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« There Is No Spatula Large Enough To Lay It On This Thick | Main | The Pairing I Have Been Waiting For Is Finally Here! »

May 13, 2013

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Because of my fondness for routine and a quite consistent temperament that usually hovers somewhere around "irritated", I'm an incredibly predictable person. This has its benefits (ordering the same thing at Starbucks every morning means that the barista gets started on my latte as soon as I walk in the door, which makes my trips efficient--and expensive, and sad when they misspell my name in a variety of humiliating ways, but that is a rant for a wordy opening paragraph in the future) and its downsides (I often worry, usually after watching a Lifetime movie or a particularly disturbing Law & Order, that my routine makes me an easy target for unsavory creepers. They'll always know where to find me!), but for the most part, it is what it is.

So I'm sure we ALL know, unequivocally, what moment on today's General Hospital made me clap my hands with glee and delight--and no, it wasn't the return of Michael Easton and his classy little ponytail; that made me laugh uproariously and say "Oh, John McBain, you are just too cute" because him playing another character is going to take a lot of getting used to because see above re: routine. No, it was Emma, paraphrasing one of my favorite soap child "quotes" of all time. OF ALL TIME!

Patrick: Britta is going to have the baby. Which means you are going to have a little brother or little sister. Isn't that great?
Emma: Witch, please.  

I screamed.

The sass was welcome (as was Patrick being hotly bothered by his daughter's attitude, because that was all sorts of realistic. And realism is an ever dwindling commodity lately!) and is also cutting commentary on almost everything else that happened in the next sixty minutes.

The Chew crew trying (SO hard. If they hadn't exerted any effort in attempting to act, the end result wouldn't have been half as embarrassing. For me. And even THAT wasn't as embarrassing as the synchronized group vomit at the end, which is a real thing that actually happened and I sort of find amusing but also bizarre and uncomfortable) to act?


Emma says "Witch, please".

The random goon also trying SO hard to act (seriously, is there anything sadder than someone with a natural monotone really attempting to be emotional and failing? I guess group vomiting would probably count as sadder than that, but it's still pretty sad, is what I'm saying)?


Emma says "Witch, please". 

Carly declaring her son to be "Michael Corinthos Jr. the 3rd"? Emma says "Witch, please".

Britt moving in with Patrick? Emma says "Witch, please" and then starts weeping.

Roger Howarth making his triumphant return to General Hospital as part of the relish saga, appearing all creepy-like in a way that fills me with dread and horror because what if he is FRANCO and I have no reason to believe that he is except that WHAT IF I'M PSYCHIC AND THAT'S ACTUALLY WHAT HAPPENS?

Emma says, "Please for the love of Jason Morgan and all that is holy, please let that not happen and let my television spontaneously combust if it does".



Oh My God. . .we wanted the Q's back. . . NOT new Q's. . .OLD Q's!!!

Maybe he's Ned. . .or Dillon (not likely) or Victor Cassadine. . . or . . oh my heavens. . .


Their is no way that any of this will work out well.. I don't have to be psychic I just know RC.

Well, RH was dressed all in black, which means he's probably either a Cassadine or a mobster. I hope a Cassadine. I never even feared Franco was a possibility until now. ANYTHING BUT FRANCO! (My biggest laugh of the day was the "Michael Corinthos Jr. the 3rd" comment, though "witch, please" was a close second.)

Felix finally gets an actual gay dude's hands on him, but only because it's a comedic context and it's in service of his BFF Sabrina?

Witch please!

Any chance Patrick can finally hotly shave? However, this scene with Emma was the least robotic he's been in months so there's that I guess. Witch please, what a shitshow this shit show is becoming.

Why would Olivia not call her son the cop? Please, I don't want the return of the Mob to PC. It was NOT missed.

Emma is now officially smarter than her dad. C'mon how can he not see through such an obvious ploy? If Britt actually moves in Emma should go live with Elizabeth.

I think KA looks great with dark hair. Whoever RoHo is I want him to maintain his sense of humor.

Ron dresses cops in all black....so no luck there.

Please....someone. Just ugh.

LMAO if little Emma packs up her Barbie's, tea set, and fairy costume and walks out of the house to Liz's home. Witch, please!

I giggled at the sight of ME dressed up as a doctor.

The last Maurice Benard interview that I saw stated he wanted more mob story lines, and I laughed until I choked. The actor sounds like a real sweetheart, but is in denial that his character sucked the wind out of GH for over a decade.

So, does this mean Kristen Alderson is Lauren Frank, since she happens to be at Ava Jerome's, aka Lauren's mom's, apartment? That would be kinda weird for her to now be playing Michael's cousin after playing his girlfriend.

RH looks like Link from Zelda now

I still think the vomit thing was Ron honoring the audience's opinion of the Chew. The relish made them sick. And when AJ and Tracy started their standard Q bickering while onscreen. Tired of the relish story but had to admit both of these made me laugh.

I had read a few months ago that ABC had asked GH to tone down the gun violence. That lasted a long time.

Hehehehe if RH's character is responsible for Chew people getting ill.

Witch, please!

Love this show, even when it's cheesy and gross. (And that scene with Felix and the bad tech was gross..but sorta awesome in a 'it's about time we watch a man be sexually harassed on a tv show.')

Looking at Patrick. I think Robin's death broke him. He just isn't even there anymore. Emma's the only thing keeping him tethered to reality at this point. If he was happier in love, the man would shave. SHAVE!

Oh thanks Neka for that insight about Patrick. I think it explains his inexplicable behavior, why he seems to be going through the motions with Britt & Sabrina. Someone needs to come kick his ass. Maybe Matt should get out of jail. Or it's time for a Robin reappearance.

And he's still wearing his wedding ring...

Sorry, that was the worst episode of ANY soap in recent memory - other than every single episode of B & B.
It's impossible to pick the worst thing that happened yesterday - there was just a cornucopia of horrid.

Was the worst thing -

Donkey Kong Morgan trying to act clever?
Michael trying to act smart?
Konnie and Dullivia simply drawing breath?
Carla and the Chew crowd not being pounded into the ground over and over and over again?
Carla trying to act?
Carla not being put down like a mad dog?
Carla breathing?
Nickolas, AJ, Elizabeth and Tracy being horribly embarrassed by this single episode?
Felix trying to act?
Felix not being put down like a mad dog?
Felix breathing?
Felix and the winking guy?
Mouseburger simply existing?
Dullivia just existing?
The guys redecorating Konnie's office?
The Chew....just the Chew?
Tracy? Just Tracy?
(Hate to say it) but Idiot Patrick and Annoying Brat Emma? (I hope THIS stops soon).
Felix again?
The jackass with Felix?
The OTHER Jackass with Felix?
Mini-Me and Steroid Boy saving the day?
Mini-Me not dropping the gun?
Patrick managing to get even dumber by the end of the episode?
ANYTHING with the word "pickle" in it?

And, of course,
McBain with a scrunchy, "Kiki"....just "Kiki"......(will SOMEONE tell KA to go join the circus or something??), and Todd with highlights..

The best part of the show was Batali throwing up, which is what seeing him and the Chew crowd made me feel like doing.

"Sorry, that was the worst episode of ANY soap in recent memory - other than every single episode of B&B..."

Carlivati can do (almost) no wrong in my eyes (I'm still mad about Messica & the disappearance of Kyle & Fish), so I luvded the episode -- ESPECIALLY, the onscreen realization of The Spew -- but that B&B comment deserves to be worshiped on the highest peak of Llantano Mountain.

Mallory, I appreciate you criticizing Monotone Goon so I didn't have to.

And to anyone who thought that Brad & Felix were too much, but are cool with racy sex scenes between soaps' straight couples...

Witch, Puh-LEEZE

+++And to anyone who thought that Brad & Felix were too much, but are cool with racy sex scenes between soaps' straight couples...+++

Believe me, THAT didn't bother me. What bothers me is Felix being portrayed as a guy so hungry that he'll either go after a straight MIMBO like Milo, or be anything but offended by that little creepo Britt bit. It makes me mad that Ron C. of all people is writing Felix the way he is. This is the same guy that gave us Fish and Kyle and I expect MUCH better than he's given.

But still, so much better than B&G on any day, any character any situation.

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