Shriners Bowties for Children®, Available Regardless Of Their Ability To Pay

At this point, I'm watching entire scenes I'd normally skip just to hear how incredibly stilted the latest ad copy for Shriners Hospitals for Children® sounds coming out of the various actors' mouths. Listen, I get that it's a great cause and I'd rather they plug this than, like, Snickers or whatever Genie Francis was up to surreptitiously last week, but there actually is a way to get this information out there without making it sound like it's being read off of a brochure.

Here's a way! Put bowties on Aidan and Cameron! Okay, that wasn't about delivering more natural dialogue, but as a bowtie fan from way back, I found this to be the most charming part of the episode. It didn't even matter that horrible Nikolas was also wearing a bowtie and had helped to facilitate the adorableness (which apparently was Spencer's idea, in which case I'm mildly annoyed about it in a theoretical sense but we're here talking about it visually, viscerally, and on those levels IT WAS LITTLE BOYS IN BOWTIES!).

Adorable!

Even Nikolas looks pretty darling in that thing. There, I said it. LET'S NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN.

In fairness, a couple of miraculous things happened today: first, someone actually expressed a modicum of anger at Nikolas. Jason, even! For the heinous shit he's been up to for the past year.

(Jason's AngryFace, as it is)

Second, Elizabeth and Jason actually talked about wanting to find out what happened to Jake during all his fake-dead years when he was being held captive by Helena. Hey, Parents Of The Year! NICE IDEA. (Or they could just give him some toy motorcycles and send him to a serial-killing art therapist, which maybe isn't that far-fetched since said art therapist's serial killings were based on said child's father's serial killings. Bonded for life!)

Also, Anna probably shouldn't sleep with her therapist/friend's boyfriend?

But what if she should?

Also, Tracy is in the middle of having some sort of terrible seizure.

Afternoon Television Program, if you do something bad to Tracy that isn't just a red herring that actually leads to (finally) something good for Tracy, there will be hell to pay. Mark my words.

Also, how does Felicia get to look this good in a white tank top?

This whole exchange existed, by the way, so Maxie could be incongruously bitchy and mean to her just-shot boyfriend because muttered the name "Claudette," and then insisted Claudette was his childhood French poodle which, of course she wasn't, this is a soap, but I'd lie too if someone were being that hostile to me while I was in a hospital bed recovering from a serious bullet wound. (By any chance does Maxie even remember that she once had a boyfriend she loved very much who was also a cop and was, in fact, shot and killed in the line of duty? MAYBE BE A LITTLE GENTLER.)

Anyway, this is not the important stuff. 

There are a few essential pieces of information that I don't think GH viewers have really caught onto yet, so I'm here to hammer them right into your heads:

• When terrifying things happen to your children like having actual rods inserted in their tibia and forearm, your immediate reaction upon seeing the x-rays is not going to be parental fear or terror or love or concern. You will instead be bowled over by the surgical mastery displayed! Incredible, you'll say! 
• At Shriners Hospitals for Children®, they are experts in all aspects of pediatric care, including: Surgery, Rehabilitation, Therapy, and Pain Management.
• Liz is so glad they brought him there. "Shriners Hospitals for Children® has been amazing."
• Jason thinks "this place, you people, are truly incredible."
• "Did you know that there are 22 Shriners Hospitals for Children® in the U.S., Canada, and Mexico?"
• "And they treat kids from all over the world, regardless of the family's ability to pay."
• "How wonderful it is that this expert level of care is available for these kids whose families don't have the money!"
• "Anyone can give!"
• "Those contributions allow Shriners Hospitals to ensure that every kid gets the healthcare they need REGARDLESS OF THEIR ABILITY TO PAY."

I'm pretty confused about one point, though. What about the child's family's ability to pay? Do we regard that? Or do we not regard that??!! They've been very unclear about that! What they should do is say the EXACT SAME WORDS EVERY SINGLE TIME in case anyone else is as baffled as I am!

(This post brought to you by Shriners Hospitals for Children®, providing the best care for children in our specialty areas of Orthopaedics, Burn Care, Spinal Cord Injury, and Cleft Lip and Palate, regardless of a family’s ability to pay.)

(Go give them money or something! See, I'm not a total asshole! I just want it better integrated. Is that too much to ask???)

(Apparently.)

Comments

[Holly]

I believe Snickers is a Shriners sponsor. I read it on the internet so it must be true! Of course I can't find any other info to verify this, but watching Genie chow down on that candy was kind of disturbing so I'm going to believe it's a Shriners tie in just so I can feel better about the whole thing. I mean.. why would GH have a gorgeous woman who is publicity dieting and advertising this diet, eat a candy bar on air?

[jujube1013]

well to be fair Liz is a nurse, so she might be a little in awe of surgical procedures, esp after probably very little sleep and worrying about not having a house to go home to.

[MD]

The only thing I found disturbing about GF chowing down on a candy bar was that I didn't have one.

The sad thing is, the stilted, forced way they're incorporating Shriners Hospitals For Children is actually doing them a disservice. Unless Shriners Hospitals For Children is affilated with a hospital that also treats grown up alcohol poisoning, because it's become a hell of a drinking game.

As for Claudette...yeah, just don't care enough about Nate to care if she's an old girlfriend, old hooker/stripper who was tragically craned (it happens), or lost daughter who he lost just because he can't remember where he put her (check a tree).

I just hope they don't give Tracy an incurable disease. Because I don't want her to go, nor do I want them to cure it like Robin did death. It's not like Shriners Hospital For Children can cure her; although I hear they do wonderful work - she's not a children.

[Elizabeth Kerri Mahon]

Of course there is a way to integrate the information without having it become stilted but then you would actually have to write dialogue instead of just cutting and pasting from the press release.

Maxie also doesn't remember her other cop boyfriend, Cooper, who started out working for terrorist Jerry but then became a cop who was also working for the mob, while Scott's son Logan tried to work for Sonny so that he could inform on him for the cops. This was back when Guza was watching Scorsese's Internal Affairs but either he got bored with the story line or he never finished watching the movie because it was dropped and then Cooper was murdered and made to look like a suicide. If I remember, Maxie found the boyfriend. And let's not forget her drug-addicted lover Lucky who was also a cop. All of which she has forgotten.

[Louise]

I honestly think the show has forgotten Jesse at this point, not just Maxie.

[stlbf]

I miss Cooper Barrett and all is his adorableness! *sigh*

Jesse was completely forgettable.

[Rene - Riverside Soaps, Examiner.com]

Am I the only one that noticed that Nikolas' bow-tie suit was about nine sizes too small? I just kept hearing "Tequila" play in my head every time he was on screen. Way to rock the package, Prince Pee Wee Cassadine.

[Linda]

Is it just me, or is it bad form to SHAKE a gunshot victim (or any hospital patient) to try and get them to wake up and tell you who Claudette (or anybody/anything else)is? Anybody? Just me?