The Young & the Restless: Since the Radio

Before I launch into watching the show and hammering out my real-time stream-of-consciousness reactions, I will give Y&R the same treatment I gave to DAYS last week. My history with the show: there was one summer at my grandmother's house that watched a few weeks' worth of episode. This was sometime in the mid-80s. I couldn't tell you much about storylines, but I vaguely recall a Nina/Danny/Cricket triangle. And some breaking up and reuniting between Victor and Nikki (are they still doing that dance?). I think there was an Ashley and a Lauren and a Paul. When I was that age, I was only allowed to watch 2 total hours of television per week, and I stuck with Y&R for a few months because it offered a loophole: CBS came in loud and clear on my radio. So I listened to it. Like it was some other century! Well, technically it was. It was some other millennium. I got radio fatigue after a while, though, since of course the show wasn't meant to just be heard and it was really tough to keep track of who was who and what was going on. The point is that it's been nearly 30 years since I followed the show at all, so I am jumping in mostly blind here. I'm frightened!

A man is angrily bursting into a room. He's drunk and someone is helping him to another room.

He's feeling guilty about something and wants to tell the police. A younger lady pops into the frame and wonders aloud what he means to confess to.

Oh! Cricket and Paul! Right? I know these characters!

They're talking to Dixie Martin, Cliff Warner, and Kelly Cramer!

It's old home week! (I have no idea who any of them are playing.) Cricket looks like someone took a mallet to her face. Dixie... oh, Kelly! I think her name is Kelly here. Kelly pretends that she lied about somebody named Phyllis being guilty of...something. She pretends that she lied to hang on to Jack. Cricket doesn't believe her, which is good because her lying is laughably bad. "Is somebody threatening you?" asks Paul. Kelly's eyes dart from side to side. Cliff Warner looks suspiciously over at... Victor! Who is poking at a smartphone in a nearby armchair, as you do.

Credits! Original song still intact! I dig it.

A blonde has a flashback to talking to some other girl about who killed... Austin, I think? And then another flashback to another girl yelling at her for sleeping with her husband. Blonde seems popular! 

Okay so that other girl is at a cafe complaining to some dude that Abby slept with her husband. Oh! Okay, so Blonde is Abby. Got it. She opens her powder and someone spelled out "I know what you did" on the mirror! (I just watched Pretty Little Liars so got a little disoriented when there was no "-A." at the end of that.)

Cricket keeps talking about prosecuting people. I guess she's an attorney now? District Attorney or something? Anyway, Kelly is sticking to her story and getting slightly less awful at lying, as Victor looks on smarmily.

Drunk Guy's wife cheated on him, I guess? And he maintains that he's going to jail. Neil! His name is Neil!

Back at this cabin where Abby is, the other girl lists a bunch of names and something about Summer sending a text. Oh look, there she is! Oh, so she's Summer? Summer sounds like she has laryngitis. She accuses Abby of leaving the lipstick message. There are other people there too, now, so I'm really lost. Holy crap! There was just a 30-second ending to that scene that was just a close-up of each character individually making a soapy face. It was awesome.

Who left the oven on and THEN WHO FARTED?

(My dog just now, that's who.)

Okay so one of these chicks is named Mariah. Abby stomps off, she doesn't like that people are angry at her for sleeping with Austin. The attractive chiseled young white people continue to talk about Who Knows What They Did Last Summer. Or whatever the hell happened.

Neil's wife is getting paid off by his buddy to leave. Wait, Hilary? Is that her name? That's what I'm calling her for now. Neil continues to drone on about going to jail again, and when Hilary asks why, he says that he killed a baby. Hey, killing a baby would be bad news! Bummer?

Paul takes Cricket aside and calls her... Chris? Oh, because her real name was always Christine, I think?

Cliff Warner doesn't understand what Kelly is up to, and Kelly Cramer is mad. Okay, they haven't said her name yet so I actually have to look this one up or I'll go nuts. 

Oh, she's Phyllis? And he's Jack? WHY HAVE THEY BEEN SPOKEN ABOUT IN THE THIRD PERSON THIS WHOLE EPISODE? I seriously thought they were talking about people who weren't in the room! Anyway, yet another scene ends with a closeup of Victor with a completely ridiculous expression on his face. 

Phyllis is very angry at Kelly. "When I woke up from that coma and lost a year of my life.... you tried to get me out of the way, and convince him I was a jealous psycho who tried to kill you!" SOAPS! Oh and then naturally...

Phyllis: I'm gonna make you pay because you're a crazy bitch. 

Later she says something about how Kelly is going to be locked up for "days in that jail!" Really? All she's going to do for a false accusation of attempted murder is make sure this chick gets a few days in jail? Does Genoa City have sentences as light as Port Charles, I guess? Wait, is her name Callie and not Kelly? Maybe. I think they just said that. My brain is melting. Dixie Cooney's face doesn't move much these days. I mean Callie's. Or Kelly's.

Back to Laryngitis/Summer. The young people are trying to figure out who is writing the messages, and they're not getting along. Summer says "You couldn't even get a guy who was willing to cheat on his wife to do it with you!" to Mariah. WHAT A WEIRD INSULT! I mean seriously. "You're so lame even my husband wouldn't sleep with you!" Ha. Anyway, fisticuffs almost ensue.

Abby is talking to one of the dudes wearing too much foundation and he thinks she was sending the messages. Her alibi is that she would never associate with that shade of lipstick! GOOD POINT, LADY. 

The attractive young white people are still arguing at the cabin. Okay, mostly Summer and Mariah. The other girl also has a scratchy voice. Courtney? They're trying to piece together what happened and then they hear a noise outside. They all go outside and one of them yells "Hey!" but a magical force field is keeping all five of them from advancing beyond the front porch to see who it is. Oh well! I guess they'll never know!

Victor goes up to the rest of the gang and says several things very, very slowly. Paul arrests CallieKelly. 

Hilary wants to know what Neil meant by "killed a baby" and I guess he passes out? Oh wait! So, Neil was driving to an AA meeting and hit Cricket and she lost her baby? He's the reason her face is all jacked up? I can't tell if it was a drunk driving hit-and-run or just an accident followed by a hit-and-run. But here we are.

So the kids go back into the cabin because of the invisible force field on the porch and they continue bickering. Apparently Summer used to think she killed Austin but no longer does. Oh, soaps, where people constantly forget whether or not they murdered someone!

Hilary wants to help with this Neil situation, but the other guy (they've said his name but I can't quite.... Duonn? Or something? I don't understand what it was) isn't having it.

Kelly (it's not Callie, I finally gave in and looked it up) is giving her statement. Wait, is this the same character that Cynthia Watros used to play? I love her on Finding Carter. Anyway, Kelly is claiming to have poisoned herself in order to pin it on Phyllis. And Phyllis is angry at Jack for not being happier that she's off the hook now. I'm exhausted. Jack feels bad for Kelly, still, and is still suspicious of Victor having played some hand in this. 

Paul brings the recording of the confession to Cricket. So, is Paul a police detective now or something? I feel like in the old days he was some sort of corporate type. Wasn't he a major part of business storylines? Huh. Oddly, things have evolved in 30 years. I have weird memories of him in boardrooms.

And sure enough Victor and Kelly had some sort of deal that yielded this confession.

The youngsters are strolling through the park when they happen upon a bloody and unconscious Abby. And by "bloody" I mean that some red corn syrup has been smeared on her right temple. 

The end!

I may have chosen the wrong day. I feel like there were some characters I'd heard about that I expected to see and didn't. It was a little heavy on the young crowd's plot for this old lady, I think.

So what are the current stories everyone loves/hates? What storyline do you wish was on this episode?

Thanks for letting me visit Wisconsin!

Comments

[Tessa]

Louise, the guy with Neil's name is Devon and Neil and Drug adopted him.

[Tessa]

Dru*

[Louise]

Ha! I was thinking, "Wow, a character named Drug???"

Thanks, Tessa!

[LJMartiz]

I have to admit that yet again you have found a way to entertain my day Louise! This was some comedy gold right here. My favorite line being, "You couldn't even get a guy who was willing to cheat on his wife to do it with you!" On an aside I must ask how you listened to Y&R on the radio. Was that once a thing? Was it on an AM station or something?

Y&R has really been boring and stupid recently. I do not say that lightly. Nothing is working. The actors and recasts have not worked. Quite a few are actors from other Sony shows or actors from Jill Farren Phelps shows. (Okay the last one is just Steve Burton.)

Talking about Steve Burton, his character Dylan is really really boring. It's like Jason Morgan without the edge or the fact that he killed people for a reason. He still is treated like some sort of perfect saint.

The who killed Austin thing is ridiculous. Austin was on the show for a year and had little to no screentime. His character was boring. Summer is also one of my least favorite characters on the show. With lines like 'You couldn't even get a guy who was willing to cheat on his wife to do it with you!'she does not even have any great one liners. (Also I know that last sentence was full of grammatical errors. I apologize for that.)

Also I have to admit that if the show is doing something right it's the damaged relationship between Neil and Devon. Kristoff St. John plays drunk brilliantly. Bryton McClure (Is he back to just being called Bryton?) is a multi Emmy winner and brilliant when he is given something to do.

I have to admit that with Chuck Pratt coming in, I am concerned that this show is going downhill. The sweeps event was just a ratings grabbing non event. Except for the revelation of the affair. All I saw where building collapses, fires and plane crashes. Of course no one was actually hurt. So it seemed emotionally manipulative to be honest. I hate when soap operas play stupid emotional games like that. It's an insult to the fans and the history of the show.

I better stop now because I tend to go off on tangents.

[Anne]

I haven't watched Y&R in years either. And this doesn't make me want to watch it again. It makes me want to ask you to watch it only a few times each year and post more recaps like this one. SO entertaining.

[Holly]

Neil was drunk but he wasn't driving the car that killed Cricket and Paul's baby. Nikki was driving Neil to an AA meeting and Neil didn't want to go so he grabbed the steering wheel causing the car to swerve and hit Chris. Neil is drunk because his newish bride Hillary has been sleeping with his son Duuuuhvon since before they were married.

Chris is out to make Nikki PAY!!! for killing her baby ON PURPOSE (not true) because Dylan (StoneColdJasonMorgan) turned out to be Nikki and Paul's long lost son and Cricket ain't having none of that! Nikki may have her man's child, but she's not getting Cricket's man 'cause she's going to pay for what she did!

The kids were all at the Abbott cabin having a Valentines party when one of them drugged the punch and they all passed out so that is why no one knows who killed Austin and why they are all fighting each other. They covered up the murder thinking they were protecting Summer but obviously the killer is still around.. or the corpse.. who knows? Abby (the knocked out girl) had an affair with Austin and Summer is her niece but Summer deserved it because she's a whiny,entitled little biatch. She's losing her voice because she's been crying and screaming at everyone since Feb. 14th.

We may never know who is lying about the poison shenanigans, Kelly or Phyllis but we do know for sure that the entire mess is being orchestrated by Victor to ruin Jack's life.. again, for the millionth time.

[Ziyal]

I have never seen Y&R but this was hilarious! I am dying for you to do recap of B&B though, I really want to know your thoughts of nuRidge and Steffy is back!

[annabel]

I remember listening to Y&R on the radio too!!

[Holly]

"ChaChaCha!"

[soapbaby]

Per usual, this recap is hilarious but Y&R is pretty unwatchable these days.

[Louise]

annabel, yes! I'm so glad I wasn't the only one using the old CBS radio trick! Heck, I could listen to it between classes on my Walkman at school. Very handy.

Ziyal and Holly, y'all are trying to get me to watch B&B by bringing up Steffy and "ChaChaCha!" Ha! Now I'm even less convinced I should peek in. :)

[sjgsjg]

I did the radio trick too, only it was Days of our Lives for me. It was whatever station was on channel 6 in your market.

[Louise]

sjgsjg, oh wow! I had no idea it was specifically about Channel 6. Weird. And CBS was definitely 6 where I grew up!

[Judy]

I don't watch Y&R but this was still so fun to read. Kelly Cramer and Dixie Cooney, woo!