General Hospital: Meet the Mama

I know, I know, it's a ghost town around here. It's not that I haven't been watching, it's that (frankly) I've needed soaps as pure escapism and actually having to type paragraphs and create screencaps doesn't really allow me to just be a lump on the couch (or bed, let's face it) for 42 minutes. But real life is calming down a bit, so once more into the breach! Okay, I'm just dipping my toe in to see how it goes, so no promises. But in the meantime, I recap!

Sam is on the docks in a dream, reaching out to Jason (with his back turned) but he won't answer her. She wakes up by his comatose bedside. Not for nothing, but all the caterwauling over Jason getting shot is cracking me up since not one person has mentioned that they've been through this a thousand times -- not only this but worse, as he's already been presumed dead twice. Once for so long that they had a service and everyone quite moved on with their lives. But now that we're practically back to Guza levels of Sonny/Jason deification/martyring (really, it's as bad as ever, the only distinction being that there are some other storylines), we've got to have everyone falling apart, having no idea what they'll do without him (despite knowing precisely what they'll do).

Finn is looking at a phone photo of Hayden and himself (why ruin them right after making them so cute, Afternoon Television Program??). Sonny comes up and Finn offers his help if Jason needs anything because Sonny was there for Finn when no one else was, which is apparently an episode I do not recall or missed entirely.

Nina gets squirrely about going to some sort of Crimson event since Franco is hosting, so she didn't mention it to Valentin till the last second. I don't really understand what the event is since it seems like an art show for Franco, but what does that have to do with Crimson?

What is this monstrosity behind him. Send help.

Amy is reading the Man Landers galley proof and Spinelli walks up.  Nope. Just kidding. I'm recusing myself from recapping the Man Fucking Landers storyline. Sorry.

Monica accurately points out to Sonny for the eight millionth time that Sonny is the reason Jason's in a coma.

Jordan and Curtis canoodle a bit on the docks during their nighttime run, which seems like a terrible time to canoodle. They're worried about Judgey McJudgerson Aunt Stella disapproving of them, which is getting old. Move on, Stella. 

Maxie wants to pitch her one-night stand with Franco to Crimson, much to Nathan's chagrin. Not mine, though! I'm delighted that they're actually bringing up that event, and the fact that Franco was a serial killer! Delighted, I tell you! 

Ah, okay, the art opening isn't a Crimson event, it's just an event that the magazine is covering.

Apparently Kiki spent "all afternoon" hanging Franco's art show, which is weird since I thought she was just finishing up EMILY QUARTERMAINE MEMORIAL LIGHTNING SPEED MAGICAL MEDICAL SCHOOL! You mean she's not a doctor yet? What's taking so long?

Anna continues to pressure Finn to help her with this Cassandra jewel thief situation for the WSB.

Spinelli gets sad over Jason's headless coma body. I'm always happy that Spinelli and Ellie are together offscreen.

MONICA (to Sonny): If Jason dies that means you have the blood of both my sons on your hands!

(I mean, this is true, but it was already true a few years ago? But seriously, the fact that Sonny gets to breathe the same effing air as Monica after murdering her son in cold blood really makes my skin crawl.)

Sam tells Spinelli about her dream and how she "can't help feeling" that she's losing Jason. Subtle, Afternoon Television Program. Just at the moment a certain little ad appears in the lower right-hand corner.

Alexis tries to defuse the Monica/Sonny situation and Monica immediately backs down and says it's not entirely Sonny's fault which, whatever. Next time Sonny's hospitalized, POISON HIM, MONICA. She explains to Alexis that Jason's situation is dire enough that Sam will have to make some decisions about Jason's future, because this is a soap and pulling the plug is always urgent, never more than a week after someone goes into a coma.  

Finn tells Liz that Hayden lost the baby (which we know she didn't and they damn well better bring her back). Elizabeth is very sad and sympathetic. She offers to cancel her plans to be there for him, but he declines.

Maxie tries to interview Franco about their one-night stand and he looks at her funny and says "good luck with her" to Nathan as if Maxie's the creepy freak in that situation. Franco chats with Scott about the Heather visit, just as Franco's mother shows up (his real mother, the one who raised him, not the bio-crazy-awesome one). This isn't the same actress, is it? At least not from when Franco was actually James Franco? Anyway, Franco introduces his mom to his bio-dad, to which Scott beautifully says, "HOWDY DOO!"

Check out the additional BRILLIANT ART.

Oh boy! We're going to do soap art speak, you guys! Valentin joins Nina at the opening and they see that terrible painting everyone's always drooling over, and we get this gem of an exchange:

VALENTIN: That's very intriguing. If I had to guess, he's making a comment on duality.

FRANCO: It's close. It's the twin nature of self, the desire for companionship, an other to share your life experiences.

VALENTIN: The mirror image! Very striking, yeah. 

Immediate art triage needed.

Gag. Anyway, Nina is so overcome by this sublime statement that she takes off and Valentin chases her down. She doesn't feel well and must immediately leave!

Betsy and Liz start talking about Franco's art, and Betsy mentions that she's his mother. Franco turns up and formally introduces them. Betsy immediately apologizes for, you know, aiding and abetting the kidnapping of Liz's newborn son, but Liz is all, "Bygones! Franco wasn't well! I forgive everyone!" and I wonder how Lucky would feel about all this and then I remember they made him (yet another legacy character) a deadbeat dad because he had to journey the world to deal with his "darkness" which we'd never noticed before so it doesn't really matter.

Liz says she's a nurse and a mother to three boys, and Betsy was a nurse and a mother to, as Franco says weirdly, "just the one boy, right?" and Betsy gets nervous and goes off to look at more paintings, most of which look like they were done by completely different artists. 

Sonny runs into Curtis and they exchange offers of favors, which doesn't seem good. (The whole point of this was to have Jordan come around the corner and see them shaking hands.)

Alexis and Monica tell Sam there needs to be a decision about moving Jason to a long-term facility, and Sam is outraged and says she's taking him home. Um, how is that better than the care he'll get at a long-term facility? And holy crap, HOW CREEPY FOR YOUR CHILDREN?! Monica and Alexis tries to talk her out of it, but she's standing firm.

Nina is apparently hurt about how much Franco lied to her because she didn't know he could "paint like that" (as in, did she think he was actually good?) and also they broke up because he didn't think he should be around children and now he's shacked up with the fertility goddess of Port Charles. Valentin promises Nina that his own dark past will never hurt her, which seems likely. Then the two of them get a bit weepy and lovey-dovey. 

Whatever this Anna/Finn thing is makes no sense, I assume she found something out about Hayden's whereabouts and is using it as leverage to get Finn to help her? It's a bit unclear.

Maxie has, sadly, decided to drop her plan to pitch her story about the one-night-stand with Franco.

Spinelli tells Sam, whose eye makeup has gone seriously rogue, that no matter whether she puts Jason in long-term care or brings him home, it doesn't mean she's giving up on him.

And naturally, his fingers flicker at that moment.

Franco asks Betsy why he's next to Jason in a photo from when they were little kids, and she tells him it's high time he knows the truth. Friday cliffhanger! Eh. Is everyone dying from excitement about Steve Burton's return on Tuesday?! Which will likely be the last 3 seconds of the episode revealing his face?!

Have a great weekend!

Comments

[Kelly]

Ok... I'm confused. It's was said to be A Tale of Two Jasons. But Billy Miller doesn't have a head and I find it seriously off putting!!! Did they just not want to pay Billy for coma days? Did they lie and send Billy back to Genoa City for this soap star exchange program?? I just want to keep Billy Miller. He emoted!!!

[Jessie]

The Sonny/Finn thing is the nonsense where Sonny got him illegal drugs from out of the country to deal with his disease. I forget what Sonny got out of the deal because it was a horrible storyline,and also why couldn't Finn be the half of the couple that took off? I was just starting to like Greenlee again.

[Louise]

Thanks, Jessie! I actually missed that whole thing. Why did Sonny even care? So weird.

[Jaydis]

Sorry...byt Monica was actually right at the end. It is Jason that CHOOSES Sonny. No one is forcing him. He is a grown man who makes his own choices and it's kind of gross how everyone is okay with revoking his autonomy just because they hate Sonny. Now if she'd stuck to the A.J. thing...fine. I personally don't care but at least its valid. And point of fact....its Sam's fault he's in a coma. Not Sonny's. She is the one who busted in a five families meeting screaming for Jason for no reason.

The decimation of Elizabeth to Prop the male patron saint of whitewashing is disgusting and reaching new levels of despicibility.

Maxie at least got Franco when he was hot. Poor Liz.

[Melissa]

Jaydis, I get what you're saying. Jason does choose to associate with Sonny and I consider him as bad or worse. Still, Monica gets to hate Sonny forever and it pisses me off on principle to see her written as softening on him even a little. Poor Monica. Of all her dead children, it's the cold-eyed remorseless murderer who consistently treats her like crap that she gets back.

[Louise]

Melissa, right?? She can't have messy-but-loving AJ or sweet Emily or even Dawn back, she has to get the one who spent decades rejecting even her love. Jason's definitely terrible, though nuJason seems more reluctant to get involved (and does actually give a crap about his mom) and I did get annoyed when Sonny pressured him so much when he couldn't have been less interested in re-mobbing. But here we are, and Jason did volunteer. But as a mother, yes, Monica can still hate Sonny forever for all of it.

[C]

Monica getting to go off on Sonny for even one second was such a surprise, but of course the show had her immediately backpedal. So crappy.

I hated Liz being all, "Bygones!" about Betsy's role in her newborn son's kidnapping. But I guess Liz doesn't really mind since she keeps Aiden and Cameron locked up in the attic these days anyway.

[Elizabeth Mahon]

If you are still watching Louise, then you know that Anna used the Finn/Sonny collection to blackmail him which makes no sense since Andre is also a doctor and has worked with the WSB. Not sure why it had to be Finn unless they are chemistry testing him with Anna. Also, Kiki hasn't even taken the MCAT's yet to get into the fast track med school program. As for the actress playing Franco's mother, this is not James Franco's mother, this is a different actress. I wish that Sonny would call up Ric to let him know that Liz has moved on with Franco. Although Ric is not Cam's biological father, he did raise him off and on during their two marriages.

[Quinn]

Cam was never raised by Ric, he was born after Liz & Ric’s second divorce.

Roger Howarth is a daytime legand. He’s the best actor on the show and he’s still hot. You like what you like, and you don’t like what you don’t like, I’m not trying to convince anyone, but Becky is very happy to work with Roger. Also, Liz is not being decimated.

[Judy]

Ohhhh, I have missed these posts, Louise. Laughing out loud over "shacking up with the fertility goddess of Port Charles," right after a hearty snigger at "Immediate art triage needed. I didn't realize I'd missed a whole year of your wit but am enjoying catching up very much. Thanks!