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« Devious Maids: Talk of the Town | Main | The Fosters: Faith, Hope, Love »

July 07, 2015

The Fosters: Going South

The title of the episode is in no way a euphemism for any bedroom acts between Stef and Lena this week, y'all. In fact, things couldn't be worse in that department, but we'll get to that later.

A lot of last night's show felt like fan service, didn't it? As if we hadn't already realized that before they helpfully displayed a #BrallieAdventure hashtag. So let's get this out of the way: Callie scooped Brandon up in the middle of the night and they dashed off to Mexico for some illegal skydiving. Brandon filled her in on what happened back at music camp with Kat, and then dropped this gem:

Brandon: At least i don't have to deal with any crazy dramatic women anymore!

Oh Brando, starting the misogyny so early.

Anyway, I guess it's a good sign that Callie called him her best friend instead of her brother-lover but the whole thing seemed meant to fan the flames. For shippers or whoever these people are who think these siblings should date.

So they almost got arrested, but Brandon paid off the police with his fancy keyboard, which I'm sure will go for a lot on the Mexican black market. Miraculously this works. Also because they are idiots, it didn't occur to them they might need passports to return to the US. After all, they didn't need passports to leave the US! Come on kids, this is just like how it's completely free to go through a tunnel or over a bridge from NYC to New Jersey, but you have to pay an assload to get back in! (I AM KIDDING I LOVE NEW JERSEY IT IS WONDERFUL.)

Callie's going to buy Brandon another keyboard, she insists, which I doubt he'll hold her to. Though he does get an opportunity to return to music camp, so he sure will need one.

Oh wait! Allow me to also share his other gem: 

Brandon: You ever feel like the whole world is conspiring against you?

Callie: Yeah, I'm pretty familiar with that concept. 

Again, Brando, you basically have the cushiest life on the planet and you have the nerve to say something like that to Callie, whose life is calamity personified. But she pretty brilliantly read him the riot act about how everything bad in his own life is because he makes really dumb-ass choices, so at least we got that. They got busted for their adventure, and Stef pretends that eventually there are actually going to be consequences for their behavior, but we all know that's not true. Nobody on this show ever gets punished, Stef! We're paying attention!

This exchange, however, was a particular delight:

Lena: How'd you get back into the country with no passports?

Callie: We just played dumb.

Stef: Well, that couldn't have been hard.

Meanwhile, in Adult Land, Stef got in trouble with Lena for going ahead and hiring a contractor to fix their leak. Oscar showed up early!

Your new contractor-slash-marriage counselor

Oops. This led to a series of arguments between the two of them about communication and how Lena really wants them to go to couples counseling. Methinks this is because she'd sure like a mediator there when she 'fesses up to her kiss with Monte. And sure enough, later, when Oscar himself has the contractor's wisdom to know that a married couple separating in the middle of a job means the purse strings situation gets crazy and his paycheck may get put off forever, Stef wised up and realized if the contractor is giving you marriage counseling, it's time to go to a pro.

This also led to Stef coming across an empty pregnancy test box in the piles of garbage the raccoons had attacked.

The only pregnancy-test-in-the-trash trope

Stumbling across a trashed pregnancy test is one of the oldest tropes in the televised book, but I have to give them credit here for two twists: it was in the outdoor garbage, rather than just visible to the naked eye at the top of the bathroom wastebasket the way it usually is, so Mariana had the foresight to dispose of the damn thing outside of the house. Also, Stef found the box, not the test itself, so she didn't even know the result of it. Yet.

HORRIFYINGLY, after incorrectly deciding that Mariana is still a virgin, they surmised that Callie might be pregnant with Brandon's baby. You know, their daughter might be having their son's child. Have we checked in during the last few episodes at all about whether or not her once-imminent adoption is ever going to flippin' go through? Or are they just keeping them de facto but not official siblings for now so they can throw out more "Brallie" hashtags? If it's the latter, I'm giving that a patented Stef eyeroll:

Major eye roll there, stef
Enough already! This isn't Game of Thrones!

Thankfully, Mariana came clean that it was her (NEGATIVE!) test and that she'd done the nasty with Wyatt and his hair. They didn't understand why she would do that with Wyatt, hair notwithstanding.

Mariana: I wanted to lose my virginity. I mean I'm almost 16 and everyone else in this house is having sex. Well, maybe not Jude or Callie or... you guys.

Ouch! Sick burn, Mariana! And very true.

Meanwhile, as Mike and AJ visited AJ's grandmother with dementia and searched for his brother Ty, AJ went on a police-work ride-along that seemed completely inappropriate. Confrontations that involve drawing your weapon don't seem like a good Take Your Kids To Work Day. Mike went into a house with another cop while AJ waited in the car. He got out to take a closer look and yet another (white) cop arrived and threw him to the ground and cuffed him because racism.

"I got you guys's accomplice here," the cop said. No, sir. No you don't.

Anyhoo, the two of them later had a conversation about how black men get treated by police. I'm glad they're addressing this topic and how challenging their relationship would be as a result, but the discussion got into kind of icky "white savior" territory in terms of Mike trying to rescue him from that life. On the other hand, this is literally a television show about adults who take in children unlike them to try to give them a better life, so maybe I'm sensitive where I shouldn't be, since it's a built-in trope here. And, you know, giving kids better lives is a good thing, no matter what the race! Okay, I think I talked myself out of the sensitivity there. It happens. Thanks for letting me sort through it, y'all. We are all vast and contain multitudes. 

And finally, AJ and Callie acknowledged their attraction.

Quasi sibling flirt time

But they are going to use their brains for now and are going to hold off on smooching till he's officially only Brandon's foster brother and not hers, naturally. Oh and in the last moment, Ty called AJ. 

Most importantly, Jude did not appear in this episode at all, which is a crime against humanity.

Stay tuned next week, when Brandon goes all alpha-male with his mouth open, no doubt. 


Ugh, SHUT UP Brandon

Okay, between the pregnancy test in the garbage and the trip to Mexico sans passports (not to mention the sanctimonious whiner named Brandon), was anybody else having 90210 flashbacks?

Ha! True, Caitlin. I often get flashbacks when I write about how douchey Brando is.

I feel for AJ, that is what talking to ky grandma is like

How sad is it that Stef and Lena fired the marriagecounselor/contractor in the new episode?

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