Oh.

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I have no freaking idea what's going on as I haven't watched the show since early November, and that was only one day after having seen it all of maybe three times in well over a year. So these are not going to be "fair" reactions, whatever that means. But here goes.

Apparently Spencer (who has been de-SORASed and I imagine that's been discussed at length) is very precocious. This kid is really cute but it's the sort of shtick that could get really old really fast if they show him much at all. And I see Helena's alive.

Oh.

THERE'S A SHOCKER. This is something I do not miss. The occasional back-from-the-dead storyline is fine with me but when there's literally no reason to ever once trust a death scene as "final," it lowers the stakes of absolutely everything. And there was such fanfare that the lady who could never die finally did, and Laura and Luke finally vanquished her. And now not only is she perfectly alive, she is once again completely free and welcome to spend time with small children. Good call, Nikolas! Seems wise.

Sonny is standing around holding a baby in pink. He's not in pink, the baby is. I guess Sonny has another kid now. 

Oh.

Morgan and Sonny share some man pain and a man hug. I'm still depressed that Morgan turned into Sonny Junior. It makes no sense. Though I guess there's something poetic about the kid who wasn't around growing up to think he's great, and the kid who was around knowing full well he's crap.

There are apparently rumors that Helena has been planting brain-control microchips into people's heads? 

Oh.

Michael is now in a suit and tie at all times.

Oh!

Michael continues to hate Sonny and has sued for custody of NewSonnySpawn.

Oh!

Wait, and Luke is evil now and Lulu and Tracy are very disappointed that while Jake has a foreign object floating around in his brain, Luke does not. So is this still the Fake Luke that I heard about? 

No, no, they're doing actual entire scenes with these children on some sort of a double date and talking about being in love.

Oh no!

I am uncomfortable. 

Luke and Jake are having some sort of philosophical debate in their holding cells. I do know just from word getting out that Jake is Jason, to which my reaction is: FAISON CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?? This completely ruins the "Most Nonchalant Dispatching of a Legacy Character (To say nothing of his status as a paid murderer/deity)" of 2012!

I really enjoyed this exchange:

Michael: AJ was my biological father and you and Sonny forced him to sign away his rights.

Carly: You were my son and I made the best choice I could at the time. [She for real says "You were my son" as if this is a counterpoint to his comment about AJ. Because she is Carly and she doesn't share. "How could you be AJ's son? That makes no sense! You were my son!" --Ed.]

Michael: That was great decision-making, believing a mob boss would be a better father.

Carly: Than a trust-fund lush who nearly killed his brother by running him into a tree? You're damn right I did! [I'm still waiting for her explanation of why a violent criminal who basically gets everyone near him at least shot or maimed if not outright killed is a better choice than someone with a large bank account and an addiction he's trying to fight. --Ed.]

Michael: Well you know what, I'm not an alcoholic so you don't have to worry on Avery's behalf. 

Carly: Okay, so you admit that AJ was unfit.

Michael: At the time he signed over his rights, sure, he was a complete mess. 

Carly: Thank you! Finally! 

Michael: But he wasn't a murderer! He didn't deserve what you and Sonny did to him. You know I have much better reasons for taking Avery away from Sonny than you two did for taking me away from AJ. [Can we talk about how delighted I am to hear him refer to Sonny by name and never "Dad" anymore? --Ed.]

Carly: You're just like him. You know that? You think like Sonny, you react like Sonny, this... anger and this drive for revenge. You learned it all from him. [Carly, YOU ARE MAKING MICHAEL'S ARGUMENT FOR HIM. --Ed.]

Michael: Well that's what you wanted, isn't it? I was born a Quartermaine but you made me a Corinthos. Avery was born a Corinthos and I'm going to make her a Quartermaine. 

WHAT? OH! MICHAEL IS MY NEW FAVORITE CHARACTER!! Although someone really should give him a heads-up that it's not really a "turnabout is fair play" situation when we're speaking of a girlchild Corinthos, though. (Where is Kristina anyway? Has Sonny noticed she's been gone for years? He'll be really upset for a few months if he loses custody of this Avery person but he'll forget by Halloween.) Anyway, Michael goes on to make some salient points about how all of his children have been blown up or shot or kidnapped and Carly's response is that it was a long time ago. ABOUT HER OWN CHILDREN (aside from Kristina). She goes on to say that Sonny is a good father. WITH A STRAIGHT FACE. She explains that even though Sonny got Michael shot in the head and turned into a vegetable for a year and you know, ultimately set off a chain of events that also got Michael imprisoned and raped, Michael always knew he was loved! And that's what makes him a good father! Because that's all that matters! Oh! Carly is still a fucking lunatic! Somehow it seems that all is right with the world that now, even after two of her children are legal adults, she is still the most delusional woman on the planet. She keeps trying to argue that Michael still loves Sonny WHICH IS NOT THE POINT. "You want me to risk her life so Sonny can feel better about himself?" Michael prudently asks. Carly counters this simply by essentially saying that, no, she just wants him to believe that Sonny can be a less shitty father this time. Strong argument, Carls.

Apparently the difference between Regular Luke and Evil Luke is that Evil Luke says.... everything.... really.... really.... slowly. Also his big thing right now is that he wants what Sonny Corinthos has? That makes sense. I mean it would be weird if this whole thing weren't about Sonny. That would be the biggest mystery of all!

Cycling back to The Adventures of Little Spencer, I literally cannot understand a word this child is saying. 

Wait, wasn't Sonny in prison? Did he rescue a woman and two children in a car that was falling off a cliff and get pardoned?

Patrick can't remove the microchip from Jake's brain because doing so could kill him. 

Oh.

(Can't Helena just deactivate the chip? SCIENCE!)

Thanks for letting me visit!

Comments

[Ash]

Ash
Lol yes you're caught up. Sonny grabbed the bomb Luke and Helena planted on the Haunted Starr and jumped into the Lake/Ocean (it should be a lake.. but somehow it's an Ocean by the way way they describe Jason's body being pulled out with the current). He saved a boat load of Port Chuckers. of course he came out of that unscaved. The Governors Daughter was on the boat (Niks date) so of course Sonny was pardoned.

[Cindy]

Never mind that it was Michael who grabbed the bomb to get it off the boat. Sonny's sole act was grabbing the bomb from Michael wash about to toss it overboard. But yeah, Sonny's the fricking hero. Again.

Welcome back, Louise, I miss the Sonny hate here.

[Anne]

It's a CHIP? Oh, for Pete's sake...

[Louise]

Wait, Michael saved the day and Sonny took credit for it? Oh my lord. Glad to see nothing's changed. FATHER OF THE YEAR.

[Louise]

What I really want is for there to be a computer or something that controls Jakeson's brain and it just keeps changing hands, and we get to guess who in Port Charles is controlling his brain that week.

If that happens, I'm going to start watching the show again regularly.

[MissySnow]

Yeah, Louise is back!

Spencer and the actor are ham's so get used to seeing them on screen, since RC/FV loved both the character and the actor.

Sonny is still poop on a stick!

Helena is back from the dead since RC only killed her off for the 50th anniversary, I kid you not!

[LJ Martiz]

This show has about one or two positive points with the 98% of subpar crap RC forces us to watch. The first is Billy Miller as he is killing it as Jason. Though I wished that he wasn't Jason so it isn't 100% positive on that count. The second is that Michael has finally come to his senses about the thugs and their cult of personality that raised him. Seriously great to see him finally realize how toxic his life was growing up and how better it would be if AJ was allowed to be in his life.

I'm over this Fluke/Luke crap. I know they are saying it's Luke but I don't think it's him. Detective Abs (Nathan) seems to think that fingerprints are an accurate way to identify someone. Since it's not 1915 I have to disagree with him. No one is even thinking of doing something as simple as a blood test. It's quick and how they used to do DNA tests before there were DNA tests. I'm annoyed that no one has thought of doing a DNA test. I get that they can be forged. No one is even attempting to do one! Since "Jake's" fingerprints have been erased from an international database, it is not at all surprising that Luke's has been switched with this impostor. (I get that the cops do not know this last part.) Still it is almost sad that RC cannot give up the secret of this guys identity. Will we have to wait until May or even November? All I know is that I do not care anymore.

I honestly think that this is just RC drunk with power. No one is telling him that his stories are stupid and make no sense at all.

Also in regards to the microchip thing: Has RC been watching some old episodes on Days on youtube or something?

[Judy]

Louise! SO MUCH WIN! in this post! You hit all the points. Please don't stay away so long next time, I miss your snark and Sonny hate. :)

[Callie]

Louise, we missed you! I really hope you get back to blogging about B&B, it's been awesome the last few months!

[Janet B.]

"This kid is really cute but it's the sort of shtick that could get really old really fast if they show him much at all." Louise, it got old long ago ;-)! RC is enamored with this child. I admit he is cute but I don't like when they have kid characters talk like adults.

I chuckled when you asked if Sonny saved a woman and child, it wasn't far off. The whole governor-pardon thing was so corny and hokey, it was a miracle the actors could keep a straight face during the scene.

I love that Michael is against Sonny & Carly as I have been waiting years for the fallout. A lot of people think Michael is being whiny and ungrateful, but I for one am enjoying it. Unfortunately I don't think it will last. Carly's arguments were hilarious, as you said she is making the arguments FOR Michael. It bothers me that they always write it that A.J. being an alcoholic is worse than Sonny being a mobster. I get A.J. wasn't perfect but hardly anyone on a soap is and many do bad things, and to have mobsters and their molls constantly throw out there that A.J. had an addiction and that means he could never be Michael's parent strikes me as wrong.

Thanks for the post, I've missed the GH commentary.

[Cindy]

Janet B, you'd be surprised how many people on the Facebook forums are backing that up that AJ was scum, trash, horrible and Sonny is so much a better father. None of them even consider that we don't know how AJ may have matured and grown had he, oh I don't know, been allowed to raise his son.

Yes, Louise. Sam called Lucas about the bomb, Michael found it, grabbed it since there was like a few seconds left and ran out on the deck. Prison escapee Sonny stopped in front of him just as Michael was going to get rid of it, he grabbed the bomb and said he wasn't going to let Michael die and jumped off the boat with it. Sadly the bomb didn't take him out when it detonated.

And the Sonny Kool-Aid drinkers on FB are all oh he's a hero because they're claiming Michael froze. He didn't freeze, he got stopped and then was stunned that Sonny, who was supposed to be in jail was in front of him. But yeah, Sonny's getting all the hero accolades and Michael's kicked to the curb.

There were huge fights last night on FB between #TeamMichael and #TeamSonny who insist on calling Michael whiny, etc.

Gosh I've missed it here with like-minded people.

[Elizabeth Kerri Mahon]

I love that Michael is finally saying all the things that most of us viewers have been thinking for years. Sonny is a horrible father. Carly sent Morgan to boarding school to get him away from Sonny. She wanted Morgan to use Jax's last name not Sonny's. Now all of a sudden, she's back on the Sonny bandwagon. I never understood how someone with an addiction could be seen as worse than a mobster who gets everyone one around him either killed or shot. Connie/Kate was shot twice when she dated Sonny, once on her wedding day. He shot Dante when he was unarmed. It doesn't matter that Sonny didn't know Dante was his son. Yet people continue to defend him. Morgan went over to the Jerome crime family because Sonny gave Michael at job managing his one table restaurant. And Sonny slept with Ava on AJ's grave, yet Morgan is still believes that Sonny is a good dad and Michael is being ungrateful. I hate Franco, but I prefer him to Sonny.

[Cindy]

Agreed, Elizabeth. I've found myself lately thinking that Franco and Nina would have been better for that baby than Sonny and Carly.

Oh and let's not forget that Sonny CHOSE to protect Kate over his son during the warehouse shooting. People are even excusing that saying he thought Michael was safe. Even Sonny said he was wrong about it and I'm sorry, as a parent your first concern should be your child not your flavor- of the week lover.

[Gio]

Just a question, when Michael tells Carly off-what day was it?

[Louise]

Gio, this is yesterday's episode (Tuesday the 17th).

[Gio]

Thanks, the site I go to has transcripts, but they need to be edited.

[Gio]

MissySnow, Sonny is always poop on a stick. I, for one, am thrilled that someone, anyone, had the nerve to call both Carly and Sonny on the emotional blackmail they pulled on AJ back in the day. How hilarious is it that Carly is screeching that Michael is like Sonny? WTH did she expect?

[Michael]

People are calling Michael whiny and taking Sonny's side in all this? Seriously? Truly?
Because, I mean . . . oh, I just can't, you know? I've never gotten the Sonny worship. I mean, yeah, I get that MB is charismatic and all, but how anybody can get so lost in that, that they don't recognize Michael is speaking truth and that Sonny is toxic to everybody he loves (and that's putting it as mildly as I can), I just don't get. Carly, I get--she's the Queen of Delusion (Self- or otherwise). But presumably rational people out in the real world? I just can't do it, I can't get there. Wow.

Love this attitude of Michael's. I am enjoying it now because I am betting it will not last, but at least it happened. And at whatever point he turns back to Sonny-worship and they decide to show the scenes of him groveling at Sonny's feet for ever having doubted his total superhuman perfect perfection and failed to see him for the Father of the Millennium that he clearly is, I can just not watch, I guess. But they DID. THIS. STORY. They did it. Which JFP and Guza never ever would have. So for whatever time it lasts, we get to enjoy a Port Charles in which not everyone thinks Sonny walks on water.

And that is a good thing.

[Cindy]

There's a ton of them on Facebook. We fought all night, the handful of us who see Sonny for what he is and the multitudes that obviously had the Kool-Aid poured on them. Makes me sick. I've already gone off once about Sonny apologists. Excusing everything he's ever done, even going so far as "He has reasons." I pointed out all criminals "Have reasons" should they get out, and the only come back was "They don't all have reasons, some just do it because they can. But the ones with reasons get reduced/light sentences.

And the name calling for Michael---whiny, baby faced punk, wishing Carly would have punched him yesterday...yeah. #TeamMichael all the way.

And as I've said, AJ was no saint, but to trash him because he has a disease- alcoholism- and say he's garbage and unfit, but Sonny, oh Sonny is bi-polar so, you know, he has REASONS. Condemn one for a mental illness, praise the other one with a mental illness as a saint. I just can't with them any more.

[Zoote]

How in the hell could anyone say that Michael froze?? You don't need to jump overboard with it, all he had to do was throw it. God, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard. He was brave enough to grab it but too scared to just throw or drop it instead of letting it blow up in his damn hands. Ron's plots are so stupid I keep wondering who could buy any of this illogical, plot-hole ridden nonsense--I guess they're out there. I also love that Anna is an expert in defusing bombs, so of course she's totally sidelined when half the town is about to blow up. Why defuse it when you can give it to Sonny and his immense heroism matched only by his tremendous brain power.

[Cindy]

Yep they're all on facebook. One actually said "Michael's so stupid he was going to blow up with the bomb in his hands." (paraphrased a bit). Sonny's all it, everyone against him is garbage. And they're still using the "But he didn't know Dante was his son" defense when it's brought up about him shooting him.

Luke said it best yesterday about Sonny. "He took five minutes of stupidity and turned it into a full pardon."

[uliis]

Oh, Spencer appears decently often. And you don't have to understand what he says. Which I never do. What you do is, just assume he's saying something that would only come out of the mouth of a 40 year old gay man referencing some pop culture theme that the kid would never ever know about in a million years.

[Louise]

Thanks for elaborating on things for me, everyone!

Oof, I think I'll avoid any future Spencer scenes. That was cute but would get old fast. And I didn't even realize -- was that supposed to be Josslyn in that scene with all the kiddies??

[Chris]

Louise, Luke has D.I.D (the same thing that Viki & Jessica had on OLTL and Kate/Connie had on GH) and Real Luke has no memories of what he did as Fluke!

[Cindy]

Yep, that was Josslyn, she still has the corn thing going. And hoo boy is she a brat. It was the first time that Roger Howarth and a child did not get along on screen.

The only difference with Luke's DID is his altar doesn't have a different name, so I'm wondering if it's part of a different type of mental illness from the others?

[MissySnow]

I am just tired of AG chewing up all of the scenery!

[Carneasada]

The kids are on constantly, and it's so cringeworthy and such a waste of airtime. Basically, in Ron and Frank's world, Cameron is Jason, Emma is Robin, Joss is (god help us) Carly, and with their love for incredibly annoying cartoon characters, Spencer is basically their God. I wish I were joking when I said they're cribbing the adult characters' dialogue from their love triangle back in the 90's, plus giving Spencer constant lame pop culture references that only the GH writers' room is amused by.

I used to be a fan of TG, but I fail to understand why they cater to his every whim like they do. This vanity project hasn't helped the character, hasn't helped the show.

[Quinj]

"Oof, I think I'll avoid any future Spencer scenes. That was cute but would get old fast."

THIS. The kiddie triangle and the love affair with Spencer has being going on for more than a year, seriously. The very first scene with kids spouting totally age inappropriate dialogue, I chuckled. Scene #2, I smiled. By scene number three, I was like, "Oh, god. This isn't going to drag on beyond today, is it? This isn't going to be a thing. IS THIS A THING????"

Carlivati and his team just think they're way funnier and more clever than they actually are and they'll beat every idea into the ground while we beg for mercy.

[...Sorrow]

Well, I personally like Spencer and Emma. Joss and Cameron not so much...all four are adorable though.

On to Sonny/Carly....They really need to do something with these two characters. They are holding General Hospital back. Look at what's going on with Michael. Chad Duell's performance during the Hallowedding scenes were amazing. I really could not stop re-watching that moment. Not because I think he's cute, and someone finally put Carly in her place. It's because I saw what could be. New storylines, a new leading man, and the revival of the Q's.

I believe this actor can carry a story if the writers get over their Sonny/Carly pandering. I've always wondered what Michael would be like when he's older. Now is the time to allow Michael to be a man!

It won't happen...Sonny/Carly have too many fans. I saw the FB comments, but it's not just FB it's everywhere. Sonny/Carly fans actually believe this character makes and breaks the show. That without Sonny there will be no GH. I kid you not. A commenter on FB said they wished Sonny Died. One person told them to stop watching then. As to say since they don't like Sonny they don't like GH. These people are crazy and delusional!

[realbrenda4evr]

This has been one of the bigger problems I've had with Sonny and Carly. They think b/c they've always loved Michael, he had a good childhood. They keep saying this, and those are two separate things. For Pete's sake, Sonny didn't even really raise Morgan. He put Alexis through a custody battle, only for him to demand joint custody (since everyone knew he was going to win, which infuriated me when this story happened) in the end, to which Alexis agreed, then proceeded to not have anything at all to do with his daughter and blamed Alexis for it, even though the law was on his side. No one ever points out he could've fought for his child, but simply chose not to do so.

And the whole sense of entitlement that Carly keeps going on about. Michael didn't get that from A.J. He got it from HER. The need for revenge he didn't just get from Sonny. He learned it from her as well. It's the reason she ever wound up in PC. She keeps attributing the negative parts of Michael to A.J. as if she's not a horrible human being. So she's had zero influence over her child? I won't even touch the whole "A.J. never took responsibility" b/c I'll get ragey. I seriously thought Carly was going to be struck by lightning.

They are idiots and I hope Michael destroys them. After this show revolving around Michael from the moment he was conceived, I am finally getting my revenge as a viewer. I've prayed so long for Michael to take his rose-colored glasses off.