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« General Hospital: Day Two of the DRESS BEAST | Main | General Hospital: Meet the Mama »

June 11, 2017

General Hospital: It's a Mystery

The titular mystery here being, really, why I've been watching this show lately with more regularity. There's not a storyline I'm dying to see develop, so I can only conclude that it's due to the Summer TV Wasteland. Or maybe it's just my current shambles of a personal life, during which times I've often noticed there's a certain comfort in the soaps. Like an old bathrobe that doesn't really keep you warm anymore but it still fits and makes you feel like you and you're just glad it's still there even though you don't wear it very often. (Y'all, I even watched and enjoyed The Bold & the Beautiful on Friday! B&B had multiple storylines all in the same episode, it's some sort of June miracle!) (If you have even the remotest interest in B&B and skipped that one, go watch! Now! I'm serious!)

On that note, why don't I just do a straight recap while I sip this here delicious black coffee?

Curtis confesses to his aunt that he and Jordan are seeing each other. Jordan exasperatedly leans against the doorframe in this tight dress that makes me seriously envy her abs.


Finn is apparently playing backgammon with himself. That's... curious indeed. How does that work? Anyway, Greenlee shows up and is still covered in coffee from her incident babysitting Spencer and Cameron (two kids begging for a SORAS if I've ever seen any). I legitimately am blanking on the character's name right now, I'm not even trying to be cute by calling her "Greenlee." Look, it's 7 in the morning on a Sunday. I've already walked the dog and cleaned the kitchen and need to squeeze this in before catching up on the O-Blacks (yes, I have a portmanteau for the fact that Orphan Black and Orange is the New Black both returned in the very same weekend), so Greenlee won't be the only brain fart I have, I assure you.

Julian, whose hair is mildly better than whatever Monchichi situation was going on earlier in the week, is at the cop shop berating Scott for not returning his calls.


"I'm not your little phone buddy," snorts Scott. Then whose phone buddy are you, Scotty? Answer me that!

Dante is questioning Lucy regarding the whole Ava situation. I love Dante, but having him be pissy at Lucy when he's let his father get away with countless crimes kicks in my old school Lucy Coe loyalty big-time.

Aunt Stella is way overwritten, and continues on that way, referring to Jordan as having marched "in here like the Queen of Sheba." This is goofy, and also depressing that they had to bring in a temp to give Curtis and Jordan a storyline. Stella's not a regular character on this show so this really has no stakes.

Finn comforts Greenlee about her parenting fears.

Lucy lies a lot to Dante about Ava and the pills. Is she lying? Did she really not know about the whole placebo/Lithium thing? I actually saw those episodes when Lucy found the pills but I don't remember what she thought was really happening and if she ever knew the truth.

Ava is flatlining. Kiki is the lone carer.

Curtis finally tells Stella that Shawn killed Tommy in self-defense. You know, Stella, a character we met yesterday and Tommy, a character we never met, and Iraq (Afghanistan? I forget which one), a situation that Shawn (a character who is no longer on the show) was in before we ever met him. High stakes stuff, folks!

I think maybe Lucy is telling the truth and only thought the pills proved that Ava and Morgan were sleeping together? 

Carly comforts Kiki while the doctors try to revive Ava. And of course we have to find out how this makes Carly such an amazing and generous person, since she hates Ava.


Stella seems to accept that Shawn killed Tommy in self-defense. Curtis blames himself for what happened since he's the one who told Tommy about Jordan's affair, but come on now. Obviously you tell your brother if his wife is cheating on him. Anyway, Jordan blames herself.

Dante threatens to arrest Lucy as an accessory to Morgan's murder, which seems like a stretch even for this show. I mean, this is a town where attempted murder is perfectly legal and actual murder itself is only against the law in the most specific of circumstances. 

The doctors stabilize Ava and Kiki cries tears of joy. Carly and Sonny look all torn. Griffin comes out to tell Kiki lots of really helpful things like, "There's no way to tell if she's going to live" and "All we can do right now is monitor her."


The mise-en-scene here is hilarious, admit it.



Someone needs to tell Kiki that her fingernail situation isn't conducive to nursing.

Lucy tells Dante everything about Scott being the one to know where the pills were. Uh oh. I don't want to lose Scott's lawyering! He's hilarious in court! GH court is so terrible and he's always the saving grace!

Stella has no interest in accepting Curtis and Jordan's relationship and takes her rolly suitcase the heck out of there to go to the MetroCourt.

Finn and Greenlee look all cozy in big fluffy bathrobes.


Hayden! Hayden, I remembered her name! Anyway, she and Finn finally have a eureka moment when for some reason it occurs to them for the first time that maybe Obrecht is the one tampering with his drug tests!

Scott insists he doesn't have to say anything about the pill situation because of attorney-client privilege, which makes no sense in this context. Lucy completely flips out on him, furious, asking him how he'd feel if somebody did that to Serena. (Keep mentioning Serena and maybe it'll summon her! Please?)


Lynn Herring, by the way, is terrific in this scene. I love it when they give her actual material instead of just "wackiness."

Kiki cries over Ava. "I don't want you to die, Mom." Shrug.

Sonny and Carly discuss how they don't care if Ava dies but how hard it is to see Kiki suffer over it. Is...this the first time it's occurred to them that the people whose deaths they've orchestrated historically have had people who love and care about them? 

Finn claims to have already considered that Obrecht was the culprit, but that he'd dismissed that idea once he'd "pinpointed" Brad, which makes no sense. (I believe I've said "which makes no sense" a lot in this recap.)

Curtis is worried that Jordan might back out of their relationship due to all the stuff Stella dragged up.

Julian pontificates to Dillon, wondering if he might get acquitted and the "trade-off" is that his sister dies, which -- say it with me now -- MAKES NO SENSE.

Carly tells Sonny that when Ava's heart stopped, she had this one quiet thought in her head. As if Carly has ever had a "quiet thought" in her life. Anyway, basically the idea is that she thinks maybe if Ava dies they can start to heal. And then she kisses Sonny, because that is what these two idiots do. 


Okay folks, I'd better go pick out a dress for the Tony Awards tonight! And by "dress," I mean something like that old bathrobe I was talking about earlier.


Julian and Scott in a scene together.....that's a lot of hair weaves all in one frame.

It truly is something to behold.

I see that I haven't missed anything by not watching. But I do love your write ups!!

I still can't let go of the fact that the only evidence against Ava is Sonny and Carly's WORD that she confessed. The pill bottle changed hands so many times, there is absolutely no evidence who did what. Lucy saw Ava throw something away? PROOF! Nell saw Ava in Morgan's room? PROOF! Sonny could taste placebo dust in the bottle? PROOF! Oh and that Sonny and Carly (having a HUGE motive to kill Ava and have killed for less) are totally believed when they say that while "confronting" Ava about her cold blooded murder of their angelic little tiny baby boy, she started the fire and most of all.. DANTE is the one investigating this mess. No separation of suspects at the scene. Then he questions both suspects together so they can corroborate their stories. Plus the HUGE conflict of interest. No other cops available I guess. Yes we know Ava is guilty, but the cops don't.. but if you've got a son on the force, who cares about ethics, procedures and the law!

Holly, they don't even attempt to test their viewers as if we have common sense.

The hypocrisy of this whole Ava situation had driven me to remove it from my DVR... at last. The referring to Morgan as some sort of child, ignoring HIS drugging of his own brother (oh just, Kiki too), their destroying of AJ's life, Sonny and his use of Karen, his point blank murdering AJ. All of it.

Sonny, Carly, Jason, Kiki, etc. Their self-righteousness is just too much.

It helps that I can't watch this Alexis storyline and Sam had become an intolerable version of Carly & Liz combined.

Oh yes.. Sam! Julian, the horrible mobster murderer who killed another mobster who had a hit out on HIM and Jordan is the slime that will NEVER be forgiven. While Sonny, the horrible mobster murderer who has killed multiple people for decades is made God Father to her child. Oh and her husband.. the hit man with many murders himself is of course loved and forgiven all. Of course she has the excuse that Julian pretended to try and kill her mother (rather convincingly no matter how the writers try to whitewash it). I know the writers were thrown off when Julian became so popular with his Alexis pairing and they had no way to redeem him. I blame this on Maurice Benard. NO attractive man brought on to be a nemesis for Sonny will be allowed to become a popular character and love interest. Valentin better watch out. James Patrick Stewart is a doll and fast rising as a fan favorite. Mo B ain't gonna let that go on for long.

I know that "Carly and Sonny are moral and Port Charles's true ethical paragons" has been such a thing for so long that I should practically consider it a character on the show and be glad that I'm seeing a "vet" get screen time, but I'm on hypocrisy overload, and the level of smug self-righteousness in PC must be well beyond EPA limits. Carly and Sonny need Ava to die so they can begin to heal? Where do I even start to address such an idiotic, self-serving statement? Ava is, it goes without saying, no sweetheart, but I'll take her anytime over these two loathsome excuses for human beings and their sham superiority. (Carly feels "torn" over wishing Ava was dead? Oh my; start the canonization paperwork NOW!) I suppose it's good to be reminded from time to time why I just can't spend much time in such a warped moral universe as PC; it really doesn't take much exposure at all before one starts to feel ill. Ugh.

"I love Dante, but having him be pissy at Lucy when he's let his father get away with countless crimes kicks in my old school Lucy Coe loyalty big-time."

Same here. I mean, it's ridiculous really Dante's even the investigating officer here, but that's soaps for you. I hate Lucy and Scotty getting churned up in this mob BS. And the Serena mentions both delight me, but make me bitter that she's not actually allowed within the city limits.

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