Babies R US (In Every Sense Of The Word)

Guys, I have questions. And many of them could probably be answered with either "Maybe you should have watched General Hospital at all last week instead of letting episodes pile up into a mountain of soap opera badness that gave you legitimate anxiety every time you glanced at your DVR" or "because the writers just...don't. Or won't. Or can't", but on the off chance that anyone has any REAL insight as to what's happening in Port Charles, I'd be wholly appreciative!

1. Why are Sonny and Shawn framing Heather for Franco's murder? Like, Shawn has failed at literally every single assassination attempt he's ever been assigned. He can't kill someone when he's six inches away from them. So needlessly complicating something that he's shown zero affinity for seems staggeringly stupid, even for Sonny. Think about what I just said--this is so dumb that it's out of character for Sonny "Duh Face" Corinthos. This is some Bermuda Triangle shit, guys.

2. Do you think the writing staff would accept bribes in exchange for a solemn pledge to lay off of baby, baby switch and babynapping stories for an extended period of time? I'd even settle for six months--I'm not crazy enough to believe they'd be able to do it for a year/years, because what good is a woman of childbearing age if she's not involved in a childbearing story?!

3. Was anyone really clamoring for the return of Olivia's visions?

4. What are the odds that there is a big secret behind Lucas's refusal to practice medicine? Will it be a secret lamer than Steven's Memphis murder?

5. Has there ever, on national television, been anything uglier broadcast to millions (thousands? Dozens?) of viewers than Carly's necklace from Franco? 

Comments

[MissySnow]

Yeah! A new thread. I check this site every day, so I'm glad to see a new recap.

I am so tired of baby, baby, baby crap. Ugh.
We all know Kiki is going to end up being Nina's brat.

Sonny is so lame and Shawn should have died in a gun accident of his own making.

[Faith Williams]

I'm probably dating myself here, but I almost feel like those were questions you'd hear at the end of Soap - you know, the kind of questions that would never be addressed in any fashion but were the most logical questions a viewer would have.

But still happy to see a new post!

[Mary]

Faith Williams, if you're dating yourself then so am I! OMG, I can literally hear these questions being asked in Rod Roddy's (I think that was the actor's name who played the narrator) voice. Confused? You will be. Thanks for the blast from the past and thank you to Mallory for a new post. I know it can't be easy for you :)

[C]

Brad casually mentioning Dr. O throwing him off the parapet (!!!) and how their working relationship is totally fine made me giggle.

[Rene']

If learning Lucas' secret stops Bobbie from attempting to stretch her face, mouth and eyes into various contorted expressions of awe, anger and upset while flailing her arms, I hope it comes out sooner rather than later!

[Anne]

1) Sonny wants to frame Heather because after Franco 'dies' Sonny wants Carly to come back to him and he's afraid she'll hold Franco's murder against him.

2) Unfortunately, I don't think anything could compel this writing regime to lay off baby-switch and paternity-switch stories.

3) No.

4) I don't mind Lucas' sudden medical background of contrivance so much - he needs a reason to be more involved in the show, and he needs more story, period.

5) No. That necklace is an atrocity.

[uliis]

Yup, I said somewhere else even this plan is so dumb it's out of character for Sonny. WHYYYYYYYYY would Heather need to be the fall guy? This is Franco, the SERIAL KILLER. There is no lack of enemies. aaaaaaaaaaargh.

[AbsoluteLunatic]

Bobbie is starting to look like Renee Zellweger.

[soapbaby]

Hi Mallory, I can relate as I had a ton of episodes on my DVR but I just deleted without watching. There was nothing of value save a few scenes of Liason scattered here or there to "bait" fans.

Carly's necklace is cartoonishly ugly and it makes no sense that she'd wear it at all outside of her home when Franco was around, but to wear it EVERYDAY. These writers, just argh.

After the return of Cassadines and Jerry Jax, we now have Heather Webber, Madeline, Olbrecht and Nina? Why Lord, why? I couldn't care less about Nina's backstory being retconned into her having always been crazy versus her 20-year coma having done a number on her. Now, Madeline's scared of her? Really? The show is all plot points and no real storytelling. Another case in point, the return of Olivia's psychic visions. Where have her visions been for the past year? Why didn't she "vision" Dante and Lulu being kidnapped or their missing embryo? Lame, lame, lame.

[Neka]

I guess I'm the only one having fun with GH and it's ridiculousness. I'm so glad that Maxie's dressing gorgeously and watching Franco ham it up. I just want Sonny and Carly's AJ secret to explode SO BADLY!

[Judy]

I just want to know why Nina pronounces Jerome "Zherome." Did she grow up in France?

[Janet B.]

Carly's fugly necklace is hilarious. I'm not advocating violence, but...if Sonny wants to get rid of Franco, just kidnap him, shoot him, and take the body far, far away, where no one will ever find it. No need to frame anyone!

[Sharon]

I still DVR General Hospital but it is only a matter of time before I stop. I am tired of characters like Jerry Jax and Helena having 9 lives. Also, the writing is so inconsistent- 3 people brought back to life-Helena, Stavros and Jason. Stavros and Helena must of had miracle therapy just like Nina since they moved and spoke just like they woke up from a night's sleep. Jason however can't speak until after he gets hit by a car. Then wakes up after surgery and not only does he look different his voice must have changed because Liz, who was, in love with Jason can't recognize his voice. I can go on and on but what I will say is that the writers are lazy and lack creativity. They rehash old storylines, rely to heavily on flashbacks and the first 5 minutes of each show are scenes from the last 5 minutes of the previous show.

[sanen85]

I know you guys love your Liason around here, but I am so far beyond over this. I'm completely over Liz and anyone from her past. I won't go too far into the why for each example (Lucky,Jason, Nick) because I know it'll end up in a deep debate. I will say that she keeps rotating between them after ending things several times is ridiculous and I'm over it. Can she please get a new man for eff's sake? I'd like to start liking her again.

Also, has she actually done any work or seen her children since "Jake" showed up?

[SZima]

All excellent questions, and if anyone has a legit answer for any of the, you are a brilliant person!
There is almost nothing about this show I'm enjoying these days, and that's sad. Even characters I normally like are involved in FF-worthy stories right now. The worst offenders are the baby stories and the back-from-the-dead stories. At least it doesn't take long to watch an episode...42 minutes in about 12 minutes!

[Rene']

Judy, I've been commenting about Nina's pronunciation of "Zherome" at every turn! SO ANNOYING!!! And does she need to pronounce her first and last name every time she talks about her? I think saying "Ava" would get the point across. Everyone knows who she means!!

[Laura]

I actually liked Lucas' explanation for why he didn't want to practice medicine simply because the show remembered Tony in a way that was nice and non-silly/jokey.

[angied]

Nina said simply "Ava" today. Thank goodness!!

Is there a forum out there on which you can complain about, you know, Sonny and the other annoying pieces of this show? Since TWOP shut down, I haven't been able to read others rants...that keeps me sane. :-)

Love you, Mallory! You have the best snark!

[minirth]

A lot of TWOPers have migrated to previously.tv -- it's nice there!

[Shelle_cr]

I've Googled 'Carly's necklace from Franco' as, annoyingly, you hadn't provided any pictures.

My eyes, my eyes! No pun intended.

On behalf of everyone who doesn't watch the show anymore and just loves reading Serial Drama: Thank you for NOT providing the picture.

[Michael]

OK, Shelle_cr, I could not resist after you said you had Googled it and found it.

Oh. My. Word. Nothing prepared me for that. If Laura Wright is pulling off that Carly thinks it's beautiful, she gets my nomination for Best Actress 2014, because that would be some real acting.

Anyone else who hasn't seen it and is similarly tempted, a word of advice: Don't. Just don't.

[Shelle_cr]

Michael, I've tried to warn you all. But you're right. Nothing can prepare anyone for that. How can we unsee it?

Maybe Laura doesn't see it all the time as it's on her? But she's an actress, she must be in front of a mirror a lot. Anyway, I think LW is amazing for looking so professional in every Sonny/Carly scene. An ugly necklace is nothing compared to that effort.

[julie]

sorry but LW as carly has worn some ugly stuff on the show, and usually w/o a bra, this necklace is nothing.

I'm loving nuLiason, they are very sparkly and nuJason is happy and funny and very flirty w/Nurse Webber. I hated jason after he dumped Liz and Jake and then went to the skank that hurt Liz and Cake, but Billy Miller is great and nuJason has a personality right now, I'm sure I will be hating nuJason again soon but right now Liz is having fun and smiling. And yes Liz has been home, she has changed clothes and hairstyles, but she does have to work to support her sons since lucky is a deadbeat. At least she's not chasing after a guy out of the country and her kids like her when they are in scenes together,obv. they spend time w/their mom and don;t think their aunt is their mom.

And Liz will never get a new man,TPTB don't care enough about Liz or RH to bring on a guy for her.And they make sure Liz always loses.

[angied]

Thanks, minirth! I'll check it out.

[stlbf]

Wow. Luke is still an asshole. Rocco is worthy of his time and affection. But Elizabeth's boys aren't? I truly hope that TFGH just fixes this family tie by having it turn out that Helena tampered with Liz's paternity test and that Nik is Aiden's father. Why? Just to hurt Nik and give her the power to hurt the Spencers when she would eventually announce the truth. Luke caring for a blood Cassadine? Lucky "losing" another son. Pain for Helena's hated enemies. Works for me. Luke constantly ignoring the Webber boys just pisses me off.