Secrets And Lies And The Perfect Surprise

At the very end of today's General Hospital, there were four seconds so perfect and wonderful and exciting that I applauded and made a horrendous sort of sound that was a cross between a squeal and a dog whistle*. And even though I am a born pessimist and almost immediately started to imagine a host of ways in which this could go wrong**, I really appreciated it in the moment. Truly. I'm still kvelling, a little bit***.

And oh, how I needed that. Because the 57 minutes that came before it were filled with at least three hundred thousand (I'm rounding down) moments that were rage-inducing and eyebrow raising and awful and they all revolved around Spinelli and Maxie and OH MY GOD, I HATE SO MANY THINGS.

There is very little more infuriating than watching a character who is completely and wholly guilty of [SOMETHING] being accused of [SOMETHING] and denying doing [SOMETHING] in the most strident, horrified and persecuted manner possible. "How DARE you accuse me of something that facts point to me doing for reasons that would clearly benefit you?! How dare you even VERBALIZE such a horrible and offensive and, sure, not so unbelievable on the surface BUT UNBELIEVABLE UNDER THE SURFACE, THE SURFACE OF MY EMOTIONS idea? You DISGUST ME!"

So this?

Lulu: This nutcase is lying, right?
Spinelli, ANGRILY: Yes, yes. Lulu, Brad is fabricating this story AS USUAL.
Brad: Go to hell, Spinelli.
Olivia, who is just...ugh, shut up, Olivia: You are in a church!
Spinelli: Yes, it is SHAMEFUL to be perpetuating such a horrible lie in a house of god. SHAMEFUL.

I did a full Harbaugh. 

(I will never--ever!--get sick of that moment. He is a ridiculous man prone to fits of anger so immature and ridiculous that part of me thinks he needs medication and the other part of me wants to befriend him)

I know that it wouldn't make any real sense for Brad to tell the truth and for Spinelli and Maxie to immediately react with "Well, I guess the jig is up!" but watching Spinelli be all strident and angry and smug was just more than I could handle. At least Maxie had the dignity to deliver her pathetic lies with nausea overwhelming her entire being. Spinelli? SPINELLI? The misplaced self-righteousness just kills me. As in "it makes me wish I were dead".

Spinelli: Dante, he's manufacturing this out of thin air! This supposed conversation never took place. I can swear to it and Maxie can, too! [...]You're distorting the facts and fabricating lies like you always do!

And then when Dante started to put the pieces together and demanded answers (look at the detective using his skills! I'm most excited for Dominic Zamprogna's performance with the fallout, based on today's show--he was great.), Spinelli got all glib, which somehow irritated me almost as much as the condescension and rage. "Whoa, whoa, why are we in Frown Town? Is this just because you heard something that is, at best, a wildly disturbing rumor about your child? No need to harsh everybody's mellow, man!"

Brad, with a flair for the dramatic: May god strike me dead if I'm lying.
Spinelli: Well, crazy has left the building. I guess since things are settled, we can all go home.

Spinelli: I'm famished after all this excitement. Who's with me?

Dante: Not so fast.
Spinelli: "Not so fast"? Dante, I mean, isn't that a bit noirish for the occasion?

Is he the worst or is he the worst? I mean, we all KNEW he was the worst basically from the day he joined the show but most especially from the minute he became totally okay with a hit being placed on Dante's life, but the constant reinforcement of the worst...worstedness? Worstness? I don't know. I hate him. He is awful. This story is awful. Spinelli being named Connie's godfather is awful (like, if I'm Nik, I'm pretty peeved! Maybe that's why he was blatantly disinterested and only focused on Brad when he could get in digs on Britt's behalf. And what was with him bouncing the second he got a phone call from Britt? That's his niece!). The destruction of Maxie and Lulu's friendship is awful.

If it weren't for those last few seconds, I'd have a pretty bad taste in my mouth. As it stands, I have a pretty bad anger-headache.

*I'm clearly talking about Patrick and Sabrina's state of the relationship talk. Does he love her 4EVA? Haha, just kidding, ROBIN IS BACK.
**But I'm being semi-optimistic in saying that this "could" go wrong instead of "will" go wrong, right? Personal growth!
***ROBIN!

Comments

[Kristin]

As a lifelong Niner fan, I flipping love that you used that classic Harbaugh gif. Love it!

[LadyBug]

Spinelli ruins everything. What a total loser. I don't know what Ron was thinking in even writing a pregnancy story with that boob as the father. Spinelli needed to die when he first came on the show seven years ago.

[Lucy D.]

Even though I knew it was coming, knew it was Robin behind that door, I wept a little seeing her. Cannot wait for the actual reunion.

Loved Patrick & Anna.

Also looking forward to Dante's reaction. Lulu, not so much. Poor Maxie, I thought KS did a great job today. I could so live without Spinelli and really wished he wasn't the father of the baby.

Does Brad not know who Britt's baby daddy is? Why did Dr. O steal the baby? Is Britt going to tell Anna who her father is?

I know you're not liking the show much these days Mallory, but I have to admit I look forward to (almost) every episode.

[Sarah]

Dr O continues to be a delightful evil cartoon villain I am always happy to see, and I usually hate cartoonish characters. Like Olivia, such a cliche cartoon if ever there was one. Spinelli has been so much better lately, but today was cringe inducing. But mainly I was squealing like a piglet for ROBIN :-)!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lel]

Okay, Spinelli was acting a fool but under the circumstances, I'll give him a pass. I actually feel for him in this situation. I actually feel for all of them. Well, all of them except for Lulu! I am so sick of her saying "This is MY baby." Guess what, BooLu? That is not your baby. Ha!

Robin is BACK! Robin is BACK! I'm emotional with anticipation already. He!

[Cathleen]

hello, always enjoy your post, and agree with a number of your comments on a regular basis. Am I right that you really don't like GH under Cartini? I hated it under Guza by the end for many of the reasons you gave during that time, but my attitude has completely changed. I could do without Sabrina, and there are a few other things that are not my favourite, but I am back to loving GH. the Maxie storyline has been beautifully acted lately, I thought that MB was superlative during his meltdown, Morgan makes sense to me as his son and Carly's, and the actor is incredible. I love love love all things Ava and Derek/Julian. Siam, seeing Nik back on my screen, and many other things. To be honest, I could care less about Robin being back for a short stint, and was not a fan of Scrubs, though I am glad they are resolving the Robin storyline and I like the character. I am happy for her fans. Is there anything that you like about GH these days? Just curious.

For me, the glass is more than half full now, and the ratings are showing that many other fans are enjoying it as well.

[bethie]

So, the baby that is supposed to be Dante and Lulu's ISN'T (only it actually is!) and Maxie will have to be mom and Spinelli (ugh) will have to be dad, until some health crisis forces us to actually have a dna test and prove that in fact Connie IS Dante and Lulu's!

In the meantime, Dante and Lulu's OTHER child has been stolen by the nefarious Dr. O!! Cuz there's no way that baby is Britt's!!

I think this is possibly a great story arc and hope that it plays out the way it is playing out in my head.

I mean, biologically speaking, if everything goes well after a miscarriage, hCG levels have to reach zero and you will only know that a new cycle has started by having a period at the end of it, between five and seven weeks after your miscarriage. You Could get pregnant during that first cycle I suppose, but NOT ON THE FIRST DAY OF IT!! Craziness!

That little baby Connie is one of Dante and Lulu's twins - the other was miscarried. OR, there was no miscarriage at all and Britt was just playing Maxie all along. I'm all for Dante and Lulu having twins. . . it's about time some twins were born on GH - well sorta fraternal/surrogate twins. Very soapy.

[Lucy D.]

Bethie, by the way Dr. O is acting, I'd say Britt has to be the bio mom of her baby

[Elizabeth Kerri Mahon]

Although I think GH has been much better in the past 2 or 3 weeks (Ava & Morgan yes!), I still feel as Ron is missing a few beats in the storylines. Why did Olivia feel the need to have an impromptu christening? Did she have a vision? And why wasn't Carly at the christening? Remember when she and Lulu used to be friends? And she's a Spencer. If Luke and Laura couldn't be there, Carly should have been. Or what about Bobby? She could have been caught up on the fact that Luke is dying and that the Jeromes are back in town. Loved the fact that Sonny was basically a glorified under-5. Still, even though Michael and Morgan are at odds, you don't invite your brother's to your kid's christening? Remember when events were actually events on this show? Maxie should have had a moment with Mac and Felicia where they tried to convince her not to be the godmother of Connie, the way Spinelli had with Ellie. Loved Brad thinking that he was doing the right thing to win Felix. This is totally going to blow up in his face.

[C]

Lucy D., my thoughts exactly re: Britt's baby. The fawning Dr. O was doing over him yesterday, I don't think she'd care unless there was Faison blood in there.

[stlbf]

I don't get why the few people who have actually seen Britt's baby(and know Brad) are delusional enough to buy Brad is that kid's father. The baby is already as big as Brad! Really, PC residents? As for the actual father? My bet is now on Jerry Jax or Derek Wells(aka Julian Jerome). Since because it would make sense for Dr. O to chose a wealthy(and dangerous) man from a prominent family to be her grandchild's father. And she didn't seem all that excited over a Cassidine connection. But seriously, Brad? Brad? Please, PCers.

I'm wondering when someone will just suggest that a DNA test needs to be done on baby Connie. That will clear everything up in just a matter of hours. So either she will be Maxie's unlikely miracle spawn or Lulu's not miscarried offspring. And Britt just messed up with the ultrasound or Maxie was pregnant with twins and did lose one of the embryos.

As for the lack of Spencers, eh. Lucky is gone off continent. Laura is in Europe and in the middle of losing another marriage. Luke is off trying to find a cure. Who cares about the joke of Ethan? The only person I was kind of shocked wasn't there was Elizabeth and her boys. They are family to Lulu(and Nik). And I find it hard to believe that a family guy like Dante didn't have a BFF or close cousin he would be eager to ask to be his child's godfather or godmother. Nik would make perfect sense for Lulu. Or even Elizabeth. She helped raise Lulu and even with all of the Lucky/Liz junk, they have seem to have gotten past it all. So I have a hard time that Spinelli and Maxie HAD to be the godparents. Are either Spinelli or Maxie even Catholic? Which might kind of matter to a Catholic priest conducting the service.

Still, EEEEEEEEEE, ROBIN! ROBIN! ROBIN! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

[Em]

Ugh. I'm so torn. I love Robin and want to watch her homecoming. But I want to protest the demotion of AJ, a/k/a the only reason I started watching this show again. I mean, how is he absent from the Morgan/Michael rivalry storyline. It's this amazing parallel to his relationship to Jason. What a wasted opportunity, writers!
Anyway, I guess I'll keep up with the previews and make to watch when I know Robin will be on. And MAYBE Nick/Britt. Otherwise, I'm out of here.

[Liz R.]

@Cathleen, I totally agree with you (well, except about MB. We'll have to agree to disagree there -- hate Sonny, not too fond of the acting there). The show is more enjoyable than it's been in years. I may not agree with all of Cartinit's choices (where the heck are AJ and Liz?!), but they know how to do good soap.

[stlbf]

I'm guessing that AJ will be on soon. They have to heat up the "who killed Connie" storyline. Since AJ was arrested so quickly(and has no clue as to what the hell he doing), we already know he didn't do it. This is the PCPD doing the investigation. They NEVER seem to arrest the right person. And CarTini need to figure out what the hell they want to do with Liz/Nik. Do they want to get the couple a shot or do they try Britt/Nik? I will freaking hate some writers' guts if they screw over Liz again in a coupling. I mean it. It looks like Liz and AJ are done. He is in jail, got drunk and said horrible things to her about Jake. Who knows when the shooting stuff will finally play out? And if Nik really does want Liz back, then it wouldn't hurt for Liz start freaking out about Britt(whom she despises) staying on Spoon Island. She needs to admit that she doesn't just have platonic feelings for Nik. And as for AJ, it would be nice to see Michael actively worrying about both of his fathers and his relationship with his brother. If anyone understands difficult sibling relationships, it is AJ. And AJ is the one with the addiction issues, so he might be able to talk to Michael(and especially Morgan) about how the relationship played into the addiction. AJ trying to explain that Michael would be outstanding.

[Ann]

I actually didn't mind Olivia getting annoyed about the shenanigans taking place in a church. FWIW, her religion is important to her, and it's offensive for her to watch people take that lightly (now if only she would cease associations with murdering Sonny but alas). I'd say the same if this was taking place in any religious house of worship and a person belonging to that religion got annoyed with the drama and asked people to behave/stop.

[SZima]

Well, now I know what your rant on Facebook was about, lol. I was wondering what, exactly, it was about Spinelli that had you so crazy. He drives me nuts too, most of the time, but I actually understood why he did what he did, said what he said. To protect/back up Maxie! When you're caught in a lie, don't you try really hard, at first, to stick with it?

I just want this whole thing over, but there had better be a DNA test done immediately to prove just who the parents of "Connie" are. And for god's sake, RE-NAME THAT CHILD!

[Alison]

Mallory, I need you to have a Miki tirade on Facebook & here... The awfulness is too much for me to endure by myself

[Bethie]

@LucyD and C, I agree that Dr. Evil-O wouldn't have anything to do with a baby that wasn't her blood and Cesar's, but with how terrified Britt is of her parents (and who can blame her?) I think that her mom's plan was that she get pg with Patrick's baby, when that didn't happen, it shifted to her getting pg with any man's baby and pass it off as Patrick's, and Britt being the dr. of the Maxie, Lulu, Dante mess, she would take the most available baby there was. . . Dante and Lulu's! I think she'd be scared of telling Dr. O that the baby had nothing to do with her biologically!

Just my thoughts.

[stlbf]

I don't know Bethie. I don't think that Dr. O cared if Britt was pregnant by Patrick. All she cared about was Patrick BELIEVING that he was the father. Which was somehow going to figure into her Cesar centric form of revenge against Anna and her loved ones. So I'm pretty sure that she simply chose a sperm donor to ensure that Britt was pregnant. It seemed pretty clear(in my view) that Dr. O did all of the work in ensuring Britt was pregnant.

And it seems like of stupid for Britt(or Dr. O) to use Dante and Lulu's very limited supply of embryos. It wasn't like they had a dozen or more and could overlook one or two being missing. And Britt already knew Maxie was hoping to be implanted quickly. So I think that it is very likely that baby Ben is Britt's baby.

But I do have to say that Marcy/Emme Rylan was fantastic the past couple of days. Lulu completely being gutted and betrayed by her two closest friends was played out spectacularly by her. Maxie being miserable was played well also. Muted, but Maxie was already kind of prepared for Lulu and Dante's reactions. She has had the nightmares about them for months. She at least had an idea of what she had coming. And she deserves every single stinging word. She knows that she has no good excuse or reason. Not wanting to tell her best friend the sad news about her unborn child was miscarried, is no excuse.

[Em]

Since we saw Robin in Jerry's lab I have suspected that the importance of having Patrick as the father of Britt's baby stems from the manipulative effect it will have on Robin.

I think all of the players in the christening scene were outstanding. Excellent soap viewing.

I of course did not watch yesterday's ep as I stuck to day 1 of "No Robin or AJ? No viewer" rule.

[Lucy D.]

Good point Bethie. At first I was sure that was Lulu & Dante's baby Britt was carrying. But I think Britt's the mom. She's too attached to it. And she keeps saying not fair to the father. Never the mother.

[Em]

Yes! I love it when I'm right!

[Leanne]

Is it possible that Britt's the baby's mom and Dante is the baby's dad? Like, she just grabbed the first sperm she could find and shoved it on in there? (There's got to be a better way to word that, I'm sorry.) It would create a whole lot of tension between Dante/Lulu, Britt/Nikolas, Lulu/Nikolas, and Britt/Dante have never really had that many scenes together. It could be interesting. That way Dante and Lulu still (sort of) get a baby and Britt doesn't have to give up Ben. I really do feel bad for Britt. Everything's just spiraled way out of control for her.

Also, Dante and Lulu NEED to rename that baby. Or when Maxie and Spinelli inevitably get her, they need to rename her. At least they didn't name her Constanza or whatever her full name was (a poor attempt at paying homage to The Godfather). But Connie is just an awful name first of all, and when the kid gets older and asks who she's named after, they're gonna have to say "You're named after your cousin/step-grandmother who suffered from DID for many years as a result of being raped and impregnated at a very young age, and then one of her alters killed her son AND THEN SHE WAS MURDERED." Because isn't that what every parent wants for their child? They should've named her something that sounded like Connie but wasn't awful, like Callie or Kylie or something. Or Katie (it honors the Kate side of her, which was the part Lulu knew best, plus it's a cute name). Basically anything but CONNIE. Yuck.

[stlbf]

Still thinking that Dr. O did the choosing of the baby's daddy. And she definitely isn't the type to gamble on just grabbing the first tube of sperm. All Britt wanted to keep Patrick around her. The baby wasn't a real thing for her for quite sometime. Patrick was the most important thing for her at the time. Still thinking that the baby is a Jerome or Jacks. Although it could be awesome if the baby could be Jason's. Imagine the horror of Elizabeth, Sam and Cary if that was true.

ROBIN! ROBIN! ROBIN!

ROBERT? ROBERT? ROBERT?!!!

Hey, who is on baby Connie's birth certificate? If Maxie isn't listed as her legal mother, then Lulu already has a leg up. It could be an interesting legal argument. Maxie lied and lied about the truth of the child's biological origins. And then the potential biological father did the same thing. So they could have already screwed themselves for custody in a judge's eyes.