General Hospital: Dumb Secrets and Boring Lies

I've been watching occasionally lately, so I figured maybe it was time for a recap so I can keep up with my incredibly prolific once-a-month posting habit.

Sam tells Jason she's pregnant. Sam's non-existent uterus is a TINY-BUT-HUGE MIRACLE! It just keeps on trucking! Jason is delighted, but there's the malaria concern.

Ava's hair has looked better, it seems a bit fried. 

Jax is very irritated by Nell, Josslyn's maybe-donor. I'm not even going to try to outline the beats of this convoluted story, but it has something to do with stealing kidneys from healthy teenagers against their will and selling them on the black market (tale as old as time), but I like that they brought this actress back, she's solid. Sadly, I presume she'll be stuck acting opposite Joss a few more times at least, and that's not healthy for anyone's skill level. Jax and Sonny have competing tans, and Monica lives!

Jax alleges to Sonny that if Nell tests positive as being the kidney donor, they'll have no choice but to tell Joss and there's no telling "what kind of toll that could take on her." What the hell? What toll? How many serial killers has her mother dated? She'll be fine. It's like these people don't have Google, for crap's sake.

Kiki looks a bit miffed that some other waitress is flirting shamelessly with Dillon, and then Morgan shows up with his dumb face, just twisting the knife in a little deeper that she chose this guy. Then Dillon and Kiki run into each other and hot coffee (or soup or tea or something that is hot liquid, I am not rewinding to confirm) and for some reason this really pisses Morgan off, because he is All Class. Oh wait, it's because this somehow knocked over the flowers that Morgan brought Kiki. THE HORROR.

Carly has full-on black lowlights at this point, this is not hair that I understand but I am no fashionista.

Is hair considered fashion? You see how not qualified I am to have opinions, but I just keep on keepin' on regardless. It's how we do, it's 2016 and this is the internet. Nell wants to go into education, focusing on kindergarten-aged munchkins.

Jason would like for Sam to stop reading pamphlets about malaria and childbirth because pamphlets make Sam cry a lot. Who is Kelly Monaco's Hollywood de-aging person and how much does said person charge? (She and Becky Herbst might well get a "bring a friend" package deal.) Sam and Jason are on roughly the eighth day of matching outfits.

Sam is beating herself up for having waited a half hour to break the pregnancy news to Jason, since it's just like when she kept things from him during the Danny pregnancy which almost destroyed them (NO SAM, IT'S THAT JASON WAS A TOTAL DICK TO YOU DURING THAT PREGNANCY, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF, JASON IS NOT A SAINT DESPITE EVERYONE'S AGES-LONG ATTITUDE TO THE CONTRARY).

Nell's tests prove that there's a likelihood that she was the kidney donor, but they'd have to do a kidney biopsy to confirm it a hundred percent. Nell's totally on board with risking her one remaining kidney, and her reasoning for this is not sound. Sonny has had his "people" look into Nell's situation and he's pretty darn sure she's the donor, because who but a mob boss would have the best investigative team on the eastern seaboard? 

Morgan tells Kiki that he told Ava he and Kiki were going to get married, just to piss off Ava, which Kiki is somehow charmed by. This couple continues to redefine "riveting."

Sonny clarifies that by "my people" he means "Spinelli," and the mere invocation turns my stomach. Why the hell is Spinelli still working for Sonny?

Why does Carlos's twin brother have an American accent? Oh right, Sabrina's on the episode. Dear lord please do not waste Jeffrey Parise and all his glory on her again.

Carly's talking about how Joss will need some time to "process" this donor announcement, which I still don't understand. Joss doesn't seem like she has a lot going on up there, she'll be just fine. What, is she supposed to be haunted that it happened in a sketchy way, instead of by the death of her toddler cousin when he got run over by her drunk great uncle? Six of one, etc. Come on.

Nina and Curtis are having a conversation but I have no idea what it's about. I like Curtis a lot, and he's very pretty, and he generates chemistry with most scene partners, so can't they test him with some old-timers instead? Has he met Liz? Or Anna?

There's some silly scene where Dillon is shirtless and he's going to go photograph some art at Ava's gallery, I have no idea, you guys. Morgan and Kiki are making some sort of business plan. About what? I do not know. But he's very wound up and she's worried that he's having a manic episode, so if that's true, get ready for some HEAVY PURPLE SCENERY CONSUMPTION. It is imminent, my friends! (Aside: is this Kiki actress getting a little better? She seems a lot more natural than the last time I checked in.)

Nina wants Curtis to go find her a baby. Don't ask me!

Carly tells Nell she wants Joss to know all about her, which is inexplicably surprising to Nell. I don't really understand any of the logic in this story. Michael shows up with Josslyn, who does some great "star of the fourth grade play" acting. I have no idea what her reaction is supposed to mean, but previews suggest that she's upset about this. So you know, that tracks. (No.)

Ava tries to convince Dillon he's still got a shot with Kiki.

Sabrina is still on the screen sometimes. It has no impact.

Jason is apologetic for his past lifestyle (THE PAID SERIAL KILLING, in case anyone's forgotten), but Sam assures him that he has never erred in his life and it's all she can do to be worthy of his perfection, and he proposes.

The end.

Comments

[Holly]

Everyone is worried that Joss finding out that her kidney is a *gasp* black market possibly stolen from a young donor and it will destroy her. Jake? Jake who?

Joss is pissed that Carly published her traumatic kidney transplant story for all to read and the kids at school started gossiping.. because that's what kids gossip about.

Jax is standing right in the middle of the road waiting for the Sonny bus to run him down repeatedly because obviously Sonny is a great hero and protector of all children and Jax is only back in town because he MUST have some shady dealings going on.. probably about the kidney transplant and Sonny is going to be Joss's knight in shining armor while Jax will be shunned from her life forever. Joss Corinthos! Doesn't that have a nice ring to it? *vomit*

[C]

I too am happy Chloe Lanier is back, but I'm annoyed she's all up in Carly's orbit. She would have been an amazing Serena or Christina Baldwin to mix in with Lucy/Scotty/Kevin.

[marz]

I'm going to keep saying this until the show starts hinting something else...

Nelle is a Jacks relative.

[Michael]

Much ado about . . . whatever, and none of it remotely compelling. I've given them a year, and I hereby declare Passanante/Altman a failure. Time to look for (yet another set of) new writers.

At the risk of being redundant, I am (still) totally sick of Sonny-worship. Especially so when it means they bring back Jax only to have him be sacrificed at the Altar of Sonny--because you just know that's what's going on here.

Do you suppose they're leading up to the idea that Sonny is somehow mixed up in this transplant racket? Naaaah. There'd be no way to make that somehow "wonderful."

My guess is that they're leading up to the revelation that he bought Joss's kidney from this transplant ring (or whatever it is), which will cause people to, you know, say harsh things to him when he was Only Trying to Do Good Things for the People He Loves. And he'll get to look all put out, and maybe kill some people or something, because he's So Misunderstood, and then eventually everyone will realize that He Did a Wonderful Thing, and all will be forgiven as he's recognized for the saintly being that he really is--that mobsters really are, after all, right? Well, actually, only Corinthos mobsters. Good mobsters, as opposed to bad mobsters like the Jeromes. Or something like that.

Etc.

[Elizabeth K. Mahon]

So Josslyn looks like she's about ready to start high school or college but Spencer (who is older) is still like 8? Why don't they just age Cameron, Spencer to match Josslyn?

[imasoapfan]

Thanks for the laughs!

I'm glad I wasn't the only one annoyed that Sam took the blame for her relationship problems during her pregnancy with Danny. Jason was so awful to her.

Like C, I was hoping Chloe Lanier would be playing Serena or Christina Baldwin. I'm disappointed that she isn't.

I couldn't agree more with this line: "Sabrina is still on the screen sometimes. It has no impact."