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« The Bold & the Beautiful: Assume the Position | Main | Days of Our Lives: The Aftermath »

November 11, 2017

General Hospital: The Song Remains the Same


After all these years, I didn't really realize Pozzulo's was a restaurant that's literally "never open." Sonny is really bad at fronts. (And I don't think it's entirely consistent because I just had a weird flashback to the original Lisa Niles getting chem-tested with Sonny in there.)

Anyway! Carly is toasting to schadenfreude, or her son's broken heart, whichever you want to call it. 

Ava is showing Kiki the "formula" for the surgery that will "heal" her two-square-inch-mild-discoloration. I don't hate Ava's new strawberry-blonde, but with the electric-blue top she's wearing it's not working.


Makes her skin look super pink. (I think Maura West is one of the world's most perfect humans, though.)

David (I finally learned that his name isn't Dr. Max Holden!) talks to Griffin about real estate investments, which... is riveting!

Apparently Monica and Alexis are in some sort of combined NA/AA meeting together? (It's not new for this show to conflate addictions, but seriously Port Charles has more than enough addicts that they don't have to combine all twelve-steppers.) Anyway, Monica's a little freaked out because a Jason-faced-person burst through a skylight! 

Jason goes to the Quartermaine mausoleum as OG Jason goes to Sam. OG Jason hears Scout crying on the baby monitor and does not say, "What do you mean you named your daughter Scout? Is she actually your cat?"

David flirts with Alexis, but she doesn't give a shit because she prefers murderers. He will lose this, because we're not new to a perfectly decent, good-looking man showing up in town. If any of our gals do end up interested in him, he'll turn out to be a serial killer (the kind that's worse than all our male "heroes"), but will otherwise just be recurring. (We miss you, Patrick!) 

Kiki is concerned about these surgery notes and how there's no approval or oversight, which really upsets Ava and her "could cover it up with one stroke of a $2 Wet-n-Wild stick" scar-splotch. Ava thinks Kiki wants her to stay "like this," where "this" is a tiny little off-white splotch.  

OG Jason is moved that Scout is named after Emily (and speaking of Emily, Amber Tamblyn has become such a delightful shit-stirrer in recent weeks during this excellent "take out the Hollywood trash" streak, and we... won't talk about any other Emilys). 

Jason runs into Monica at the mausoleum. 

Jordan wants to know why Sonny bailed out Dr. Klein and if he got any good information. "You show me yours, I'll show you mine," our hero says, while Carly gives the bitchiest impressed-face I've ever seen.


Sweet jesus I loathe this version of her. 

Kiki tries to give Ava a pep talk. Kiki leaves and Alexis shows up to talk about that man who abused and assaulted her (I'm sorry, my position on this is probably as unpopular as my Liz/Franco position, but it's unlikely to change).

Jordan won't actually give Carly and Sonny special advance notice about the Jason DNA results. Carly does not understand this at all. This is Jason we're talking about, and Carly his His Most Important Human, making her The World's Most Important Person. (Laura Wright is so funny, must we revert to Beast Carly? Okay, we must, so I wish ill upon her.)

Monica and Jason chat at the mausoleum. 

JASON: I've never lied to you. I'm not lying now, I never lied even when I thought it would hurt you. I'm your son.

Well, that cinches it, he's Drew! Because Jason Morgan never gave a shit about lying to Monica or hurting her.

Alexis tells Ava about how Julian was beaten and asks her to do something, like use her fancy mob connections to help him. Ava accuses Alexis of still being in love with Julian, which of course she is because the actors have chemistry and nothing else matters! 

Jordan asks Sonny some questions about Dr. Klein's phone call and Carly struts around like the world's most dick-ish peacock talking about chains of evidence. Jordan suggests that Carly might want to see the gunman that shot up her hotel prosecuted, but Carly just smirks and postures because she's a really, really bad person. Sonny also does some smug posturing, and these people are just at their most unbearable. Why are we doing this? I'm exhausted. There's nothing in the world I want more than for Patient Six to be not-Jason just because this'll wipe the smug off the faces of these two trash humans.

Jason explains the twins situation to poor Monica. They have a sweet chat and while I'm glad they're including Monica in this story, I will burn it all down if they take away her only kid. (And no, OG Jason doesn't count as her kid because he's shitty and is a proud hitman.)

OG Jason insists to Sam that, in terms of Danny, the biology never mattered to him. Hilarious! Totally not what played out on screen, but okay! Poor Sam. Just in general. She explains to OG Jason that Julian is her father and Ava is her aunt. She explains Alexis's drinking problem and how much Julian sucks. Anyway, Sam goes on about this kind of love that just "is" and how you can't deny it and just have to shut it down! Very subtle! She asks OG Jason to pick up Scout, and he tells her he was almost her father which is for sure not how babies work. 

Carly and Sonny have a dumb conversation about Jason or, as they call him, "Jake Doe." They mention that he's "loyal," which is of course the only gross thing that matters in mob rules.

OG Jason talks to Scout about baby Lila who died, referring to her as Scout's "big sister." Aww. Honestly I did love Jason and Sam's original love story while she was pregnant. Anyway, Jason shows up and tells OG Jason that he'll kill him if he doesn't get away from his daughter.

Ava realized that Kiki took the thumb drive with the surgery notes. She has taken the notes to David and Griffin who caution her against it because surgery that can fix the world's most minor blemish is very dangerous.

Monica has Jason flashbacks. It's so friggin' sad. She doesn't want him to not be him, it's basically literally the only good thing that's ever fucking happened to her.

Griffin tells Ava they can't do the surgery and she's not happy, but also they should probably just make out right on the hospital floor there.

Alexis calls the prison for Olivia Jerome and learns that Nora Buchanan is the attorney of record (I'm psyched to see Nora, but come on, this is not the kind of attorney she was). 

Jordan shows up at the penthouse with the Jason DNA results, which won't really matter because won't they both say the same thing? I'm not new!

Monica flashes back to OG Jason's, like, one time that he said something nice to her.



She touches Alan's plaque and wow, he's been dead for over ten years.

And yes, both DNA matches. Cliffhanger that doesn't do anything!


(Weird random blog comment: your comments do not actually demand your email address. Just put something @ something.dotcom and you're good. We love comments and it shouldn't be a weird privacy panic attack!)


Is it wrong for me to want Drew to be what AJ should have been, the great son that Monica deserves who rejects all the mob idiocy? Who puts his WIFE and CHILD above Sonny? And to hope that Sam remembers that Drew was willing to do what Jason never could and leave “the business?” (Rhetorical questions, I know!)

We get another Quartemaine no matter what and I’m on board with that!

They better not take away Monica's last decent child! Jason/Miller has been a fantastic son compared to Jason/Burton. I will be right next to you burning everything to the ground.

Heaven forbid Jason put his wife and kids first! Above Sonny, Carly and Michael!

Shut up Scummy and Snarly!

I feel so bad for poor Monica, not just for clinging to the idea that Billy Miller Jason is Jason because he's nice to her when Steve Burton Jason hasn't even asked if she's alive yet, but because she has to deal with this alone with Alan's plaque because there's no one else.

I'm not sure if you were watching then, Louise, but we did see Nora represent Olivia in court back when she was guest starring in the spring. Valentin paid her to ensure Olivia ended up in the nuthouse, which, to your point, is very un-Nora-like behavior, it's much more of a Tea movie.

BTW, loving your Twitter feed!

Also, Louise, I am firmly in the anti-Liz/Franco minority with you. He's A SERIAL KILLER who kidnapped her newborn from the hospital. Tumor or no, she would never.

I believe Sam will spend the next year torn between the two Jasons. I️ don’t have high hopes for this tale of two Jason’s story. I hope Monica gets one decent children out of the deal.

Thanks, C! I'm having dumb fun over at Twitter.

For some reason my Nora-on-GH memory was just her representing Julian but maybe I forgot. I'm accountable for nothing, I tell you!

OMG. You have to be kidding me. Being anti-Franco/Liz is a MINORITY viewpoint? Seriously? That cannot be. That just cannot be. I assumed that pretty much everyone hated the pairing (which has so much to NOT recommend it) but TPTB were pushing it because, well, that's what ABC PTB do best (especially where GH is concerned, but even in regard to AMC and OLTL when they were still around): push unpopular characters, storylines, and pairings.

Excuse me; I need to go lie down and put a cool cloth on my head.

I don't think Nora ever represented Julian, she represented Valentin the custody fight with Lulu and made mince meat out of Diane and then represented Olivia. Scott has been Julian's lawyer of record for awhile now.

I hate that Sonny and Carly have totally thrown Billy Miller's Jason under the boss now that Original Recipe Jason is back. Carly has totally forgotten that she and Billy Miller Jason were friends when he was still Jake Doe. Everyone was drawn to him, Liz, Carly, Sam, Danny. But that's all gone out the window, and we keep getting scenes where everyone talks about how they knew something was off with this Jason. Because he put Sam and their children first? He didn't immediately spend all his time kissing Sonny's ass? He made sure there were boundaries? Blech! Now I'm going to have to go back to fast-forwarding through every scene the Terrible Trio (Carly, Sonny and OG Jason) are in.

I was actually liking SBu on his return. Until he made that comment about Danny's biology not mattering and I started screaming at the screen FUCK YOU JASON FUCK YOU FUCK YOU IT IS YOUR FAULT SAM HAD HER BABY IN A MOTEL 6. They broke up over that for crying out loud!!!

I still wish they had brought Roger Howarth back as Steven Lars. There would have still been Heather interaction, they could have still retconned Scott to be his dad somehow, and a Sonny-Carly-Steve-Olivia quad would have rocked.

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