On Paternity Scandals. And Hats. Evil Hats.

I can see why people would assume that the one-two punch of the dreadful Daytime Emmy Awards and a particularly unfortunate string of General Hospital were enough to turn me off of soap blogging and television watching in general and cause me to go off the grid and live all ghost protocol. I mean, it IS a plausible explanation, since they were both just that bad, and as it's a much more exciting and melodramatic reason for falling so woefully behind on television (and not just soaps. I still haven't watched this week's True Blood! Judge me not, for I judge myself!) than my actual explanation, we're just going to go with it.

So, yes, I quit life in a fit of soap exasperation, but General Hospital knows how to get me back: with lots of insults to and about Sabrina ("the squinty nurse with the boyish figure"? "The nerdy sherpa"? The fact that I do not possess a single iota of musical talent despite playing viola for ten years and therefore having absolutely no business being a member of a band is in no way dissuading me from calling The Nerdy Sherpas as a band name. DIBS, BITCHES) and devious plans masterminded by a cruel doctor with a pretty epic hat collection.

Of course the paternity test ambush would fail--there is way too much drama to be mined from Britt's pregnancy to reveal the truth so early. So I'm not surprised that the test concluded that Patrick is the father. And I'm also not surprised that Sabrina made lots of "But this isn't FAIR!" faces when Ellie read the results. And I'm not even surprised that Dr. Obrecht was involved in falsifying the test results, as she revealed in texts to her daughter because of course she is. Her sole character traits are cunning and evil-doing!

And I'm also not even that surprised that, based on the meaningful way Britt kept looking over at the positively gleeful (and adorable and sweet and cute and happy and ohmigod, I just want to hug them) Dante and Lulu, Britt is probably knocked up with Dante and Lulu's baby.

I am baffled by it and sort of raising an eyebrow in judgment at such an absurd twist, but I'm not surprised.

So...I am not surprised by any of this and yet I'm delighted by it all the same. It's amazing how the possibility of a Dr. Obrecht return featuring festive summer hats is enough to get me to completely overlook predictability. It turns out that I have very, very low standards.

Comments

[C]

Between her ruining Sabrina's life at every turn and quoting Ludacris ("As a great philosopher once said, move bitch, get out the way!"), my #teambritt membership has never been more secure!

And yay for Dr. O contributing from off-screen! I hope she and her fierce hats visit Port Charles soon and go dancing!

[Judy]

@C, I was lovin' that line! Thanks for the attribution :)

[O42]

I'm hoping she's kind/smart enough to switch her Dante/Lulu baby with Maxie's horrible Spinelli mistake baby. I don't mind Maxie missing out on some time with a baby she never wanted and I'm in no hurry to see Maxie and Spinelli reunited and tied together forever by a baby

[Lauren]

She has her mom in her cell phone as "Dr. Obrecht" ?!

[Special Mom]

I'm glad that you posted on this. It was a very telling episode. I think Ellie was threatened by Dr. O and that is why she lied to say it was Patrick's. I also think that Brit looking over at D&L means that she is pregnant with their child and expects to switch them.

My other theory is that Luke is going to find Jerry and Robin in the process of finding his cure. It could not come soon enough, I am sooo sick of Sabrina. She and Patrick are not working, no matter how many people are drooling over them and there are people.

Its time for Robin to come home. Even if its PT.

[uliis]

I'm still missing oldLulu. I do want to see Dante play with a baby though

[Rose Jordan]

i am so bored of this baby story! i can't stand most of the characters any way . i like Patrick but the writers make him clueless.

[Spazzo47]

You played viola too? I thought I was the only person in the world that even knew what that is! 8 Years, and all I know is that it's so cool, it has its own clef.

GH? Oy! I got nuttin'.

[LadyBug]

I'm bummed out that Britt is not really pregnant with Pattyboy's kid. I was so hoping that it would ruin prinwess "sob" Sabrina's life!

I could see Britta disappearing down the road with her and Patrick's kid.

[MrsM]

Was anyone else icked out when Patrick commented on how loud Sabrina was when they were finished doing the dirty dirty?

I don't know about you but I really didn't need that image of Sabrina in the throes of loud passionate ecstasy.

*shudder*

[ALC]

Ok, potentially ignorant medical question: is it possible to determine paternity of a baby by only taking a blood sample of the mom and a DNA sample of the dad? You don't actually have to test the baby?

[bethie]

Nope, pretty sure prenatal paternity tests require amniocentesis, which is invasive and carries risks. I don't think too many docs would be willing to do this just to test paternity (that is if no other underlying medical issues could result dependent on the paternity of the child).

Maybe things have changed though. And it is GH land. . . anything is possible.

[Elizabeth K. Mahon]

Let's not forget that Luke has been poisoned by Helena via an earring, which has to be the most creative way ever to poison someone. I did love how that leads to Jerry and possibly Robin.

And how soon before we learn that Franco is the only bone marrow match for Danny?

I'm hoping that Britt actually ends up with Nicolas. I think the two of them deserve each other.

[ScorpiosRule!]

It's a well known fact that I despise both Britt and Sabrina--but I loathe Sabrina more, so yes, I was cheering when Ellie confirmed that Patrick was the "father" of this baby she's carrying--if only so that the superior, gloating SMUG look on Sabrina's face was wiped cleaned.

I don't trust Ron Carvilati. He has totally ruined this show for me, shoe-horning in his characters from One Life to Live and trying to make me believe that they're long lost Quartermaines and the other the twin douchey brother of a guy who "thought" he was a vampire. So I expect that IF I see Robin again, she'll be shown to still be tortured; I come here and speed through the episodes online to find out what's going on.

[Neka]

I'm actually hoping that this search for Danny's bone marrow donor reveals Sam's Daddy. :)

[lel]

The Sabrina hate around here is pretty palpable, but I am not one of the haters. On the other hand, I am not one of the lovers either, but I am loving the verbal sparring between Britt and Felix. Speaking of Felix, I can emphatically say that I heart Felix.

[LadyBug]

Felix is a gem and needs to move around with the other characters on the show and not tied up with Sabrina nonsense.

[bethie]

I just wanna say how much delight the divine ms. Tracey gave me when Helena commented on Luke's "bovine ex-wife", and Tracey looked momentarily confused/insulted, until she almost immediately assumed ole Hells was referring to Laura, and not her divine self!! So much love for Tracey.

[Jeffrey]

This show is unwatchable. I sent a snail mail letter to Valentini telling him so. It's awful, over-stuffed, and tedious. You can smell the plot turns from a mile away. Who doesn't know, for example, that Britt's baby is one of Dante and Lulu's embryos or that Britt will be murdered, and that two years from now, Dante and Lulu will have "their" baby. My money is already on the Asian creep as the murderer.

[Ashlie Dill (Steward)]

yes, yes, yes. I've been suspecting that the baby britt is carrying is actually dante and lulu's around the time Elle was going to go check how many Dulu (or Lante, whatev)embryos were left in the lab freezer to prove that Maxie had been impregnated with another embryo. I think more than anything, I just realized that ok...Britt has access to those, so that's at least a possibility. a strong possibility. Can't wait to find out. I hate the britch, but I'm lovin the story lines she's generating.

[Daryl]

i want Lulu's remark about being overly emotional due to being pregnant .. that being frozen and defrosted triggered something so she can have a baby ... then it wouldnt matter whose baby Britt was carrying ... hey even Brooke on AMC was able to conceive when she was told she couldnt ...