The Bold & the -- FORGET IT, THERE ARE NO DESCRIPTORS

I'm seriously speechless about this, y'all. I mean I sat down to watch today's The Bold & the Beautiful and assumed I'd write up some rant about how annoyingly disloyal a mother they've made Brooke to Hope in this whole situation or how awful that scene was between Hope and Steffy in which Hope just literally spelled out her character arc and all the ways she's changed (you know, instead of B&B doing something crazy like demonstrating this character growth), but then the ending happened. And rendered all of that irrelevant.

If this shit does not end up on The Soup, then they've really been sleeping on the job.

I'm just going to walk y'all through in case you missed it, want to re-live it, or in case you simply won't believe me if I tell you it happened. Because really, you wouldn't. No sane person would.

Right, so Liam went to yell at his daddy because even though Liam is a spineless waffling douchenozzle, his father is basically a million times worse and Liam found out all about Bill's evil machinations. Liam had a sad.

And so you know those stupid little tiny swords that both Bill and Liam wear around their necks to be all bonded as Spencer men? (They really should each wear half of the same one where the two halves fit together, that'd be adorable.) Well, Bill begged Liam not to remove his, but Liam wanted no part of it anymore since Bill is a grade-A jackass of the highest order.

Enough of that! And off he went. But Bill wasn't done with him, and Bill especially wasn't done with the tiny little Spencer sword. No sir, he wasn't.

He picked that tiny little sword up and called for Liam's attention. 

AND THEN STABBED HIMSELF IN THE CHEST WITH THE TINY LITTLE SWORD.

No, seriously. This really happened.

There's the tiny little Spencer sword sticking out of his chest! THERE IT IS. HE STABBED HIMSELF WITH IT.

Apparently it hurt.

Liam... was a little unnerved. You know, as one would be when one's father stabs himself in the chest with a tiny little Spencer sword.

I am dying here. Dying. This was some of the most hilarious shit I have ever seen. I don't even... I mean... what next? What was that? I just -- I don't know what to say, y'all. But this really happened. On the television. They wrote it, performed it, shot it, edited it, broadcast it. All of it. 

Comments

[CZ]

I rewound and rewatched. Because I was sure I hadn't understood what had happened the first time. Or the second.

[Louise]

I don't even GET it! What the hell? I'm just in a state of shock somehow.

[Michael]

Can you imagine being Don Diamont and getting the script for this episode?

"Bill does WHAT? With WHAT?"

[Lizzle]

Bwahaha. That is amazingly hilarious! I will start watching B&B effective today.

[kelly]

I don't watch B&B but you make me want to. After the tiny sword I think I have to. Was the tiny sword today???

[Louise]

That was today, yep!

[Beth]

My DVR decided not to record B&B today, so thanks for sharing. I need to watch at least that scene! This week is 3 irons & tiny swords, oh my!

[spazzo47]

Did someone read the script where the Duke melted off and wanted to outdo it? But did it wrong?

[soapbaby]

I actually zoned out from boredom at that point, looked up at the screen after hearing Bill writhing in pain and assumed he had a heart attack. The funny thing is, my sister (who never watches the show) happened to be there and with mouth gaping open said aloud, "What?!" I confidently told her that Bill must be faking a heart attack to which she replied, "That dude just stabbed himself in the chest because of an argument with his son! What just happened?!" We sat there shocked and amused.

I SO wish Caroline had died after falling over the balcony. Now, that would have produced some drama!

[LizM]

I'm not a regular B&B viewer, but was home sick today and I thought he faked a heart attack, too, until I saw Dillon/Schuyler/Liam's face and rewound it 3 times to be sure that I saw what he did. Wow. Just wow. But excellent screenshot captions, Louise - I read your B&B recaps just for them and they're particularly hilarious today.

[SZima]

I too re-wound and re-watched that scene...something I almost never do...because it was the most hysterical thing I've seen in a very, very long time.
How long was that sword? Because seriously, that thing is like 1" long and at least 2" were sticking out of his shirt (not even in his chest.)
Liam has got to be one of the dumbest characters ever...closely followed by his father!

[realbrenda4evr]

LOLOLOLOL! I almost choked reading about this on Twitter this morning and did not believe that actually happened.

Omg, LOL Forever!

[Cindy]

Not fair. Last week, I found myself watching every night despite the fact that I don't watch Bold and The Beautiful. I barely survived the poorly done fall from the balcony. I've avoided the show all week and now I'm tempted again, just for the laughs. And people think Cartini and GH do nothing but camp now?

[Louise]

Ha! So true. Unless Y&R (which I do not watch) has become seriously gritty and realistic, I'd like someone to show me the uncampy soap that's on right now. At least GH has a sense of humor about it. B&B has a bit of a self-awareness problem. B&B is basically the Carly Jacks of soaps.

[slappie jones]

Bill may have done some damage if he got himself in the right spot in the old jugular....but, I can't see how that would even break the skin. Good Lord!!!

[C]

B&B is basically the Carly Jacks of soaps.

___

Ouchies! But funnies!

[Ziyal]

"B&B is basically the Carly Jacks of soaps."
---> OMG, so, so true!! This is too hilarious for words, for words. And just because camp is hilarious is why I actually like camp, because even too much camp is always better than that damn triangle (or most soap triangles).

[Lisa]

There's a euphemism in this.

[Judy]

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of! Hahahaha! I'll have to youtube this one.

BTW, Louise, I love your little captions on the photos. Keep em comin!