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« If I May Be Frank...Or Franco, Rather | Main | Reunited and It Feels So Good »

November 21, 2013

My Sanity Is On Trial

My father, who is both adorable and polite, always makes a point of asking how the blog world is treating me (like clockwork, this question is followed up with "Is General Hospital still on?" "Is that the one with Luke?" "Is Luke still on the show?" "No kidding, is he really? What about the other guy?") and I usually give him a vague non-answer. Lately, I am compelled to vent. "Seriously, a custody story? Because this show is so demonstrably capable of handling topics like family and law and family law and common sense? How can I even write about that? I'd just be writing the word HATE over and over again. In lower case, in capitals, with extra a's, with extra e's, bold and italicized. Just hate. The kind of hate that makes you uncreative because it congeals your mind. My mind is congealed with hatred. It's a thing. Really".

He usually responds to that with "Any idea who the Giants are playing this week?"

It's true, though--there are times when watching that I actually sputter with irritation. "Buh! Wha? Ugh!" and dramatically gasp and throw side-eyes to an empty living room. And I can't think of anything funny to say. I can't even think of anything SERIOUS to say, as part of a self-righteous and long rant about the ways in which the show appalls me. All I can think is "I'm so glad this show is over".

The custody storyline? Horrifying. Every single beat of it managed to be offensive and enraging and it's ESPECIALLY galling because one of my favorite soap friendships--and the friends themselves. I intensely dislike both Lulu and Maxie right now. Maxie by a MUCH wider margin, but still: awful, both--was irreparably ruined because...? And why...? I suppose I should be thankful that the judge didn't randomly award Sabrina custody, because god knows everyone else in Port Charles sings her praises and considers her the pinnacle of parenting.

And now, because the show seriously wants to push me over the edge, we have ANOTHER courtroom story, this time a MURDER TRIAL that I am sure will be ENRAGING and I am sure about that both because it ALWAYS is and because it ALREADY included an angry Sonny tantrum in the middle of the trial. Worst, always and forever. Bombastic Scotty and overacting Diane and the myriad ways in which the writing staff misunderstands even the least complex elements of the American legal system are all bad enough, but Sonny outbursts about his dead great love (sarcastic airquotes around great, obviously) are a bridge too far.

And! And! Sabrina and Patrick are getting married and every single beat of it* falls somewhere between bad and terrible. For example, the very idea that Carlos would be hung up on Sabrina to the point where he walks around town sad-facing because she's getting married is so laughably bad. And this? This? THIS?!

Robin: [Patrick and Emma] have Sabrina. They don't need me.

ALL KINDS OF NO. I had a whole rant about it! And then I lost the ability to put words into sentences ("Yeah, we've noticed. Have you read the last few paragraphs"?) and I just have to say "NoNoNo". No!

This driveby post was brought to you by an especially grouchy mood.

*Okay, Patrick asking Liz to be his best man was so sweet and wonderful, but don't manipulate me like that, show!


I have to say one thing in RC's defense (he was a lawyer): At least he brought in the discovery issue with that tape and the judge ACTUALLY SENT THE JURY OUT! I think a recess so that the defense could review the tape would have been the more likely scenario, but AT LEAST DISCOVERY GOT IN! I was screaming "HELLOOOO! DISCOVERY!" at my TV until Diane said it. So I'm kind of grateful for a little realism in the courtroom :)

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