I Have Questions. And Also, Existential Angst

General Hospital has been, as evidenced by the dearth of recent posts, the kind of dull that just defies description (not that anyone is clamoring to ask me for my incisive thoughts on life in Port Charles; my GH watching is a topic of conversation that people very rarely address, I guess to protect me from the public embarrassment of being known as a GH viewer). I just...I see the actors and I see them acting (and, in some cases, overacting) and all I hear is elevator music. I might be MORE interested in elevator music than I am in anything going on on the show right now! I can't remember anything that happens from scene to scene, because my brain won't let me process it. "No, Mallory, you don't want to know about this because it is terrible."

But I DO have questions about some of what transpired this afternoon. There are no answers to these questions--only more questions, like "A group of adults thought this was a good idea? Adult humans?"

• Were we supposed to...LAUGH at the shenanigans with Franco today? Like, the sex noises in the beginning of the show and Carly's increasing jealousy? Was that supposed to be...funny? It was, wasn't it? It's funny that Franco, a serial killer, is gainfully employed and that the audience, who is innocent, is forced to think of him being involved in sexual situations? Like, the good kind of funny and not the "This is incredibly awkward, so I am going to laugh a high-pitched laugh because my body physically cannot help it" or the "I am laughing like a egomaniacal cartoon villain because I am just tuning all of this out and imagining a show without Franco?" I know that some people have been successfully able to separate James Franco Franco from Roger Howarth Franco and they are able to just enjoy Roger Howarth's charm and I can truly and genuinely say I am jealous of those people, because I hate that I have turned into an irrational soap crazy about this. But I hate him even more than I hate my status as an utter loon. Just hate, everywhere.
• If the show is only an hour long, how was it possible for Silas and Sam's breakup to last triple that? Did they break the space time continuum?
• Did this REALLY happen? Did Shawn make a move to shoot down a helicopter (a move that would have ended futilely because Shawn is terrible at everything he has ever attempted) that, if it crashed, could have caused a massive amount of destruction and Sonny's reasoning for ordering him not to shoot down the helicopter was "No, don't shoot! The helicopter crashes? That baby could be mine!"? Did that...happen? I mean, don't get me wrong, it's always nice to have it confirmed that Sonny is human garbage, but that's yuck. Not to mention, that if this baby isn't Sonny's, it's Morgan's, which still makes it's Sonny's family, which is even MORE yuck and now I have a headache.

Comments

[C]

I could not BELIEVE they started the episode with that gross sex fakeout with Franco, the SERIAL KILLER. Bad touch!

[MissyLady]

Please. If RC/FV did not get rid of OLTL's Ford until the very last day the show aired, Franco/RH will be here until the lights go out!

Sonny is such a douchebag.

I keep asking myself why Shawn, Olivia, Franco, Levi, Nina, Rosalie, etc... are still on this show when the vets (Scotty, Lucy, Laura, Bobbie, etccc) are MIA all of the time!

[Marina]

Totally with you, Mallory. I've always been a RoHo fan, but every time I see his Franco on screen, I veer dangerously toward blackout rage and a little bit more of my love for him dies. So. much. hate. for what has to be one of the most ill-conceived casting decisions in the history of soaps. I would send Cartini flowers and a thank-you card if he would just go away, but I know we're stuck with him. Ugh.

[stlbf]

Wow. Today was just gross and pathetic. And it is so sad and odd that Nina is the person who is planning a funeral for Rafe. Not Silas. Or Sam. The two people who were supposed to care for the kid. Not even Lucy can be bothered to call Silas and see if she can help. Well that would require her not think about herself for more than 30 seconds.

And yay. Sonny threatening people again! Less about Carly and her serial killers the better.

Awww, Patrick has to spend time with his daughter. Nice that Patrick can immediately find his work on Rafe as flawless and that it wasn't his fault that the kid died. Because losing concentration and staring off into dream land can't ever kill someone, right?

[MissyLady]

Lucy's on air quota for the month is already over!

[Nancy]

Thanks Mallory for helping me deal with my GH angst, and making me laugh when this is cause for tears. It's so bad that when I go to Soap Central and they post GH spoilers, I am not even reading them, I just cannot. I dont want to know what teeth-grinding next plots and dull newbies we will have to suffer through.
Maxie has not changed one bit since Eat,Pray Love vacay. She brought Levi to town, which is unforgivable in itself. Now she is going to marry him to keep him out of prison....sound familiar? The same as with Matt (who fell off the planet I guess). she is getting on my last nerve, and that is a real accomplishment.
Now we are getting the happy, happy news that Sabrina the teenage bore will be back soon...oh joy.
My dream is to wake up and Franco, Levi,Nina,Sonny, Shawn,TJ,Olivia are GONE. And Laura, AJ, Lucky, Monica , Alan, Ned, Frisco, Robin, Robert, Kevin are all BACK. I know, I know...I dream a lot.

[annabel]

Nancy, you forgot Carly, Kiki, Sabrina, Felix, and Dr.O.

[janet]

The picture I saw of the scene where can't hit the barn never mind the broad side Shawn with a gun aiming at the helicopter was great. It could have been better if he shot and hit Sonny instead. Sonny is so into himself was a bad joke. I saw the beginning of the show,went to the gym instead so I missed the helicopter bit. Does Re-Ron stay up all night to find new ways to make asses out of the characters. Bobbie and Lucy wrestling over Scott ????? Where is Doc? Patrick will now be giving Sonny a run for his money as to witch one is more self absorbed. Spencer needs a trip to the woodshed, Nick needs a trip to a parenting class.I can't, I just can't the stupid on this show is running rampant.. CArley has exactly what she deserves a self absorbed lunatic same as her..

[Lisa]

They could do a lot with Kevin. He has a lot of crazy in his background. And Jon Lindstrom was really good at scary crazy. But nope, let's watch Sonny threaten a woman. Again. Some more.

[Elizabeth K. Mahon]

I wish that Bobbie or Lucy had brought up the whole Lucy sleeping with Bobbie's husband Jake and getting pregnant by him, or the time that Lucy schemed with Damian Smith to bed Bobbie during their little cat fight. You just know that when Scott saw them fighting, his first thought was 'Threesome?' And I can't even with the whole Levi thing. He can't go back to Australia because they want to put him in the worst prison in the whole entire country because he freed some bunnies at a lab? How does that make sense unless I don't know, he blew up the lab afterwards and people died? Why has no one on this show investigated him before now? Wasn't Felicia once a PI and Mac the Police Commissioner? They should have been all over this.

And Franco is the worst. I don't care that he's great at art therapy. There are people who have degrees in this who should have this job! My only hope is that he and Nina team up and that Carly finds a decent boyfriend. How and love how Scott talked about how he and Franco are bonding. Too bad we haven't seen any of that.

[realbrenda4evr]

Ugh, this show...

So the press can come out for Rafe's death, and the board can push for Patrick to be fired, but not a peep can be uttered about Obrecht being the COS after everything she's done and not a word from the public about Britt stealing an embryo and implanting it and passing her patient's child off as her own??? Oookay.

Also, I am waiting for someone to dismiss Shawn and demand he fix them a sandwich, b/c why else does he exist?

I would list the many other things that I find stupid, but now I'm exhausted.

GH has become such a joke. I don't expect perfection, but I do expect some heart, which is what I used to see no matter how crappy the story.

[Gwen Hayes]

Sonny is what Tim Siedell would call, a doucheberg.

"When a douchebag is an even bigger douche below the surface: Doucheberg."

[Lisa]

I'm also not sure why Y&R fans were so gaga over Michelle Stafford. She is awful. (Jordan is turning out to be a better character than she seemed in the beginning, though.)

[MissyLady]

The truth is the network only cares about the ratings and staying under budget, so I don't expect too many stories will change or characters leaving the show.

[MrsM]

Spencer needs a swat. Why is he such a nut for Britt? Does he not get what Britt did to his Aunt Lulu? That Ben/Rocco is his cousin? Instead he keeps acting like a little brat.

And that Levi just sets my teeth on edge. I can't even watch.

[MissyLady]

Britt reminded Spencer that Elizabeth and Cameron or a packaged deal if Niz ends up together which is really silly, considering Cam and Spencer are still "cousins"...sheesh.