Todd and Johnny should go ahead and feel bad. Diane looks good (as always), as does the random jail guard escorting Johnny! I hope he's not upset about anything because that would be silly. How can someone with those cheekbones and a full head of hair feel bad? NOT POSSIBLE. Just ask the hair club!

(Although I do have to also add a shout-out to Todd's jail cell mantra about how he has a daughter and her name is Starr, etc., which was a cool callback to the early days where we saw him on OLTL last year still in captivity, trying to jog his own memories. You know, back when he hung out in undisclosed locations?)

Ellie. Ellie is too pretty to ever feel bad, so I won't allow it. DEAR AFTERNOON TELEVISION PROGRAM, DO NOT BREAK ELLIE'S HEART OR I WILL BREAK YOU.  

And finally, Anna looks too good to feel bad or to be so damn absent. So imagine my thrill when her lovely face finally turned up on the "on the next episode" clips. Hark!

In more important news, oh hell yes! Laura is comin' to see us, kids!

Welcome back, Genie! We'll make the place really pretty and warm for you. Plus, you look so good that you must feel good!

I'm so glad we've all found an easy formula with which to judge the world and our own happiness. Thanks, hair club!

Comments

[Ziyal]

I was LMFAOing through this entire post. And ahhh-ing at all the pretty screencaps. Yay for Genie being back :) And CarSam having another fight is just classic GH, and they both so pretty <3

[LogopolisMike]

So I read that bit about Genie Francis's one caveat for coming back (that they explain why she's been away from her family for so long) and it made my grinchy heart grow a few post-Christmas sizes.

Then I couldn't remember why Lucky left... I remember it had something to do with Ireland and that Irish woman who died all the sudden (who I slightly confused with Michael's girlfriend who died all the sudden), and apparently I'd blocked out Liz pretending to be crazy completely. (Getting old sucks.)

Anyway, Wikipedia told me that:

"Lucky feels betrayed and goes back to Ireland to visit Siobhan's grave, and is visited by a mysterious person he suddenly recognizes."

Who was that supposed to be? And is there any reason it can't be Laura and that her backstory is that she's been helping Lucky get over all his dead kid/dead girlfriend/basically just being Lucky trauma? (And maybe JJ could come back for a short 50th anniversary cameo as well.)

Because I would like that. And lately this show keeps doing what I like. So I figured I might as well put it out there.

[soapbaby]

Such a fantastic post Louise! It's absolutely delightful and funny. Laura Wright & Kelly Monaco looked fabulous. Their scenes were probably good, I unfortunately haven't been able to pay attention to GH the past few weeks and I am happy for my brain cells. I want all of the characters featured over the past two weeks to be backburnered for a VERY, VERY long time.

It's fantastic news that Genie Francis is returning to GH. I hope her return is not botched up. It would be great to have Scott Baldwin back as well to mix it up with Laura, Luke, Tracy and Lucy!

[Anne]

Lucky went to Ireland because Siobhan left him a letter telling him that if he died, he should visit these mystical Irish stones. He went, and had a vision of Siobhan telling him...to go back to PC, because Jake needed him. So he went back, Jake died, Liz had a breakdown, Lucky waited until she recovered and then...left town. As so many loving parents of young children in PC were prone to do, during the Guza years.

[Anne]

Whoops - it was Aiden, not Jake, who was in need of help. Siobhan warned Lucky, who called Luke, who heroically drove a toddler across town after running one down - classic soap redemption arc. Except not.

[soapbaby]

Ugh. Lucky's exit and Luke's "redemption" are best forgotten.

Regarding today's episode: Did anyone else find the Todd & Johnny scenes odd? I mean, they were bargaining when they have NOTHING to bargain with. Johnny still wants Carly? There's no chemistry. Give it up, turn it loose! Todd & Carly had chemistry and I'm not counting them out just yet but wish they had some light, fun times before imploding. I like both Roger Howarth & Brandon Barash but Todd & Johnny should have to pay for some of their crimes. Johnny, in particular, seems written in a corner and his story stalled.

[LadyBug]

Why couldn't Lucky simply receive an offer to join the WSB and took off with Liz's blessing, which would have ended LnL99999999 for the very last time? Liz could on occasion mention that Lucky called the boys or he popped into town to spend a few hours with Cam and Aiden.

[Cindy]

In that picture of Genie Franics, she looks so much like Julie Marie Berman (Lulu) that it's stunning.

[C]

Louise, did you catch the shout-out to our beloved Dr. Greg "A Brain Is Not A Foot" Evans?

Shut up, Carly.

[C]

BTW, Louise, in that Stacy Morasco picture DC used in their article about the WGA, guess who she's staring at over Schuyler's shoulder? Kyle. Siiigh.

[Louise]

You know, I heard in advance that Greg "brainfoot temper tantrum" Evans was getting name-dropped in the episode, but I confess I missed it entirely. Must've been taking notes on something else at that point. What was the reference?

I did enjoy the Vicker Man 2 comment!

[Valerie]

I'm looking forward to your comments on the possibility of vampires coming to Port Charles. And of one of them killing Britt and Sabrina, which might make me root for them . . . .

[Lucy D.]

Oh yes, Valerie. While I am not a fan of vampires, anything to make Britt and Sabrina go away. I could deal with Sabrina if they put her in another storyline, but having her moon after Patrick is imbecilic. And demeaning. And to have Elizabeth prop this relationship is insulting.

[LadyBug]

GH should have put Liz and Patrick together (not romantically) in order to honor Robin by working on the nurses ball with Epiphany.

[TekBunE]

OMG, Christina is so awful!! Phew, got that off my chest.